Migrant woman magazine issue 5 by Migrant Woman

www.migrantwoman.com

NO. 5 - SEPTEMBER 2014 - £3

DARSHANA UBL I lead by example AURA IMBARUS THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

SARAH ALEXANDER FINDING THE BEST

Crotusrsal culonships relaivtei coupleeisr F are th sh tories s

MICHAEL WOLFF

HOW ALIVE ARE WE REALLY?

JENNY GARRETT

ROCKING YOUR ROLE

ASK JUDY

MY PARTNER IS SO CLOSE WITH HIS EX

ASK THE DRAGON DO YOUR CALCULATIONS & THEN DECIDE

RECIPE SECRETS OF ONDER SAHAN A UNIQUE STORY OF A MIGRANT MAN

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Founder & Editor in Chief Mirela Sula

COVER ARTICLE

Sub-editor Trevor Clarke

Darshana Ubl A Migrant Woman of Key Influence

Editorial team Ada Albert Lira Sejdini Kristale Rama Ermonela Kapedani

Our crew for this issue PAGE 4

Editorial PAGE 5

Update and letters PAGE 6

News from July/August PAGE 8

Ask Judy: Relationships PAGE 10

Ask the Dragon: Business advice PAGE 12

Ask Simon: Tax advice PAGE 14

Cover article: Darshana Ubl: I lead by example PAGE 16

How does your dress reflect the business environment you are in? PAGE 44

The Future of Learning PAGE 46

Rocking Your Role PAGE 48

Positive Living Woman PAGE 50

Understanding Mother Teresa’s vocation and migration PAGE 52

Telling beautiful stories with my photography PAGE 54

Special Feature: Cross cultural London helped me to better express myself relationships PAGE 56 PAGE 22 - 35 My story of working at a homeless shelter Every couple needs to build a unit together in New York PAGE 24

We learned to live with our differences PAGE 26

We met for a reason PAGE 28

We have taken the best from both cultures PAGE 30

We are no longer aware about any difference PAGE 32

Being married with a Pakistani man is an interesting experience PAGE 34

Finding the best in each other

PAGE 58

Lifesaving Polish culture of selfless attitudes PAGE 60

Bloom where you are planted PAGE 63

The Lake District – Tourism and the vital cog supporting it PAGE 64

A new development for the Royal Docks in East London PAGE 68

The Tas Empire: A unique story of a migrant man

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How alive are we really? The Power of Your Mind Prepare a marketing plan for your success

TEAM

Product Picks from My Beauty Time Migrant Woman magazine launch event Art: Theatre Review

Board Members Baybars Altuntas Adelina Badivuku Aura Imbarus Marita Flager Julia Goga Contributors Baybars Altuntas Judy Piatkus Sarah Alexander Julian Childs Sahar Shahid Aura Imbarus Marita Flager Julia Goga Vivienne Aiyela Simon Newsham Shamin Iqbal creative Director Henrik Lezi Photographer Francisco Cruzat Rinaldo Sata Linda Scuizzato Web Designer Ken Doughty advertising Director Rudina Suti Marketing and PR Trevor Clarke Elisjada Canameti Amarilda Canameti Ada Albert ADDRESS Migrant Woman LTD Company Number: 08839812 E-mail: info@migrantwoman.com Web: www.migrantwoman.com London, UK

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Contributors | issue #4, july 2014

Our crew for this issue

Judy Piatkus Judy Piatkus achieved a diploma in psychodynamic psychotherapy and counselling and worked in an NHS surgery in Harley Street London, for 450 hours, as well as in her own private practice. Judy now works with a wide range of organisations and businesses as a leadership development coach, consultant and mentor. She is also in much demand as a speaker on the topics of entrepreneurship, future trends, angel investing and building a great business.

Julia Goga-Cooke Julia started work in Albania as a teacher of English and university lecturer in English phonetics and comparative linguistics. When the BBC decided to broadcast in Albanian to audiences in the Balkans, she moved to London as a broadcast journalist and for ten years led the Albanian Service, as the most trusted broadcaster in the Balkans. Julia later became the senior editorial advisor and global news co-ordinating editor, responsible to strategically lead and shape major editorial discussions across BBC Global News,

Baybars Altuntas Baybars Altuntas is a Turkish entrepreneur, speaker and author based in Istanbul. He founded Deulcom International, a vocational training school in 1992 and currently serves as the president of the executive committee of Deulcom. He is also a dragon on the Dragon’s Den Turkey, The Turkish version of the Dragon’s Den TV show. In 2011, Baybars wrote Off the Bus, into a BM. The book has been reprinted 24 times and translated into five languages.

Michael Wolff Michael Wolff as an Aikido Teacher, Energy Practitioner and Social Entrepreneur, has been discovering the power of INFINITE LOVE in ACTION. In other words, what it takes to radiate and attract love, joy and harmony by being dynamically present – moment by moment – in powerful connection with others and our world. Building on 30 years experience in Aikido (The Way of Harmony through Ki), he recently decided to take Aikido “off the mat...

Shamin Iqbal Shamin Iqbal is an International leader in Headhunting Recruitment and Training with fifteen years experience in running businesses and sourcing to Multi National Corporate Technology clients. She has the ability to succeed in difficult markets and launched her first business during the Dot Com Crises. Currently running a Training company focused on the Professional and Graduate market sector.

Vivienne Aiyela Vivienne Aiyela, is the founder of Clothes 4 REAL Women which is a Bespoke Personal Styling Concierge Service. She specialised in providing a service for business and entrepreneurs /professional women/ mothers and mothers returning to work, or starting a business. Also she provides a range of services for women such as wardrobe management, personal shopping, advice and workshops, a full style make-over.

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

Letter from the edit r Love connecting women Mirel a Sula

Founder and Editor- in- Chief

remember when I arrived in this country two years ago, that I had no connection at all. I didn’t have any relatives or family members here, but surprisingly I felt connected with London, this vibrant city where hundreds of cultures live together.

Please show your support for Migrant Woman by liking us on our Facebook page, signing up online to receive our newsletter for keeping you informed and up to date, and take part in completing our survey on the website, which will be a great help in shaping the future direction of Migrant Woman magazine. Check our website for all the articles, posts & news www.migrantwoman.com

At an interview for a position as an outreach worker for women’s support groups, I was asked: “How are you going to bring women together and build these groups, you have no connection?”. I didn’t have a strong point here to convince the panel that I could deliver what they wanted, as I had no networks in this country. I didn’t know London so well, and was not aware of how the system works. However, inside me the inner voice was calling: “Yes, you can do it”. And when this voice guides me, I feel very confident to say YES. I said, “Yes, I have a way of how can I make it, and I have a vision that gives me a big picture with a lot of women coming together to inspire and empower each other”. One of the panellists looked at me in a very serious way, asking: “How can you achieve this? What can you offer to these women?”. “I can offer them love”, I said. They smiled, and without taking me seriously, they still gave me the job. This experience led me to a story of discovery, and not without hard work and long hours, in quite a short time proved to me that I was right. All I had was love, but it was enough to bring a lot of women together and build several women’s support groups with a great intention to share and learn from each other. Today, leading this bigger initiative with Migrant Woman magazine, the human connection belief keeps inspiring me every day. I believe that we all have the ability to succeed and solve our problems through the power of love. Love is a great tool to connect with people and break the fear of isolation. We all talk about the importance of the network and exchanging with others. We all know the significance of the power of connection. We want to connect and somehow express our need to interact, and this makes us be more sensitive, to touch, to engage in dialogue and to become empathic with others. What I have learned, in the past and the present, is that the more we connect with each other, the more confident we become and never feel alone. This is a journey that just has started for the Migrant Woman mission, but with a clear map, to go from strength to strength, reaching out to many cultures and trying to ease the isolation and loneliness, and to create a new community of a shared vision and desire. Just thinking “We” helps “I” feel better. If you ask me “How are you going to build this community?” my answer again will be: “With love, which is the power of connection.”

update Migrant Woman magazine is offering gifts each month for new subscribers to the

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

New subscriber prize winner Preea Hayre

magazine and newsletter The July/August prize of two books, ‘Don’t Let Your Mind Go’ by Mirela Sula and ‘The Gift of Adversity’ by Norman Rosenthal, was won by Preea Hayre. Migrant Woman magazine Editor in Chief Mirela Sula, met with Preea at Regent’s University to present her with the two books, which she was delighted to receive. Preea attended the Migrant Woman magazine launch event in July and is a PR Consultant in London. We have a very different, special, unique, and high value gift for new subscribers during September. To see this, please visit our website: www.migrantwoman.com

The Conference for Consciousness and Human Evolution We attended the conference and followed a series of talks from pioneers and global leaders who are working to evolve the global understanding of life! The key theme of the conference was that in the 21st century Science is looking into the human mind and our consciousness! So there’s a revolution happening in Science and brave pioneers are piecing together a new reality of life, in which human emotions aren’t arbitrary, they are the very building blocks of life itself! Each lecture was like a journey over the three days, exploring the fundamental elements that make up life and the possibilities of expanding consciousness. Famous speakers such as Gregg Braden, Lynne McTaggart, and Dr. Amit Goswami, talked about the Crisis in thinking, Revolution, Quantum creativity and more.

Fresh Look for Migrant Woman Magazine

The new website for Migrant Woman magazine will be live from the beginning of September and replaces the old one. While keeping the content and main features, it has been redesigned to operate faster, is easier to view on mobile devices, and has a fresh, clean and stylish appearance that befits the Migrant Woman magazine content, contributors, subscribers and viewing audience. www.migrantwoman.com The printed magazine can now be purchased online, individually or as a 6 or 12 months subscription. This will provide the full experience of the quality, appearance and design that is of a superior level to reading an online article or digital edition. However, you will be able to download a digital edition or read any article for free after registering your details and subscribing to the newsletter. A more limited range of articles can still be accessed without registration. Watch this space for more developments! Meanwhile, your feedback and comments on the Migrant Woman Facebook page or email marketing@migrantwoman.com will be much appreciated.

m a g a z i n e

Hosted by Migrant Woman magazine, in partnership with CNT Associates

Migrant Woman Business Forum Zoe Brown

Gary Parker

How to Access Funding and Help Your

Business Grow Saturday 18th October 2014, 12.00 - 3.30pm Venue: Hazev Restaurant South Quays, Canary Wharf, London E14 (A spacious and exclusive space for delegates). 4 minutes walk from Canary Wharf underground station.

Book yourself a place aT www.migrantwoman.com

Mais Haddadin

Onder Sahan

If you are a woman that is looking for inspiration, ideas, tips and practical advice, to help you to succeed with starting a new, or leading an established business, then this event is one that you should not miss! Who will benefit from attending this event? • Women who are running their own business • Women who are thinking of starting their own business • Organisations or individuals who support business or business start ups

Speakers and panel members include • Zoe Brown - Business Manager at Bright Ideas Trust - Loan Funding • Gary Parker - Managing Director at CNT Associates Business Funding • Mais Haddadin - Head of International Business for Pera HELP Your Business Grow Onder Sahan, Executive Chef of Tas Restaurants, will share his successful story as an owner of 20 restaurants in Central London. The panel will be moderated by Mirela Sula, Editor in Chief of Migrant Woman magazine

news from july/august 2014 David Cameron has said female genital mutilation (FGM) and childhood forced marriage should be stopped worldwide “within this generation”. Speaking at a global summit in London, the prime minister said Britain had no “special magic” to stop the practices - so global action was needed. Mr Cameron has also unveiled a range of measures to tackle FGM in the UK. As part of this, parents in England and Wales will face prosecution if they fail to stop daughters undergoing FGM. 22 July 2014 www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk28412179

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

FGM summit: Cameron calls for end ‘in this generation’

Exempt foreign students from immigration cuts – Heseltine Foreign students should be excluded from government plans to cut net immigration to the UK, former cabinet minister Lord Heseltine has said. The ex-deputy prime minister said non-EU students should be left out of official immigration figures to avoid the risk of damaging UK universities. His call was backed by Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg, who said the net targets did not “make any sense”. The Home Office said students would continue to be counted in its figures. Labour’s shadow business secretary Chuka Umunna said overseas students should be “removed immediately from the net migration target”. Speaking to the BBC, Lord Heseltine said including foreign students in plans to reduce net non-EU migration risked damaging the UK’s reputation abroad. He said overseas students were “not the sort of people that are causing the anxiety about immigration”. Lord Heseltine warned that if the UK was unable to attract foreign students it would have an impact on the “lack of finance that follows”, which he said could be “serious for universities”. He added that there was “no doubt” students educated at UK universities went on to become “ambassadors” for the UK after they graduated. 25 August 2014 www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28922706

Sir John Major praises immigrants for ‘guts and drive’ Sir John Major has praised immigrants for having what he called “the very Conservative instinct” of wanting to improve their lives. Immigrants had the “guts and drive” to travel halfway across the world to better themselves and their families, the former prime minister said. Not all immigrants in his experience came to Britain “to benefit from our social security system”, he said. His tone is in contrast to that used by present Conservative PM David Cameron. 10 August 2014 www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-28730274

Baroness Warsi warns Tories over attracting ethnic minorities Former Conservative chairman Baroness Warsi says her party will not win the next election unless it does more to attract ethnic minority voters. She resigned as a government minister over the UK’s policy on Gaza last week but has now broadened her criticisms. Lady Warsi told the Sunday Times and Independent on Sunday the Tories had left it “a little late” to woo ethnic minorities for the next election. Lady Warsi became the first female Muslim cabinet minister when David Cameron became prime minister in 2010. 12 August 2014 http://www.bbc. co.uk/news/uk-politics-28737782

OK O B SE MIGRANTWOMAN.COM W EA NE EL R

Don’t Let Your Mind Go

Available on Amazon now!

In "Don't Let Your Mind Go" psychotherapist Mirela Sula draws on her own personal and professional experiences and those of her mother to produce a book that is poignant, profound and moving. The stories she shares are wise, insightful and beautifully written. NORMAN E. ROSENTHAL M.D., BEST-SELLING AUTHOR OF TRANSCENDENCE AND THE GIFT OF ADVERSITY “This book is filled with pearls of wisdom laced with stories that make the pearls shine. Anyone reading it will be inspired and guided in the process of cultivating a healthy, thriving mind. I recommend it to everyone. “ HARVILLE HENDRIX PH. D. AUTHOR, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

ask

Judy

Do you also have a question for Judy? Write to: ask@migrantwoman.com

Is it normal that my partner is so close with his ex?

Dear Judy, I have read the letter that you answered last

bad when he talks with his ex and sometimes they go out together

month and this made me reflect on my relationship as

with the justification that they do it because of their daughter. To be

well. I am also in a relationship with a British man. I come

honest I don’t understand this, it is so unusual for me and my culture.

from a very traditional family, and a different culture. I

In my country if you are divorced there is no chance to connect again

am in love with a British man but it concerns me that he

with your ex. I know British society is very modern but I still can’t

still has a strong bond with his ex-wife. They divorced about

accept that my man keeps such a close relationship with his ex. I am

two years ago and they have a teenage daughter with whom

not jealous but I love him and I feel bad when I see him being so close

my partner is very much connected. I know it is important for

with his ex. Is this something to be concerned about or is it related to

him to stay connected with his child but it makes me feel so

British culture? T.

Clear communication with your partner is required now

Dear T, It is commendable that your partner and his wife have been able to maintain an amicable relationship after their divorce, as this requires much hard work. It will certainly benefit their daughter who needs stability in her life at this time. Nevertheless, their marriage did break down and, as a result, you are now an important person in your partner’s life. I am not clear from your letter how much contact your partner is actually having with his ex-wife. It would be natural for him to speak to his wife about his daughter and make logistical arrangements to see his child. It would not have been unnatural for the three of them to go out together occasionally in the past, perhaps on the daughter’s birthday, for example, as the divorce was only two years ago. But if the calls and the meetings are very frequent and if your partner is continuing to go out with his wife on her own, now that he is in a relationship with you, then you are right to feel uncomfortable and to be concerned for your own position within this family.

I think that clear communication with your partner is required now. You need to ask him what you would like to know and to tell him that his constant contact with his ex-wife is making you feel uncomfortable – and left-out. It is important not to be blaming or accusatory until you have heard his side of the story as you do not say in your letter who initiated the divorce, why the marriage broke down or whether the wife has anyone new in her life. Your partner may feel guilty that she is living on her own while he has met someone new. Nevertheless, if there is to be a future for you and this man, the impact of his divorce on your relationship must be discussed between you. Your task is to recognise which of your feelings are your own insecurities and which are genuine feelings of concern, that your partner has not yet separated in an appropriate emotional way from his ex-wife. Only after sensitive communication between you, will you know whether your partner is ready to build a new relationship with you or whether you may have to separate.

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MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

baybars altuntas .tr or visit my blog to baltuntas@deulcom.com You can send your questions and find me on com. Follow me on Twitter at ww w.baybarsaltuntasnotes. as soon as possible. me to start creating new jobs Facebook. Get in touch with

How can I succeed from setting up my own hairdresser business? Dear Baybars, I am a migrant that has been living in the UK for about ten years and I work as a hairdresser. I have been working in this field for a long time, and from when I was in my country. Now I am at a stage that I would like my own business. Working for more than five years in a big salon has given me more confidence in my job and I have learned a lot... ...Therefore I have started to think that instead of working so hard for someone else it is better to work for myself. I have a dream of building a big salon and then use it as a school for girls who want to learn and become a hairdresser. But when I have discussed it with my husband, my family and friends, they don’t encourage me. They think that this is not a good time for business because of the recession. My husband had a bad experience in business four years ago when he tried to

succeed with a café bar he opened near the house but after two years he closed it because it didn’t work out. But with me I know that it is going to work because I know how to build relationships with clients and I am good at this job. However, I really would need some advice and encouragement in order to not lose my motivation. I do have my own savings set aside. Do you think I have a chance to succeed with my business idea? What is the best way to start? I would appreciate your opinion. F.

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

The Dragon’s Answer

Do your calculations & then decide Having invested ten years in the business, you know it well. You are strongly motivated to set up your own business despite an economic recession, and despite the fact that your husband, owing to his own negative experience, is not able to provide the encouragement you’d like to have from him. Now, put all these things aside, including your own experience and expertise. Answer this critical question: How many of your current clients will follow you? Customers in the hairdressing sector are typically loyal to the individuals who serve them at the salon. Just to give you a personal example, if my hairdresser moves to another shop, I simply move along with him. The hairdressing business is rather unique in this way.

