August 2015 • Moms Just Know • Free
Special Section
Back-to-School
The Balancing
Act
Guide to
Nursing in Public
Not Always
Picture Perfect
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TheFamilyMagazineOfMichiana @FamilyMagazines FamilyMagazine TheFamilyMag www.MichianaMom.com Please use the information compiled by Michiana Family Magazines for your research. Michiana Family Magazines recommends that parents and families interview each business or organization to make sure that it is safe and a good fit for your family. The information presented here and provided by Michiana Family Magazines is for informational purposes only and although every effort has been made to present accurate information, Michiana Family Magazines does not, in any way, accept responsibility for the accuracy of or consequences from the use of this information and/or for the businesses and organizations presented herein. We urge all parents and families to confirm any information given herein through additional research. The views and opinions expressed by the writers, event organizers and advertisers do not necessarily represent those of Michiana Family Magazines LLC, its officers, editors, staff or contributors. THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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F R O M T H E PU B LI S HER
Things We (at FAMILY)
Love
Things
Right Now!
We Learned Making
The August Issue
Photography: Classic image photography Makeup: Camellia Maalouf, Camellia Cosmetics Granger
1. Learning How to RipStik 2. Nurturing & Effective Teachers
1. Preparing your kids for school doesn’t have to be a hassle this year! Visit page 24 to check out FAMILY Magazine’s Special Section dedicated to back-to-school!
3. Crock Pots (again) 4. Birthday Parties 5. Laughter
2. Sometimes you can’t plan a pregnancy. Read how one family struggled to get pregnant on page 16.
6. New Shoes
3. An exchange student will become a part of your family. Learn how becoming a host can change not only the exchange student’s life but even your family’s life on page 10.
8. Lavender Scent
7. Blueberries
9. Fresh Herbs 10. Crisp White Anything 11. Beautiful Spider Webs
4. Know what role the doctor will play during birth. Ask your doctor these 10 questions to help ease your mind during birth on page 18.
12. Summer Babies 13. Playing Hookie :) 14. Football Season
5. Practice nursing in the mirror before going out in public. Learn how you can embrace nursing your child in private and in public on page 22. 6. It’s ok to not be super mom! Visit page 34 to learn how to balance motherhood!
Check it Out!
Don’t forget to pick up your copy of the NEW SASSY & Boom Mag azine!
AuGuST
Keepin
2015
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Famil y Cot
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Aliivees Educ ationa OppO rtuniti l es sleep ApneA Gran dparEn ts As pA rents
The of Myt hav h ing aDU iT a l ll AN TS & XIE
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Lo eig ss h Ha t ck s
Trains &
From Sout
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4Keeps
By: Casey Kiel
Like '4Keeps' on Facebook or visit CaseyKiel.com
FAMILY craft
Back-to-School
Teacher Gift By: Jill Lebbin
Teachers work so hard over the summer and at the beginning of the school year on preparing their classroom. What better way to surprise them with a bag of popcorn. This is also a great gift for Teacher Appreciation Week in the spring!
Materials: • Popcorn • Paper Bag • Printer • Template
Steps: 1. Get template from my blog or create your own! 2. Put paper bag into your printer. 3. Print onto paper bag 4. Get your favorite popcorn (caramel corn, kettle corn, chocolate drizzled or even South Bend Chocolate Factory) and put into the bag! 5. Give it to your hardworking teacher!
Photo Provided By: Jill Lebbin
Template Link http://everydayisanoccasion.com/teacher-appreciation-week THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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the FAMILY magazine table
Of
16
contents
30
Live Your Best
4 6 Things We Learned Making This Issue 4 Things We Love Right Now 5 4Keeps Comic 7 Contributors 8 The FAMILY Month Calendar 20 Centerfold Calendar
Family Book Reviews 38 Book Review: The Opposite Of Spoiled By Ron Lieber Reviewed By: Lori Walsh
38 Student Book Review: Paper Towns By John Green Reviewed By: Aliyah Farhan
Family Movie Review 14 Summer Disaster (Films)!
Family Recipe
15 Mixed Berry-Lime Fruit Leather
SPECIAL SECTION: Back-to-School
By: Katie & Theresa Slott
Family Kids
10 Hosting An Exchange Student By: Lara West
12 Teen Dating: How Young Is Too Young?
24 School Bus Safety By: Lt. William Redman
26 Preparing Your Kids For Back-To-School By: Jackie Folkhert
By: Kerrie McLoughlin
28 Product Testing: School Supplies
Family Pregnancy
By: Lara West
16 Not Always Picture Perfect By: Meagan Church
18 10 Questions Every Pregnant Woman Should Ask Her Doctor By: Meagan Church
30 Banish The Back-To-School Blues By: Christina Katz
32 Last Minute Family Fun Before School Begins
By: Cole Pollyea
Family Craft 5
Back-To-School Teacher Gift
By: Jill Lebbin
22 A New Mom’s Guide To Nursing In Public By: Alyssa Chirco
By: Jessica Haviland
Mommy and Daddy 34 Dear Mom, Flex Your Capabilities By: Meagan Church
36 The Balancing Act
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24
By: Noelle Elliott
FAMILY contributors
Meagan Church is married to her highschool sweetheart and is the mother of 3 kids. She is a writer and children’s book author. She is also the brainpower of the online resource Unexpectant, exploring the realities of birth, babies and beyond.
St. Thomas A Distinctly Catholic Education Our Mission
Noelle Elliott works in publicity. She is a writer and has been published on several websites and print publictaions. She is the owner and creator of the esteemed bowchicabowmom.com where she humorously shares the triumphs and failures of raising her four young sons. She is also the creator of the succesful local staged production, The Mamalogues. She happily lives in South Bend.
To provide children with the opportunity to develop their Godgiven talents through academic excellence and co-curricular programs as well as to empower them to develop zeal for their faith with a commitment to prayer
Jackie Folkert is a mother of three and lives in South Bend. She is a freelance writer and an English teacher.
and service. • Named a 4-Star School for 2013 • State of the art iPad and Smartboard Technology • School Choice Indiana Option
Lt. William Redman has been a police officer with the St. Joseph County Police Department for nearly 21 years and 18 years as a D.A.R.E. officer. He currently teaches D.A.R.E. in several local schools and is a patrol supervisor of the afternoon road patrol division. Lt. Redman is married to his wife Kim and has fours daughters, Kenzie, Kaitlyn, Kara, Kami and a grandfather of his two-year old grandson Zeke.
• Outstanding Academics
• Safe Environment • Before and After School Care • Christian Family Atmosphere • 21st Century Learning Facility • Recently Renovated and Expanded
We received an “A” on the state accountability report card!
For a tour call (574) 264-4855
www.stselkhart.com THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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2
Back-To School Bash,
12
1:00 P.M. – 3:00 P.M., Osceola Grace Brethren Church
Summer 2015 Family Days: Museum Mysteries, 1:00 P.M. -5:00 P.M., Snite Museum Of Art Notre Dame
19th Annual Chalk The Block, All Day,
7
SBCT Presents “Fiddler On The Roof”, 7:30 P.M.,
St. Patrick’s Park
Downtown St. Joseph, MI
4
In The Kitchen With Edie,
10:00 A.M., RiverBend Wellness CenterSouth Bend
1
Family Passport To Play: Outdoor Explorer, 6:00 P.M. – 8:00 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park
9
12:00 P.M., Center For Hospice CareMishawaka
On The River: Family Day, 10:00 A.M., Downtown South Bend
10
Lazy Day & National S’mores Day
3 5 6
17
Stories In The Garden,
6:00 P.M. – 6:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic GardensElkhart
30th Annual Walk For Hospice,
8
22
National Tooth Fairy Day
11
21
15
Safety Last, 7:30 P.M., The Lerner-Elkhart
Paws To Read, 10:00
A.M., Elkhart Public LIbrary
Meet Me On The Island,
Running Wild: 5K Trail Run & 3K Fun Walk,
5:30 P.M., Century CenterSouth Bend
9:00 A.M. – 11:30 A.M., St. Patrick’s County Park 13 14
30
Michiana Renaissance Festival,
16
18 19 20
27
10:00 A.M., Kamm Island-Mishawaka
Global Forgiveness Day
23 24 25 26 28 29
31
W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F Sa Su M Tu W Th F
Cake Batter
Puppy Chow
How Well Do You Know Your Teachers? Match up the teacher’s name with the correct movie/TV show: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
John Kimble Professor Snape Dewey Finn Ms. Norbury Mr. Feeny Economics Teacher (Never Knew His Name)
A. School Of Rock B. Boy Meets World C. Kindergarten Cop D. Ferris Buller’s Day Off E. Mean Girls F. Harry Potter
Answers: 1.(C) 2.(F) 3.(A) 4.(E) 5.(B) 6.(D) Photo Courtesy: reshaprilflours.com
Back to School Teacher Crafts
Ingredients:
• 10 Ounces White Chocolate Candy Melts • 1 Teaspoon Shortening • 5 Cups Rice Chex Cereal • 1 ½ Cups Dry Yellow Cake Mix • ½ Cup Powdered Sugar • ½ Cup Multi Color Sprinkles Crayon Frame
DIY Apple Jars
Pencil Vase
(www.workmanfamily.typepad.com)
(www.giddyupcycle.com)
(www.celebrations.com)
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
Directions:
1. Put powdered sugar and cake mix into a large plastic container with a lid and shake to mix. 2. Melt the candy and add vegetable shortening. 3. Place cereal in a large bowl and pour the warm white chocolate over the cereal. Stir and fold in the sprinkles. 4. Add chocolate covered cereal to the plastic container and shake until cereal is evenely coated. 5. Enjoy!
