Are We Happy Yet?

Sometimes we are given an opportunity to consider our lives from the perspective of where we have been, where we are now, and where we hope to be. I think it is fair to say that all of us want to be happy in all the stages of our lives. As we consider our lives there is an easy analogy related to the seasons of the year. In Utah of course we experience all four seasons to one degree or another.

The spring time of our lives is frequently equated to the years from 0 to 25; the summer of our lives from 25 to 45; the fall of our lives from 45 to 65; and the winter time of our lives from 65 until we have the big dirt nap.

I hate to admit it, but I’m well into the fall time of my life. The overall question is “Am I Happy”? We spend much of our lives pursuing this nebulous but real goal of attaining happiness.

When we are children our parents will generally do everything they can to ensure that we are cared for, protected, and given opportunities that in their estimation will bring happiness. As we grow up we seek independence and autonomy which give us opportunities to grow and learn on our own. As we leave our childhood and begin to enter into the summer of our lives most of us quite naturally and quite normally look forward to pursuing goals that we believe will bring us happiness. This may be related to family goals, IE I want to marry and have a family; or to educational goals such as completing undergraduate university studies or completing our dental school studies or postgraduate studies; starting a business or seeking stable longterm employment to provide for our families and ourselves. As we move into the fall time of our lives we find that our responsibilities do not decrease but in fact increase. We seek to provide stability and happiness opportunities for not only our children and those around us but find that frequently we are caring for aged parents, ensuring financial stability that will increase the likelihood of aging with dignity and autonomy, crossing things off our bucket list that we always wanted to do, but find that time is now running short.

Psychologists and researchers have identified three separate areas that are crucial to being happy in life.

The first area is that of having, cherishing, and nurturing close relationships. These tend to be family relationships but include relationships with neighbors and friends. While it is looking hopeful that the pandemic may soon become an endemic problem, and allow an increase in social relationships, it has had a significant toll, particularly on the young people in our society. Socializing with others is a fundamental human need and many studies have noted that making connections, which is an essential part of learning and growing as an individual, have been greatly decreased by the closure of educational institutions and will no doubt have an effect on young individuals ability to make lasting relationships with others in the future. Social media has been helpful in this area but cannot compensate for in-person contact that we as human beings require to survive.

Many people can experience symptoms of mental illness as a result of forced isolation that came about from restrictions placed during the pandemic to prevent and/or control the spread of covid. How this will play out in the future remains to be seen. The overall problem is that having close relationships is one of the fundamental aspects of being happy.

The second fundamental aspect of being happy is having a purpose in life. This is frequently related to a job that we love, but may encompass other things as well. What the job is is not important. The important part is that we love doing it and that it provides a way to contribute to society. Having a job that one hates is a common finding in unhappy people.

The third fundamental of happiness is being able to help others. Studies have shown that those that serve other people, even if Incorporated in a job or something that has monetary returns, contributes to overall happiness for those that serve.

What are some minor things that we can do to improve our happiness level?

First of all we need to make the determination to be happy in the moment. We all went to dental school and not very many of us would consider that to be the happiest time of our lives, however, I remember speaking to a prominent otolaryngologist prior to attending dental school and he told my wife and me that the time at school would probably be one of the happiest times of our lives. He was of course speaking from the position of looking back upon it knowing of the increase in responsibilities and obligations that would come afterwards. He was right.

Secondly we need to live out of ourselves. Service to others provides a great increase in our happiness level. We are in a unique position as dentists to be able to provide great services to our patients, our employees, our family, and our community.

Our happiness level also increases significantly as we express gratitude. Many studies have been done that support keeping ‘an attitude of gratitude” and writing in a “gratitude journal” at least once a week will increase our happiness. We should write down what we are grateful for. This helps us to focus on the good in our lives and not be focused on the bad.