You are paying not just for your hair treatment. The money you pay also includes a personal relationship – and the chat with your hairdresser while you are in the shop. If you enjoy talking about, say, football (or recipes, or cars, or local events) and if your hairdresser also enjoys talking about it, then that’s it! What I’m saying is that hairdressers’ customers are not usually tied to a brand. For would-be entrepreneurs in the hairdressing sector, this is a definite and significant advantage. The answer to the question I asked above is therefore crucial, because you will make your first calculations according to the number of your loyal customers and the value of the services they purchase from you. If the revenue you have at the end of the first month is enough to cover your

operating expenses (rent, staff, equipment leasing, supplies, utilities, and so on) in your new shop, that is good. However, in case you haven’t created a network of clients who will finance at least your first month’s expenses, you should wait until you have developed a sufficient client base. You will understand from this discussion that I am recommending letting your customers finance your business. The recession, your know-how, and your husband’s views are secondary factors in making the decision. The primary issue is the value of the customers who will follow you. So concentrate on the guaranteed number of customers and the value of the services they require, do your calculations, and then decide!

I am recommending letting your customers finance your business. The primary issue is the value of the customers who will follow you. So concentrate on the guaranteed number of customers and the value of the services they require, do your calculations, and then decide

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

t Simon Newsham at ase do not hesitate to contac If you have any questions, ple ckworth Sherwood Win Par tner at the law firm snewsham@wslaw.co.uk Tax

What are the tax rules for opening my private nursery business?

Dear Simon, I have been in this country for about seven years now and I work in a nursery. In my country I have been working as a teacher in a

primary school but at the same time I used to help my husband in a small shop we had near the house. Here, I am alone as a single mother with two children that now are 15 and 17. I want to work harder and help them for the future education and I feel confident to open a small business. The only concern I have is that I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what the rules are about taxes. What I want to do is to open a private nursery. I have a lot of parents that are supporting me with the idea and I am sure I will be able to do that. Would you please advise me on what I should do about the taxes and how can I operate in a correct way with the system in this country that is also good for my nursery business? I am not good at paperwork and this is another fear I have. Do I need to hire an accountant immediately or is it easy to do by myself? I really would appreciate your help? Many thanks. Ro.

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

Firstly, decide if setting up as a sole trader or a company

Dear Ro, It’s great to hear you are looking at opening a private nursery. Staring a new business can be extremely exciting, although sometimes a little daunting. There are a number of tax considerations to think about, but these will depend upon the legal structure through which you operate the business. I assume you will be running this on your own account and, therefore, a partnership structure would

not be appropriate. You could operate as a sole trader or through a company (and a social enterprise is sometimes considered) and I have highlighted the main tax issues of these two different structures below. Sole Trader • The business will not have its own separate legal identity and, therefore, any profits will be subject to income tax at your marginal rates (20% / 40% / 45%). • You will need to register your selfemployment status with HM Revenue & Customs. Failure to register within three months of becoming self-employed can result in a fine. • You will need to account for National Insurance Contributions (NICs). This will consist of both Class 2 NICs (£2.75 per week payable quarterly) and Class 4 NICs (calculated at 9% on taxable profits up to £41,865 and 2% above this amount for the 2014/15 tax year). Company • The business will be treated as a separate legal person and, consequently, any taxable profits will be subject to corporation tax (broadly at a 20% rate). • It will be necessary to consider how such profits should be extracted (if any) and this could be in the form of salary, bonus, dividends and loans or any combination of these. Ideally, you will want to ensure that you avoid any unnecessary double tax charge; one at the company level and a second charge on any profits extracted by you personally. On value added tax (VAT), I am assuming that your only service will be supplying nursery care and, therefore, the fees charged by your business will be exempt

supplies for VAT purposes. Accordingly, you will not be able to register for VAT and, therefore, will not be able to recover the VAT costs on your business expenditure. Which legal form your business should take will depend upon a number of different factors (and not just tax). However, business owners often set up initially as a sole trader and then, once the business has grown and demonstrated profitability, they incorporate the business and run it through a company. The added tax benefit of taking this route is that any losses incurred with the start up (where most of the expenditure is incurred) can be set off against an individual’s other income (such an employment income) of the same year in order to reduce that individual’s overall tax liability. On the other hand, sometimes it is preferable to set up as a company, particularly as this provides limited liability so that any claims can generally only be made against the company and not against you personally or any other directors / shareholders, unless any personal guarantees, for example, in connection with any bank borrowings have been given. It is always generally recommended to engage an accountant to help with the numbers side of the business. This will be so important in helping to manage invoicing, expenditure, cash flow, payments to staff and accounting for all taxes. Depending upon where you live, there may be local funding available to help with your start up costs. This varies by council so do contact your local childcare business support team to see what grants or other financial help may be available. Overall, there are a number of issues to consider when setting up a business, particularly how it should be operated and what is the most tax efficient route for you (short, medium and long-term). It is always recommended to seek out specific tax advice before committing yourself down one particular route.

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Photo Credit: Linda Scuizzato www.lindascuizzato.com Hair done by: Gwen Brits-Peenz from Transform Hair and Beauty

cover article

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

Darshana Ubl A Migrant Woman of Key Influence In August it is not easy to connect with people, as many are away on holiday, but I found Darshana at her office in Waterloo, and very focused on her daily activities. Although she loves holidays and is travelling most of the time, she was working when I met with her for our interview... By Mirela Sula

rom a young age, Darshana has been working in diverse cultures such as Singapore, Indonesia, India, and now in the UK. Darshana is from India, but she has moved many times until she came to London, three years ago, where she has built a new life with her husband Marcus Ubl. After finishing her university degree with the support of her parents, she had two options: to go back home and continue the routine of her life as taught by her culture; or aim higher and continue her studies for a masters degree. Darshana tells me that it has not been easy for her, as she decided to study and cover the expenses working hard on her own. The family asked her to go back home, but she had a purpose in life - to follow the path of success. And her decision has since proven to be the right one. Her career started with an interview at MediaCorp TV in Singapore where she got the job, with a determination to succeed. This challenge revealed to her that she was very talented at sales, giving her the opportunity to extend her network and bring a great experience in her life. It was this job that changed her life as there she met her future husband. At the beginning they were only colleagues but staying close together, they developed this relationship into something

deeper and stronger. Darshana was tempted to leave her life in Singapore and join her partner Marcus a few years earlier for a new life in London, but she first invited him to go to India for them to both experience how it would be with them living together and facing the everyday realities in her own country. Darshana doesn’t like to share a lot about her private life, and is especially careful about any questions she considers to be materialistic. Down to earth and very modest, she tells us that for her it is more important for what is within than on the outside. Being a spiritualist and believing in the inner values and humanity, she is a great example of a person who demonstrates kindness and gratefulness. For Darshana, being a successful woman doesn’t mean just a business triumph but investing in her personal development as well. After investing so many years in her career as an entrepreneurial woman, Darshana is now CEO of Entrevo UK, building and growing their UK business. Darshana is a successful migrant woman who sold the business she built in London two years ago, and as a ‘Key Person of Influence’ at Entrevo, is working with small business owners, leaders and entrepreneurs to help them grow. Darshana is also a keynote speaker, inspiring women and men all over the UK with her mantra ‘lead by example’.

cover article You are a young woman with a big story, a successful career, entrepreneur, and speaker - what is your inner drive?

To be the best I can be, to enjoy life to its fullest whilst helping those around me. 50% for self; 50% for others I love, adore and admire. When did this journey begin and how?

Since a young age my family moved around to a few different cities in West India. When I turned 23, I moved to Singapore and then much later to London. You have been in London for only three years but have experienced being “a migrant” in different countries - what is the biggest challenge you have faced?

The biggest challenge has been of leaving loved ones behind. Whether it is friends or family. The sense of loss which you can often feel or the lack of belonging. What is the difference being a migrant woman in London in comparison to Singapore?

Singapore is a beautiful city, warm and a melting pot of Asian culture. London is a mega city, a financial powerhouse and a melting pot of the world’s cultures. What I found hard to adjust to here in London was: a) The weather. For me winter used to be a holiday in the snow for a week or ten days – not five months! b) The food. In Singapore you can get healthy food anywhere and everywhere and it is cheap. I miss this in London. As I’m a fan of organic food, I find myself often paying a stupendous amount in restaurants and cafes or having to cook at home. In Singapore migrant women are frequently called ‘expats’. Expats enjoy a really good lifestyle in Singapore and there is a tight expat community. In London, I haven’t come across the term ‘expat’ much. What is the best lesson you have learned travelling around the world?

Fundamentally, people are the same. Some may say that cultures, language, religion, etc vary a lot and therefore people

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are different. Having travelled to more than 30 countries and lived extensively in Singapore, India, Indonesia, Australia and the UK I can say that if you are open to embracing new ideas, seeing things from others point of view and adapt to new things, you can easily blend into any culture. By this I don’t mean that you have to change who you are. Your core values can still be your own. But travelling or living in different countries does challenge you to think about what is really important to you, and what you are willing to change or adapt to. Being a woman from India means that you come from a very different culture - how did you overcome your patriarchal challenge to become who you are today?

I feel that cultures make life more interesting and add colour to our life. They allow us to pick and choose the shade we want to add in our life. London is a vibrant city predominantly, as it embraces the culture of the people and celebrates it. For instance, I was at the Notting Hill Carnival recently, (late August), which celebrates the afro-Caribbean culture, and the Henley Regatta in July, which is so very British. Who has supported mostly you in life?

If I look back at my life, I can see that I have always had a balance of challenge and support. In different parts of my life I have been supported by different people, starting first and foremost by my parents. How much is money important in your life?

Money is a means to an end. The end being doing what I love and having the freedom to make the right choice. Money is important, but it’s only one part of life and we should not be blinded by it. What was your first job and how do you remember it?

After my graduation, I decided to fund my masters degree in economics and decided to take up a job so that I could support my further education. So my first job was working night

Who is Darshana Ubl?

After investing so many years in her career as an entrepreneurial woman, Darshana is now CEO of Entrevo UK, building and growing their UK business. Darshana is a successful migrant woman who sold the business she built in London two years ago, and as a ‘Key Person of Influence’ at Entrevo, is working with small business owners, leaders and entrepreneurs to help them grow. Darshana is also a keynote speaker, inspiring women and men all over the UK with her mantra ‘lead by example’.

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shifts in a call centre for 8-10 hours five nights a week, getting paid a mere £100 per month. It was a hard life juggling work at night and a university in the day. But it taught me that life can be hard if you don’t have a game plan. You need to take charge of your destiny and design the life that you want. Who taught you to be good in business or are you born with this talent?

Business for me is a mixture of honing a skill, building capability and working alongside your intuition to continue to grow. What is the biggest mistake you have made in business? How do you feel about the mistakes in general?

The biggest mistake I’ve made in business is …… trying to do too much at the risk of burning out and not taking ‘me time’ into account. What is the greatest deal you have achieved in business and how do you celebrate your success in selling?

I have had many successes in business and I celebrate this with my family, friends and team members. But something tells me that my biggest deal is yet to come. Can we know something more about your personal life - how did you meet your husband?

Hmm…. I met my husband initially through work whilst we were working on a project together. It was much later that we connected romantically. How has your relationship changed over the years?

Relationships, just like business, are ever evolving. It’s dynamic in nature and our goal is to grow together rather than grow apart. We base our relationship on the foundation of understanding each others goals, honesty, love, empowerment, support and communication. How does it feel to be a business partner with your husband?

There are many other shareholders in Entrevo. My husband focuses on the

Women who have migrated from other countries and bring with them a different perspective, ambition and skills. Often they may feel that they have left a large part of their lives behind and are looking to rebuild their connections, contribute and make a difference in the new place they now call home

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global expansion of the business whereas I take care of the UK market. Most days we are working on separate projects but it’s nice to have him join me at a work event or an evening networking event and not feel left out. Sometimes we face the challenge of taking work home but these days we’ve got a lot more boundaries around that. Working together is fun. You work with small businesses - do you have experience of working with migrant women?

Yes, indeed. At Entrevo, we run the ‘Key Person of Influence’ training programmes and the ‘Entrepreneur Brand Accelerator Events’. We’ve worked with more than four thousand business leaders and entrepreneurs who have been through our events or training programme. About 10% of our clients have women who have moved to London not longer than a decade ago. What is the best value that migrant women can bring, from what you have seen?

Women who have migrated from other countries bring with them a different perspective, ambition and skills. Often they may feel that they have left a large part of their lives behind and are looking to rebuild their connections, contribute and make a difference in the new place they now call home. What is going to be your next business adventure?

I love what I do. Every morning I wake up and get a chance to help more than six hundred businesses directly in London. I run the ‘Key Person of Influence’ programme in the UK which helps business owners and leaders learn practical steps of communicating through their pitch, creating IP through their published work, productising their offering, and collaborating through strategic partnerships. My next adventure will be to launch my book ‘Prosperous Partnerships’ within this business. How do you spend your free time?

I am a fan of a balanced life. Time away from work energises me to work more effectively. I enjoy watching movies, TV

series, a game of cards, scrabble or chess, evenings out with my girl friends, dancing, spending time with family and travelling. What is your biggest dream and how do you make your dreams come true?

Less than four years ago I moved to London and although I felt the excitement of it all, I did often feel “Oh no, I have to re-build my life in this city where people make it a profession just to be busy!”. So one weekend I took my notebook and began to write my plan for the next five years. One of the things I had written was – being invited on the BBC as an expert in what I do. I remember clearly when I

wrote that down. I almost scratched it off, as in my head I could hear myself saying, “Darshana, that is a little far fetched”. But then something in me said – keep it there. If you don’t aim, you don’t know. Three and a half years later, I was invited onto BBC News during prime-time to comment on the GDP rise and how it affected small business and exports. The best part of that was my comments had the maximum airtime, exceeding those before me which were none other than the current Prime Minister David Cameron and the Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls. Dreams do come true. Now it’s time to dream up the next adventure.

Where is your favourite place to do the shopping? For me New York is the top spot. Having said that, I love shopping in London and Singapore too. What is the most expensive present you have given to yourself? A property portfolio. What is the car you use and is this important for you? I love wheels and the freedom it brings you. When I moved to London I got myself a Mercedes Benz AMG which I love driving - especially in the countryside. My next car will be the incredible electronic car - Tesla What is your favorite perfume? Issey Miyake Perfume What is the cream that you use for your skin? Frankly speaking I don’t use too many creams. My skin care routine is more weekends driven. Where do you spend your holiday? I enjoy holidays in Europe, Asia and Australia. In the last year I’ve been to some beautiful places such as Capri, Sorrento, Valencia, Istanbul, Ibiza, Goa, Sydney, Melbourne, Noosa, Sunshine Coast, Singapore and Bangkok.

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s s c o u r l t ural C

A fish can love a bird but where can they live

In todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s globalised world, it has become very simple to meet people from all kinds of cultural backgrounds, and sometimes, to fall in love. Migration has made bi-national marriage more and more the norm, rather than something exotic... By Lela Struga

fish can love a bird but where can they live, says Drew Barrymore, but stories of 5 couples we have interviewed show that love can transcend cultural differences. Marriages between two cultures present challenges, however there are always great examples of happy relationships. No matter where they come from, what is their past or what is their background, what seems to be important is love and having a common goal together. We have interviewed five couples: Four migrant women married with British men and living in London. And one woman from Romania, who is married with a Pakistani man and they both live in Denmark. We have also asked their husbandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to share with us their views of being married with a migrant woman.

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h s i p n s o i t a l re

cross-cultural relationships

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Interview with an expert

What are the challenges that a couple face when they come from different cultures?

Idyli Kamaterou has studied Psychology and has completed postgraduate studies in Counselling and Mental Health. She is currently being trained as a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at the University of Oxford. Idyli has worked in secondary mental health teams in London for adults with psychotic and non-psychotic disorders. You can contact her by e-mail: idyli.kamaterou@outlook.com

It is worth pointing out that every relationship is to some extent intercultural as partners often come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and different areas of a country. Therefore, their customs, beliefs and habits may vary which might lead to interpersonal conflict. Every couple needs to build a new unit together based on the heritage that they carry from their own families. The likelihood of difficulties in the relationship is proportionate to the differences in the partnersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; values. There is a range of challenges that an intercultural couple might face which can

expand to different life areas. Communication is one of those. Conflicts may arise as the couple might have different attitudes towards their desire for privacy. This might lead to a variance of information shared between the partners and might be misinterpreted as lack of trust, honesty and closeness. The way conflict is resolved can also differ from culture to culture. Some individuals are more open and willing to discuss their thoughts and feelings, while others isolate themselves and become more distant as a way of processing difficult emotions. This might create misunderstandings and unpleasant feelings in the relationship. Everyday ways of interacting, such as humour, can also become a challenge.

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The first step of a healthy relationship is the awareness of the differences between the partners. Those differences are not just part of your partner’s personality. They represent a whole culture; the spectacles through which your partner sees themselves, others and the world Partners might also have different values about life, love, family relationships and gender roles. Those values determine the way one lives their lives as they are reflected in everyday activities. Our value system shapes our behaviour; the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the rituals we follow and our spiritual activity. A gap in those beliefs would inevitably cause a clash in the relationship as different practices cannot always be combined. For instance, in westernised countries it is acceptable for women who have children, to work and invest time and energy in their career. This is not the case in more male-dominated cultures, where the woman is expected to stay at home nurturing the children. Families and communities might enhance a potential conflict in the couple by being unsupportive and judgmental as they might be afraid of cultural dilutions. What are the advantages?

Being in a relationship with a person from a different background can be an enlightening and enriching experience. Opening the door to a pool of information, we have the chance to understand and appreciate a different culture. This can give us a better understanding of the cross-cultural relationships in the world. It also makes people more respectful and accepting towards diversity in general. It teaches us that being different is not bad. On the contrary, it is valuable as it gives us opportunities to try out new experiences (i.e. food, dances), develop new skills (i.e. learn a new language) and visit new places. An intercultural relationship can be the triggering event for someone to start exploring their own culture more in order to develop a better understanding for habits that used to be taken for granted. Certain

beliefs and rituals might be challenged and elements of the partner’s culture might be adopted. Both partners might start seeing life differently; in a broader and more accepting way. Being curious, respectful and willing to listen to your partner enhances the relationship, as it promotes closeness and acceptance. The couple is given an exceptional opportunity: to use their critical thinking and choose the best parts of their cultures to synthesise a one-of-a-kind set of values which will make their relationship unique! What about children - how do they find the balance to keep both languages/ traditions?

