RAISING THE GAME

7 TIPS FOR HELPING KIDS MAKE THE MOST OF YOUTH SPORTS EXPERIENCES

BY KURT DUSTERBERG

Achapter of our family’s life came to a bittersweet conclusion recently. On a warm afternoon in June, our son Conner, a senior pitcher at Apex Friendship High School, recorded the last out of the season. When the final batter for Garner Magnet High School flied out to right field, Conner smiled, walked off the mound and hugged his teammates.

Just like that, his nine years of baseball were over.

They were wonderful years for Conner, and also for the rest of our family, just as we experienced a few years ago with our daughter, Karen, a pitcher for the Apex Friendship High School softball team.

Throughout these years of endless trips to ballfields, I’ve felt fortunate that both of our kids played competitively all the way through high school. Kids who play a sport through their teen years learn so much about teamwork, making sacrifices, facing pressure, accepting a role, and coping with success and failure. It’s a well-worn cliché, but playing a sport teaches life lessons.

Of course, most kids don’t stick with sports until the end of high school, for a variety of acceptable reasons. I have coached many of our daughter’s softball teams, from recreation and travel leagues to high school. I’ve coached baseball, too. Over the years, I’ve watched a lot of athletes give up the game—and often not the players I expected. When I’ve spoken to their parents in those instances, they often expressed disappointment, wishing their children had continued to benefit from the personal growth and the joy of athletic achievement.

So, what role should parents play in our children’s sports careers? After raising two young athletes and coaching more than 200 others, I believe it should be a meaningful one. I often joke that the difference between academics and athletics for parents is that we don’t go to school and cheer for our kids during a history test. That’s the beauty of sports: We can prepare, guide and support them in unique ways that can sustain and strengthen them. From that first step onto a field or court—or plunge into a swimming pool—parents can have a profound influence on the success and duration of their children’s playing days. It’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s about avoiding missteps, too. But here are seven ways I believe parents can help their kids make the most of a wonderful era in life.

LEESVILLE ROAD HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETE MOLLY RAY WITH HER FATHER, MACKELLY RAY

COURTESY OF THE RAY FAMILY OF RALEIGH

PREPARE YOUR CHILD FOR DAY ONE.

It’s a parent’s job to teach the basics before the first team practice, whether your child is kicking and passing a soccer ball, or throwing and catching a baseball or softball. Having a bit of confidence helps young athletes embrace the challenge. If they aren’t prepared, most kids will feel isolated and embarrassed, and they won’t want to come back to the second practice, let alone the rest of the season.

GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK.

Get input from people you trust. At some point, you and your child might consider playing at a more advanced level. Talk to parents and athletes who have played for a particular organization or coach. Some high-profile organizations are more interested in your money than coaching your son or daughter. If your child has not reached high school, there is still plenty of time to grow and improve. Look for an opportunity or team where you have some assurance that your child will play regularly, and where there is an emphasis on skill development.

AVOID “PLAYING UP.”

It’s fairly common for parents to conclude that their child is good enough to play against an older age group. For a few truly exceptional athletes, this is a reasonable option. Most of the time, however, it’s a bad idea. Rarely is a 14-year-old, for example, a good fit on a 16U team. Sixteen-year-olds have a competitive advantage with size, strength and experience. Just as important, 14-year-olds are at a different level of personal development than 16-year-olds. Creating an awkward social dynamic can detract from the sports experience. In most cases, your child will be best served playing with like-minded, age-appropriate peers.

FIND A GOOD PRIVATE INSTRUCTOR.

If your son or daughter loves to practice, consider taking lessons from a qualified instructor. Across the Triangle, there are many retired collegiate and professional athletes who can help kids improve their technique, accelerate their growth and solidify their skill set. Find someone whose teaching style fits with your child’s learning style, and try to take lessons regularly. This extra step is often what separates elite athletes from their peers.

DON’T PLAY YEAR-ROUND.

With many sports, there are opportunities to play and train all year. There are two major reasons to avoid this. First, kids who play one sport without a period of rest and recovery are prone to debilitating overuse injuries. Shoulders, arms, hips and knees need time to rest and recover. If your child wants to compete all year, encourage another sport that emphasizes different skills and dynamic movements. Second, the mind needs time to rest, too. The constant mental pressure of training and competition can be exhausting. Playing year-round leads to burnout. Surprisingly, many talented athletes quit just as they reach their chance to play a varsity sport in high school.

REMIND YOURSELF: “THIS IS NOT MY ATHLETIC CAREER.”

The quickest way to ruin a kid’s love for a sport is to be an overbearing parent. If you find yourself critiquing your child’s performance on the drive home, “coaching” him or her during the game, or pressing your young athlete to meet your standards, your child will feel pressure and lose interest. One more thing: Don’t push your son or daughter to pursue a college athletic scholarship. If your child has the talent and interest to play in college, that conversation will occur naturally. The truth is, most high school athletes aren’t interested in playing a competitive sport in college. As a coach, I always told the parents of my players, “The high school varsity team is the natural finish line for a sports career.” That’s a healthy way of acknowledging what we knew at the first practice of the first season: It’s just a game.

JADE DEMPS

COURTESY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN BROUGHTON HIGH SCHOOL'S JADE DEMPS WITH MOM KEISHA AND BROTHER THOMAS

Jade Demps, member of the University of Wisconsin Volley ball team, courtesy of the Demps family

CONNER AND KAREN DUSTERBERG

COURTESY OF THE DUSTERBERG FAMILY OF APEX NORTH CAROLINA STATE UNIVERSITY BASEBALL PLAYER SAM HIGHFILL AND FAMILY

COURTESY OF THE HIGHFILL FAMILY OF APEX

GOOD PLACES TO GET STARTED

If you have a child interested in playing a sport, here are some local recreational programs and organizations to consider checking out:

North Carolina FC Youth:

ncfcyouth.com

Triangle Aquatic Center:

triangleaquatics.org

North Carolina Volleyball Academy:

ncacademyvb.org

Triangle Volleyball Club:

trianglevolleyball.org

Wake Competition Center:

wakecompetitioncenter.com

NetSports:

netsportsnc.com

West Raleigh Baseball:

westraleighbaseball.org

Raleigh Youth Sports:

raleighnc.gov/supportpages/youth-athletics