Growing Kids. A new high standard in child care. Here’s why Growing Kids is right for your child: Extraordinary Care: Each center has been designed
with one thing in mind: growing kids. Special features ensure a creative learning environment, state-of-the-art technology and an unmatched level of safety and security.
Excellent Education: Our team of highly qualified educators will provide your child with structured educational activities designed to inspire growth . . . intellectually, emotionally, and socially. And we’ll have fun along the way.
Exceptional Convenience: Growing Kids is
Visit any one of our eight centers for a no-obligation tour. For more information visit our website, GrowingKids.com.
r Centl e t s e w Ne t Bristo a entary Elem
open when you need us – from 5:30 am to 11:30 pm! We take only six holidays off and we offer infant through afterschool care. And we have amazing Camps – summer, winter, and spring!
shopshopshopshop • Add some color • Affordable prices • Update your look • Make a difference
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015 2/9/15
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5:50 PM
FAMILY kids
H
ow about those foreign exchange students? You may remember one (or two) from your high school years. Foreign exchange students are still traveling to the United States in search of understanding our culture and making lifelong friendships. Inviting a teenager into your home for 10 months can sound scary, but there are great rewards your family will from hosting an exchange student. Most families that host an exchange student already have children of their own, usually teenagers, but even young children can benefit. Maggie Gowan, of Michigan City said, “We can’t really travel internationally with our three young boys, and we thought hosting a student would bring culture and diversity to them. I didn’t anticipate the connection our student from Brazil would have with our three year old. They truly love each other, and we will have a lifelong connection.”
By: Lara West
“I didn’t anticipate the connection our student from Brazil would have with our three year old. They truly love each other, and we will have a lifelong connection.”
My husband and I had no children when we decided to host a 16 year old girl from Brazil. It was a journey we embarked on almost out of pure selfishness. We had recently moved to the Michiana area, and my husband’s new job required him to do quite a bit of traveling. I didn’t want to be alone in a city I didn’t know, when I came across an advertisement asking for host families. After meeting with the regional coordinator, we decided it not only filled my wish to have another person in the apartment while he traveled, but it filled a need for one student to get a once in a lifetime experience. What we didn’t know was how thrilling it was going to be to introduce our country and culture to her, and to learn about hers. We have since waited at the receiving end of the airport for two more students, and twice we’ve been asked if the bedroom from the previous student is available, because there is a student in need of a host family. We’ve had a total of five international students become a part of our family since 2007.
Here are a few challenges you can expect face when hosting:
Home sickness. No matter how excited they are to begin the adventure, they are all nervous and begin missing home shortly after arrival. All you can do is be supportive and encourage them to join family activities.
Cleanliness. Things start of cheery with everyone doing their best to keep messes clean, but as we all settle in and get comfortable things start slipping.
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Moodiness. No matter how you slice it, they are teenagers. You want everything to be happy-go-lucky all the time, but no matter what country they’re from- it’s just not in their DNA. As for all teenagers, this can be an exceptionally trying time once the opposite sex steps into the picture. All you can do it converse with the parents (translating websites become your best friend) and handle it accordingly.
Schedule adjustments. They are going to get involved with outside activities at some point, and this means you will probably need to do additional pick-ups or drop-offs for such.
Cultural differences. It may be a big difference, like religion, or may be something small like showering three times a day. Respect the differences, and allow the student time to do the same.
“Welcoming these students into our lives has been one of the most rewarding acts we’ve ever done as a family.”
For more information on becoming a host family: • International Student Exchange – www.iseusa.com • DMD-PHP – www.phpusa.com • AFS – www.afsusa.org
Traveling across the globe and living with strangers is not an experience that most teenagers dream about. For the ones that do, however, it is worth uprooting their lives and leaving everyone they know behind to enter the unknown terrains of a foreign country with a strange family. Our first student, Isabela, dreamt about the exchange program for many years. She referred to it as a family tradition, because her mother and older brother were exchange students. Emilia, our second student, was offered the trip by her mother, Maria. “I wanted to be an exchange student in school, but my parents wouldn’t let me,” Maria shared. She argued with them until all the deadlines had passed. The dream never left her heart, so when her daughter was old enough to make the decision she offered the experience to her. Unfortunately, not all of the students accepted into the program get to experience it due to a lack of host families. Emilia could have been one of those disappointed. Our decision happened within two weeks of school starting. At that point in the summer, it was a real possibility that she wouldn’t have a family to live with. Her mother said this would have been a tragedy. Not just as a momentary disappointment, but because there is a phenomenon in Sweden called “Jantes law,” which means that you are not supposed to think that you are any better than anybody else. “This can stop people from growing,” she said. Maria feared her daughter would become a victim to this “law,” and since her return from the United States Maria has watched her daughter take unbelievably strong strides to achieve her dreams and not settle. I will gush happily about our experiences till the earth stops spinning, but that doesn’t mean hosting does not come with its own set of battles. We’ve dealt with home sickness, cultural differences, schedule conflicts, cleaning standards and boyfriends. All of which were minor things to us in the grand scheme of what we were all getting out of the ten months together. I consider my family blessed that we have had not just five amazing students, but five amazing families from around the world brought into our lives from sharing our home. It’s not a walk in the park for everyone, but it is very exciting. Welcoming these students into our lives has been one of the most rewarding acts we’ve ever done as a family, and I’d like to encourage you to pray about opening your home and your hearts to an amazing teenager in the future. A big concern for people wishing to host an exchange student is finances. You don’t need to make a lot of money to open your home. Some programs offer a monthly stipend, but most programs will not compensate you monetarily for hosting. (There is a tax deduction available.) Every student is required to have a certain amount for monthly spending. This covers cell phone usage, school lunches, activity fees, clothing, and anything else they wish to purchase.
Repeat host mother Michelle Rahn believes, “Hosting an exchange student teaches diversity and acceptance on a whole new level. The children do not see a stranger who is different; they see a sister or brother.” Here is a quick overview of how easy the process can be: 1. 25. The head family member must be at least 25 years old to have a student in the house. 2. Have an available bed. They may share a room with another child of the same gender, but all students are required to have their own bed. 3. Contact exchange companies. There are multiple exchange companies to consider when hosting. You should expect to have a criminal background check and home inspection with the regional coordinator. (A painless process where they ensure the home is of safe living conditions and might take a few pictures of the living space and student’s quarters.) 4. Select and welcome the student. You may or may not get to select your student, but they should all be welcomed with a loving heart. THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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FAMILY kids
Teen Dating:
By: Kerrie McLoughlin
How Young is Too Young?
I
think many of us can relate to Deanna, mom of three girls (one a teen), when she said, “Dating? Not my babies!” My own first date happened when I was 16 ½, and my parents were hard-core; if I missed curfew by one minute I was grounded for two weeks (I was grounded quite often). For me, 13 or 14 would have been too young for dating because boys still freaked me out then, and I had no siblings to learn from. Many parents take the issue of teen dating on a case-by-case basis because every kid is different. Some are more mature at age 15, while some may not be ready for a first date until age 19. “We don’t have a set age yet for dating, and our oldest is 14. I think a numerical age is way too hard to pinpoint because of different maturity levels. I do see being a responsible driver as somewhat related to being able to handle dating,” said Wendy Budetti, mom of five. Some parents see dating as a means to finding a spouse, so why start so early? Instead, group dating might be encouraged. Mall dates are a great place to start when kids are in junior high. Kids can meet up to walk around, shop, hit the food court and maybe see a movie. Some parents will stay and sit at the back of the theatre with an eagle eye while some do the drop-off thing.