It is important for the couple to go through a phase of negotiation before they become parents. During this phase they can explore and make decisions about how they can bridge the differences in their traditions. It would be useful to discuss issues, such as: parental roles and responsibilities, values that they would like to teach their children and relationships with extended family. In regards to religious practices and the language spoken at home there is no right or wrong decision. Some couples choose to practice their religions independently, while others convert to their partner’s religion. Children are able to learn more than one language without feeling confused, especially when each parent speaks their own native language. Parents with different cultural backgrounds should initiate conversations about their traditions in order to educate their children and help them understand their origin. In this way, friction in the family will be decreased. In addition, children will become more accepting of diversity and

more compassionate as adults. The parents’ attitudes are of paramount importance in order for a child to form a solid sense of identity. Both parents should show a positive regard for both traditions and races by taking part in cultural events and speaking respectfully of their spouse’s heritage. It is invaluable for children to visit their parents’ countries of origin and meet relatives who might live far away. What is important for couples to know in order to have a long healthy relationship?

There is no single formula for a happy, long-term relationship. Every couple is different and should find their own ways of working through difficult times in the relationship. However, a phrase of Paulo Coelho comes to mind: ‘the strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility’. The first step of a healthy relationship is the awareness of the differences between the partners. Those differences are not just part of your partner’s personality. They represent a whole culture; the spectacles through which your partner sees themselves, others and the world. It is important for partners to be willing to borrow each others’ spectacles and see life from a new perspective. This requires an active engagement, an effort to deconstruct each other’s views through dialogue and make sense of them. Research shows that some of the coping strategies that intercultural couples use to manage their marital stressors are: humour, flexibility regarding their gender roles, appreciation of other cultures and recognition of similarities. The most important thing is to approach diversity with curiosity and respect. In this way, you protect your partner from feeling attacked or rejected.

cross-cultural relationships What are the mistakes that couples make when they are in a cross cultural relationship?

From my experience there are two main mistakes made by intercultural couples. The first has to do with ethnocentrism, which is the tendency to make sense of the world based only on our own cultural background. It is hard for certain people to accept that their beliefs are just one interpretation of the world. This makes them unwilling to explore other perspectives and less flexible to change their habits. This attitude can create conflicts in the relationship as it makes the other partner feel isolated and rejected. Another common pitfall is related to communication styles of the couple. When partners change their practices in an effort to support the relationship, certain emotions might come up, such as: sadness or guilt. Individuals might feel different from the people they used to be and confused about their own identity. This is a difficult emotional process which might bring up more unpleasant feelings, such as: resentment and anger, if it is not openly discussed with the other partner. Individuals should share any uncomfortable feelings of frustration or alienation as, in that way, they increase the chances of being understood and supported. What are your tips for these couples?

I would encourage intercultural couples to approach their partners with curiosity and respect. Adopting a non-judgmental and appreciating attitude would make your partner feel accepted and loved. Learn more about their dreams and expectations for their future and get firsthand experience of their culture (e.g. by visiting their home country or trying their food). It is important to pay attention to feelings expressed by your partner in regards to the relationship and show some willingness to compromise. Open and honest communication allows the couple to develop shared values and reach an agreement about how to live their family life and how to manage any unhelpful attitudes of the family or the local community.

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Roxana & David

We learned to live with and laugh about our differences Roxana from Chile and David from England met each other nine years ago while they were both on holiday. Now they have built their life in London and feel very happy and comfortable with the diverse culture they represent

The story Our paths crossed on the day of the full moon of January in the summer of 2005, while we were in a little village in the south of Chile called Pucon. I was visiting my friends and family there and he was enjoying a trip on his motorbike around South America. We met on the street, the day I was coming down from the mountains where I had a BBQ with a dear friend of mine. Arriving back in Pucon we saw a lady crying and shouting, laying down on the side of the road. Lots of people were around her but nobody seemed to be with her, so I decided to go and try to calm her down. While I was helping this lady in trouble, a man approached us willing to help and he started asking me about what had happened. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know! After a while, when our eyes met, I was truly impressed and I knew that something special was going on, and it had nothing to do with the lady! We saw each other a couple of times that summer before meeting again in Europe months later. We made a toast for the lady

on the street on our wedding day. Her name was Valentina, which means Valentine in Spanish. To be in a relationship with this British man is perfect To be in a relationship with this British man is perfect for me, it is not about his nationBy Ada Albert ality but the great person he is. He is and has been, during the years we have been together, the person I needed to be with. I am deeply in love and I think David is an amazing man who has been open enough to understand me and enjoy life with me. Our differences as individuals enrich our relationship My first year here was a big challenge, I think for both of us, because I was adapting to life in a completly different environment and dealing with some health issues. When the time came for us to sit down and reevaluate what we wanted for the future, none of us had regrets and we knew we that wanted to be together. Our differences as individuals enrich our

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relationship. It is about who we are, and I think that in any relationship there will always be differences. It is just that our relationship includes cultural differences and language. I can easily relate to these findings because our relationship has benefited from good communication. I think we both reacted to this difference by making a particular effort, paying attention and ensuring that we are understanding each other. Maybe acknowledging the differences has helped us to not take anything for granted between us, which has helped our relationship to grow through the years, regardless of our differences. We always find that we are connecting at a level that neither of us can explain logically. The great gift of our

relationship is love and the sense of being a family. Together we have developed our own language Definitely, as in any relationship we have evolved together through life and everything that involves. I think through the years together we have developed our own language, behaviours and ways to be together that has helped us to carry on being a family, enjoying life and the home we have created together. At the beginning, we fought due to our differences, then we learned to live with it and now we just laugh about it! Reference: Dr.T.Eilola & Dr.B. Costa (2014) – Cross - Llinguistic Couples Research , Queen Mary University and Mothertongue.

“I love the differences in our backgrounds and the common sense of love and hope that we share” David McLure Taylor How do you feel, being married to a woman from a different culture? How would you describe it? It’s the best! I have spent my life travelling the world for work and pleasure so have always sought out a broader perspective on the world, and often got frustrated with the narrow boundaries and expectations of some British people (and still do). Having that desire to understand the world and accept our diversity as a wonderful thing definitely helps in forming relationships at all levels. When I met Roxana, unexpectedly in Chile, we were both roaming freely, happy and unconstrained in the world. Somehow our receptors were alive and when we met something sparked and connected at a deep, and that time, not understood level. We stayed in touch after we returned to Europe and had a long distance relationship between London and Barcelona. In some ways that was like a holiday romance, a separation between our world and the rest of our day to day normality. Once we decided to build a home in London, it got harder. Communication is key to any relationship, and our language was still developing, with Roxana working hard to improve her English and adapt to the very different culture of the UK. These were the hard yards of our relationship. I have never wanted the traditional type of wife, I have wanted a supportive and independent partner for life’s journey. We had to work at establishing Roxana’s life in the UK and at developing a much deeper understanding of our relative cultural backgrounds and how we related to each other. Neither of us understand how we got here, but I love the differences in our backgrounds and the common sense of love and hope that we share. I just need to speak better Spanish! Photo Credit: Rinaldo Sata

cross-cultural relationships

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

L aura & Roger

We met for a reason

Laura from Albania and Roger from England met each other nine years ago and they believe that their love story is unique. Only two months ago they became parents for the second time and they feel love even stronger By Ada Albert england albania

“Life has been great with Roger by my side” Laura Shimili The story

My love story with Roger is, we like to believe, unique. We didn’t meet during our studies like some people do. That wouldn’t have been possible as I was studying in Paris while Roger was in Bristol, quite a few miles away from each other. We didn’t meet at the local pub or at a regular bar either, as we lived quite far away from each other. We met after a number of years spent living in other countries, and quite far away from Roger’s home in South Devon. I spent seven years in France studying economics and then philosophy of economics for my Master’s degree. Roger studied civil engineering in Bristol and lived in Qatar for two years and then in Albania for another two. And that is where we met. I had recently returned from France, where I found it hard to give my career a start. Whereas Roger had come to Albania to work on a big project, a motorway that connects Albania to Kosovo, the pride of Albania’s previous government, also called ‘the nation’s motorway’. Our actions often have some reasons behind them, which we don’t always see clear-

ly. It is only after that when we can try and make connections between events. I wasn’t particularly happy to return to Albania but looking back I am very happy to have done so. I wouldn’t have met Roger otherwise and we wouldn’t have had our two beautiful boys and a happy, peaceful life in London. Things happen for a reason and I believe in the law of attraction, we attract the things we want. The place we met, at Serendipity bar and restaurant in Tirana, is part of the romance; some call it destiny, and it is only later that I learnt that it means ‘good luck’. That unusual start is a special part of our story. We separately went there to see some music. Roger with an old acquaintance of mine from high school and me on my own, waiting for my friend to arrive. When I sat at the table of my old acquaintance, next to Roger, I didn’t notice that he wasn’t Albanian and I spoke to him in Albanian. That first look of surprise he gave me while saying ‘I don’t speak Albanian’ and the

laugh and conversation that followed was the beginning of our love story. We were both intrigued by each other and something had clicked inside. It wasn’t particularly hard for him to have my phone number and vice versa. The rest is history. Seven years later, we have been living in London for five years and have two sons, Edward aged three, and very recently Elliot, who is two months old. Life has been great with Roger by my side and we have been very lucky to find each other after many years and so far away from home. Being in a relationship is about the person you are in love with

My knowledge of British culture and people was very limited until I met Roger. I had come across the stereotypical descriptions of the British being conservative people, their love of drinking and pubs, the good music from the Beatles to Amy Winehouse, their not very good cuisine, ‘the British can’t cook’ Photo Credit: Rinaldo Sata

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seemed to be the belief in France and an ultraliberal society where money is king. There exists a historical rivalry between the British and the French and I had been for the first part of my years abroad, under the French influence. With Roger I discovered the English perspective, which has given me a different flavour and my own appreciation of these facts. It is not true that the British can’t cook; they can when they follow recipes! And it is true that London (as the rest of the UK) is a typical capitalist economy, which attracts people of considerable wealth from around the world, and through its attractive financial institutions makes people from around the world, wealthy at the same time. There is a social side to all of this, to my surprise, free public health for instance and also in my sector of work, public housing, which is subsidised for people on a low-income. This would come as a big surprise to my French student friends, who do not realise the size of the British welfare state, which was created after the Second World War, but has been shrinking with the current Tory government. But I digress, being in a relationship is about the person you are in love with and so I first discovered Roger as a person. He is very caring and loving, and he did charm me with his clear blue eyes and beautiful smile. He is very positive and eager for new adventures and new challenges, something that we completely share. While we lived in Albania for two years I didn’t find our different cultural backgrounds to be a barrier between us, quite the opposite. It was very exciting to spend time with him, and discover his ways and slowly his culture. I did meet his family and friends quite early on and started learning more about the British way of life. As a British person, Roger is definitely a

planner, whereas for me being spontaneous was more important. I have learnt to plan better and see that leaving things for the last minute is not always the best plan. Generally, talking about feelings and emotions is not Roger’s cup of tea, but he has learnt to do more of that, as dealing with a Mediterranean girl without talking over and over about how I feel, can quickly turn into a drama itself. Roger’s politeness can still surprise me, especially with family and friends when it rules over being direct and looking for a clear answer from others. But I have seen it helps avoid conflict and tension and it has generally better results than a direct confrontation. Nothing better

Roger Mears: It’s great to be with someone who has a different perspective on things It’s great! Having a partner from a very different culture does mean that communication is really important – we have different outlooks on life, less common ground than couples who have grown up in the same country and our first languages are different. To overcome this we work hard at our communication – which is a positive really as it means we are very open and honest with each other, and we both make a conscious effort to improve how we communicate. I really enjoy the fact that Laura is from a different background to me, it’s great to be with someone who has a different perspective on things. It’s also wonderful bringing up children with a mixed cultural background – we hope our two sons will have a more broad understanding of the world and be more rounded as a result.

for me, than a strong one to one explanation with someone, but that’s not for Roger. Challenges and gifts of a different culture

The gifts are the differences and the little everyday discoveries of what makes us who we are. The challenges come from the same differences, as it can be sometimes difficult to understand each other’s views and position. The best gift is the need to communicate constantly; to make sure we have clearly explained even the smallest thing or thought because if we don’t, it sure can lead to misunderstandings. Such explanations do involve talking about our past or about the way things are done in our societies, so it is not only about us but about our cultural background. But luckily we are both quite easily adaptable and can learn new ways. Our relationship has changed and it has become stronger

All relationships change over time, as we know more about our partner and we adapt to them. Our relationship has changed and it has become stronger. It was quite challenging when I first came to the UK, as it was all new to me but all familiar to Roger. And some of my frustration from being in a different culture and in a language I didn’t understand very well initially, would sometimes fall upon Roger. He was my only link to this big unfamiliar British world and as such it may have felt like a big responsibility at times. With the recent birth of our second son, I feel that our relationship has grown stronger again. Roger was my birth partner and he did an amazing job, although on his own, not the way it was planned at all. We had hired a birth doula but because of a very quick unravelling of events, and my labour progressing very fast at home, we didn’t have time to get to hospital. Roger managed to deal with me and massage me during contractions; he was on the phone with the emergency health line, he managed the ambulance crew and finally our childminder picking up our older son. He was brilliant and the satisfaction we got from this very special birth, of our little baby arriving in our lounge, is immense and difficult to describe with words. I fell in love again with him and with our little baby boy. We are off to a fantastic start all over again.

cross-cultural relationships

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Sylvie & Stephen Walker

We have taken the best from both cultures and make it part of our life By Ada albert

Sylvie Rovira was born in Lyon, France, and is of Spanish origin. The Spanish culture at home and a Degree in Spanish language allowed Sylvie to make her dream of living in Spain come true, even though it did last only for a year. While just settled in Spain, Sylvie had to make a tough decision this time, choosing between her love and her dream. Meeting Stephen Walker, a quali-

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“Being married with a woman from a different culture” STEPHEN WALKER Regardless of your nationality or where you have been brought up, it’s such a personal thing. For me it is Sylvie Rovira and if Sylvie was Icelandic, Italian or African I don’t think it would be a huge thing actually. It’s the personality. The culture bit is just a veneer on top. The language is the key and Sylvie has done that more so than I have done. The culture bit is just fine tuning of how you express each other and communicate. We learn more things about the world and about each other. You learn more than being of the same nationality, because a lot of their learning is already in their DNA, they won’t repeat it. It is just there, it is bedrock, where as for us the bedrock isn’t there. There is just shifting sands, which is great, exciting and scary. We are never bored. There are a lot of differences but they complement each other, especially the culture and obviously the language. Probably, the part of the language in a

fied Quantity Surveyor, who is originally from Alcester, Stratford upon Avon, meant that England would be home to their beautiful family, blessed by two daughters. This is how Sylvie and Stephen Walker answer some of our questions on their cross cultural marriage. SYLVIE WALKER - Love story

It was a very romantic story to me and it will always be. I had been living in Spain for only two months after I had returned from France, the country in which I grew up, but never took the real Spanish girl out of me. While summer as always paints the Spanish sky with some magic, I found myself in a night club with my friends, although on that particular day I fancied

culture is how you interpret what each other is saying and feeling. That is by far the biggest thing. There is another thing, where the benchmark is in the term of common sense or the feeling that it is the right thing to do, which has to do with your culture and how you have been brought up. Sometimes those benchmarks are slightly in a different position so you don’t have the same understanding or the same view on what’s right and what’s acceptable. But that all comes down to the fine tuning of your interpretation of each other, so that you actually do find the sweet spot and understand what the other one wants. The other big thing for me is Spain itself. Having a country that for me and the family is very accessible, because we have family there and we like it a lot, we love it. I feel very loved and that’s a blessing for me.

The culture bit is just fine tuning of how you express each other and communicate. We learn more things about the world and about each other. You learn more than being of the same nationality, because a lot of their learning is already in their DNA, they won’t repeat it. It is just there, it is bedrock

cross-cultural relationships a much quitter evening. There stood Stephen near the bar and I felt there was something I liked about him, handsome and different in a good way. We spoke, we met and the next thing I know is that we are on the phone all the time, long distance calls, talking every day and visiting each other once a month. After a year, one of us had to make a decision. I had a feeling Stephen was not going to move to Spain, he wasn’t even speaking Spanish and he looked very happy where he was. My dream was to live in Spain, but I found love stronger and needed to know if we were really made for each other and we are. We have a beautiful family, blessed with two precious daughters. I have learned to have a better sense of humour

Being in a realitionship with a British man is really good. The beginning was a challenge, the difference in culture and even that of the weather. Talking about the culture, I still don’t understand certain things but have learned to have a better sense of humour. The rest is personal, it depends mostly on the individual personalities that we have. I think it all relates to the way Stephen is and the way I am as a person. The way we communicate and gained trust, respect and understanding of each other. You become more open to changes without giving up a part of your own culture, but taking the best from both cultures and making it part of our life. Being able to communicate

The first thing is being far from my family, the weather and the atmosphere in the streets of Spain. I have always been open-minded but now I feel even more, I accept things and learn more. There is a sense of freedom. With Stephen I can be myself. Being able to communicate and express myself better was a challenge, that with Stephen understanding I have overcome.

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Will & Suki

We’re no longer aware about any difference It all started on a snorkelling boat in the Philippines for Will Hawkes and Suki Chou. Will is a Physics Graduate at Cambridge University and Suki is a joyful girl who graduated in both Chinese Politics and Tesol By Ada albert Will works for HSBC, while Suki offers her valuable time to a Church in North London to teach English to newcomers. Their union is another wonderful example of cross cultural marriages, where Will is an Essex boy, from Chelmsford, while Suki is from Young Yang, South Korea. Suki Chou - Love story We met on a snorkelling boat at Borocay island in the Philippines in August 2000 although we were both living in Taiwan. We soon became friends but we actually started dating from May 2001. We both could speak Mandarin Chinese so that was our first common language to communicate in. We loved watching Chinese movies together and we explored Taiwan on Will’s scooter.

england

PHILIPINES

life lessons

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We deeply respect each other’s culture Pros I have learned a lot about the world, not only about his country but also other parts of the world too. Partly because we have lived in a number of different countries, I am not afraid of facing anybody from a different place, as I am now very open to learn and understand it. Cons We still have misunderstandings between us because of language. We deeply respect each other’s culture but we constantly tease and sometimes criticise each other’s culture too. For example I might say that English puddings are too heavy, and he would say that sitting on the floor like Koreans do, is torture. Challenges of raising an international family My observation is that marriage is an incredibly complex undertaking where two people have to work every day to ensure it’s a success. Spending your life with someone from a different cultural background means you have to work even harder on your marriage, because it’s pretty likely

there will be more misunderstandings or areas of conflict versus marrying within your own culture. So although it’s worked for us, perhaps strangely it’s not something I’d recommend to everyone. Fortunately, Suki and I knew when we got married that we shared strong common underlying Christian values, meaning we haven’t had much conflict around the “bigger” marital issues such as money – although that doesn’t protect us from disagreements about whether the bathroom light should have been left on upstairs… Another feature has been the challenges of raising an international family. We’ve tried to raise our children in an environment to be comfortable in both the English and Korean mono-cultures, and global multiculture languages, and also to feel part of two families living on entirely different continents. Not easy but we’ve managed to make it work to some extent.

