Making Mom Friends

Mom Friends

5 strategies to make new mom friends—on the playground or online

BY MARIE HOLMES

Whether you’re in the early weeks of maternity leave or preparing your child for middle school, having mom friends who relate to what you’re going through can be a lifeline. Who better to understand the sleepless nights with a teething toddler or screen time negotiations with a grade schooler than someone experiencing the same thing?

With many adults now fully vaccinated, and schools set to open this fall, there are more opportunities to meet other parents and spend time nurturing meaningful friendships.

HOW TO MAKE NEW MOM FRIENDS

If you find your social skills a bit rusty after many months of social isolation, you’re not alone. Luckily, more places to meet other parents are now opening up, and many of them provide natural conversation starters. And there’s no need to abandon the virtual world entirely. Even if you’re ready to meet in real life, there are still lots of opportunities to make new mom friends online.

Download a friend-finding app. Peanut follows the model of popular dating apps: You upload a photo and add some basic info, like your kids’ ages, then pick a few descriptors that fit you— examples include crafty, outdoorsy, military, and LGBTQ+. You then swipe on profiles of local moms with shared interests.

Join a neighborhood-specific parent email listserv or Facebook group. If the idea of putting out a call for friends in these places is too intimidating, you might find the baby bouncer you were looking for instead, as well as a friendly conversation with the mom who’s selling it.

Strike up a conversation at pickup or drop-off. If your child comes home singing the praises of a classmate, why not let their parent know when you see them at morning drop-off? If everyone is a new face, you can always ask their child’s grade, class, or name to get the conversation started. Fundraisers and school events provide other natural on-ramps to more meaningful talk. If you’re off to grab a coffee after drop-off, ask them to join, and if you’re off to the playground after pickup, do the same.

Introduce yourself at the playground or park. No matter how old your child is, the more time you spend in your local park, the more familiar faces you’re likely to find. Introduce yourself to the mom you see pushing their stroller every day or sitting near the sandbox. Ask their kid’s names and ages, which street they live on, or which school their children attend, to get the ball rolling.

Ask for a favor. It may seem counterintuitive but asking for help can forge a friendship. Maybe you’re at the playground and you need a Band-Aid or a wipe, or you’re going to be late for pickup and need someone to watch your child for a few minutes. Perhaps you’re looking for someone to feed the cat over the weekend. The great majority of parents are eager to help. After all, they know what it’s like trying to juggle responsibilities. Afterward, let them know you’re happy to return the favor, and invite them for a coffee, or glass of wine, as thanks.

SOCIALIZING IDEAS

Once you find a new pal or two, what’s the plan? Indoor playdates won’t be in full swing again until kids are vaccinated, but there are plenty of other ways to connect, with or without the kids, both online and in person.

Plan a coffee date or happy hour. Invite a few new friends to a mom’s night out at a local bar, or plan to grab coffee together after preschool drop-off. Nail salons, pottery studios, and paint bars offer other possible activities to pursue.

Turn to old-fashioned texting. If a night out on the town isn’t in the cards yet, texting can still provide you with camaraderie. Maybe you just want to know that someone else is up feeding the baby at 2am, or that you weren’t the only one who forgot to send in the recorder today. A group text can be a quick, convenient way to reach out when you need some mom-to-mom connection.

Get moving. Organize a stroller walk, a mom’s run club, or take a group hike on a nearby trail.

It can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to make and keep social connections, but the rewards are well worth the effort. You get to feel less isolated, and at the same time you are modeling healthy friendships for your children. The whole family benefits when your reserves, and sense of humor, have been restored.

Marie Holmes has written for Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, and others. She lives in Upper Manhattan with her wife and their two children.