House dates are a next step for teens (or parents!) who may not be quite ready for one-on-one dating yet. Tonya, mom of one, said, “My daughter is 17 and for the last year or so I have allowed her to have a boy come over and watch a movie or play a board game as long as I am home, and her room is off limits!” Sean Covey’s book, The Six Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make: A Guide for Teens, talks about teens being ready to date and knowing the difference between “intelligent” and “brainless” dating. Intelligent dating is not making decisions based on hormones, popularity, money and what the crowd is doing. Brainless dating is the opposite.
When you feel your teen is ready for one-onone dating, keep these pointers in mind: 1. Try to model healthy romantic relationships at home. Talk to your child about dating and how it’s not always like the media portrays it, how some of the very best dates are free and to be realistic about how a date might play out. 2. Talk to your teen about what a good relationship is like. Talk about how the other person should never push, hit or degrade your teen, shouldn’t pressure your teen into doing things they know they shouldn’t be doing. In essence, make sure they know how they want to be treated. 3. Have a plan. Teens should decide what qualities they are looking for, how they don’t want a date to go, what they will do if they find themselves in a bad situation, etc.
4. Teen dating is about meeting many different kinds of people to find out what they eventually might like in a life partner. Don’t flip out if your teen brings a guy home who you don’t love. Chances are this will not be your future son or daughter-in-law. 5. Talk to your teen about being himself and not turning into a chameleon to please a potential date. 6. Let your teen know he or she can always come to you with questions. Don’t be afraid to tell about your own best and worst dates and mistakes you’ve made while dating. Everybody has bad judgment sometimes, so let your teen know you understand that and you are willing to come pick him up at any time of the night if a bad situation arises.
Kim, a mom from Indianapolis, put it well when she said, “I think the best thing you can do is set the rules and guidelines for your daughter or son and do not let society set them. It’s called, you have to parent them, not be their friend and not be their matchmaker.”
No one needs to know how much mom saved. hes chool clot Back-to-s in budget. a on a barg
S.R. 23 & Ironwood | 1827 N. Bendix | 4644 Western Ave. | svdpsb.org THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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FAMILY movie review
Summer Disaster (Films)!
J
By: Cole Pollyea
ust recently, I seized the opportunity to be one of the many summer moviegoers to wander into a theater to see San Andreas. Despite its most prominent flaws that most every attentive film connoisseur could write a book about before even seeing the movie, it was pure fun. What’s more, it prompted me to compile an analysis of disaster films for the purpose of providing adequate viewing material as our summer comes to a close. After all, when spirits are down because of the upcoming school year, what could be more reviving than falling victim to the fantasy of our world falling apart? All things considered, San Andreas is good fun. Yes, it’s poorly acted, and yes, it’s green screen mania, but the character likability (and predictability), plain writing and enormous visuals provide its audience with a satisfying experience that allow them to forget about life for a while. The rest of the following disaster films are more notable, less formulaic and much, much better. Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds is an entertaining disaster movie that isn’t corrupted by outlandish visual effects or cardboard cut-out characters. Rather, it’s an adventurous depiction of an alien invasion and (therefore) a sort of an apocalypse. Tom Cruise stars as well. In another great disaster flick, The Impossible, Naomi Watts stars as a mother whose family is rocked by the 2004 tsunami while visiting Thailand on a vacation. What follows is heavy handed graphic realism (which is totally appropriate here) that will surely make you feel what the characters in the film truly felt: fear and anguish. The movie does a nice job keeping your attention, and draws you in with its splendidly crafted characters. The cast is incredible, and the acting is even better; this is what mainly propels The Impossible, along with its stunning effects. What few screenplay errors accrue are, for the most part, not detrimental. War of the Worlds disaster scene
The final two disaster films are, quite possibly, at the top of my list, and those are Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion and Jan de Bont’s Twister. The first is an intelligent, superiorly well-crafted tale of a complicated disease epidemic, which flawlessly weaves different characters through the proceedings of said disease outbreak. The second is a wellknown, funny and absorbing film about tornado chasers who believe that they will not be satisfied until they find just the right one. It’s safe to say that all of the above described films are engaging and worthwhile movie going experiences; some, as I explained, are better than others, but they all certainly come through. In addition, they all cater to similar audiences, as they are all PG-13 ratings for, all in all, the same reasons. This form of escapism, in such a time of disconnection with the world as we know it (our departure from summer vacation), can serve as a point of relativity and make you ask the question, is my life really that bad? It certainly isn’t, and neither was the film you just saw!
FAMILY recipe
Time: 30 minutes prep time, plus 4-8 hours baking time Makes: 12-16 servings Ingredients: •
5 c. berries (suggestions: cored strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and pitted cherries)
•
1 T. lime juice
•
2-4 T. honey, to taste
Tips: Kitchen shears are a quick and easy way to cut the fruit leather into strips. Frozen berries work fine in this recipe. Freeze berries in season when they’re inexpensive and make this summery fruit leather to break out of your wintertime doldrums!
By: Katie & Theresa Slott
Steps:
1. Put the berries and lime juice in a medium saucepan on medium heat. Bring to a simmer and reduce the heat to maintain it. Cook for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally. The berries will release juice and then thicken, becoming syrupy. 2. Put the berries in the food processor. Add the honey and pulse until smooth. Adjust sweetness as desired. 3. Spread the mixture onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake on the lowest temperature your oven has (around 170F) for 4-8 hours. Make sure the fruit leather is no longer tacky. Cool. 4. When completely cool, cut the fruit leather into strips and roll into tubes. Seal with twine or washi tape. Store at room temperature for a week or freeze. Peel the parchment off the fruit leather before eating!
Katie and Theresa Slott are sisters-in-laws who write the food blog, Cooking for the Fam, where they share lots of tips, family-favorite recipes and meal plans. For more recipes like this one, or to see step-by-step photos of this recipe, check out their website, www.cookingforthefam.com.
FAMILY pregnancy By: Meagan Church
Not Always
Picture Perfect One couple’s journey through infertility
F
rom an early age, Jessica Stemm knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. She had the perfect picture in mind. “I had always known I wanted to be a mom. I grew up in a family of five kids. My goal in life was to be a mom.”
In 2006, Jessica’s dad set her up on a blind date with a guy named Nate. Less than a year later, they were engaged and on June 14, 2008, they got married. About a year later, they began trying to have a baby. Each month, they waited in anticipation, but because of Jessica’s endometriosis, the waiting continued. As each month passed without a positive pregnancy test, the waiting got harder. “I remember every month when we were trying, when I wouldn’t get pregnant, I’d crawl into bed and Nate would just hold me as I cried. We just wanted to love a child.” Jessica’s doctor prescribed a few different medications, but they did not help her conceive. Finally he referred her to a fertility doctor. “That shook me up,” she said. “He told us that he didn’t think we could get pregnant unless we did in vitro.” The Stemms did not feel comfortable with that method, so they felt their chance of having biological children had come to an end. “My dream of becoming a mom as I had 16
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
envisioned it had been taken away. I just sat and cried and cried, and felt like I was grieving the loss. I felt like I had to grieve it and let it go. In our minds, there was no way to become pregnant. If we weren’t doing in vitro, then it was done.”
“The struggle was okay and being
authentic helped.” While close family and friends knew of their situation, Nate and Jessica did not speak openly about it with many people. “During the infertility, I struggled with what people thought or said about me,” Jessica said. “I felt embarrassed that somehow I just wasn’t as much of a woman.” “Baby showers were really hard,” she continued. “A lot of times people knew we were trying. It was painful to know that
people felt sorry for us. It was hard to sit there and wonder if I would ever be a mother. I longed for those moments and wondered if it would ever be me.” Nate and Jessica had always considered adopting children, so they began the process of domestic adoption and became active in the system in April of 2011. Once they had been approved, they knew they could receive a call at any moment. “I didn’t want to go to work because I was afraid they would call,” Nate said, remembering the anticipation. And then the call came. A mother in Indianapolis was pregnant with her fourth son. With three other children and no father in the picture, she did not think she could properly care for another child. “We went to Indy and met her,” Jessica recalled. “She was the sweetest lady ever. She’s an amazing mom and loves her boys so much.” As the pregnancy progressed, the two families got to know each other better. The mother wanted the Stemms in the delivery room during the birth, but the labor and delivery
“It was a flood of emotions as we walked through the door.” “What are the odds we’d have to go back?” Nate said. “Last time we were there, our hearts were broken. It was a flood of emotions as we walked through the door.” But this time when they left the hospital, they left with hope. The surgery had been a success. “It was like redemption, to be broken once and then leave the hospital hopeful the next,” Nate said.
went so quickly, that he was born before Nate and Jessica made it to the hospital. “We walked into the hospital and the nurse met us downstairs and said, ‘Congratulations!’ She handed us him and said, ‘Here’s your little boy,’” Jessica said. “I remember being like, ‘No way!’ It was unreal. It was surreal.” The Stemms jumped into parenting and named him Isaac. As they cared for him, the birth mother began to have doubts and soon decided she couldn’t go through with the adoption. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt the wind knocked out of me like that,” Jessica said.