“Being married with a woman from a different culture” Will Hawkes I’ve not been married to someone from the same culture so I haven’t got anything to compare it to! However, clearly, coming from two different continents has of course had a huge impact on the nature of our marriage. We started out living in countries foreign to both of us – which was quite a uniting experience – then more recently we’ve managed to live in both Korea and the UK, which has enabled us to know each other’s culture, language, food and (most importantly) families much better. As such, after 11 years of marriage I’m not aware of cultural differences so much as personality differences that you’d get in any marriage.

cross-cultural relationships

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Stefania Sabo Being married with a Pakistani man is an interesting life experience Stefania Sabo is a 25 year old Romanian girl, currently living in Copenhagen, Denmark, with her Pakistani husband. She left her job and some of her passions in Romania, not abandoning them, but putting them aside for a while, to focus more on the family future. Love has led her to Copenhagen, where she lives now with her husband, Sikander Love Story

Our love story started almost four years ago. At that time I was 21, still a student and he was 28 and came for the second time to Romania for his studies. We met by coincidence, and the first date felt like a reunion of two old friends. I felt like I knew him forever. Nobody believed in us. My friends and family were against us, especially because of the religious differences. My parents did not agree from the beginning with our relationship, and it even went until the point where my father made me choose between him and them. And I chose him. Four months after we met, we went to the mosque to get married, to do the Islamic wedding, Nikkah. It was just the two of us

and the witnesses. Nobody else knew. It was a way to declare our love in front of God. Two months later we married at the City Hall legally again, without telling anybody. It was a decision we took for ourselves. It was not easy, not having our families with us there, but we did not want to let anybody or anything come between us. At this point, only my mother and sister knew that we were married. The other members of the family waited for the big wedding. They learned to love and accept him with time. They managed to go beyond stereotypes and fear, to learn more about his religion and culture. And now they love him and accept him as being part of the family. Two years ago we decided to move from Romania and start our life in Denmark.

romania Pakistan

Moving there brought us even more together. We were both foreigners in a world that was very different from the one we were used to and we had each other to count on. It was a struggle and a difficult process during which we and our marriage matured. Is all about mutual understanding and acceptance

Being married with a Pakistani is an interesting life experience. It was challenging in the beginning, due to the culture and religious differences, but I was lucky, because he never tried to impose anything on me. If one of us did not agree with something, we would discuss it. It is a matter of reciprocal respect. I love his culture, listening to his childhood stories and he is a great chef, so I love Pakistani food. We both respect our own religion. There are times when we pray together, I listen carefully to his stories about Islam and the Prophet, and he listens to my stories about Christianity. Is all about mutual understanding and acceptance. It was a blessing to understand more about Islam

Being married with a man from a different culture is both a challenge and a blessing. In terms of challenges, for me one of the biggest challenges was to try to make the people around me understand the beauty of his

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culture, religion and to see him as a normal person. Coming from a small Romanian town, marrying a foreigner was not accepted, especially, if he was Muslim. To everyone he was just a Muslim, and nobody tried to see beyond the image the media was creating. For me it was a blessing to understand more about Islam, about the benefits of Ramadan and about Pakistani culture. We come from two different worlds, and I think we are both blessed to bring into our marriage the best of both of them. We embrace the differences and we welcome the new from both of them. Our main rule is to listen to each other

We started our life from zero, we did not have the support of anybody and we learned every day to grow and to stay there for each other. We had moments of crisis, especially economically, and we stayed away from each other for six months as he was the first one to leave Romania in search for a better job, but trust and unconditional love was an important part of keeping our relationship stronger. Our main rule is to listen to each other. We talk openly about what we like, or don’t, and it is up to each other to accept that. We usually reach a consensus when we deal with family decisions and most of the time it is all about respect. We are growing up day by day and learn from our mistakes.

“My wife was a strong support in all the struggles we had” Sikander Ahmad As a Pakistani man being married with a European woman is for me both a challenge and a gift. It was a challenge because I had to firstly make her family accept me, and then the Romanian people understand from where I am coming and the difference between our cultures. My wife was a strong support in all the struggles we had all these years, and we finally reached a point in our lives where here family is happy with our relationship and want to know more about my roots. I always loved Romania, the people, the traditions and the culture. It’s enriching to be part of a Romanian family that still keeps the traditions and having my wife introducing me to them was always an adventure and a positive experience. Even now, being in another country, we happily go to Romania and we enjoy every moment of it.

I always loved Romania, the people, the traditions and the culture. It’s enriching to be part of a Romanian family that still keeps the traditions and having my wife introducing me to them was always an adventure and a positive experience

relationships

elationships provide your greatest opportunities to love, heal and grow. Only through relating to others do you come to know yourself, even finding beautiful aspects of yourself that would otherwise have remained buried under the disguise of your ego. Despite undesirable qualities that your ego (yes, your ego!) can inject into any relationship, finding and keeping something truly wonderful can be far simpler than you may imagine. It comes down to your clear intention and total commitment to experience your best relationship ever, coupled with allowing your intuition to guide you in bringing this to fruition. Let’s look at this in detail.

STEP ONE: Set a Clear Intention Your universe responds to the clarity of your intentions. If you state that you intend to have your best relationship ever, that is what you will get. I like to write down such really important intentions in a journal, and back up the initial statement with certain crucial details. You might want to add details such as “non-smoker” or character aspects such as “happy”, “positive”, “confident”, and logistic details, e.g. “lives within a ten-mile radius of my home”, “financially secure”, “home owner”, etc. – whatever is important to you in a relationship. It is well worth spending time on this, because the more precise the details you provide, the easier it is for your universe to align the right person with you. However, always include the proviso “. . . or something better”. You then allow yourself the possibility of being intuitively guided to an even more magical relationship than whatever you had originally envisioned. STEP TWO: Surrender Your Request to the Universe It is very important to surrender your request totally, in the absolute knowledge and faith that, in the perfect time and in the perfect way, this relationship will appear for you. Surrendering entails being at ease in the attitude of mind that says, “This is what I want, and if I don’t get it, that’s all right too.” From that standpoint, you can com-

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Finding the best in

each other

As a Migrant Woman, all relationships are essential to help you settle in to the culture and way of life here in the UK. After a period of settling in, your thoughts may turn to finding that perfect partner for you. Here are some of my thoughts on relationships to help you do so... By Sarah Alexander fortably hand the whole thing over to the universe, knowing that your intuition is free to go to work in aligning you with your desired outcome. I find that the more I am able to let things go in this way, the easier it is for me to manifest them. STEP THREE: Be the Person You Want to Attract! You can only have what you are willing to be. If you want to attract a partner who is happy, fun to be with, loving, kind and generous, that is what you must be. If you behave in negative, unloving ways, what kind of person will be attracted to you? Yes, we all have off days. Ultimately, though, we are here to allow our higher natures to shine, and to be the best we can in any situation. Being the person you want to attract is the quickest way of magnetically drawing those qualities to you as embodied in a partner. STEP FOUR: Take Action on the Intuitive Messages You Receive It is very important to act upon the intuitive guidance you receive. The steps you are guided to take may often seem completely unrelated to your desired outcome, but nonetheless you must follow them at the right time. Although intuitive guidance can pre-

Sarah Alexander runs 8 week transformational programmes for business owners worldwide and uses Spiritual Intelligence to help them to make the most of their life’s work. She is the author of ‘Spiritual Intelligence in Business: The Eight Pillars of 21st Century Business Success’ and ‘Spiritual intelligence in Leadership: From Manager to Leader in Your Own Life’.

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sent itself in several different ways, its fundamental language comprises gut feelings and hunches. These will help you to distinguish true guidance from false, whether as images, inner whispers or pop-up ideas. Visually, guidance can present itself within the mind’s eye, or as things you see by chance out in the world. Auditory guidance may be a small quiet voice within or messages you perceive in conversation and music, or even in what you hear yourself say to others. Your practical, thinking mind can also be a messenger on behalf of intuition – if it is sufficiently open and relaxed. Ideas and insights then appear out of the blue and suddenly you “just know” something. The hallmark of all intuitive guidance is its highly positive and repetitive nature: expansive, joyful feelings as you contemplate the next step, and the sense

that it “just feels right” when you do take action. STEP FIVE: Focus on Giving, Not Getting In any relationship, the focus can easily begin and continue as “What can I get from this person?” That could be something physical, emotional or financial. In truth, your universe sends you people who will provide opportunities to grow in areas where your personality is weak; to heal negative patterns connected with the past; and to develop certain character qualities such as personal power, compassion and love. We have to enter relationships as giving individuals focused on serving the higher imperative to heal and grow. We have to stay focused on those qualities, especially when it may seem to be tough going.

STEP SIX: Focus on the Best in Your Partner While you are in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, this is easy to do! Later, you may enter a phase of power struggles and it will be harder to remember the qualities that initially drew you to love your partner. It is important to continue focusing on them, though, because if you see your partner as moody, lazy and distant, this is exactly what you are creating. However, this does not mean you should stop yourself speaking out about things that make you unhappy. If you can speak up while still honouring the other person’s basic goodness, your communications will be far better received. When we speak from our own pain, communication breaks down. It is often necessary to ask for guidance on how to resolve problems. As before, allow your inner messenger to give you the answer. You may be guided to a book, a website, a person – each one a source of the right information at the right moment, leading to resolution. STEP SEVEN: Enjoy Your Relationship and Surrender It to God The relationships in your life are for giving and receiving love and great pleasure. It takes commitment to keep a relationship at the highest level, but again, your intuition is there to help. Always keep asking what you need to learn or change within yourself to keep your relationship at its best. Your intuition can guide you if you are willing to surrender your relationship into God’s hands and allow it to unfold in the way that God intends. In summary, then, with your inner guide acting always in your highest interests – and therefore in the best interests of both of you – you have the capacity to bring your partner and yourself to the highest level of personal, intimate development. If you are committed to doing the healing work on yourself, every situation you encounter can be moved forward to help advance your relationship rapidly to “best ever”.

mind You have been working with consciousness for over 30 years. Can you describe your understanding of success - how it was and how it has changed over the years?

Perhaps I could begin by telling you how I started my journey. I’m now 70 years old. My parents were recent immigrants. My father was German and my mother Austrian. Both of them were Christians, although their grandparents had been Jews. Why is this relevant? Because they were fleeing from Hitler. They fled independently to Kenya in Africa, where they met and married towards the end of the War. Kenya was then a British Colony. So as I was growing up, most of my friends at school were English. At five years old I remember the playground of my nursery school. All the little boys were playing war games – how the victorious English crushed the evil Germans. It definitely wasn’t cool to be German. Even less so to be Jewish. When I was 11 years old, my best friend was forbidden by his father to play with me. Why? Because I was a German Jew. I didn’t realise at the time but what I did to protect myself was to split off my German/ Jewish side and pretend to the world that I was as English as anyone else. I wanted my friends to see that I shared the same values, interests and aspirations. I was just like them. In those days, society was very racist.

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How alive are we really? If you have recently arrived in a new country, you are faced with many challenges. A particular challenge is to identify with people that you believe to be successful and then to try to be like them and accepted by them– says Michael Wolff – Aikido Teacher, Energy Practitioner, Founder of Conscious Evolution Coaching There was colour racism and the English had a strong sense of racial superiority. It was far more intensive in the 50’s when I was growing up than it is now. There was also a hierarchical social class structure. Since I didn’t want to be what I thought I was, I decided that I might as well opt for being upper class. Upper sounds better than middle or lower. My father, starting from nothing, managed to become quite well off. So he was able

to send me to a top Public School in England, eventually going to a top university. I had earned my upper class English credentials. I have to all outward appearances become one of them. Being the son of immigrants I thought that I was different from the word go. I had lost my roots, but my English friends with all their outward appearance of confidence hadn’t lost theirs. I was rootless, they were rooted. Or

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so I thought. From about the age of six I had a brilliant idea. Since I was lacking in upper class Gentile Englishness, the best way to make up for that deficiency would be to fall in love with blonde English Gentiles. What I didn’t have in myself I could make up for in a girlfriend. Needless to say, this plan didn’t work. Every year since the age of six I would fall madly in love with my prototype Goddess. Naturally she never reciprocated to the same degree. I needed her to make up my other half, but she definitely didn’t need me. Finally at the age of eighteen I fell so deeply in love that when this failed (as it was bound to), it ripped my heart to pieces. I then discovered the hopeless and inadequacy of Romantic Love. So, Michael, how is all this relevant to consciousness?

OK, so here I was pretending to be something that I wasn’t. At a very early age, maybe 4 or 5, I “created” my so-called Core Separation Wound. A Separation Wound is what holds us in Separation Consciousness. As I learned many years later, Separation Consciousness is an unconscious choice that humans made about 10,000 years ago. Humans have been on the planet for at least one million years. In all that time they were in Unified Consciousness. They were deeply interconnected with nature and themselves. They were hunter gatherers, following their food. There was a sense of abundance and more than enough for their needs. However, over the million year period, roughly every 100,000 years, the earth underwent a catastrophic climate change in the form of glaciations. During these extreme periods, humans were severely challenged. Coming out of the last major glaciations 12,000 years ago, some humans decided that staying in Unified Consciousness was no longer safe. They must have experienced scarcity of food and thought they needed a different way of managing their connection with nature. They decided in order to achieve greater control and security it was necessary to become progressively separate from the direct interconnection that they had experienced in the past. The humans that opted for Separation Consciousness have progressively prevailed and now make up the vast majority on the

Michael Wolff planet. Those still in Unified Consciousness have been either wiped out or marginalised in today’s society. So, we as immigrants or children of immigrants think that we are separate because of our differences, but actually EVERYONE in so-called civilised society experiences separation and rootlessness. Each one of us is nursing and nurturing our own Core Separation Wound. What are the benefits of Separation Consciousness?

Well, we could say that everything that we experience today in our civilised life arises from our Separation Consciousness. Out of an underlying fear of scarcity, we drive ourselves to be competitive and to be in control. And what gives us the emotional incentive to be successful in our competitiveness is the “grit in the oyster”, the Core Separation Wound. It’s the wound that never heals. And why? Because we guard it with our lives in order to hold on to what enables us to survive and thrive. As the son of an immigrant, I had a decent-sized bit of grit. By the time I was forty I had created a beautiful pearl of success. I was the CEO of a £10 million pound company and materially and socially I had everything I could have asked for. But…?

My life was not in harmony. On a scale of 100, where 100 is the ability to respond

harmoniously to the ups and downs of life, I calibrated at around 10. I was highly successful, but lacking in harmony. Why? Because I was continuously being driven to close the “Separation Gap” – where, what and whom I wanted to be from where I was now. Whenever it looked as if I was closing the gap, it would then immediately re-open. There was always tension, resistance and stress. In the end, I got so stressed that I had to change. That was over thirty years ago. I started on the Japanese martial arts path – Aikido - literally the Way of Harmony through Ki (Life Energy). That has been a journey of re-discovering and embodying Unified Consciousness. Now my level of harmony is very close to 100. Does this have any significant relevance for humanity?

