The Dawn of Hope written by Deidre Dickey

by DEIDRE DICKEY

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” —Romans 15:13 NLT

There’s a hope waiting for you in the dark.

On one hand, this opening line, a beautiful lyric, may sound promising, yet you may feel a bit of indignant skepticism at the probability of its truth for you. Particularly for the brokenhearted dealing with the grief of losing a spouse.

Scripture tells us that we will “overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony” (Revelation 12:11a).

As you navigate the uncharted waters in your sea of grief, allow the voice of testimony that arises from the hearts of Stacy,

Kendall, & Tanya to pull you to the safety of a shore where you can see the dawn of hope. Let the waves of their purpose — born from their own moments of deep impact from the abyss of their grief — settle into a peace for you, and allow their perspectives to penetrate the darkness that overwhelms you.

May the sentiments of these remarkable women inspire the faith of your sure Hope. The Lord God is your Hope! May their words be the balm to encourage your healing. May they bring you the Light to beckon forth unspeakable joy, unfathomable peace, and renewed purpose. For it’s certainly true: there is a sure and mighty hope waiting for you in the dark.

“This hope is like a firm and steady anchor for our souls.” Hebrews 6:19a, CEV

Hello, beautiful.

When I tell you that I completely understand what you’re going through, I really do. I know you are feeling like, when will my life ever feel normal again? I would love to share a beautiful love story with you that just might help. This is how it all started for me … It was on a Sunday, the sun was shining bright, a light breeze filled the air, and I felt such a calmness. After checking in on our children [at home], I returned back to the hospital. When I approached the hospital doors, the peace I was feeling immediately turned into panic, and I didn’t know why. The hospital staff took forever to give me my visitor’s pass, and the elevator ride took longer than usual. As I stepped off the elevator and walked to his bedside, he looked into my eyes with so much love, and I realized how much he needed me to be right there at that very moment.

The very instant he took his last breath in my arms, there was nothing the doctors could do. The entire floor was in turmoil, they were trying to save him, but he wouldn’t respond. I tried to tell him to get up, you are strong, you can do this! … all the things I would say to him in our marriage, but this time it wasn’t working. Then I heard these dreadful words: “I’m sorry … he didn’t make it.”

And that’s when it happened: “a moment of impact” for me. Within that moment I felt an unbearable pain, a part of me completely gone, and everything moving around me … but I couldn’t move, speak, or hear a sound. For days, for weeks, I felt stuck. I was just there, just existing … does this sound familiar?

I was in so much pain, severely wounded and bleeding out everywhere, but no one was seeing me. After the funeral everyone seemed to forget about me; they left me all alone to bandage my own wounds in this fight to survive.

In that moment I thought my life was over. Every day I woke up in anger because I was hopeful that death would meet me in my sleep. But it didn’t. I kept waking up, and I felt forced to keep going.

I would sometimes drive down the highways with no destination. I even attempted to hang out with family and friends like before, but nothing was working, nothing was easing this pain. I had nowhere to turn, no one to turn to, until this special day that changed my life forever. I got down on my knees, I talked to God in my despair, in my anger, and we talked about everything. I just sat there, and why not? I had nowhere else to go. It was just me and Him. I just sat there, day after day, because every time we spoke I would feel an unexplainable comfort and peace. My pain began to ease with each conversation. I couldn’t believe I’d found a solution for my pain — the answer to all my problems. And there it was again: a moment of impact.

Do you know what’s on the other side of your grief … trauma … sorrow … shattered heart? It’s Heaven on Earth, a beautiful life with a powerful purpose. It’s why you were created and who you were created to be.

I didn’t know a life without my husband. I relied on him for love, advice, direction … everything. I cried out to my Heavenly Father, How can I have a life without my best friend? How can I raise our little babies without him? We made plans to grow old together … we were great together … we were good people. Why me? Why us?

And now I am blessed and honored to say “why not me?” Why not?

God’s promise is to never leave us nor forsake us. Our Father will never leave us broken, hopeless, or lifeless. He loves us, and He will use all our pain for His good. Prior to my husband’s death I had no goals, no aspirations. I only desired to be his wife and a great mommy, yet I didn’t know my purpose for the Kingdom of God.

But after his death, I found my purpose, my true reason for being here. The pain only lasted a little while, only for a moment.

I know it seems like you will never be the same again, and you won’t. You will be better than you ever were before. I encourage you to seek God, find yourself a quiet place, and talk to Him.

And that will be your moment of impact, that’s when your life will shift, and you will begin to mold into the person you were intended to be.

That’s what happened to me, my love story, the moment my husband’s death saved my life. I got a chance to really meet my Father, who had been there with me the whole time. I was finally able to sit still long enough for us to talk and to hear His voice. This is the love I’m speaking about — God’s unconditional love for us all. True love! Thank you, God, for Jesus!