The couple tried to get pregnant for the next three months without success. Jessica started fertility shots and got pregnant the first month. Because of her pregnancy, they had to stop the adoption process. After two-and-a-half years of battling infertility, Jessica had a mixture of emotions. “I was terrified. I was so scared that once again it was going to be taken away. When I told my sisters I was pregnant, I was stone faced. They were ecstatic, but I was terrified.” Jessica went on to have a smooth pregnancy and healthy baby girl they named Mia. But once again, the journey to motherhood wasn’t what Jessica expected. “I felt like we longed for something for so long. Then we had Mia and I struggled so much, but I felt like I couldn’t share that struggle. How could I if I had longed for something for so long?”
Jessica learned that the struggle was okay and that being authentic helped. “That element of just being able to be authentic and real with where you are, no matter where you are, is okay. It’s okay that my heart was broken in infertility. And it’s okay that after Mia, I was caught off guard. It wasn’t what I thought it’d be. It was so much harder.” Eleven months after Mia’s birth, they were surprised to learn they were pregnant again. And now they are pregnant with their third child. “It has been a crazy journey and it’s not done. We don’t know what our family will look like when it’s all said and done,” Jessica said. The crazy journey has changed Nate and Jessica. They have grieved, celebrated and learned a lot along the way. As Jessica said, “I’ve learned the beauty of being real. I grew up trying to be perfect. My heart was broken down enough that I was forced to be real and I found beauty in the real. I am thankful for it, but in the midst of it, it was painful. It’s not always picture perfect and it’s okay.”
“We both almost had to be wheeled out of the hospital,” Nate said. “It was hard.” The Stemms returned home and grieved for their loss and for another realization that their journey to becoming parents was not going as they had hoped. They continued to pursue adoption, being matched with two other birth moms. During the process, they learned of a new procedure that could help them conceive a biological child. The doctor did not have much hope that it would work, but they tried it anyway. The doctor scheduled the procedure for the same hospital in Indianapolis where Isaac had been born. Photo Provided By: Jessica Lynn Photography
FAMILY pregnancy
Questions Every Pregnant Woman Should Ask Her Doctor Pregnancy comes with a host of decisions to make. From names to nursery décor, feeding methods to diapering options, moms-to-be have a lot to consider. One of the first decisions to make is who her care provider will be, though often women forget that they have a choice in the matter. When I became pregnant with my first child, I met with my general practitioner. He asked me, “What kind of care provider do you want? Someone who will act more like a partner or a more paternal presence?” Until he asked me that question, I hadn’t considered that I had a decision to make. I figured I’d look at my insurance to see who was covered and find someone nearby. But his question started me on a path of realizing that choosing a care provider can make a big difference in my pregnancy and birth experiences. When I told my doctor I wasn’t sure, he advised that I figure out what kind of birth I hoped for and then make my decision accordingly. I went home after that appointment and began researching, not so much about local care providers, but about birth. I soon realized that I did have a preference in how I hoped the birth would go. With those preferences in mind, I set up a meet-and-greet with a provider, so that I could ask her questions and interview her before making my final decision. For me, the right decision was to choose a midwife. Her birth philosophy matched my preferences, but I only came to understand that because of the interview process. Interviewing potential doctors and midwives helps a woman consider her own preferences and her potential care provider’s practices. Asking a few questions early on can help women find a doctor or midwife who will provide the care she needs and desires throughout pregnancy and birth.
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
By: Meagan Church
The following is a list of 10 questions to ask, along with the reasons behind why they are important: 1. How many doctors/midwives are in the practice and will I have a chance to meet them all before the delivery room? Many practices employ multiple doctors and midwives who rotate patients. It is possible that in a large practice, the mother will not have met the doctor/midwife before the delivery room. 2. What role will I play in the birth? The answer to this question will help the mother understand if the care provider will work as a partner with her or dictate decisions without considering the mother’s voice. 3. What is your C-section rate? What is the main reason you preform C-sections? While a C-section is an important surgery that can save the lives, it comes with certain risks to both the baby and the mother. The World Health Organization recommends that the C-section rate not be above 10 to 15 percent, but the national average is over 33 percent. 4. What routine practices can be expected in labor? This can include electronic fetal monitoring, epidurals, episiotomy, induction, restricting food and beverage, restricting movement and walking and more. Care providers approach each of these differently, some routinely using many of them and others who encourage more of a natural approach. 5. How do you feel about having a doula in the delivery room? Doulas can be great helpers throughout birth, offering a constant presence and encouragement throughout the process. If a mother plans to hire a doula, she needs to know how her care provider will respond.
6. How often do you perform inductions and what are the main reasons you do so? Due dates are not exact predictors of when a baby will be born and ultrasounds cannot accurately gauge a baby’s size, so it is important to know under what circumstances a care provider will opt for an induction. 7. Will you be present during labor or only during the birth? Some doctors and midwives spend very little time with their patients during labor and arrive in the delivery room in time to catch the baby. 8. How do you support natural birth? Not all care providers have experience in supporting natural birth. If a mother hopes for a more natural approach, she needs to know if options like water labor, birthing balls, movement, squatting and more will be available to help her manage her pain. 9. What can I expect in the initial moments after birth? This is an opportunity to discuss delayed cord clamping; skin-to-skin contact; initial breastfeeding; delayed weighing, measuring and bathing; and more. 10. Do you support breastfeeding? Will you be able to answer my questions or is there someone you would refer me to? Not all doctors are trained in breastfeeding, so it is important to know what sort of education a doctor has in this area, and who he or she would refer you to if he or she cannot answer questions and offer solutions.
Pregnancy is a nine-month journey of ups and downs that culminates in perhaps the most transformative moment in a woman’s life. So, careful consideration should be given to who will be by her side, guiding her throughout the journey. THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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All Day, Downtown St. Joseph, MI
Notre Dame 19th Annual Chalk The Block,
1:00 P.M. -5:00 P.M., Snite Museum Of Art
Summer 2015 Family Days: Museum Mysteries,
Osceola Grace Brethren Church
Back-To School Bash, 1:00 P.M. – 3:00 P.M.,
2
5:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart
7:00 P.M., Essenhaus Heritage Hall-Middlebury
Steel Magnolias,
Japanee Gardens In Indiana: A History Of Hoosier Japanism,
In The Kitchen With Edie, 10:00 A.M.,
RiverBend Wellness CenterSouth Bend
Monday Michigan Animals,
4
1:30 P.M. – 4:00 P.M., Curious Kids Museum-St. Joseph, MI
3
~Sydney J. Harris 5
11:00 A.M., Center For Outpatient Services-St. Joseph, MI
Breastfeeding Support Group,
6
8:00 P.M., DeBartolo Performing Arts Center-Notre Dame
William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (abridged),
“The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.”
2015
4:00 P.M., Curious Kids’ Museum-St. Joseph, MI
Messy And Cool Fridays, 1:30 P.M. –
Havana Nights,
7:00 P.M., The History Museum-South Bend
At St. Patrick’s Park, 7:30 P.M.
SBCT Presents “Fiddler On The Roof”
7
At St. Patrick’s Park, 7:30 P.M.
SBCT Presents “Fiddler On The Roof”
8
County Cafe
Nappanee’s 2nd Saturday Craft Shows, 8:00 A.M.,
7:30 P.M.
SBCT Presents “Fiddler On The Roof” At St. Patrick’s Park,
10:00 A.M., Downtown South Bend
On The River: Family Day,
10:00 A.M, Cobus Creek County Park-Elkhart
Cobus Creek Festival,
All Day, Downtown St. Joseph, MI
19th Annual Chalk The Block,
1
AUGUST
Scan this QR Code to get connected to our online calendar at MichianaMom.com!
Want to check out even more things to do in Michiana?