Definitely. We may now be at another major turning point. It is quite likely that our attachment to Separation Consciousness, while enabling us to create all the successes of our modern life, may also be the cause of our eventual downfall. It may just be that the many problems that we have created for ourselves in Separation Consciousness can only be solved in Unified Consciousness. Just as Separation Consciousness and my vision of success led to my own awakening and the discovery of a more enriching concept of success, maybe we need to being doing this collectively.

mind

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The Power of Your Mind

Aura Imbarus, PhD Clinical hypnotherapist, motivational speaker, and author of the Amazon best-seller - “Out of the Transylvania Night: A Story of Tyranny, Freedom, Love and Identity” www.auraimbarus.com

ith the lights dimmed, I was ready to go to bed when a huge knife-like pain carved my lower back. The first thing that came to mind was a twisted muscle, a spasm, an inflamed nerve caused by packing my bags for my trip to Europe. What else could it be? I crumbled on the floor and tears sprang from my eyes. I tried to move, but the pain was numbing my legs, while my mind did cartwheels thinking about how I could fly to Europe in two days if the pain persisted. I lay flat on my back, tried to stretch my back, and a “crack” sounded clearly in my ears. With all the strength I could gather, I pushed myself up and crawled into the shower, letting boiling-hot water run down my spine. Heat

will definitely calm down whatever I have, I thought to myself. Heat would make it go away, and it did - for a minute or so. “Rodney,” I said into the phone, leaving a message for my chiropractor late in the evening. “I need to see you tomorrow. I got this back pain out of the blue and the day after tomorrow I need to be on an eighteen-hour flight. I need your fix. Call me. Please.” I had been losing my mind in the last five months, after finding out that my mom had been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and given between three and six more months to live. Each and every muscle in my body was tense; every nerve stretched to the limit. Everything had been aching even if nothing was broken. I had started familiarizing myself with the many different terms used to describe spinal disc pathology and associ-

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Photo Credit: Emily M. Yeo

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” Buddha

ated pain, such as “herniated disc,” “pinched nerve,” and “bulging disc,” now used by my chiropractor, back doctor, and general physician. Everybody had different suggestions for easing the pain: acupuncture, no more high heels, inversion table, or a DRX 9000 decompression machine, or back surgery. Treatment on the DRX machine would only cost $8,000, and I am not even going to mention the back surgery’s price! With cold and hot-packs and a back supporter, and drugged up on Tylenol and Aleve, I embarked on the Lufthansa flight that would take me to Romania to see my mom and be next to her while she went through her chemo. How can I talk about my problems when I know she is fighting for hers? How can I say that I am in pain when she doesn’t know how many days she has left? Tsunamis of thoughts were clashing in my brain while the plane departed. I had eighteen hours to take care of my debilitating back problem; no more, no less. Before leaving for the airport, I had grabbed my book called How We Decide, by Jonah Lehrer, which explains decision-making on the scale of neurons. I started reading while the big white bird was taking me to the other side of the world to meet my beloved mother. Engrossed in my engaging, literate, and well-researched glimpse into the great mystery of how we make up our minds, I started to think about the process of thinking itself, of decoding messages, of influencing my mind and my thoughts. The spinal cord is made up of thirty-one pairs of spinal nerves; our muscles are controlled by thousands of nerve cells in the spinal cord. This entire complex system works as a whole in order to successfully create a single motion. I totally get it, I reiterated to myself while the flight attendant announced that we are landing in Munich where I was supposed to catch my connecting flight to Sibiu, Hermannstadt, Transylvania - the land of Dracula. Totally fascinated by Jonah Lehrer, I started googling him while waiting for my connecting flight and found his article entitled, “The Psychology of Back Pain” published in

Best Life Magazine. Like a wolf devouring its prey, I attacked the article and found something that I was already suspecting: “chronic back pain is a disease of the nervous system, not the spine. This breakthrough has opened the doors to new kinds of treatments that could banish back pain forever.” My road to recovery began right there and then, with the article and the book Lehrer was quoting in it, Healing Back Pain, by Dr. John Sarno, a physician at New York University. I started thinking that I really had no pain and all the labels I had been given by my doctors were nothing more than placebos. The more I thought about this, the less pain I had. My back pain didn’t have a structural pain or a structural cause. I didn’t break anything in my lower back, and I didn’t have any injuries, but the amount of stress I was dealing with due to my mom’s illness had piled up. My mind had induced bodily pain as a form of distraction, turning a minor physical incident—packing my luggage and moving it around the house—into a debilitating physical symptom. It was then that I realized my back pain was caused by the mind, and my mind was the only thing able to cure it. Since that day, I repeated over and over in my mind - like a song whose lyrics I couldn’t let go - that I had no pain; that my back didn’t hurt. One day I woke up, three months after the doomed day and, since then, I have no recollection what back pain is all about. In my case, my back pain was triggered by my mind, because nothing was broken after all. Elevated levels of stress can induce the most horrendous pain in our bodies. Our diseased organism, due to a low immune system, cannot fight the outside attackers and induces physical pain, as a way to keep our mind safe and at bay. Healing our bodies many times relates to healing our mind. The more we think right, we feel right. Negative thoughts are the manufacturers of depleted, sick lives, while positive ones are the creators of successful, happy driven existences.

career

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Prepare a marketing plan for your success By Shamin Iqbal

T Shamin Iqbal Founder of Interviewcorp. You can follow interviewcorp on twitter @InterviewCorp. www.interviewcorp.co.uk

he first rule is to begin at the beginning. What does that mean? Too many people start looking for a job by simply applying for jobs online or through adverts in the newspaper etc. Not only could you be limiting yourself but you may also be in danger of taking action in the wrong direction. This is because a necessary pre-step is to look at yourself and in particular your desires, and consider what you want to achieve. Time and time again we hear that you should do

what you love, since not only do you spend an extraordinary amount of time at work but your work is an important part of your life story. We all want to earn a living but we all have the human need to contribute in one way or another and by doing so make a difference to our own lives. What we do today has an impact on what happens to us in the future so to begin at the beginning is about taking stock of where you are in your life and having a vision for where you want to be in the next three, five or ten years.

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Goals do not have to be simply writing down as a list of things that you would like to accomplish within a period. They can be crafted into scrap books of symbols of the success that you see for yourself and will involve life goals that will include love, marriage, career, children, hobbies, and philanthropy, because your career is one important segment of your life. For a balanced life, all the pieces have to fit together Football

I often compare goal setting to a game of football because in a game of football you have a pitch and two goals posts. In the pitch there is a lot of confusion and activity, however as long as you know where you should be heading you will get there. Of course there will be obstacles but at least you will be heading in the right direction. It is important to set career goals so that you can take action in the right direction. It didn’t feel good inside

For lasting fulfilment, goals must be set in line with values. Values are things that are important to us and although we all have values not many of us think about our values and how they are impacting on our lives. One of my values is compassion and of course when I was younger I didn’t know this. I just spent a lot of my time helping people that could not help themselves. I was also ambitious, driven and decided upon a corporate career in Law. I found myself repossessing someone’s home. The individual concerned had a disability. At the time it happened I remember that I didn’t feel good inside. I took a moment to sit down and consider what had just happened. My values were being conflicted and in that moment, I knew that I could not continue with what I was doing and still expect to enjoy the fulfilment and satisfaction of a career that made me feel proud. Take a look at your values and evaluate the things that are important to you.

Consider whether you are contemplating a career that will enhance your values or take you away from things that you regard highly. Unleash your Imagination

How do you set goals? Take a look at your wishes, desires and passions, and in an unlimited way imagine your dreams coming true, so that you start from the widest spectrum possible. This will open up your imagination. From this position you can reduce it down to the things that you love, naturally gravitate towards, are passionate about and have a given talent for. You will need to enlist the help of others since others often see more in us than we see in ourselves but be sure to ask the right people and not the ‘doubters’. Goals do not have to be simply writing down as a list of things that you would like to accomplish within a period. They can be crafted into scrap books of symbols of the success that you see for yourself and will involve life goals that will include love, marriage, career, children, hobbies, and philanthropy, because your career is one important segment of your life. For a balanced life, all the pieces have to fit together. Visualise your goals and this will bring in the senses that will breathe life into your goals as you see yourself in your imagination, living the life that you desire. You will now be in a position to know what you want with a clear direction aligned to your values. From here you can prepare a marketing plan for your success.

career

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

How does your dress reflect the business environment you are in?

Vivienne Aiyela Founder and CEO of Clothes 4 Real Women Follow or contact Vivienne at: viv@clothes4realwomen.com Twitter: #GoddessofGalmour1 www.clothes4realwomen.com

n the early to mid summer here in London, we were truly blessed with long hours of glorious hot sunshine but it played havoc with our wardrobes. Normally London has been known to have all four seasons in one day, as we had in August. Unlike in other cities, air conditioning in businesses is not standard, so we swelter in the heat, often fighting for the breeze of the office fan which is really circulating warm air. However with the lack of air conditioning, it causes women to wear less clothes. Many rushed out and spent a lot of money updating their summer clothes, often not paying attention to if it is really suitable for work or business professional environments.

Perhaps itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because I am a stylist and also working in a corporate environment, that it makes me more conscious of how I dress and pay more attention of how other people dress. I will confess that I do enjoy watching people, as this gives me more of an understanding of their character and how they dress. Many women forget that their public image is very important to their personal brand and business. What do your clothes say?

Have you ever thought about this? Is it true that clothes make the woman? Do people form an opinion about the way you dress? I attend many business functions including management board meetings, which are very male dominated and often

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are successful. Now it’s the ‘green car’ with low emissions that everyone is driving now. It shows the world you care and people take you seriously. Many entrepreneurs don’t have a ‘proper’ office space, some work from home or from the local coffee shop or even a mix of both. This is where appearance is not that important. Working from home, no one is going to see you in an old tracksuit or even pyjamas. Well, unless you need to make Skype and video conferencing calls. Now that’s when from waist upwards you must look professional. Appearance is essential

being one of only a few women there. So I make sure that what I wear is appropriate for that environment and still keeping my femininity, but I need to ensure that that I am taken seriously. Business Image is Important

What is the business image you want to send to your potential customers? If you are self-employed or an entrepreneur, your image is crucial to your success, and everything from the way you greet clients to your style of dress reflects directly on your company. If this seems unfair, consider for a moment how closely people identify themselves with life’s smallest details. Think about the car we drive. A few years ago the bigger and more expensive car said that we

Watch your appearance. Miniskirts, tight tops and high heels all send out the wrong impression if you want to be taken serious outside the party scene and in a business environment. Although it is a sad fact, it is true that as humans we always judge others by their appearance. That in turn helps us to form an impression of others and we judge people from what we see. Because of this it is vital to appear neatly and professionally dressed. The way you look will influence people’s impressions of you very strongly; so make sure you leave a good one. Your appearance is not just about how you dress for meeting clients, it is also how you dress when you are interacting with potential clients. This can be anywhere from a training course or workshop to a free seminar. Here is an opportunity to sell your service/product to potential clients/customers, which is often over looked. I attended a business workshop and met a lovely woman who designed and made beautiful luxury handbags. Alas her appearance said something else – clothes not ironed, hair uncombed. If you are selling a product it is important that your appearance replicates the quality of the product. No need to wear designer clothing but be smartly dressed and presentable for people to take you seriously. On another occasion I attended a business workshop and got talking to a guy who caught my eye. His outfit was casual but smart, nice polo shirt, jeans, blazer and shoes. Admittedly I love a pair of good shoes. He was just about to launch his busi-

ness which is luxury leather accessories. He looked the part and would fit in with the high end clients who he was targeting to buy his product. Entrepreneurs/business women. Did you know that a good image can increase your profits?

People will notice more the welldressed business professional, which can lead to more sales. Nothing is better than your own PR. Always remember people buy from people. You may think it doesn’t really matter how you dress as you are only going to a training course/seminar, however you never know where you may meet a potential client or customer or even an investor. You are representing your company in a business environment. Why appearance matters

Interviewing for a job, meeting at a potential client’s office, looking to close that business deal, maybe it’s unjust to judge a book by its cover, but we all do it. It’s human nature. While the person in jeans and t-shirt may be as competent and as intelligent as the one wearing the formal suit, or more so, we do assess these attributes based on appearance. That’s not to say you can forget about preparing for a presentation, wear nice business attire, and you will wow them. All the ingredients -- knowledge, preparation, and appearance -- are necessary to make a good impression, seal that deal or even get a pay rise. Mismatched clothes, clothes that are not ironed and even clothes that are too small send out the wrong signal. Some people get up in the morning, grab the nearest item and then go off they go, without even looking in the mirror and saying “How do I look”. Finally, something to think about when deciding what to wear…...

Many people have asked me “does it really matter how we dress? People don’t really judge us by our clothes, or do they?” Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but people do judge you based on the clothes you wear. First impressions are lasting impressions.

lifestyle

The Future of Learning By Julia Goga-Cooke

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

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wake up to the sound of lots of emails pinging into my inbox! Michael from Brooklin sends humble greetings, Reinaldo from Sao Paolo is thrilled to be part of it, so are Lucas and two student friends of his that have joined the group, Jairo from Colombia and Carlos from Bogota are excited, Putik from Indonesia, Montier from Baltimore, Ana and Elenice from Brazil, Ray from Minnesota, Pamela from San Francisco, Mativo and Mutual from Kenya, Asavari from Mumbai, Yann from Mauritius. And a message from Haya from Lebanon, who says “Hello beautiful people, have a fantabulous first workshop!” I have joined the world of MOOCs (massive open online courses) and I love it. I have attended six so far, with different degrees of engagement, and I am hooked on them, the pleasure of learning new things from the best universities in the world, all at your own pace, from your own home and FREE. Welcome to the future of education! I know it is still the beginning, a lot of experimentation is involved, yet I was surprised to learn that only 5% of the universities are doing it so far, 9% are considering, with the rest on the side-lines. While there is a lot of discussion on the whys and hows, one thing seems sure: the trend is not just a fad. It is here to stay. According to the Babson Survey Research Group, one in three students takes at least one course online and about 80% of academic leaders rate the learning outcomes in online education as the same or superior to those doing it face to face. Having said that, only one in three chief academic officers believe that their faculty accept the value and legitimacy of online education. So you don’t get any credits, yet. But, you cannot have a MOOC without an Anti-MOOC, or SPOC (Small Private Online Course). MOOCs, SPOCs, Jolts, Flipped classrooms, are exciting prototypes of the Future of Learning.

Post MOOCs evaluation

I have experienced MOOCs which were designed for a time-released schedule, and MOOCs that were self-paced. I prefer the second. My favourite MOOCs combined bite-sized theory and application assignments, learning from the teachers and learning from peers, learning through videos, literature, and dialogue and by assessing others, the level of difficulty was both challenging and chewable, and exposure to other thinkers and viewpoints made them thought provoking. The feeling of being part of a massive 45 thousand strong crowd had an energy that was thrilling. There were people from all over the world, from young undergraduates to octogenarians, some beginners, some intermediate and some advanced learners. There was a massive mix of disciplines too. The secret of putting together a good MOOC is

how to make a massive organisation feel small. It is the same challenge we have in big companies. The MOOCs I liked best managed to create an environment, where you can be part of both a small self-organised squad of four to six people and a big conversation community. Working in small groups made a big difference to the way of how the learning happened. Diversity in age, geography, function and profession made the groups both interesting and exciting. The common interest/ purpose brought them together. Of course, not all the groups had the same rate of productivity, commitment and bonding. In my experience, three out of six became great teams. And these are the ingredients that made them such: 1. Get to know your team members. The teams that worked well together got to know each other at a deeper level at the start of the MOOC. This was done through a combination of story telling tools and a wellstructured discussion about each other’s profile in order to connect at both an intellectual and emotional level. 2. Rotate team leadership. All the teams were given the tip of applying rotating leadership. The teams that worked well, took the tip and decided on their first meeting a calendar of rotation, who was leading at which date, and a terms of reference for the role, which included the circulation of the agenda, creating the physical and virtual space for connection, facilitating the meeting, creating the post meeting report and briefing the member that couldn’t make that particular meeting. Having clear tasks assigned to the role and dates in the calendar, empowered each member of the group with the responsibility to make it work. 3. Meeting face to face remains King. All the teams connected virtually via Google hangout. The teams that worked well also had at least one meeting face to face, over a drink or lunch early on. 4. Resilience and commitment pays. All the teams started with enthusiasm. But that was not enough to get the group to the finish. You need resilience and commitment to lift the whole group to success. The teams that did better had a code of conduct, however simple it was. 5. Group of four is the optimum number. It worked better than groups of five or six. It was easier to arrange meetings and synchronise calendars. I have learnt that most of my scepticism on self-organised groups came from the misunderstanding I had about the term ‘self-organised’. For me, it had meant complete ad hoc grouping, where you make the rules as you go along. Far from it, for any self-organised group to really work, they need to have a good process to use, some good tools, rotating leadership and commitment to take part or be decent and leave. Find yourself a MOOC and enjoy learning!

interview

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Jenny Garret

Rocking your role Rocking Your Role is already your brand - how did you discover this powerful gift within you?

Rocking Your Role was born from my challenges of being a female breadwinner, juggling work and family, I found that by sharing my story and becoming vulnerable I was able to help other women. The more I shared my story and those of the women in the book, the more other women had permission to share theirs and so go on to find solutions and craft the life they want. As a business expert working with women, can you tell us more about this experience?

I have been running my business since 2006 and so have first hand experience of the challenges women face. I come at business coaching from a mindset perspective, there can be actual skills and knowledge that you need, but it’s often confidence, resilience and focus that holds many women back. I help them take bold steps and overcome these challenges. A lot of migrant women have started or built their business. From your experience what drives women to be an entrepreneur?

Not fitting in Women are collaborators, we are heavily engaged, motivational, and extremely

well suited to emerging, in a less hierarchical workplace rather than traditional large male structures found in the majority of large corporate organisations. Women understand the customer Women control 83% of all consumer purchases, including consumer electronics, health care and cars. Forward-looking companies understand they need women to figure out how to market to women. As women we know how women think and have a direct link to our customers. You don’t often need much financial investment These days it’s unlikely that you’ll need a huge investment to get your business up and running. With crowd funding and an-

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gel investors it’s easier than it’s ever been to bypass banks to get the seed funding that you need. Location doesn’t matter You don’t have to be in Silicon Valley to start a business in 2014. You can even do it from your bedroom where many online businesses started. This makes the business portable and provides freedom. I coach clients online wherever they are in the world. Work Life Balance A recent LinkedIn Survey found that women value work-life balance more than salary or position. Entrepreneurship offers more flexibility to juggle work with your other responsibilities, such as a 3 day week, at night after the children have gone to bed, or from a coffee shop. What are the skills that a woman should have to be successful in business?

Self-discipline The stark reality of running your own business is that every morning you must wake up, set the agenda and get on with it. No one is looking over your shoulder; you won’t be penalised if you spend the day watching your favourite DVD box set. For some this is extremely challenging, the temptation to give in to distractions and the isolation can mean that they are less than productive. Having an accountability partner, mentor or coach can help you stay on track, renting an office space or working from a local library can also be more productive, but the motivation must come from you. Perseverance You may have seen some amazing stories of overnight business success, but the reality is rarely like that in business. Eddie Cantor’s famous saying that it takes ten years to become an overnight success and Malcolm Gladwell’s equation of 10,000 hours to become a master, are much closer to the truth. Noticing small successes and congratulating yourself on achieving them is really important, as is surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Keep a batch of customer testimonials and on bad days, read them to remember what a good job

you are doing. Create a vision board and look at it every day to reconnect with what you are working towards. Join a network or mastermind group of those who will lift you higher. Be paid, and thrive You may love your work so much that you’d do it for free if you could. I know I feel this way, but a lesson I’ve learned is that you mustn’t be afraid to charge. This is not a job, earning enough to live will not give you a sustainable business. You need to earn enough to develop your business, employ staff, train and develop yourself, keep up to date with the latest industry developments. Learn to articulate the value of your service and hold your nerve around your fees. The quality of your work or product will suffer if you can’t continue to invest in yourself, and if and when you do get to the point of achieving a surplus, you can engage in giving back. Commitment Do it with passion or not at all. Your business is you, you must love it, believe in it, live and breathe it. If you don’t, no one else will. Make it your passion, your purpose, and it will become your profession. Balance Not looking after yourself is a selfish act. Take ‘me’ time and do what nourishes you. It will benefit all aspects of your life in the long run. What would be your advice for migrant women who come to a new country but don’t know where and how to start?

1. Find a network of likeminded women, and if you can’t find one, create it. It will be a great source of support and knowledge 2. Make sure that there is a market for your product or service and that people are willing to pay for it 3. Seek advice, as the rules on setting up a business may be different to your own country 4. Organisations such as the Women’s Business Council can signpost support that you can access. 5. Get support with nurturing a winning mind-set, and you will find that you go further quicker and with more ease.