God’s promise is to never leave us nor forsake us. Our Father will never leave us broken, hopeless, or lifeless. He loves us, and He will use all our pain for His good.

I still remember the exact words of the news anchor who broke the story of my husband’s death on January 12, 2000. “We regret to pass along to you, that Charlotte Hornets shooting guard Bobby Phills has been killed in a car accident …”

I watched the breaking news over and over in disbelief that this was really the end of my fairytale love story. The Hornets lost a fierce athlete, the Charlotte community lost a well-loved philanthropist, and I lost my soulmate.

How could this be? I was only 28 years old, left to raise my oneyear-old daughter and three-year-old son without the head of my house. The depths of my pain was truly indescribable. How could I ever be able to fill this hole in my soul? Little did I know, God was already ordering my steps to prepare me for a journey I didn’t think I could trek. It was evident the first time I heard the voice of God whisper to my spirit. The Lord had plans for this lil’ country girl from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future. Losing my husband was something I never saw coming. Bobby was my everything, I loved him more than life itself.

Depending on him for my joy and happiness might have been my biggest downfall, since I now know that man will let you down every single time. It didn’t help either that I really didn’t have my own identity other than as Bobby Phills’ wife. I put my career on hold to be available for my man and to raise our kids. Funny thing is, I was quite content with life until the day Bobby died. A part of me died, too. Now I found myself trying to figure out who Kendall Phills was and what God was trying to do in my life. My spiritual mentors would always share with me Isaiah 43:19. “Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”

Lord? What new thing are you going to do in my life? My old life was just fine. But as I began to seek God for answers, He made it plain and clear that I wasn’t living a purpose-filled life. That would explain why I always felt an emptiness inside of me that I could never fill with my marriage or lifestyle. You see, although I had the NBA baller whom I emulated and low-key desired his favor, God wanted to show me that greatness lies within me as well. I was always more than just a wife, more than just a mother. The Lord wanted to use ordinary me to do a few extraordinary things that truly blew my mind. One of those divine assignments was starting the Phills Foundation, in memory of my late husband, which was one huge factor in my healing process. I made a promise to God that if I have breath, I would serve those in need and make a difference in the lives of others because this truly gives me my sense of being. In addition to raising two amazing humans who reverence God, I couldn’t be prouder of my offspring, Trey and Kerstie. They have certainly made life worth living and love worth giving.

Going to church, Bible study, and prayer have always strengthened my faith. It has been my faith that has sustained me and that has kept me today. The revelation of my identity was revealed to me over time. It was clear to me who I was and to whom I belonged. This was the ultimate game changer. There was nothing I could not do nor a situation I could not pray myself out of. I became empowered, knowing that the Holy Spirit was operating through me.

When you know that you know, you will not waiver and will stand any test that may come your way. I am grateful for every trial and tribulation I have faced. It has made me one strong conqueror, and God is not finished with me yet; we are just getting started.

IN GOD’S TIMINING HE MAKES NO MISTAKES:

My husband has been gone almost four years now. During those moments and weeks after his passing, I know God placed people in my life at just the perfect time. As I reflect back, I can see that circumstances and situations were lined up exactly how they were supposed to be.

Navigating each day, I began to recognize my own strength. I took pieces of my husband with me as I completed some of the tasks and projects he had started. Working on those things in his honor made me remember the wisdom he had taught me — what he would do, how he would handle the situation. In your own sorrow, as you walk this journey of grief, you may find that you, as well as friends and family, may want to carry out your loved one’s legacy. I would encourage you to find the area or aspect you loved most about him or your loved one and BE THAT.

THE POWER OF A DREAM: Be okay with being still, quiet, and alone with yourself. Fight for yourself for this; sometimes you don’t need other voices around you. Sometimes you need to be still and heal.

I dreamt of my husband almost every night. I’m not sure if it was my subconscious or God speaking to me through my husband. But in those dreams my husband guided me through almost every step. I was so stressed out but would wake up feeling as though he or someone else was with me, guiding me. There’s power in sitting still and asking God for signs as well as for strength, help, and wisdom for the things you need to do.

It’s okay to do you, and everything else will fall into place. If you’re not having dreams, don’t forget the power of the encouraging words that your spouse used to give you. Remember all those things, play them back in your mind, so you can know that they played a major part of your life. Even though your loved one may be gone, you can apply all the advice and wisdom they taught you.