7:00 P.M. – 9:30 P.M., Morris Performing Arts Center
Michiana Renaissance Festival, 10:00 A.M.,
Family Drop-In Activities,
Wellfield Botanic GardensElkhart
Family Drop-In Activities, 1:00 P.M.,
RiverBend Wellness CenterSouth Bend
7:30 P.M., DeBartolo Performing Arts CenterNotre Dame
The Winter’s Tale,
Herbs; More Than Good Taste, 10:00 A.M.,
25
18
1:00 P.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart
11
~Celia Thaxter
31 SEPT 1 Emma “There shall be M. Nutt Day eternal summer (First woman telephone operator!) in the grateful heart.”
11:45 A.M., Downtown South Bend
Lunchtime Concert Series,
7:00 P.M., University Of Notre Dame
6:00 P.M. – 6:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart
Stories In The Garden,
Lazy Day & National S’mores Day
Love’s Labor’s Lost,
24
17
10 Breastfeeding Support Group,
Archery Lesson,
6:00 P.M. -8:00 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park
11:00 A.M., Center For Outpatient Services-St. Joseph, MI
Breastfeeding Support Group,
11:00 A.M., Center For Outpatient Services-St. Joseph, MI
Breastfeeding Support Group,
5:30 P.M. – 6:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic GardensElkhart
Yoga In The Gardens,
2
8:00 P.M., DeBartolo Performing Arts Center-Notre Dame
William Shakespeare’s Long First Play (Abridged),
26
19
6:00 P.M. – 8:00 P.M., St. Patrick’s County Park
Family Passport To Play: Outdoor Explorer,
11:00 A.M., Center For Outpatient ServicesSt. Joseph, MI
12
6:30 P.M., Southlawn Cemetery-South Bend
Southlawn Cemetery Tour,
5:30 P.M. – 6:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic GardensElkhart
Yoga In The Gardens,
Global Forgiveness Day
27
20
3
6:00 P.M., Seitz Park-South Bend
Seitz & Sounds Open Stage-With Lune,
13 Fridays By The Fountain,
The Lerner-Elkhart
4 5:00 P.M., Downtown South Bend & Goshen
First Fridays,
Steel Magnolias,
11:45 A.M.- 1:15 P.M., Jon R. Hunt PlazaSouth Bend
Fridays By The Fountain,
7:00 P.M., Essenhaus Heritage Hall-Middlebury
28
7:00 P.M., Essenhaus Heritage Hall-Middlebury
Steel Magnolias,
Century Center-South Bend
Meet Me On The Island, 5:30 P.M.,
Safety Last, 7:30 P.M.,
21
1:30 P.M. – 4:00 P.M., Curious Kids’ Museum-St. Joseph, MI
Messy And Cool Fridays,
11:45 A.M.- 1:15 P.M., Jon R. Hunt Plaza-South Bend
14
5
Barron Lake Triathlon,
9:15 A.M. – 10:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart
Yoga In The Garden,
Cheese Pizza Day!
Farmer’s Market,
8:00 A.M. – 2:00 P.M., Lakeland Hospital-Niles
DeBartolo Performing Arts CenterNotre Dame
The Winter’s Tale, 7:30 P.M.,
8:00 A.M. – 12:00 P.M., Howard Township Fire Department-Niles, MI
29
National Tooth Fairy Day
St. Patrick’s County Park
9:15 A.M. – 10:30 P.M., Wellfield Botanic Gardens-Elkhart
Yoga In The Garden,
Beginner Canoe And Kayak Lessons, 9:00 A.m. – 12:30 P.M.,
22
2:00 P.M., Griffins Organics Sustainability Institute Edwardsburg, MI
We Can-Can And You Can Too,
9:00 A.M. – 11:30 A.M., St. Patrick’s County Park
Elkhart Public LIbrary
Paws To Read, 10:00 A.M., Running Wild: 5K Trail Run & 3K Fun Walk,
15
www. MICHIANA MOM. COM
2:00 P.M., DeBartolo Performing Arts CenterNotre Dame
The Winter’s Tale,
Kamm Island-Mishawaka
30
Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons,
23
National Tell A Joke Day
12:00 P.M., Center For Hospice Care-Mishawaka
30th Annual Walk For Hospice,
16
9
FAMILY pregnancy
A New Mom’s Guide to
Nursing in Public
Y
By: Alyssa Chirco
ou survived childbirth and learned the art of a successful latch, but if you have decided to breastfeed your baby, there is one final frontier you will need to conquer: the art of nursing in public. “Breastfed babies, especially newborns, nurse frequently,” says Holly Robinson, a Registered Nurse and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. “No matter how well you plan, eventually you are going to find yourself out of the house with a hungry baby, so it’s important to be prepared.”
“You always have the perfect food ready to feed your baby.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about the first six months, and continued breastfeeding – along with the introduction of complimentary solids – for one year or more. While not every mother chooses to breastfeed, those who do are likely to breastfeed longer and enjoy the experience more by learning to nurse in public with confidence and ease.
Practice Makes Perfect For many new moms, breastfeeding presents enough of a challenge in the comfort of your own living room, so the thought of nursing in public – where other people might see you – can be terrifying. To boost your confidence, practice in front of a mirror so you can catch a glimpse of what others will (and will not) be able to see. When you are ready to venture out of the house for the first time, consider attending a local breastfeeding support group or grabbing coffee with a supportive friend. “I started small – going to the same coffee shop every day – for practice,” says breastfeeding mom Rhianna Mathias. “It was a shop I’d patronized a lot before baby, so I was familiar with the staff and felt comfortable there. Nursing in a group setting (for us a mom’s group in the early days) was also a comfortable place to practice and gain confidence.”
Find Your Comfort Zone Some mothers feel totally at ease lifting their shirts to nourish their 22
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
newborns, no matter where they happen to be. Others prefer a bit more privacy. No matter what your personal preference, be prepared when you head out in public by scoping out the setting as soon as you arrive. Look for a comfortable chair or bench where you will be able to sit and nurse when baby gets hungry. If you are dining out and prefer to breastfeed discreetly, ask for a corner booth or table so you can sit with your back to other patrons. Many shopping centers and museums also offer private nursing stations as a courtesy to breastfeeding mothers. “I found that corners were my friends because I could simply turn a bit to get her started,” says Melissa McAlpine of her experience nursing her daughter in public. “After the baby is latched on, there’s not really anything to see, so I could swivel back.”
Dress for Success The right clothes and accessories make all the difference when you’re out in public and baby decides it is time for a meal. Wear a stretchy sports bra that can be pulled aside as needed, or learn how to unhook and lower the cups of your nursing bra with one hand. Many breastfeeding mothers like to pair a specially designed nursing tank top with a cardigan or loose blouse, since the top can be lifted up while the tank still covers your middle (where many of us have stretch marks we
would prefer to keep hidden). Other mothers prefer to simply unbutton a few top buttons. A fussy baby is what draws attention, so wear clothes that make it easy to get baby latched on quickly. A few key accessories can also make nursing in public easier. Learn how to nurse while carrying baby in a sling or baby carrier. Try wearing a fashionable scarf or poncho that can double as a cover when baby is breastfeeding. Mom of two Melody Meiners is a fan of nursing covers, specifically the kind that have weights in one side or that tie around your neck and tent up. “It makes switching sides so much easier if you prefer to stay covered,” she says.
Know Your Rights Keep in mind that, when it comes to nursing in public, the law is on your side. According to a database maintained by the National Conference of State Legislatures, 46 states have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location. 29 states exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws. Knowing the law in your home state will help you respond more confidently in the unlikely instance that you are asked to stop or cover up. Also be aware that, sensationalized news stories aside, most people genuinely support your right to nurse in public, and mothers do it every day. “I never had any rude comments, in 10 years of nursing, only supportive ones,” says breastfeeding veteran and mom of four, Jennifer Heffern. Martine Samocha, who also breastfed four children, adds that “even though you think everyone is watching you, you are mostly being ignored.”
Fake It ‘Til You Make It If you are feeling nervous about breastfeeding your baby in public, you are not alone. “The first few times can seem uncomfortable,” admits mom of two Tammie Egloff, “but it gets easier.” You will gain confidence gradually, so in the early days and weeks, smile politely at passers-by and rest assured that the more you nurse in public, the less selfconscious you will become. “Eventually,” says Robinson, “you will appreciate the freedom that comes with knowing that, no matter where you are, you always have the perfect food ready to feed your baby.” THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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Special Section
Back-to-School
School Bus
Safety
A
By: Lt. William Redman
s summer break concludes, preparations are being made for the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year. Top priority is to insure the safety of our children while traveling to and from school. One of the most important modes of transportation is the school bus. Every day in our community, thousands of children travel by bus to and from school and home. School buses keep an estimated 17.3 million cars off the roadways surrounding schools throughout the nation daily. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), riding a school bus is 13 times safer than riding in a passenger vehicle and 10 times safer than walking to school. Most of the children who lose their lives in bus-related crashes are pedestrians four to seven years old, who are hit by the bus or passing motorists illegally passing a stopped school bus.