Who is Jenny ?

Awarded APCTC Women’s Coach of the Year 2014, Jenny is a sought after executive coach, author of Rocking Your Role, the how to guide to success for female breadwinners, speaker, and founder of Reflexion Associates leadership consultancy. Jenny mentors women entrepreneurs and executives internationally for the Cherie Blair Foundation and is a selected Sage Business Expert. She features frequently in the media: appearing on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, Magic FM’s Book Club, TV and in publications such as the Guardian, Telegraph and Marie Claire. Jenny was honoured to be listed in LinkedIn UK’s Top 10 Power Women 2013 and is Vice Chair of the TwentyTen Club. She is an Advisory Board member Generation Success. Jenny helps professional working women move to a state of contentment, happiness and abundance, ultimately rocking their many roles in life, using the process that she has developed from over 10 years experience of executive coaching and research outlined in her book. Jenny also works with corporates to maximise their staff performance through leadership development.

interview

Sara Troy

P sitive

Living Woman

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Sara Troy started the “The Art of Positive Living” in 2001 and has been teaching personality self-identity and spirit awareness for fourteen years with a programme called “D.I.V.A Discovery”. (a D.I.V.A is Dreamer, Inspirer, Visionary, Aspirer) Sara is also a spiritual counsellor by ‘Gods design’ and who can see the potentials of your purpose in life and can draw you a map in getting to where you are meant to go, but you have to walk it. She has an unbridled passion for helping people to live in their full embracement of self in true knowingness

hirty months ago Sara made a personal discovery of her own, one that would change her life’s direction for ever. She was presented with an opportunity to host her own talk show on a small blog talk radio station called Authentic You media. Two and a half years later, this woman has now finally found her groove in life. In just over a year she has interviewed more than 130 incredible inspirational guests from around the globe on her weekly one hour show “Positive Living Vibrations”. Wanting to reach even more listeners, and to bring greater numbers of inspirational people together and share their stories of life she decided to branch out and open her own radio station and invite global hosts that are living their D.I.V.A to join…PLV-RADIO NETWORK.

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

You have been living in different countries at different times - do you feel yourself as a migrant?

In some ways I always will, home is in the memories and I have many in different countries, but I love to take on something of each country and embrace the journey. What is your experience as a migrant woman - what has been the biggest challenge in life for you?

The feeling of belonging, I have always been different living as a spiritual being rather than a human being, and this made me see and interact with life in a different way. No matter your language, it is the language of understanding and compassion that unites us. A lot of people find it very difficult to change - what about you?

I love change, something new, an adventure, a challenge, but as I get older I am beginning to want more settlement in my life, although I love my mind and purpose to always be alive and well, for that is what keeps me going, a meaningful purpose. Your family lives in London - and Vancouver is so far away. How do you stay connected with them?

My sister now lives just outside of London, my 94 year old mother and brother live in Lincolnshire. I skype every week, email and try and get over there as much as I can. Can you tell me a bit more about your personal life?

I am an enlightened troubled soul who has journeyed mountains and valleys in my life. I have felt like an outsider and yet a confidant. I am intriguing but cast fear in those unready to embrace their journey. I am full but always empty, I live to see others thrive, but find it hard to thrive myself, I am a conflict but open and honest, I am knowingness I am discovery, I am inspiration and vision, but incomplete. What has mostly impacted on you to become the person who you are today?

People, I have always been fascinated by people and who they are. I have an ability to see what their possibilities can be

and the path that lay before them. I am a person who holds people accountable for their choices and encourages people to live by their conviction. This is what has driven me all my life, the who, what, why, where, when, and how of life. It seems that your mission is to â&#x20AC;&#x153;discoverâ&#x20AC;? new D.I.V.A.S - what guided you to this journey?

http://plv-radio.com/ discovering-your-d-i-v-a Email. info@plv-radio.com

To hold on to a dream, be inspired by what could be, see the vision of opportunities and aspire to such dreams is what I believe will heal this world. I always had a dream, but lost it, my inspiration left me, but I found it again. My vision is to see people living in liberty, dignity, and meaningful purpose. That is what drives me, and celebrating people who through adversity pain and redirects, now live in their D.I.V.A helping the world to be a brighter place. There is so much love and positive energy within you - where does it derive?

My mottos are Positive Thinking = Positive Living, and Believe in something, Act on it and Commit to that action. I believe in the abilities within people, I am a seer and it is my job to help people see the D.I.V.A within themselves and find the courage to walk that path. How do you feel, connecting with so many people, no matter where they live or how long you have known them?

Love it, love meeting in any way people who inspire me, or people who are willing to step away from the fear, work on their releasing of outdated beliefs and embrace their DIVA. Distance is nothing today, not with good vibrations and the internet. PLV Radio is your new adventure - do you feel rewarded with this job and in what way?

I love it, I never would have known with my first show over two and a half years ago that it would lead to my owning an online radio station and being blown away by the people I interview and the work that they are doing to bring such liberation to us all. It has become my greatest joy.

What is your dream and ambitions for the radio show?

We are in the USA, Canada, South Africa, London, moving into Australia, and I am always looking for women and men who live in their D.I.V.A and want to inspire more people with illuminating information and who are true to sharing their vision. New DIVA hosts welcome from any English speaking country. What is the secret of you looking so young and beautiful and having so much energy to work, share and connect with people?

Ha ha, thank you, I do not see myself as beautiful but more a Mama, big sister, a caring woman. Looking young? I am 60 in October and celebrate the gift of life and longevity. There is still lots more in me to give and also receive, I am now ready to receive but have not always been that way. I just love to see the light come on in peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eyes when they awaken to all that is possible in their lives.

culture

Understanding

Mother Teresa’s vocation and migration

Albanian born Mother Teresa is one of the most written about women of modern times with books about her running into hundreds and in numerous languages. All the same, this missionary still remains a rather elusive figure Dr Gëzim Alpion

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

other Teresa would persistently tell her friendly biographers, hagiographers and reporters that she did not want them to write anything about her childhood and family. With few exceptions, they obliged. This is the reason why, to this day, we know little about the important formative years she spent in her native Skopje from 1910 to 1928. Equally important is the fact that we still do not know all the reasons why she decided to be a nun at eighteen and why she chose India as her destination. One would be justified if, on the basis of the scarce biographical details recorded in the literature regarding this celebrity religious personality that many of us take for granted we know so much about, one comes to the strange conclusion that she was born at eighteen. In my efforts to get to know the private woman behind the public nun since 2003, when I initially took a keen interest in Mother Teresa, I have always paid attention to her Skopje years and the relationship she had with her parents, especially her father, and two siblings. I became convinced of the validity of the biographical approach initially as a postgraduate at the Universities of Cairo and Durham where my focus was on two early twentieth century writers – James Joyce and D. H. Lawrence – whose literary work can be best understood if approached as a reflection and extension of themselves as private individuals. Joyce and Lawrence left Ireland and England respectively with the purpose of understanding who they were, something they accomplished by turning their life experiences into art. I have reasons to believe that, in this respect, Mother Teresa was as daring a self-inquirer, risk-taker and experimenter as Lawrence and Joyce. She opted for a

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

religious career and embarked on a journey to India where she hoped she would eventually find her purpose in life. Notwithstanding the specific circumstances that contributed to their departures from their Irish, English and Albanian roots, for these three figures, migration was an act of rebellion against a world they neither fully comprehended nor approved of, as well as a journey of self-discovery as a result of which they hoped to find and be true to a calling. Failure to understand the interrelationship between Mother Teresa’s choice of career and the motives of her migration have led many of her opponents, including her arch detractor, the late Christopher Hitchens, to draw fanciful conclusions regarding the reasons why she became a nun and the nature of her work and legacy. Some of their concerns are valid and merit further investigation but they should be carried out by objective people with no bias towards this nun, Catholicism, Christianity, or indeed religion in general. The attack on Mother Teresa coming from Germaine Greer, an important figure of the second feminist wave and a migration woman herself, is particularly disconcerting. Greer’s shallow understanding of the sister is seen especially in the hasty ‘religious imperialist’ sweeping statement she made about Mother Teresa in a Melbourne newspaper in 1990. During my second visit to Melbourne in 2013 I had the opportunity to see for myself how Sisters of the Missionaries of Charity order, set up by Mother Teresa in 1950, and a number of volunteers in Fitzroy served decent meals to people in need with no strings attached. I did not see the nuns asking the needy any questions whatsoever. I have seen the same dedication towards unfortunate fellow human beings in my visits to other Mother Teresa homes in Cairo in the 1980s and Calcutta in 2005. How easy it is for self-proclaimed righteous intellectuals sometimes to judge and condemn from the ivory towers of academia do-gooders such as members of Mother Teresa’s religious community, who we barely understand and certainly lack the guts to follow. Ours would be a much

better world if we spent more time acting than preaching; that we were told this lesson from a spiritual woman who spent all her life globetrotting is both strange and enlightening. Mother Teresa has yet to be studied, among others, by feminists and migration scholars. Feminists, for instance, may learn a thing or two about the nun who had the courage to make demands, some of them in a surprising non-compromising, even an ultimatum-like tone, to high ranking officials of a still predominantly patriarchal institution like the Catholic Church. With her faith in action, Mother Teresa showed throughout the 69 years of her career as a missionary that she considered human dignity as sacred. This is the reason why on 15 June 2014 I initiated an online petition asking the Vatican to speed up the process for the canonisation of Mother Teresa. I am not a Catholic myself, nor do I follow any particular religion. I hope this would encourage some of the readers of this article to support the canonisation campaign by following the instructions at: http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/ the-vatican-canonize-mother-teresa-2

Who is Gëzim Alpion?

Gëzim Alpion holds a BA from Cairo University and a PhD from Durham University, UK. Currently Lecturer in Sociology at the University of Birmingham, UK, Alpion is considered “the most authoritative English-language author” on Mother Teresa. His books include Vouchers (2001), Foreigner Complex (2002), Mother Teresa: Saint or Celebrity? (2007), If Only the Dead Could Listen (2008), and Encounters with Civilizations: From Alexander the Great to Mother Teresa (2011). He is an editorial board member for Celebrity Studies Journal (Routledge). Alpion has written features for The Birmingham Post, The Guardian, Hindustan Times, The Middle East Times, and The Hürriyet Daily News.

interview

Linda Scuizzato

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Telling beautiful stories with my photography By Lela Struga

Linda is an Italian photographer and lucky enough to do the job of her dreams every day. She has always loved photography and cannot remember a time in her life without it. She started taking pictures when she was twelve years old, and shot her first wedding when she was just seventeen. Linda came to the UK to study English after achieving her master’s degree in 2007. Linda first lived in Bristol, and she describes it as a vibrant city, with students from all around the world. Bristol was a good introduction for her to England and the British way of life. She gained experience of working for a couple of different photography studios, learned the “English way” of working, dealing with customers and directing the subject in front of the lens. What is the story of your relationship with London? What made you choose to live in London?

How can you not be madly in love with London?! I come from a small Italian city called Vicenza. The first time I came to London I was 22 and I remember I felt like being right in the centre of the world where everything happens. Standing at the entrance to a tube station, I said to my best friend: “I want to be one of these people, so smart and confident, all in a rush to get to their very important jobs and living such exciting lives.”

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London, to me, is the freedom to be who you want to be, and how you want to be. Yet you have to be careful because this wonderful city can give you wings but if you are not careful it can also take away your soul. When we moved to London, my fiancée at the time (now my husband), and I, knew it wasn’t going to be easy, and in fact it wasn’t. You have to fight and stand out of the crowd to be able to stay in London, the competition is really high and people are much more demanding than in a smaller cities. We came because I was already doing lots of weddings and portrait photography but wanted to broaden my experience in fashion photography as well. Being the fashion capital of Europe, coming to London was the obvious choice. Can you describe to us more from your experience of moving to a new country?

Moving into a new country is the most enriching experience you can ever have. It opens your mind, broadens your way of thinking and view of life. You meet people from all around the world and can share in their wealth of experiences. I have met some of my best friends since I came to the UK – I am so glad they are part of my life now. Conversely, sometimes, it can be difficult and also lonely. My family are all back in Italy and I miss them. What do you mostly miss from Italy?

Italy is an amazing country; there is so much history and art. Studying art there is essential. I was lucky enough to study there for my master’s degree in Art and Literature, where I visited most of the places I studied like Venice, Florence and Rome, which of course, are all unique in their individual ways. But the thing I miss the most is my family. They have always supported me throughout my life, and provide a safe harbour for me in times of trouble. It’s easier now with internet and mobile phones, but when I first came here I had to go to the phone box every time I wanted to call them - that was really hard. I also miss Italian food and wine which is all so cheap and fresh. Does photography fulfil you in life?

Yes it does. Photography is my way of expressing my soul. I can rule the world with the camera in my hands! When did you start to invest in the field of photography? What is your experience as a photographer in London?

I have had a passion for photography since I was a child. When I came to England, I fell in love with the country and decided to stay and set up Neverland Photography – a name that came from my favourite tale, Peter Pan. Neverland is a place where things don’t change, they remain timeless. Photographs commit the moment to memory in a similar way, whether it be a person, a product or a place. Since 2008 my company has grown and I have grown with it. I opened my studio in Southfields (south west London) last October, and learnt how to manage the

business/marketing side of photography. In London the competition is really high, you must give your clients something very personal and unique, and my point of difference is that photography is not only a job for me, it is my passion. Each image I take is different from any other - I don’t follow a standard format, each assignment is treated as just one only and my approach to it is tailored accordingly. How do people find you - and how do you promote yourself as a photographer?

Most of my business comes from word of mouth, which is the best marketing tool. My business model is not based on volume, but on quality. The customer experience is very important to me and I limit my client numbers to ensure that this is never compromised. To promote myself I talk to as many people as possible, attend networking groups, and keep in touch with my customers. During and after each assignment I seek feedback, not only to learn any lessons in order to continue to improve, but also to understand the areas in which my service has excelled so that I have a full understanding of what my clients like. Migrant women don’t always achieve their dreams and aspirations, as the challenges they have faced overwhelmed them. What has been your experience?

I guess I am a lucky migrant woman, because my dream came true coming to the UK. I was given the opportunity, regardless of where I came from, my experience or my background. I found that all doors were opened for me. Britain has always been used to foreign people coming here to work and study, and so it is easier to integrate here than in other countries, because there is less judgment and less prejudice towards a migrant. This doesn’t mean it was easy, it was and still is really hard, and I still have to fight every day to make sure I keep myself up to date in my field and always give my clients something unique and special, which is a continuous challenge. I do not have much time left for hobbies, as trying to obtain a good balance between family and work life is really difficult. The reality is that sometimes you can forget what is important and where you come from, and it takes strength and focus to keep yourself on track. What is your dream for the future?

My dream for the future is to have a happy family, to be able to spend most of my time with the people I love, to always be able to make my clients cry - as most do - because they are so happy when they see the images I have captured of their wedding or their families! I love telling stories, and I dream to be able to tell beautiful stories of love and happy relationships with my photography, for the rest of my life. www.neverlandphotography.com

interview

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Anna-Cajsa Johansson

helped me to better express myself By Lela Struga

fter finishing the gymnasium level of education (upper secondary) in Kalmar, Sweden, Anna-Cajsa with another friend had the desire to take some time out to travel and see something different. They had initially set their sights on Australia but they were too restless to save up for the money needed for the visa in the end they decided on London. It was a decision made with ease at the time, which was meant to be a six month adventure followed by a move on to France, as she had also studied French along with English at school. Looking back at those decisions now she is also very aware of the discomfort that partly brought the move on. She wanted to break free and be free from states of emotion that felt attached to her life to that point. Anna-Cajsa realised the reality that she was only trying to escape from herself and she shares her story with us. What were the biggest changes or challenges that you faced when you arrived in London?

The language was the biggest challenge, the frustration and embarrassment of not being able to express myself like I wanted to and the fear of being misinterpreted and misunderstood. Starting off working in a pub in Greenwich, I remember spending a lot of time smiling and nodding and asking people to repeat themselves. I was so self-conscious about it all but working in a team that was a mix of Scottish, Mexican and German, even as some of this was very uncomfortable it was mixed with a lot of laughs and great friendships.

I remember having my first dream in English after about 3 months and then the shift to it all just being one language in my mind. I felt responsible only for myself in having left my home country and that was a very freeing feeling for me. I liked the anonymity of London and felt it helped my self-expression hugely, especially once the language started settling with me. You started your career working as an accountant in a private equity firm in Mayfair â&#x20AC;&#x201C; what made you change the direction after many years?

After about 6 years of working in different hospitality and front of house posi-

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tions I got offered a job in private equity and that was an excellent opportunity for me. While in this role I met some wonderful people and worked for a company I felt very strong loyalty and commitment to. But after some years I felt it wasn’t the right direction for me. What motivated me there were the people and not my role. I was working within relationships that I felt passionate about but with something that in the end, drained me rather than brought me inspiration. I had been introduced to kinesiology some years prior and this seemed to match with what my heart wanted to a much larger degree.

The feeling that I needed to desperately change something. I experienced too much pain in staying with how things were and how I was experiencing the world. It was like I could see my whole life lined out in front of me and I didn’t like what I saw, it seemed to lack something vital. It didn’t sit right with me and I kept searching for something that would give me a purpose. I still seek it in so many ways and I don’t expect, nor do I want it to, ever stop

Now you help women in their personal growth – what is your experience of this period?

That we spend a lot of our time doing what we think we should rather than what we have a burning desire to experience. That we struggle to listen or even hear our heart and that in being able to hear there is fear that we won’t be accepted or loved in living or truth. I am talking about the smallest things as well as the larger choices in life. My experience is that we are so used to reacting and responding to what is needed from us that we struggle to find the way to health and growth through simply listening to ourselves and the strong and powerful flow of our feminine force. How has this journey been for you since you started to study kinesiology?

