A DAY IN THE COUNTRY IN LOCKDOWN
MASTER PAUL WORSLEY
A Day in the Country in Lockdown Master Paul Worsley is a former Judge and Barrister. He both prosecuted and defended criminal cases, including the successful prosecution of Wearside Jack, who had pretended to be the Yorkshire Ripper. He later went on to sit as a Judge and heard cases at the Old Bailey.
You chaps and chapesses in the city probably think you are having it hard in these extraordinary times. Perhaps an idea of how we in the country have to spend our days during Lockdown will open your eyes as to how the other half lives and make you more sympathetic – or at least better informed. First you need a regime. I always rise early to make Mrs W (‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’) her cup of tea in bed at 08:00, then again at 09:00 and again at 10:00, by which time she actually needs to get up: I use the same tea bag so it’s not as extravagant as you might assume. The first job is to take the dog out and go up to the greenhouse to check on the green zebras and Brandywine pinks (tomato varieties). Next I see how the Black Hamburg is sprouting. It’s doing very nicely at the moment with all this sunshine. Soon I’ll no longer have to be reliant on Lidl’s weekly Montrachet delivery. Though come to think of it, they have not delivered recently. And they are supposed to prioritise essentials for the over 70s. I may stop my STO.
Then I go to feed the hens. Of course, I appreciate that we must eat the eggs our splendid little Bluebells and Barred Leghorns produce, but scrambled egg for lunch every day can be a little overwhelming. Of course, Mrs W’s right – she’s better things to do than to make soufflé every day…
Once a day I check the fruit frames to see how Glasgin’s Perpetual is coming on. Mrs W prefers the Champagne variety of rhubarb – but she would. Anyhow, it is very reassuring and regularising to see the way it grows so fast overnight. I doubt if we will ever go short of this essential fruit. It is indeed surprising – as Mrs W says – how many exciting dishes you can make with rhubarb: rhubarb crumble, rhubarb upside down tart, bread & rhubarb pudding, and – when mixed with ginger – rhubarb rice pudding, rhubarb arctic roll (a Northern dessert) and of course rhubarb surprise…
I have been trying my hand at culinary skills after going on ‘The One-Pot Wonder’ cookery course at Betty’s in Harrogate. But I agree with Mrs W, it’s not worth both of us being up all night suffering from the effects of me trying to keep my hand in. She reminds me daily that I hardly need to keep up my skills when she can produce, with local free ingredients, dishes such as ‘ground elder and nettle’ soup. Who would have thought those humble components could hold so much nutrition – and that we would be able to sample them so often.
Being in Lockdown, I like to have a little challenge each day. Today’s job was to unblock the Gardener’s Loo. What he does when he’s here, I have no idea. He promised to leave instructions for me on how to use the sit-on mower, but Mrs W’s torn them up. She says she does not want the lawn ruined as well. I must say I thought my pruning – though a little late in the season admittedly – would have made a real difference to the way the perennials sprouted. But he does bring his own loo roll: which I have found very useful, with those shiny sheets claiming to be ‘OHMS’. Mrs W snaffles our loo roll at the beginning of each day and rations the sheets, which I think is going a bit far.
Of course, the handyman cannot come with Lockdown in place. One of the bulbs in the downlighters in the kitchen has blown. It involves putting a short ladder on a table which stands on top of the work surface. I really do not fancy Mrs W’s chances of successfully undertaking that operation, but we shall see. I hold the ladder. As the man in the house of course I take on all the technical tasks. I go into the garage for half an hour daily. Mrs W says its wholly unnecessary since we are not using the cars, but I do like to know that the electric windows are all in satisfactory working order and the windscreen washer levels are topped up. And I can listen uninterruptedly to Alan Titchmarsh on Classic FM. On second thoughts perhaps half an hour is too long… Mid-morning, I do enjoy watching ‘Bridge over the River Kwai’: Alec Guinness is amazing. My 14 viewings of it since Lockdown have certainly confirmed that. Of course, the scammers are out in force now that we are locked down. I
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