In order to make traveling by school buses safe every day we must know laws and be aware of proper laws and procedures for sharing the road with school buses: - All 50 states have a law making it illegal to pass a school bus that is stopped to load or unload children. Drivers that violate the Indiana School Bus Law may receive fines between $100.00 and $500.00. Drivers may also receive an eight point violation against his/her driver's license. Motorists must obey the school bus laws. Learn the "flashing signal light system" that school bus driver use to alert motorists of pending actions: ď &#x; Yellow Flashing Lights indicates that the bus is preparing to stop to load or unload children. Motorists should slow down and prepare to stop his/her vehicle.
Photo Provided By: Ann Reiff
ď &#x; Red Flashing Lights and extended stop arms indicate that the bus has stopped, and that children are getting on or off. Motorists must stop his/her vehicle and wait until the red lights stop flashing, the extended stop sign is withdrawn and the bus begins moving before he/she can start driving again.
- All lanes of travel must stop for school buses stopped to load or unload. The only exception is a multi-lane roadway which has a divider or median, then, only the vehicles traveling the same direction must stop.
“All 50 states have a law making it illegal to pass a school bus that is stopped to load or unload children.” Nurturing artists of all ages since 1947!
- The area 10 feet around a school bus is where children are in the most danger of being hit. Stop your vehicle far enough away from the bus to allow children the necessary space to enter and exit the bus safely.
Classes for preschoolers to adults start the week of August 17th, 2015.
- Be alert! Children are unpredictable. - NEVER pass a school bus on the right. It is illegal and could have tragic consequences.
Visit SOUTHBENDART.ORG for class descriptions and online registration. Located inside Century Center in downtown South Bend | 587.235.9102
A quality early childhood education is key to your child’s development. Now it’s easy to find with Great Start to Quality, providing information you can trust to find quality child care and preschools in your community. Just log in and begin your search.
www.GreatStartToQuality.org The free, 24/7, one-stop resource that helps you get the best for your child and the most for your money.
START HERE
for Quality Early Childhood Education. Funding from the Office of Great Start within the Michigan Department of Education supports the implementation of Great Start.
Start here for Quality Early Childhood Education
THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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Special Section
Back-to-School
Preparing Your Kids for
Back-to-School
By: Jackie Folkert
Back-to-school prep calls for more than a school supply scavenger hunt through Target. It’s the annual opportunity to get intentional about your child’s academic, social and physical growth. The first day of school—the proverbial fresh start—is a fertile time to plant seeds of success. Don’t Sabotage Their Sleep
Keep an Eye
on Your Child’s Vision The Indiana Department of Education requires accredited public and private schools to screen kindergarten or first grade students, and third and fifth grade students to identify potentials risks. The typical screening checks the overall eye health and alignment. If the school detects a risk, then the administrator will recommend the student receive a formal vision screening at a medical office. Dr. Annamarie Sullivan, an optometrist at the South Bend Clinic in South Bend, said that vision problems could be difficult to recognize without a proper screening. From a kid’s point of view, “you don’t really know how to explain to someone because you think [your vision problem] is normal,” Sullivan said. Checking every kindergartener’s vision prevents unnecessary struggles in school due to poor eye sight. She said to watch your child for symptoms such as squinting and getting closer to objects than necessary to see them. Parents most likely will not be able to discern if one eye is weaker than the other, so a vision screening is valuable. 26
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
Let’s face it; the first school night is a bummer. Who wants to go to bed when the sun is still up? The nervous excitement that often precedes the first day of school gets in the way of sleep. Prep for that first school night sooner than later. Parents know from experience that kids need their sleep to function well at school, so why sabotage their kids’ sleep? The answer is that some goodintentioned bedtime routines may prevent children from falling asleep easily. Consider your children’s bedroom environment as well as their play inside of it. Does it contain screens, a desk, books or a nightlight? According to the National Sleep Foundation, the ideal bedroom environment is cool and dark— and it doesn’t include a TV. The NSF asserts that the bedroom should only be for sleeping. Period. That means children shouldn’t play video games, watch TV, read, or do homework in their bedrooms. Most parents wouldn’t see the harm in reading a book in bed or turning on a night light, but getting sleep is serious business: The National Sleep Foundation recommends that children ages six to 13 get nine to 11 hours of sleep per night, while preschoolers ages three to five need 10 to 13 hours. To do that, the bedroom and nighttime routine should be considered, especially if your child has problems sleeping. One reason that screens and lights of all kinds should stay out of the bedroom is that their glow suppresses the secretion melatonin, which is the hormone that cues sleep. That glaring nightlight, for example, may actually make it harder to fall asleep. The NSF notes that watching TV close to bedtime is particularly associated with trouble sleeping.
Child psychologist Hugh J. Van Auken Sr. PHD HSPT of David F. Sonego and Associates in Mishawaka emphasizes the role the bedroom environment plays in your child’s bedtime. He said that the light used for reading, TV and game playing may slow down bedtime. If your child is anxious about bedtime and the upcoming first day of school, try looking at the room from your child’s point of view. Lie on the bed and look around: the digital clock, glow-in-the-dark constellation stickers, that string of holiday lights. Do the curtains make creepy shadows at night? Does the stack of textbooks remind your child of the upcoming academic challenges? Of course, sleep problems call for a trip to the family doctor. Your child’s unique sleep problem may be solved by a variety of strategies. One idea Van Auken mentioned is avoiding screens and reading 90 minutes before bedtime to encourage sleep. He is also a fan of the drop-and-roll bedtime technique: Take your child to bed, say goodnight and walk away. The longer you linger the harder it may become for your child to fall asleep. The National Sleep Foundation reminds families that consistent bedtimes--regardless of summer vacation—promote healthy sleep.
“I Hate School!” If your child is more of a Huckleberry Finn than an Anne Shirley, initiate some conversation early and often to help get them used to the idea of going back to school.
Checklist
Start a back-to-scho ol
tradition. Examine your child ren’s uniforms and shop for ones the fit. Stock the kitchen wi th school lunch staples. Set up a carpool. Post a family calen dar
Schedule haircuts.
with the dates for fall.
Identify your kids’ new teachers and talk them up to sound like su perstars. Make a plan for an angst-free bedtime routine. Check your children ’s bedrooms for scary shadows and glowing lights. Shop for school su pplies — if you have the teacher’s list. Check the school we b site for relevant reports and changes. Contact new teach ers to discuss academic an d health plans. Make vision screenin g and sports physical ap pointments if needed. Discuss social strate gies so your kids tackle the m like pros.
Some kids hate school because of the social dynamic. The playground can be a miserable place for kids who struggle socially. Therapist Jessica Kindig, co-owner of Reflections Counseling in South Bend, suggests that parents and kids use role-play to anticipate social scenarios. It is one of many fun strategies that lessen anxiety. She said that reviewing social strategies might also alleviate stress when your child inevitably meets a “mean girl” moment. Practice with your child strategic responses. Some of the ideas Kindig suggests are walking away, declaring, “Stop, I don’t like that” and telling the teacher. Prepare your child for who will be greeting them at the door this fall. “It is important to reinforce to children that they will have a different teacher for the next year,” said Kindig. When you receive the teacher assignment, begin chatting with your child about the teacher. Get out the school yearbook and find the teacher’s picture. “The less surprises, the better,” said Kindig. If you’re worried about your child’s academic progress, communicate with the teacher your desire to meet and make a study plan. “Some academic struggles require more attention,” said Kindig. Partner with you child in your vision for a successful year. And for the little ones, read “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn and Ruth E. Harper, a story about a mother raccoon who kisses her baby’s paw before he goes off to school for the first time. While at school, the baby kisses his paw when he misses his mother. The “Berenstain Bears Go to School” is another classic that reinforces what young children will expect at school.
Make it Fun If you don’t have family traditions tied to the first day of school, start some. Cook a favorite breakfast and sneak notes into their lunches. Take photos in front of the flag pole every year. Make a point of bringing a Mason jar of wild flowers to the teacher. Create a jamming playlist to be your early morning soundtrack. Offer rewards for the kids as they successfully complete their morning checklists. Make a game of the kids locating school necessities on a hand-drawn map as you tour the school. Decorate lockers with favorite colors and pictures.
And after you’ve waved goodbye to the rear bumper of the school bus, take a coffee break for yourself and breathe deeply. Success. THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
27
Special Section
Back-to-School
Product Testing:
School Supplies
By: Lara West
Every year, parents can easily spend a couple hundred dollars on buying school supplies. No matter how easy the school makes it by having the supply list for each school and grade available, deciding if the $1 glue will hold the priceless school projects together as well as the name brand $3 bottle is sometimes a tough decision. (No one wants the noodles falling off before they get hung on the refrigerator.) Another tricky decision is how well the cheap mechanical pencils hold up, or if the cheap eraser will last as long as the more expensive one.