Incredible, the toughest and most wonderful times of my life so far. It provided me with a tool to support me through growth in a way that I had wanted for a long time. It also made it possible for me to take a leap and call on some of the strength inside to make changes for myself. This is where in the past I would have compromised my own needs to try and make someone else happy. To now be able to support myself and other people using kinesiology is wonderful. For me it is such a big part of my life and the importance of having regular therapies of various kinds to support me in my growth is something I highly value and would never go without. Photo Credit: Rinaldo Sata

my story

t was a cold day in January, and I was heading for my first volunteer work in New York City. As I got closer to the building, and then opened the door, I didn’t know what to expect. A thousand thoughts were swimming in my head. Thoughts filled with sadness and the cherished opportunity to work there. But for now I had to know what I was dealing with. The windows by the entrance were covered with green bushes and a décor of summer look. Nice, I said to myself, and finally stepped inside. There was a big room full of unfortunate homeless people, men and women, aged mostly over 50, from all walks of life. Some had fallen prey to bad habits of drugs and alcohol, a few had just recently divorced, and for some life was just too harsh on them to still hold it together. Others were just too comfortable with the life in there to seek anything better. In the corner there was a man with dark complexion aged around 20-25, wearing well tailored clothes, and listening to what I assumed to be music on his i-Phone, And an older gentleman who was friendly, but at times couldn’t control what he was saying or doing and acted strangely. Some of the people in the room were on medication, and if they missed a dose they displayed aggression and hard to control behavior, so I made sure to make them my priority. I wanted to get inside their heads as much as I could and understand these people. They would be my responsibility and I would have to make sure that they were taken care of. There were scheduled times for early showers in the morning, breakfasts, lunch and dinner, laundry, and evening showers. At 8 pm it was time for everyone to be transported to a different location to spend the night and brought back in again the next day at 6 am. Everything was timed. Days at the shelter went by fast. When there was cold weather, the shelter was to stay open and assist people who had no place to go. Among them were the ones who had already registered to that shelter, or were told to stay overnight as “punishment”. In the last group there was an older woman, maybe around 65. She was new to the shelter, and still had a lot of adjusting to do, ac-

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Lola Paluca

My story of working at a homeless shelter in New York

MIGRANTWOMAN.COM

cording to the staff that worked there. She was outspoken and not afraid of anything. An attribute I came to learn was common among people that were living shelter life. Every day this poor old woman would tell

me how unfairly she was being treated. The morning staff wouldn’t help her do the laundry, the shower schedules were strictly enforced, she complained about the food for being uncooked, and lastly when she was sent to spend the night at one of these shelters, the one that she was assigned to, she “was being treated like a Nazi”. They would do accountability checks 2-3 times throughout the night, and the “residents” were told to not speak, say a word, talk to each other, or go outside, or they would be locked out. I felt that my people skills were being tested on a daily basis. In my mind, they were only compensated for their lack of a house, of loved ones, friendship, intimacy, and a comfortable bed, with a heartfelt warm delicious soup that I would serve for dinner. An over-achieving thought with much less to work on. As if I needed a wake up call, a male in his 40s brings me to my senses by saying “Why did you give me a smaller piece of chicken than the other person?”. Finally a week later I had the hang of things. Nights were kind of easy but mornings were messy and chaotic between those who had already found jobs and trying to make it there on time, look clean, suited, and fed, and among those who were already retired, or were just in the line waiting for free housing to become available. A few others had no jobs and simply didn’t care.

The work environment looked hopeful but in perspective the day to day conditions were not so good. The staff had to work by the door which was two feet away from the bathrooms, which were open covered, with showers attached and still open at the top. This meant that not only did we have to listen to the users unconscious noises, and body fluids that flowed out of their bodies, but the bad smells released too. At times there were clients who refused to shower, and the smell was unbearable. The building itself looked like it needed to be put through a dishwasher in order to smell or look livable again. The basement where the food was stored smelt of a mix of fungus and mold. I was pondering about all of this one day as I sat next to an older man on a bus to work. He was tall, with big shoulders, a long grey moustache, and clean matching clothes. He looked at me as if I had just come out of a sewer but didn’t say anything. I didn’t think much of it. The next day, when I was about to return home on the same bus route, I happened to see a couple sleeping on the floor of the bus terminal. The woman was in her mid-forties and the man in his mid-thirties. They looked so comfortable between the railing and the wall, sleeping and hugging each other facing down. It made me feel bad that they had to leave the facility so early in the morning, but at the same time if there, they could only sleep in a chair and not lay down anywhere, and it made me think that maybe they were more comfortable sleeping at the bus station. I got on the bus and a young woman sat next to me but within a few seconds she moved away to sit a few rows from the back. Great, I said to myself, it is my smell from the shelter again. After that I made the decision to move on. It felt sad to say goodbye to a place like that, but at the same time it felt good to have had the chance and the opportunity to experience at first-hand what it is like helping people who society has decided to ignore or forget about. Footnote from Migrant Woman editorial team: If you would like to know more about the homeless people in England, please go to http://england.shelter.org.uk/home

interview

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Bozena Merrick Lifesaving Polish culture of selfless attitudes

There was a time in Poland, after the martial law was lifted, when it seemed like there was no more hope left for the near future. There seemed to be a confrontation with the regime every ten years. “At that time, in my early twenties, ten years seemed like a lifetime to me, not worth waiting for” – says Bozena Merrick. She felt that there was not much she could do in Poland anymore. Leaving the country felt painful but exciting for Bozena How do you remember the experience you had at the beginning?

A real mixture of excitement and anticipation with a dose of anxiety and tension too. It is hard to believe but until then I had never seen an advertisement in my life and could not quite figure out what they were there for! I had never used a bank and had not seen a credit card. Everything was different and unfamiliar, yet somewhat easy. Anything was possible – such a great feeling! We were facing extreme hardship but it did not seem to matter at all. Buying a fruit we had never seen in our lives was exciting enough to forget that we had not had dinner that day. We were very cold that winter but the British Museum was warm inside and the entry was free! I think our families were blessed with ignorance and impossibility of contacting us and finding out how we were doing. I imagine they would be distraught seeing me and my husband in the streets of London and in the hostel the Local Authority placed us in. Yet we were fine, marvelling in the world around us, excited and eager to understand and get to know “The West”. Then you faced a lot of challenges in life – what has helped you to keep standing and fighting to succeed?

I am not sure. I guess I have some evidence that I am resilient and self-determined but it really did not feel like that at the time and still does not feel like it. At the time of my husband’s disappearance and following the discovery of his body in the Pyrenees, I have been described as “brave” so many times. I remember that there was hardly anything which could vex me more. I simply did not think that I had an option of anything else but doing what had to be Photo Credit: Rinaldo Sata

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done. I had two traumatised children to think about and this had to take the absolute priority. My husband as an orthopaedic surgeon, was a breadwinner for the family and with his disappearance our livelihood just disappeared in a flash. I did not qualify for a regular NHS widow pension as he had worked in the UK for a very short time. I had to find a way of keeping the house and supporting us all and I had to find it quickly. I guess I kept in my mind the awe we experienced when coming to the UK – the great feeling that everything was possible. I guess I was determined to keep this country to its promise, in some peculiar way. I also wanted to honour the purpose of our escape from the East, and did not want all of this effort of jumping the ship to end up in some sort of futility. I knew that I had an option of going back but I felt immensely responsible for the future of my children. I never imagined then that what happened in Europe could ever happen, that the Berlin Wall would go down one day. So at that time I was afraid that my children, when older, will ask me why, having that opportunity, I did not try to stay in the West, even if just for them. I also felt that I had not yet “lived” here, in the west, that life had just begun for us here. The effort of coming here always had an option of going back to Poland attached to it. Yet returning to Poland did not seemed to have an option of coming back here ever again, it felt like the real “one way ticket”. You have been a single mother and faced a lot of difficulties in life – what is the biggest lesson that you have received from these situations?

Oh, how do I even start answering this question? Every day was, and still is, a lesson. It is more about maintaining the capacity to take these lessons in and not allowing myself to be bogged down with daily obstacles and disappointments and frustrations, and to keeping on forgiving myself for not learning enough. How did you move from a difficult place to the where you are now?

I continue to be in a difficult place and it seems to me that once you displace yourself, this affects your life in its entirety. I believe

that some of the difficulties we have experienced from time to time might have been handled differently if I was surrounded and supported by my “own folks” - my family and friends. My exile, albeit voluntary, permanently dislodged me from my culture and my roots, yet it did not allow me to be in one with the culture of this country. This has deep and complicated implications for my professional and personal life. I therefore have not moved from a difficult place, I somewhat changed it and transformed it, made it manageable and contained but, in many ways the struggle, on so many levels, still goes on. Who are the people that have supported you in your dark moments?

My parents, with their Eastern, or rather Central European values of putting your children first, always, have been a blessing. The selflessness of attitudes of Polish culture, particularly my parents’ generation, can be sometimes stifling yet lifesaving. I am forever indebted to them and to my sister and to some of my husband’s friends who were there for me and for my children. In my recent life my partner is a solid support personally as well as professionally. After many years in this country, what makes you feel proud of yourself?

My work, I guess. I have created Terapia, a unique organisation which provides a training MA training in Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy and Counselling. I am truly moved, seeing Terapia’s students and graduates working with children and achieving amazing results, helping struggling children and families in various communities, contributing to the life of this society with their wisdom gained from their training at Terapia. I am also vaguely proud of being able to let go of my business and give it to a charity with a view of a “bigger picture”. The project I have devoted myself to recently is the renovation of a Grade II Listed Victorian Gothic folly. I am raising funds to turn it to a Terapia’s Centre of Excellence for Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy and Counselling. What are your biggest plans for the future?

Terapia Centre to open its doors one day….

Who is Bozena?

Bozena has over 25 years of experience in working with children, adolescents, adults and groups as a Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor, Trainer, Lecturer and Group Facilitator. Bozena gained her MSc in Clinical Psychology abroad and has a background in psychiatric settings and social work. Before establishing Terapia in 2003, Bozena set up a Counselling Service for the Project for Children with Special Needs in Richmond. She also worked as a lecturer, trainer and supervisor for CPPD Counselling School, Centre for Counselling and Psychotherapy Education and the Community Health Project. Bozena was also a member of Executive Committee of the Faculty for Emotional Being of Young People and Children at the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP). Bozena Merrick is the Founder of Terapia and the visionary behind Terapia Centre for Excellence and the Bothy restoration project.

culture

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Bloom where you are planted

Her front yard is full of colorful flowers but there’s one kind that stands out. It’s a big sunflower that welcomes everyone coming into the house. Out of modesty she says, “People say sunflowers synchronize with my personality.” By Rezarta Mataj

oanah Montojo at the age of 42 has done it all from attending beauty contests and making it in the top three, to conducting fundraisers to help the families affected by the typhoon in the Philippines back in 2013. Joanah has also worked with the Philippines government in helping the native tribes get educational and social help, while at the same time she was teaching nursing. Joanah is still a big help to her own community when it comes to organizing social events for the big Filipino community in Albany, New York. Her help comes in many forms and ways. “I help the kids of my community when they organize dances or attend different school or regional contests. They practice here in my home basement.” Joanah says that one of her primary goals of being active and so involved with her native culture is to teach her American born son about his parents’ culture and embrace where he is from. She thinks that one can’t be successful if not aware of their origin and culture. Joanah also keeps up with technology especially with social networking. She is very active on her Facebook page constantly posting pictures about activities happening in the Filipino community. But after all of these activities and hard work it’s yet to be determined whether success has followed Joanah Montojo or if she has chased success as a hungry tiger after his prey. Joanah was only 19 when she finished nursing school, and was in her early twenties when she finished her master’s in business administration. Being a very busy woman back home by helping and serving her community, her “kingdom” as she calls it, God had another plan for her. Joanah was ready for the next step. According to her nothing happens by accident. Success is “faith, hope, and a positive attitude,” she said. “I tell myself it’s not an accident that I am a Filipino. I had to serve my country first and when my mission was finished there I then

had to look for the next step,” she said. Joanah arrived in America in 2009 to work as a nurse at Albany Medical Center (AMC) through a nurse recruiting program that AMC had at the time. The qualification for the program was easier for her because she was already academically ready but Joanah wanted to do more, offer more and get more from life. Being part of AMC Joanah was about to face a challenge. The American life was different from what she had lived and experienced back home. Her current tittle is Assistant Manager of the Elective Orthopedics unit. She works with people from 13 nationalities, cultures and languages. Ironically what might seem hard for some people seems like a blessing to Joanah Montojo. “Human beings are human beings. If you see the best in each person and believe in them they will be successful. I listen to their frustrations and I try to be objective about their problems. By recognizing where the person comes from and respecting it, that is key.” She added “Without the contribution of each person in the unit we wouldn’t be able to meet the needs of the patients and I believe in each individual. Even when I have problems with certain people I don’t hate the person - I separate the action from the person.” One of Joanah’s employees, Juan Bitanga describes her as accepting. “The way she proudly showcases our unit’s diversity, makes you feel comfortable when you’re unsure of yourself, and teaches you when you just don’t know the answer, which can only be explained as acceptance.” Her hard work and dedication have paid off in so many ways. Joanah has won awards given at the AMC but what she shares proudly is the story of an anonymous patient who donated money in her honor to AMC. People who work with her acknowledge that Joanah is a very energetic person and is constantly sharing positive vibes and giving support to her co-workers when they have a bad day. The

fact of being alive and to be able to live another day is a big motivation for her. Maria Baun, one of the nurses who works with Joanah said “She is everywhere with her positive energy, laughing and talking to people and when she’s not here we miss her.” Back to Joanah: “I start my day by singing in the car and saying, Oh god help me today it’s another day. I walk into work and say hello, good morning, to everyone. I am positive and like positive vibes even when I acknowledge the negative, I have to realize there’s a positive side to it or choosing the positive thing to do.” But at the end of the day Joanah is human too and she needs to be supported, loved and cared about. Surprisingly what ‘recharges’ her energies is her journal and her garden. Despite the busy schedule and days full of activities Joanah never neglects herself. “There is time for everything. I come out here into my garden and I write in my journal. It’s more of a meditation and self-reflection of what I could have done better or found the right thing to do” Joanah explained. Her husband, whom she met many years ago while working out at a gym, is of course another big supporter. They have two sons from their happy marriage.

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lifestyle

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

The Lake District, in Cumbria, north west England, approximately 300 miles (480 Km) from London, is a wonderful place to visit, a great escape from city life and the scenery can be quite spectacular and varied. On a sunny day it is outstanding but of course, you have to accept that the weather can be changeable and to always be prepared for rain There are many outdoor wear shops, and some use a variation of a quote from a well-known historical author and resident of the area, Alfred Wainwright: “There is no such thing as bad weather, only a poor choice of clothing”. (He actually said, “unsuitable clothing” long before he knew that it would be used commercially!). If you are looking for a break with a difference, adventure, exercise, fresh air, and tranquillity, then the Lake District is the place to go. The Lake District can be enjoyed in various ways, from camping to self-catering cottages to grand 5 star luxury hotels boasting some of the finest views over the lakes or mountains. Some of the lakes are popular for water sports activities. Walking is popular for the fit and hardy, as is cycling, hop on or off ferry boats can take you around the lakes, there are daytime

The Lake District

Tourism and the vital cog supporting it By Lela Struga

buses (open top as well) and of course the car, but watch out for the sheep wandering around the narrow lanes! Driving through the mountains is quite an experience and not for the faint hearted, with climbs and descents of up to 33% and 180 degree turns on a single lane and no barriers. For the thrill (and fear for some!) and for super fit cyclists, try Hardknott Pass. 370 metres at its peak. From a recent visit, it was also strik-

ing that at the hotel where we were staying, that every member of staff we engaged with was from another country and it appeared to be mostly (but not exclusively) the case at other hotels, restaurants and cafes that we visited. From further conversations during the stay, we were given estimates of 80 – 90% being non British workers in hospitality. That may be an over estimate but it is certainly high. Only a few were willing to speak openly and it

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Personal stories Romina Tsouni

Albania We met Romina in August on her second to last day on reception at the Lodore Falls Hotel, Keswick, and she has since returned to Plymouth after one year in the Lake District. It was not originally a conscious decision to work in the Lake District. I was helped by a friend to move there. (After I had graduated from University of Plymouth) I had found it very difficult to find a job so I decided to go whereever. The big difference in working at a hotel in the Lake District to being in a big city is that you don’t need to worry about accommodation. You don’t need to worry about where to live, as hospitality jobs always provide accommodation, which makes things much easier. A second reason was saving money. Because of less choice you might be able to save money. Unfortunately it didn’t work out for me. It’s a different world, an idyllic country location. I spent my first months loving it and comparing everything favourably to a big city. However when you start realising that you can’t do many things after work (if you think that the last bus is at 6pm and there’s only one club in the nearest town, and after a month everyone knows you) you start hating it. Definitely it’s not for everyone, unless you like walking, walking and walking.

Ramona B

seemed that for many, they preferred to keep a low profile. The Visitor Economy in 2007 contributed £1.1 billion to the Cumbrian economy, supporting over 36,000 employees; it is forecast to grow to £1.5 billion by 2018 On average per year about 15.5 million people arrive in the Lake District with approximately 33% of the visitors staying overnight. Around 20,000 full time jobs are directly related to the visitor, and almost twice this figure for seasonal employment. It was estimated that 50-60% of hospitality staff in rural areas in the Lake District were from overseas in 2009. www.cumbria.gov.uk What is it like to work and live there?

Positive features of living and working in the Lake District were small, friendly, quiet, safe places, beautiful scenery and

Romania My passion for the English language and a twist of events in my life brought me to the UK as an au pair. It had been a real challenge to be able to cope with the change from a high position in human resources, owning my own house and car to living in someone else’s house and respecting their rules. It was the first time I ever went abroad but it felt like home. My next job gave me the opportunity to work closely with a family with children under autistic spectrum. The most difficult and amazing job which brought me a great personal satisfaction. This last family asked me to move with them to New Zealand but I decided not to go, to stay in the UK and start looking for a job that was ‘live out’. At one point I was doing three part time jobs. I went to all the agencies in town and was told that my six years office management experience did not count in the UK and I should look for low paid jobs which would be more suitable. Finally I received a phone call from a hotel in the Lake District to work as a waitress. I said yes, packed my things in my car and drove from Ipswich to Cumbria. After two months I was moved to reception, then found another receptionist job in Keswick, where I worked until a month ago when I started as an Optical Assistant for Vision Express. It is daunting and depressing to be rejected because your name and background are different and not even be offered a chance to be heard. I now understand that although the majority still refuse to see me and just reject my Romanian name there are also people here who can see behind my nationality and who appreciate me for my work.

lifestyle

countryside, good walking, local communities, ease of getting to work, relaxing away from the city and the ability to save money in a rural place. Negative features of living and working in the Lake District were the climate, unreliable expensive bus services, high tourist prices for food, accommodation and nights out and a lack of alternative job opportunities. It was seen as a boring place for young people, some did not feel part of the community. Overseas workers were viewed as important to the hospitality sector because without them there would not be enough staff to do the work. International staff are hard workers with a good work ethic, have a good attitude and staff turnover is low. They provide a good welcome for international customers. There are not enough local people and young people in the Lake District who will do the jobs, and the pay was too low for them. It is too expensive for young British people to live in the Lake District. They tend to leave to find work elsewhere. Young British people did not consider hospitality to be a career. Positive features of working with and employing people of different nationalities

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

were that it makes the workplace interesting, encourages integration and broadens horizons. People are individuals and should be distinguished by personality, not nationality. Overseas workers of all nationalities did not consider themselves to be â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;migrant workersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. Either they perceived themselves as travellers, or on a working holiday. Waves of different nationalities have arrived to work in the sector in different

eras. There used to be lots of workers from Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, then, via the work permit scheme workers from the Philippines, Japan, the Far East and Russia. A substantial Spanish community is established in Windermere, and there were reported to be about 20 Jamaican chefs working in the South Lakes in 2009. Since 2004 workers from Eastern and Central Europe have solved the recruitment crisis in the sector.