WHEN YOU TRUST GOD WHOLEHEARTEDLY:

I was inspired by April Daniels. She was a light for me. I had an opportunity to meet her, and she was so happy. I didn’t have the strength or courage to reach out to the people in my life who had lost someone and give them words of encouragement because I felt so lost and broken. I felt alone, and every piece of everything I had was for my daughter, for my business, and for myself. I felt guilty for reserving what little strength I had for myself. I was inspired by April’s journey because she had recently lost her husband as well. I spoke with her and learned that she saturated her mind with God, allowing Him to speak to her, and she followed what she needed to do without guilt.

Do you. Grieve how you want as long as it isn’t harmful to you; don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s been long enough. Don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t meet anyone new. If God wants you to meet somebody, He will let you meet them. Don’t sit there and get discouraged and think that life is passing you by. Think positive thoughts, say positive things to yourself, make sure you have your affirmations. I am the QUEEN of Post-Its. I have them all around my house. I remind and affirm myself with who I am. Because when you’re with someone for so long, you’ve become one with them — your identity is together — and I had to find my identity without my husband, Billy.

KNOWING WHAT TO LET GO OF:

I had to learn to distinguish what to let go of versus what to fight for. I recognized that people were opportunists and would look for ways to prey on you in your grief. I had to make the hard decision to let go of some things that my husband valued but that I wouldn’t be able to sustain in his absence. Material things cannot buy love, support, and family.

Take care of your mental health because what you feed your mind is what will sustain you. “Go to work” through your grief; you have to work through the pain. You have to cry sometimes. You have

to laugh sometimes. You have to find your way, whatever way that is. Don’t feel like you have to grieve the same length of time as someone else grieves.

ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE AND OWNING YOUR FLAWS:

I thoroughly enjoyed my husband’s companionship. I loved being married. So without him, I had to learn to be alone so I could discover what I wanted. What have I learned? Many things, but one is that I do want to marry again. You will have your own discoveries to make. And when you do, don’t feel guilty about desiring other things. When we’re seeking God, He will put His desires in our heart so that they become our desires. Allow Him to do that, and don’t feel guilty.

REMEMBERING WHAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER WAS TO YOU:

I looked up to my husband; he was and still is a legend to me. He taught me so much. I also stand firmly in saying that I taught him a lot. That makes me powerful. I’m not being cocky, I’m not. I’m just saying we have to know and stand in our power. My husband was a very special person on this earth, and a lot of people really looked up to him. And sometimes people will make you question what you were to your significant other. Make sure you try to find power in remembering everything you deposited into your loved one’s life by looking back to all your experiences you had with them. Then you can move forward, knowing that you had purpose then and you still have purpose left on this earth. Life is short, and you have to do what helps you find peace and true joy, and that’s the day you’ll finally be free.

The moral of the story is that we are all grieving in some type of way. Whether you lost your husband, a loved one, a friend, anything … We’re all grieving in some way. You have to learn how to deal with the detours, and navigate through life, in order to do you well. If you stay aligned with God and try to stay present, you will know that nothing you’re doing is a mistake.

You’re still learning and growing every day. No one has all the answers, but you do have to live your life the way you want to live it. Not for anybody else. And choose to Be Happy, make your own mistakes — because that is the only way you will grow. There is no blueprint.

As you ponder and process the impact of these perspectives, remember these next key points and hold firm to the anchor of truth found in Scripture. When you don’t know what or how to pray, pray the following Scriptures out loud … for God’s Word is true and will never fail. God has the power to restore your troubled mind and heal your broken heart.

“All you say can be trusted; your teachings are true and will last forever.” — Psalm 119 :60, CEV

Quiet yourself and sit with God. Listen for His voice. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

— Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28, NKJV

Pray. Be in constant communication with God. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

— 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV

It’s a new dawn. Your purpose awaits. “Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.” — Isaiah 43:19, NKJV

“Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” — Isaiah 58:8, NKJV

God has a plan. He will be your guide. Walk in obedience according to His will for your life. “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though

I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

— Psalm 23:1-4, NIV

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”

— Psalm 119:105, NLT

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

— Jeremiah 29:11, NLT

Have faith in God; He will sustain you. “My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” — Psalm 73:26, NKJV

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

— Psalm 121:1-2, NIV

Everyone grieves; however, everyone grieves differently. As you heal, it’s okay if you desire companionship again. Expect the goodness of God in and for your life.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalm 37:4, NKJV

“And my God will supply your every need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:19, NET

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

— James 1:17, NIV

Lastly, remember to heal at your own pace. Take time to learn this new facet of who you are. Most importantly, remember there’s hope waiting in the darkness. Walk boldly in the fullness of the unspeakable joy, unfathomable peace, and renewed purpose that will dawn in your mourning’s light. Hold firmly to the anchor verse that birthed the dawn of hope in this season for you, steadying your heart so that your healing may arise:

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” — Romans 15:13, NLT