Have no fear, below is a quick cheat for where you can save and where you should “splurge.” (Hey, those pennies add up when buying so many items at once.)
Pencils: The off-brand pencils
at the store splintered upon first sharpening with a manual sharpener, causing almost a centimeter to be wasted. They wrote well, but needed sharpened more often. The eraser worked fine, although it shredded off quickly. The more expensive pencils sharpened a little easier, and performed well.
Recommendations: The cheapest pencils came with 30 in a box compared to 12. In an equal battle of pencils purchased, I would recommend spending a bit extra, but with the count difference being so great, you’ll be fine going with the less expensive ones.
Crayons: Every parent loves seeing a piece of
their child’s artwork hanging on the wall, but not as much as the children love seeing their work displayed. They each want theirs to be the brightest most colorful drawing on the wall, but does the brand of crayon make a difference? You bet it does! The cheapest crayons have a very dull color, while the expensive crayons are shades brighter making the finished art more pleasing. The wrappers on the cheapest crayons were glued on to the crayon making it difficult to peel back when more crayons is needed. The paper on the name brand crayons easily tore off.
Recommendation: Don’t save on the crayons. Buy the brand name crayons and bring out the best artist in our little one.
KUMON: The world’s largest afterschool learning program.
Markers:
Who doesn’t love that brilliant pop of color that a marker brings to the paper? I still love that thick bold line edging the crayon colorings. I usually spend the extra few cents to buy the more expensive name brand, but since my daughter goes through them like water and doesn’t have an artistic preference yet, I’ve been buying whatever is the cheapest. When capped correctly after use, they all last about the same amount of time. Getting them properly capped has been more of a challenge using the generic brand over the name brand. The lids don’t seem to fit correctly, and it’s a problem I noticed with several packs of the generic markers. When it came to washing them out of clothes and off the table tops, the more expensive markers wiped away easily leaving little to no color.
ha The Kumon Method began wit p his parent’s love. Determined to hel cher eight-year-old son, a math tea the named Toru Kumon developed nciples materials and guiding and pri er-school that grew into the largest aft the world. math and reading program in ions on 6 Today, in 48 countries and reg d is helping continents, the Kumon Metho the millions of children succeed in p your classroom and in life. It can hel might child too– be yond anything you have thought possible.
Recommendation: Again, spend the extra money on the name brand product, or stock when you find school supplies on sale as the price will be relatively the same.
Glue: Can the price you pay for glue
can extend the life of your child’s crafting project? I wanted to find out, so I made some dry bean pictures with my daughter and decorated the front room with them. They hung there without dropping any beans for three weeks. I gave them a little shake and moved them to the other wall without losing any beans.
Recommendation: Be it a one dollar bottle or three dollars, your sweet child’s adorable art work has just as good of odds to make it home still intact.
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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Special Section
Back-to-School
Banish the
Back-To-School By: Christina Katz
10 Ways To Build Better Student Teacher Relationships Teacher-student cooperation is an important alliance that starts at home and affects a child's entire academic career. Having positive relationships with teachers throughout twelve years of school can make the difference between a child who adores school and all it encompasses and a child who dreads school and struggles on a daily basis. By the time school starts each fall, teachers have already invested years of education, practice and preparation into getting this school year off to a great start. Most parents want their children to succeed in school but sometimes students and parents inadvertently get off on the wrong foot with teachers. How can parents encourage kids to meet educational professionals halfway?
Reboot That Rocky Relationship: 5 Ways To Resolve Student-Teacher Conflicts Here's an easy troubleshooting guide for teacher-student relationships that get off to a rocky start: 1. If you are not sure what to say, start sentences with the phrase, "I am concerned because..." Then ask, "Do you think there is anything that needs to be done to address this concern?" 2. Ask questions until you understand the situation and what your child can do better. 3. Convey to both the teacher and your child that you will do everything you can to help address the issue. 4. Check in with your child daily for a couple of weeks to insure teacher expectations are understood and heeded. 5. Follow-up with the teacher after two weeks to make sure there has been a noticeable improvement. Don't assume the situation will be resolved immediately just because you brought it up. And don't believe it is resolved merely because the student says it is. Confirm a more harmonious relationship from the teacher's point of view, as well. When harmony is achieved praise your child for making an effort and thank the teacher for their time and attention. If your child's teacher brings up a challenge that needs to be addressed, follow the same steps.
Here are 10 tips for helping your child cultivate positive, supportive and mutually respectful relationships with teachers from the first day of school forward:
1.
Attend meet-the-teacher activities. No matter what the age of your child, don't miss an opportunity to get to know the teacher as a both an educator and a person. It's always appropriate for teachers and students to share things about their lives with each other as a way of bonding and getting to know each other.
2.
Set positive expectations about teachers with your child. Even if the teacher your child was assigned is new or not the current parent favorite, express enthusiasm to your child about learning with the teacher she will have.
3.
Communicate your child's needs. If you can send an email to the teacher a week before school starts, that's good timing. But, it's never too late to keep your child's teacher up to date on your child's specific challenges, especially those that will affect their ability to learn.
4.
Let the teacher do the teaching. Once the year kicks off, assume a supporting role. Express interest in your child's academic work and school activities but try to let them tackle challenges like homework and projects themselves.
5.
See how well your child can meet standards on his own. Schools set up checkpoints like teacher conferences to assess student progress. Use these opportunities to find out how well your child is doing in school. Be relaxed and open-minded about any reports, especially if they are not what you were hoping to hear.
6.
Coach from the backseat. No parent likes to see a child falter. But facing struggles can be helpful in building character and teaching him lessons about himself. Don't do your child's work for him. Take on a cheerleading stance instead.
7.
Get more structured support as needed. If the year is at the halfway point and your child is not making solid academic progress, and you have exhausted the school's resources, consider a private tutor, a learning service like Kumon or a tutoring service like Sylvan. Try to find a private tutor with reasonable rates using an online tutor-finder like Care.com.
8.
Participate. Three common commitments are parentteacher meetings, school events and parent volunteering. But, don't be at the school 24-7. If your child gets the sense that you are appropriately committed and engaged in the spirit of the school without hovering, they can relax, participate and focus on doing her best.
9.
Don't pressure. Meet your student wherever they is. There is no point in projecting your prior academic success onto your child or pressing him to achieve more than they are reasonably capable of accomplishing. Love and appreciate your child as a whole person, not just a grade at the end of the year, and he will feel secure and motivated.
10.
Express gratitude. Offer teachers an inexpensive card or gift at holiday time and the end of the year. But, don't write the thank-you note for your child. Help her write it herself instead until she is old enough to take over the job.
“Express enthusiasm to your child about learning with the teacher she will have.”
Whatever You Do, Don't... • Don't expect teachers to drop everything and get back to you immediately. Assume a busy, full schedule and allow about a week for a response. • Don't take things personally when issues that come up are actually about your child's progress in school. • Don't expect teachers to try and please you. They are supposed to focus on teaching the kids, not coddling the parents. • Don't speak disparagingly about your child's teachers with him or in front of him. • Don't fire off an email when you are angry. Wait until you calm down and then send an email asking for more information or requesting a meeting time. • Don't go over a teacher's head unless you have made every attempt to cooperate with that teacher first. If you have tried three times and been unsuccessful each time, you might send a calm note to the principal explaining that you are having a hard time communicating with the teacher and you would like some assistance. THE
FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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K-12
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Back-to-School
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
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FAMILY mommy & daddy
Dear Mom,
Flex Your Capabilities By: Meagan Church
Dear Mom, I recently had an older gentleman tell me to be careful not to break a nail, while I was doing yard work. Okay, not really, but that’s essentially what I heard him say. He had seen me shovel and move a few tons of landscaping rock. The next day as I continued my work, he slowed his car, rolled down his window and asked how my arms and shoulders felt. “A little sore, but fine,” I said, punctuating the sentence with a little laugh. He disregarded the laugh and asked with paternal caution, “You didn’t overdo it did you?” That wasn’t the response I had expected. My laugh faded as I said, “Nope. Sure didn’t.” I wiped the sweat from my brow as I anticipated the direction of the conversation. “Okay,” he said in a tone that mimicked his lack of approval. “Just make sure you take it easy.”
It matters that they know that effort is not gender specific.”
As he pulled away, my cheeks began to burn, and not because of physical exertion. They burned with rage over feeling reprimanded by someone who doubted my capability to use my muscles, to exert some effort and to move some stones. I’m not going to say that moving that stone wasn’t hard work or that I enjoyed it, but I did it. Why? Partly because it had to be done, partly because I could, and partly because I want our son and two daughters to know that women are capable.