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MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

BALLYMORE & OXLEY LAUNCH ROYAL WHARF, LONDON A new residential neighbourhood and town centre for the Royal Docks in East London [LONDON â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 20 March 2014] Today, Royal Wharf, the centerpiece of the transformation of the Royal Docks in East London, launches. This exceptional new development by Oxley and Ballymore, in the Royal Docks area, will create a new town centre complete with 3,385 new riverside homes including 310 new townhouses. There will be two new parks and three new pocket parks, a new high street, nearly 5,000 sqm of shops, bars and restaurants

and significant new community infrastructure. Royal Wharf sits between Lyle Park and Thames Barrier Park on the banks of the Thames. It has excellent transport links from Pontoon Dock DLR station and Canning Town on the Jubilee Line, providing access to the West End in 20 minutes, Canary Wharf in just five minutes and London City Airport in four minutes. In 2018 a new Crossrail station at Custom House

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will mean that residents can reach Heathrow Airport in just 41 minutes. In addition, the Emirates Air Line, London’s only crossriver cable car, is a short walk away. The properties, designed by Ballymore, draw on the Georgian heritage of London’s great squares and neighbourhoods, and the benefits of riverside living. They will include expansive town houses, three bed duplexes, two and one bed apartments and compact suites. Royal Wharf boasts the stunning backdrop of Canary Wharf, the O2 and the Thames Barrier. The development reflects the tradition of riverside promenades and town squares in London. It takes the maritime heritage of the area and brings it up to the present day with beautiful homes in an elegant neighbourhood. Inside the apartments and townhouses there is a distinct blend of Georgian tradition with the best of modern living. Each property’s layout and design maximises views over the network of town squares and the nearby London icons. When complete, Royal Wharf will become a vibrant and bustling neighbourhood of 10,000 residents centred on Sovereign Place, the local market square, with shops and restaurants leading to a network of leafy streets and squares, a traditional high street and on to a riverfront promenade. Ballymore and Oxley have come together to collaborate on Royal Wharf to create a new residential area for London. This will be a new neighbourhood for Londoners with prices starting at £235,000 for a suite and £695,000 for a four bedroom townhouse Works have already begun on site with Royal Wharf’s first residents moving in during 2016 and the whole project completed by 2020 – an unprecedented pace of development for London. Oxley Chief Executive, Ching Chiat Kwong, said, “Royal Wharf is our first development in London and will transform the Royal Docks area. It will be a whole new town centre in East London and is one of the biggest residential developments in London. We are very excited to be working with Ballymore and benefiting from their long history of successful developments in

London.” John Mulryan, UK Managing Director of Ballymore commented, “The Royal Wharf development brings together what we have learned from twenty five years of projects in London. It is a superb riverside location, with high quality transport links and the opportunity to create a new neighbourhood for East London. With our renowned focus on design and quality we are able create these wonderful new homes for London.” To register interest go to www.royalwharf.com or in the UK call 0800 160 1200.

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a man

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Ă&#x2013;nder Sahan - Photographed by Francesco Cruzat

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The Tas Empire A unique story of a migrant man

fter enjoying the traditional lunch at a very nice restaurant in central London with one of my friends who had come from America, Dr Norman Rosenthal, I was ready to leave. For one moment my instinct halted me at the door. I saw two men talking together at the reception and I wanted to tell them how special was their food. They stopped their conversation when they saw me approaching and I used the chance to talk to them. “Sorry for interrupting you”, I said to one of the men, who was dressed in a suit, subconsciously ‘ ignoring’ the other man that was talking to him. “I am the editor in chief of Migrant Woman magazine, this is my business card Can you please pass this to your chef or your manager, as I would like to write an article about Turkish food, and maybe listen to the story of your owner? I have a feeling that there is a special story

behind this.” He smiled, they both smiled, and the man that I was ‘ ignoring’ left saying something in Turkish. I didn’t understand but the man I was talking with was laughing even more. “What’s the matter?” I asked him feeling surprised. “Madam, he is the chef, and he is the boss.” “Oh, but why has he left?” “Because he was randomly here, he is very busy, and he rarely comes here. I am surprised you found him here today, right now.” “And what is the reason for laughing? “I am laughing madam because you know what he said to me? The lady is talking to you, but I am going to be featured in the magazine, not you!”. We laughed together even more. He was the chef, he was the boss, the man who had just left.

By Mirela Sula - Photographer Francisco Cruzat

Every thing happens for a reason

On my journey back I was still thinking, “Why did I speak with the other man, instead of speaking with the owner”? What made me stop at the door just before leaving and ask for the chef? As a spiritual person I always look for signals who guide me to meet the right people, at the right place, at the right time – these are always people that I need to meet. What made me believe that there is a special story behind this? Maybe some of the answers I found when I met Onder Sahan, the migrant man who built the Tas Empire. I met Onder Sahan a few days later at his Southwark restaurant. The story and the person that I discovered, is truly incredible

and inspirational, and it is my honour and privilege to share it with the readers of Migrant Woman magazine. Onder first came to London 25 years ago, with the intention of it only being for a temporary stay and to then return to Turkey. In fact Onder’s family had originally migrated to Istanbul two generations earlier. In 1990 when Onder found himself in London, in completely new circumstances, and speaking or understanding very little of the English language, the first thing he had in mind was the need to adapt and embrace change. His first job was in a factory ironing clothes followed by work in a coffee shop and as a cook in a restaurant and within a few months he realised that cooking was his passion. After six years Onder

a man

decided to leave the job and start his own business. For the next eight months Onder spent his time searching central London to be sure of choosing the right venue for his first restaurant. His persistence and belief, from monitoring carefully every area, the number of people, the peak times, where people went, and other restaurants nearby, reveals the drive and the desire to succeed of a very astute person. Yet while talking with Onder, as he shares his story with me, he often defines himself not as exceptionally intelligent but as a very modest person, which is said with honesty. He does not drive or own a car and travels everywhere on public transport using his Oystercard. Onder works seven days a week and has not ever had a holiday in the last 14 years. He considers his business trips to be his

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

holidays! However, his story and success reveals a deep level of intelligence at an unconscious level. With this intelligence, this man chose the venue of the first restaurant, following eight months of careful research, and found the way to acquire it by approaching the right people and with a positive intention and strong belief to succeed. Only one year later, he would open the second restaurant and from thereon has continued opening more until reaching twenty in fourteen years and employing 400 people from all sorts of backgrounds both on a full-time and part-time basis. The story of Onder is about the persistence of an outstanding man to succeed, despite the language barriers, the new rules of the new society, the knowledge, the net-

works, or even the lack of education in this field. Onder confesses that he had never done any course in cooking, or had any education or other relevant background. His talent to cook is a gift he was born withand this amazing story shows us that if we believe in our gift, we must invest and develop it to be able to share it with others, which is what Onder is doing. His kindness, love and empathy for people make him even more charismatic to the big team, or â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; that he has built. They call him Onder Bey or Abu Onder, which is a way to express respect, love and honour for him. It is a multicultural team, and appear to convey the same positive energy transmitted by the leader. His restaurants are always full and offer a menu of a wide variety to suit every taste and desire.

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recipe secrets of Onderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success

I have never felt desperate for money. Since I have never been fond of an expensive or luxurious lifestyle I have always had the means to meet my basic needs. I believe in luck. I met the right people at the right times and developed my relations with them. I achieved this by working patiently and by setting out targets in line with my talents and intelligence. I always wanted to be myself and never tried to be someone else. To be myself without losing my characteristics or affection is my biggest asset despite all the difficulties I have experienced. I try to manage my businesses with colleagues whose wisdom and skills I have faith in. My first and most important criterion is to employ people who have the legal right to work in the UK. Since we function in the services sector, anyone having the right conditions for the work is a valuable and potential candidate for us irrespective of his/her ethnic background, language or religion. Employees in the service industry must be equipped with knowledge, techniques and skills required to perform the position they apply for. Maintaining good relations with people is very important. One must smile and have a positive attitude. I also advise my employees to provide solutions to problems rather than complain or accuse others in difficult times. What motivates me more than anything else is to be beneficial to people and add value to their lives. We should not be merely consumers who benefit from the opportunities offered by nature or by other people but we should also be prepared to give back to society as much as we can. One of my ambitions is to make sure that whatever I know or observe reaches out to as many people as possible. My priority and biggest motivation is to share true and useful knowledge with all people on Earth.

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MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Meet Tas Migrant Women We visited a number of his restaurants and kitchens on an escorted tour kindly arranged by Onder, tasting not only the great food but also the opinions of some of the migrant women who are employed to his restaurants.

Aygul Maral

Aygul Maral, from Turkey I studied a “Hotel and Tourism” course in Turkey. I came to England in 1992 (aged 26) to learn and improve my English. I lived in Kent for one year and moved to London, where I currently live. I met Onder Sahan in my first job in London, which led me to work for his own company, Tas Restaurant, for the last eight years. The job gave me the opportunity to meet and work with different ethnic groups and clients. I enjoyed my position in the company because I learnt new skills and met many famous faces such as Kristin Scott Thomas, Kevin Spacey, Boris Johnson and many more. This company has allowed me to feel comfortable not only in the workplace but with living in London. I now consider London my home, since I’m living with my family too.

Desislava Icheva – from Bulgaria I came to London a few months ago to improve my English and I found myself fascinated with this city. I decided to stay here, but I needed a job. I was so happy when I was told that I had got the job at one of the Tas Restaurants. It told me that if you have the determination to find a job, you can always find it. This is the perfect job for me to start my journey in life. Next year I am planning to continue my studies. I want to go to university and this job is giving me the opportunity to earn some money and learn more about life. In the future I want to have my own business. This experience is teaching and inspiring me so much. Desislava Icheva

Leanary Pecarari

Leanary Pecarari - from Italy Leanary is half Nigerian and half Italian. She was born in Nigeria, and at the age of five her family moved with her to Italy. When she was nine years old, she moved with her family to London, at eleven she moved to Ireland and at the age of eighteen she moved back to Italy. Now at twenty one, Leonary decided to come to London on her own. I came to London only two months ago with my friend. We together decided to come to London to find a summer job. After finishing our studies we tried for about three years to find a job in Italy but it was impossible. I have applied so many times to get a job but received no answer at all. I started to feel very frustrated being dependent on my parents and used to feel very bad asking them for money all of the time. After three years in Italy of searching for a job with no result, it took only five days to find a job in London. I love the feeling of being independent. I love the environment that is created at this restaurant, the food, the culture, and also the team is fantastic. Now I would like to earn some money and gain more experience, and soon my dream is to start a university degree. I want to become a social worker, to work with children and their families, to be in contact with people.

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Recipes from the Head Chef

Önder Sahan

Önder Sahan is the head chef of Tas Restaurant. He is also the owner of 19 Turkish restaurants spread across London, all of which are in busy locations. He has personally trained the head chefs at each and continues to take an active role in their management. His first restaurant, TAS Cut in the Waterloo area of London, was recognised as the best vegetarian restaurant in its neighbourhood within the first year of its opening.

Aubergine souse

salt and pepper and cook it untill boiled. Once done add some grated cheese, mix.

Ingredients • Roasted and peeled aubergine finely chopped • flour • butter • cheddar cheese • milk • salt and white pepper

Meat topping Boneless shoulder chopped in big pieces placed in a tray. Add some chopped onions and fresh pepper, pilled tomatoes, tomato and pepper paste mixed in a water, salt, ground pepper, rosemary, baby leaf. Water should be just above meat. Place it in a preheat oven at 220C for 2-2.5 hours. Once cooked pull the meat in pieces and serve on top of aubergine sauce.

How to prepare Melt butter in a pan, add some flour to make it thicker, add roasted and chopped aubergin, mix it a bit, add milk to make it softer, add

Recipe of Salmon with Leeks-Pirasali Salmon ( For 2 people) Ingredients: • 3- 2 Salmon steaks (300-400 grams) • 4- 150 grams chopped leeks • 5- 1 Charleston pepper • 6- 1 Chopped tomato • 7- 4 baby potatoes • 8- 2 cloves of garlic • 9- 1 tbs coriander • 10- 1 tbs salt • 11- 1 tbs black pepper • 12- 1 tbs sweet basil/ reyhan

pepper paste • 16- 2 tbs olive oil/ vegetable oil

• 13- 1 tbs lemon juice • 14- 1 tbs white house wine • 15- 1 tbs pepper salca ( paste) / sweet

How to prepare Chop the salmon steaks into cubes, add some olive oil and fry in a non stick pan for 5 minutes. Add white wine and lemon juice together with leeks, Charleston pepper, tomato and potatoes and simmer for another 5 minutes with the lid on. After that, add coriander, salt, black pepper and basil and cook for a further 3 minutes. Leave to rest for 3 minutes and serve. This dish goes well with toasted brown bread and bulgur wheat. Enjoy!

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MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

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Migrant Woman The launch event for Migrant Woman Magazine and the book ‘Don’t Let Your Mind Go’ last Thursday 24th July at Regent’s University, exceeded expectations with a great turnout of around 120 people. The ladies really excelled themselves in looking so glamorous for the pictures, the filming, and the interviews. A special mention goes to our esteemed guest speaker – Dr Norman Rosenthal and his enlightening presentation on ‘Migrant Women Finding the Gift of Adversity’. It was such a fantastic setting in Regent’s University, both inside and outside.

John Purkiss, Author of Brand You & Norman Rosenthal, psychiatrist, author of Gift Adversity

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Mayor Elizabeth Kangethe & Councillor Saima $ Nyasha Gwatidzo

Tony Milo, solicitor & Simon Newsham Tax expert

Boobi Bicker & Rebeca Riofrio

Teresa Arnandis

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Magazine Launch Event

Henrik Lezi, Art Director, Trevor Clarke sub-editor, Ken Doughty - web programmer MW magazine

Tony Selimi, author of Path to Wisdom & Vebi Kosumi

Lily Mensah, Shamin Iqbal, Dash Thaci

Adelina Badivuku

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Sarah Alexander & Tasleem Mulhall

MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

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MIGRANT WOMAN #5 SEPTEMBER 2014

Theatre Review by Vince Woodss

‘The Perceptionists’ at the Hen & Chickens Theatre, Islington’ ince Woods only recently moved to London after spending 25 years in Newcastle in North East England working in events and film. A Director and Producer, he originally studied Fine Art, specialising in animation and experimental film. He grew up around North England and spent his formative years in Blackpool. His debut feature as Director, ‘HARRIGAN’, is currently out on NETFLIX starring Stephen Tompkinson, a period thriller set in the dark, chaotic days of January 1974. Before I asked him about his latest experience of a trip to the theatre, he told me a little bit more about his relocation: I wanted to say my move to London was partly an exciting gamble, combined with a strong desire to be at the heart of a cultural melting pot of ideas and talents, that for me is unrivalled in the world today. My expectations have certainly been met and much, much more. The concern I now have is fitting everything I want to see and do into the time that I have. Meeting so many people writing, developing, building, creating, and most importantly, actually making it happen. The energy here is contagious and it’s infusing all those around.

What was the last theatre production you have seen in London? Well, my most recent trip to the theatre was to see a group of such ‘infused’ individuals who have teamed up and worked dammed hard to create a comedy group called ‘The Perceptionists’ at the Hen & Chickens Theatre, Islington. A quirky, intimate theatre space with a rich history of stand-up comedy. It has hosted wellknown names including Russell Brand and

If there was a message then it is that London is in great shape to keep pushing the boundaries of comedy, culture and art because it’s fun, exciting and rightly challenging working together. So join in and come along on the journey, its rewarding and enriching Jimmy Carr. The show is part of the Camden Fringe Festival. What is this theatre production about? It is a series of comedy sketches which I can only describe it as a surreal, pythonesque and a ludicrously funny view of life’s often bizarre situations. Ok, with a lot of suitably injected chaos and exaggeration. One such sketch, which I felt summed up the style and genre, was the speed dating scene in which a ‘joe average’ guy is unfortunate enough to be landed with a lady Detective Chief at Scotland Yard, who was intensely keen to know his whereabouts on the night of… along with his many other movements! There is of course a nice twist at the end. What impressed you mostly about this theatre? It’s support of local and emerging talent. It’s a great incubator space for those that want to go out there and present themselves and their ideas to the world. It feels as if it is reflected in the name of the theatre, in my view at least. Logistically it holds around 100 people in the main theatre and with your drink in hand it’s a close, warm and enlivening experience. All for around the price of a glass of vino or two.

What is the message that you found there? I am not sure there is a message as such, it’s more a common spirit. Sharing views, laughs, moments where people have a chance to talk it through after, with the performers and fellow audience members in the bar below the theatre. Hey and you can be honest with each other, say exactly what you think, create a debate, why not. If there was a message then it is that London is in great shape to keep pushing the boundaries of comedy, culture and art because it’s fun, exciting and rightly challenging working together. So join in and come along on the journey, its rewarding and enriching. Why would you recommend it? It is a change from the West end theatre and will supplement your taste for culture with more off beat experiences. Like a small cosy restaurant tucked away where they serve a unique menu. A variation of culinary delights for your palette to savour.

www.vincentwoods.com www.thehenandchickenstheatrebar.co.uk ‘Perceptionists’ media contact Jo Ball johavingaball@yahoo.co.uk

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