The Marble Collection Massachusetts High School Magazine of the Arts Edited by Michelle Kubilis Let’s Play Spin the Bottle My father’s anger is like a smoldering fire of indignation corked in a glass bottle. The glass is thick, but glass is glass and is as transparent as the smile he gives when he’s struggling to mask his irritation, accompanied by a friendly rap to my head. But ultimately, the bottle doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to my mother who shoves it in her purse, where it tumbles back and forth between coupons and credit cards or stores it in her drawer between her silver earrings and her tortoiseshell watch. All the while, the bottle glows brighter, mesmerizing the rest of the family into silent dread. And when the silence becomes loud enough to vibrate the air, the cork pops and its vessel shatters in my mother’s hands. It’s curious how much indignation can be crammed in such a small bottle, although it explains the explosive force of my father’s anger once it splinters its container into razorsharp fragments and barrels into my mother, forming the smoking words Why me? The words rage and spew my father’s unwavering belief that he is a tragic hero for putting up with her, besetting my unimpressed mother who says I’ve done nothing wrong. Their respective phrases then begin their endless dance, circling around and around the two figures until finally my mother’s door slams shut upstairs and cold fury quenches the burning house. The resulting silence is punctuated by bursts of self-righteous ire downstairs and the quiet skittering of glass as the pieces slowly pull themselves back together. Once the bottle has been fragilely reincarnated, my father cheerily talks to me and my brother, but there is a telltale crease between his eyebrows. I tap the glass, marveling at its tinny sound. It’s clear that the bottle is not yet fully restored and is barely holding together, but I listen to my brother reciprocating my father’s loud laughter that says everything’s fine, everything’s okay because he prefers to ignore the cracks. But my own hatred simmers in the pit of my stomach because I hate that everything’s so fake; still I nod with my own fake smiles because I want to believe that the bottle’s seamless too. I stare at the flickering bottle, turning it over in my hands until I catch my own face reflected in the glass. I hate this bottle but I hate my reflection even more, because it forces me to remember my own screaming matches with my mother. Then perhaps this bottle isn’t the only one my mother has hidden away. But I spin the bottle, letting its glass display a kaleidoscope of my father’s bitterness instead. I prefer it this way.
Comment [1]: Great similie! This highlights the father’s fragile temper and emotional instability. Comment [2]: I like the idea of ending this sentence with the father’s transparent smile. It’s a powerful image, and the reader can picture the father reaching his boiling point while trying to remain composed. The last portion draws away from that. Comment [3]: Excellent job at conveying the backstory! Comment [4]: There’s a little bit much occurring in this lengthy sentence, so I would suggest splitting this up. Comment [5]: Cliché. Comment [6]: This seems a little empty. What does the father talk about? Mentioning something specific would add depth to this and make it more relatable/realistic. Comment [7]: I like the concept of the glass as a metaphor, but a metaphor is meant to transcend reality. Adding physicality to the class makes it too literal. Also, you started off by describing the father’s anger “like a smoldering fire of indignation corked in a glass bottle.” A similie creates some distance between the ideas, but a metaphor directly connects them. Since you seem to be using the bottle as more of a direct metaphor, you should omit the “like” in the first sentence. Comment [8]: The mother seems to be the underlying cause of everyone’s tension, so I’m curious about why this piece puts so much weight on the speaker’s father instead. Comment [9]: At first, I was unsure about the fact that the speaker’s own bouts of anger are “tacked on” last-minute, but then I realized how well that fits within the context of the story. The speaker is rebuffing their own contribution to family turmoil, focusing on the father’s more outward anger instead. The ending is wellexecuted!
TMC Rubric: Fiction Title or Submission Number: #4562 – “Spin the Bottle” Edited By: Michelle Kubilis
Organization
4 The storyline shows a clear understanding of all events and characters. Any flashbacks are executed skillfully and clearly. The overall sequence of events is clear to the reader.
3 Most events are clear and organized. Flashbacks may require more clarity or detail. Most events are clear, but there may need to be more organization throughout the piece.
2 The sequence of events is not organized and the characters lack development. Flashbacks are not executed clearly. The overall sequence of events does not always make sense.
SCORE 4 – The writer’s method of organization is very comprehensible. They lay out the backstory for the reader, build up to the father’s outburst, then explore the aftermath and its affect on the family.
The plot is slightly confusing. A conflict may be present, but it lacks development. The characters are described instead of established through dialogue, action, and thoughts.
0-1 The storyline is unorganized and the plot and the characters do not make sense. Flashbacks (if applicable) are unclear and confusing. The overall sequence of events does not make sense. The plot is unclear. No conflict is present within the story. The characters are identified, but not described, established, or developed. No dynamic characters are present in the story.
Plot
The plot is compelling and clear. There is a definite conflict and a gripping climax. Important characters are well developed through dialogue, actions, and thoughts. Characters perform literary functions.
Literary Elements
Dialogue is realistic and present in a necessary amount. Setting is depicted through vivid sensory
The plot is coherent. A conflict may be established, developed, and resolved after a climax. Some characters are well developed through, but others require additional attention. Dialogue is mostly realistic, but there may need to be more of less of it. The setting is clear but
Dialogue feels unnatural. There is either too much or too little dialogue. The setting is identified but
Dialogue may be nonexistent, or it may be unnatural. The setting is vague. The point of view is
4 – The writer utilizes some excellent literary techniques: imagery, similies/metaphors, effective diction, ect. These devices all work well together to
3 – The plot is relatively wellexecuted, but I feel like the mother’s role in familial tensions is not emphasized enough. The speaker indicates that the mother is the central cause of her husband’s and children’s anger, but there is more of a focus on the father himself.
The Marble Collection: Massachusetts High School Magazine of the Arts language and detail. Point of view remains consistent throughout the story. Literary devices such as allegory, figurative language, metaphor, motif, parable, persona, personification, and theme are executed masterfully. Spelling/Grammar There are few or no errors in mechanics, usage, grammar, or spelling. Dialogue is punctuated and formatted correctly.
not but may require more sensory detail. The point of view is clear, but may be inconsistent in certain places. Some literary devices are executed well and thoughtfully.
not fully depicted through sensory language. The point of view is often inconsistent. Literary devices are inconsistent and the presence of more would strengthen the story.
inconsistent throughout the piece. No literary devices are used to strengthen the story.
accentuate the piece’s theme and bring the reader into the story.
There are some errors in mechanics, usage, grammar, or spelling. Dialogue may have minor errors in punctuation or format.
There are many errors in mechanics, usage, grammar, or spelling. The errors affect the reader’s understanding of the story. Dialogue is punctuated and formatted inconsistently.
There are a large number of grammatical errors that interfere with the reader’s understanding and meaning of the story. Dialogue may be indistinguishable from the story, or it may lack essential punctuation or formatting.
3 – Some minor mechanical errors, but nothing major in terms of usage, grammar, or spelling.
COMMENTS: This is an incredibly poignant, well-written piece that explores a darker subject matter. The theme is well executed through the student’s usage of metaphors/similies, imagery, and suitable diction. There are a few minor concerns regarding the mother’s lack of presence in the story, especially given her accountability in creating strife within the family, but they can be resolved rather easily.
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