I realize that the man’s remark was probably well intentioned, but what I heard him say in his tone was that women aren’t strong. It is okay to tell us that we are beautiful or sweet or excellent cooks. It’s fine to remark on our cute haircuts or our weight loss, but to comment on us being strong or capable must come with a warning. I wanted to chase down his car, knock on his window and tell him about the countless miles I have run, the sides of rocks I have climbed, the white water that I rafted. I wanted to tell him about how I used to have earthworms as pets and enjoyed scaring my brother with bugs that I would find. I wanted to tell him about the 20+ collective hours of natural labor I endured. I wanted him to know that I can lift a shovel, that I can toss rocks into a wheelbarrow. I wanted to tell him that I am capable. But it doesn’t matter what he thinks. It doesn’t matter whether he thinks the pile should’ve waited until my husband got home from work, so that he could do the heavy lifting. What matters is the little girl who was standing beside me with an orange shovel in her hand.
This little girl insisted on scooping up rocks and dumping them into the wheelbarrow, exercising her three-year-old muscles as best she could. It matters to that girl who looked at me and said, “Mom, you’re sweaty.” It matters that she wanted to help, to get her hands dirty, to dig into the effort and the hard work. It matters that she sees I am capable and that she knows that she is capable of more than sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the man to move the rocks.
Mom, you’re sweaty. In parenting both a boy and two girls, I’ve come to see just how easy it is for people to call our girls princesses, to comment on their cute dresses or painted finger nails, to focus the conversation on superficiality and appearance. But I want my girls to know that they were made for more than that, that their bodies and minds are strong and capable, that their hands can get dirty, that a bit of sweat is a good thing, that sometimes they will need to roll up their sleeves and grab a shovel. And it’s just as important that my son also knows that women are more than manicures and ball gowns, that they are partners in crime and sources of strength, that they are not damsels in distress awaiting rescuing. And, so, it matters that my kids see me flex my capabilities, that my son sees me huffing and puffing after another six-mile run, that they know I can do more than flip pancakes or fold laundry. It matters that they know that effort is not gender specific. It matters that they know they are capable of moving a few tons of an obstacle one-shovel load at a time, whether or not other people think the obstacle is too large for them to handle. And whether or not they break a nail in the process.
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FAMILY mommy & daddy
The Balancing Act A Working Mothers Guide to Not Losing Her Mind By: Noelle Elliott
I
was having coffee with a friend last month and she was running late. She has five children and we have realized that if we get together at one of our homes, the combined child count of nine made it impossible to actually have a discussion. Usually we meet at Martin’s and have a coffee. Our visits last about three hours and even that amount of time is never enough to discuss everything we want to. This last visit, I confided in her that I thought I had the early start of Alzheimer’s disease because I cannot remember things like people’s names, dates or appointments. They just seem to get lost in the clutter of my mind. In an age that we have every devise to help us remember, I’m forgetting more than ever. She was shocked because she had just spoken to her doctor about the same concern. She too was having a hard time remembering simple things, like to pack her children’s lunch. After our coffee date I decided to get my thoughts in order. I needed to compartmentalize my life because right now it was all jumbled together. Home, work and personal calendars were everywhere, and not in the same location. I still worked from an old-fashioned wall calendar for appointments for my children. Every day I had the lingering thought that I was forgetting something, and usually that was true. And when I realized it, I felt guilty that I had let something slip by me. Rather than panic, I took an afternoon to get organized.
Gather Your Thoughts
Before I even began trying to organize our schedule I had to decide what was most important. Obviously my home life is the most important. I decided to look at the calendar of school events that were a priority and put them at the top of the list. Work came next and I wrote down goals and the most important things I needed to accomplish that week. Lastly, was my personal calendar, which I made a list of things I wanted to do that week, like yoga, and things I had to do, like get my roots (hair) done.
Make it a Family Affair
I had taken it on myself to be the calendar boss. I decided to delegate. My husband was now going to be part of it, as well as the kids. They had wall calendars in each of their rooms and I asked them to bring them downstairs. We copied all the important dates on to their personal calendars. We had fun doing it, and the kids look forward to seeing what is on the schedule each day. Plus, if I forget they remind me.
Carefully Merge Your Calendars
Once I knew what was most important I sat down and created a new master calendar on Google. I color-coded my work, home and personal events. Each week I sat down with my husband and discussed the next week’s schedule. I discovered that I actually had more time than I had originally thought, allowing me to add more personal things. I created at least one family night where we would watch a movie or go to the park.
“The secret is to being fully present in the activities you are currently engaged in.” 36
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FAMILY MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2015
Set Boundaries at Work
I work full time, meaning I get paid for 40 hours per week. Yet, I found myself responding to emails at all hours, even weekends. I had allowed this to happen and co-workers knew that I would respond. I spoke with my boss and explained that I was going to try and keep home time sacred and that I wouldn’t be responded to emails on the weekends. Amazingly he agreed. I only wish I would have done this sooner.
Say No
I was saying yes to things that I couldn’t do because I felt guilty for not being present at my son’s school as much as I would like to be. This meant I was committing to going on a field trip and having to work overtime to make up for it. I decided to have one or two events that I would attend for each son per semester. I also asked my extended family, like grandparents, if they could attend some events.
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FAMILY book review
The Opposite of Spoiled Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous And Smart About Money By Ron Lieber Reviewed By: Lori Walsh, Children’s Librarian Harris Branch Mishawaka – Penn – Harris Public Library Parents have 20 years or so to have frequent conversations about money and the values behind financial decisions. These lessons will help them grow to become young adults with perspective and a healthy definition of what to do with their money. Children of this generation are more aware of money than ever thanks to social media. This generation and future generations of youth will face increasing college costs that they either start saving for early on or take on loan debt and start paying off after college. In the working world our children will be more likely to be responsible for their health insurance and retirement savings. There is a shift of moving the economic burden from the employer to the workers. That means that their early paychecks will require them to pay for their own health insurance and retirement. They will also have little income coming from Social Security when they retire. The author, Ron Lieber formulates reasonable ways to approach teaching children how to handle money and finances while developing virtues such as, modesty, patience, generosity and perspective. Studies show that children who were taught self-control and delayed gratification were more likely to save money, have a retirement account and own their home. The foundation of this book will discuss questions that parents have about money from the toddler years until their children go away to college.
Many parents avoid talking about money because they fear it will produce money-grubbing children. Talking about money with your child can build values and character traits. Lieber uses many of his chapters to introduce how money can play a role in instilling each trait. Chapters on: How to start the money conversation; Allowance debates; Smartest way for kids to spend; Are we raising materialistic kids; How to talk about giving; and Why kids should work. In conclusion, what we teach our children when they are young and through the years they live under our roof is crucial in order for them to develop into a successful young adult. We want to talk to them about money so they will be able to manage money when they are out on their own. It is one of the important legacies we can leave them. It is also an essential part of parenting. Whether you read the entire book or pick and choose chapters that are of interest to you, I think you will want this book on hand to help you start incorporating practices that will allow your child to practice acquiring money and to develop a healthy relationship with it.
FAMILY student book review
Paper Towns
By: John Green
Review By: Aliyah Farhan , Edwardsburg Middle School John Green is a very popular author, and has many bestseller books. One of his best books is Paper Towns. This book was published in 2008, but is just now becoming popular to kids my age. The movie is about to be released, and is currently in theaters. This book is a classic love story like Green’s other works such as The Fault in Our Stars and Looking for Alaska, but it has a twist. It starts out when Quentin Jacobsen and Margo Roth Spiegelman are in elementary school and find a dead guy by a tree, whom committed suicide. They become very terrified and maybe scarred for life. As they grow up, Margo becomes a teen princess of his town, and he has loved her ever since elementary school. She is very wicked, mysterious and beautiful. That is why Quentin loves her. Margo has ignored Quentin all year, until graduation comes. She shows up at his window, leading him on a night-long series of payback pranks, after she disappears. Quentin is worried she committed suicide like the guy in the park. To find Margo, Quentin finds clues he thinks she has left him. Will Quentin find Margo? Or will she be gone forever?
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I recommend this book to kids in my age group, 14 and up, because the characters are in high school and close to our age. The characters and story line are well-developed, and easy for some readers to relate to. I’m sure everyone could relate to Quentin in one way or another, and has gone through something similar to what he went through. There are a few parts in the book that may not be appropriate, but it doesn’t ruin the book. I would recommend Paper Towns to every teenager I know, the positives of the book outweigh the swearing, drinking, pranking and all the other unfaithful things by a million pounds.
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