PLUS A fall family ROAD TRIP! Page 40
September 2019
When birth doesn’t go as planned: Two moms share how they coped Page 30
An open adoption success story Page 36
A doc’s advice on first foods Page 22
The natural wisdom of babies Page 10
Gabe, 4 months, of Minneapolis
BabY
All thingS
No guarantees
30
When birth and breastfeeding don’t go as envisioned, postpartum anxiety and trauma can rise up.
All thingS
SEPTEMBER
VOLUME 34 /// ISSUE 9
BabY
6 FROM THE EDITOR
Results not typical
What can you expect with a new baby? The unexpected! 8 CHATTER
Minding the gap
School-lunch programs aren’t always enough for hungry kids.
22 ASK THE PEDIATRICIAN
10 BUMP, BIRTH AND BABY
Get messy and have fun when it’s time for baby’s first foods.
Old souls
Babies, in their lack of knowledge and experience, are intrinsically wise. 12 THE UNCENSORED TODDLER
Twice the love
36
Introverts, unite!
How to deal when you’re forced into parent small talk. 14 SCHOOL DAYS
With open adoptions, birth mothers are allowed to see and/or communicate with their children on a regular basis.
Birth order
Learn how sibling dynamics can affect your kids’ behavior. 16 WORLD’S OKAYEST MOM
Aiming high
Will our epic home renovation build character in our three kids? 18 NANA & MAMA
Moving out
40
Beyond the corn maze! Diversify your fall bucket list this year with a collection of family-friendly adventures in Southeastern Minnesota!
4
September 2019 • mnparent.com
Transplanting a house with two kids in tow takes extra time — so pack early and often. 20 #ADULTING
It’s time
New baby? It’s time for action: Without an estate plan, the state will decide your child’s fate.
Dig in!
24 ON BEHAVIOR
Getting through You can help kids manage tough transitions. Here’s how! 26 IN THE KITCHEN
Get crunchy
Fried noodles make this broccoli slaw a winner! 28 BOOKSHELF
Read like a baby These books work overtime to be favorites for little ones. 50 FROM OUR READERS
Little darlings
We can’t get over the cuteness of your kids!
ALSO INSIDE 44 Mom & Baby L ISTIN G S
& About 45 Out CA L E N DA R
About our cover kid Name: Gabriel Nickname: Gabe City: Minneapolis Age: 4 months Parents: Randy and Kate Kelly Fur sibling: A German shorthaired pointer named June At birth: 6 pounds, 15 ounces, 20 inches Place of birth: The Birthplace at Fairview Southdale, Edina Personality so far: Happy, calm and curious Photos by Bundle Studio / bundlestudios.com
mnparent.com • September 2019
5
FROM THE EDITOR
What to expect W
mnparent.com
PUBLISHER
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EDITOR
Sarah Jackson • editor@mnparent.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Megan Devine, Katie Dohman, Ed Dykhuizen, Dr. Allison Golnik, Laura Groenjes Mitchell, Shannon Keough, Rachael Krahn, Amanda Marie, Mary Rose Remington, Philip Ruce, Maggie Sonnek, Amanda Webster, Jen Wittes
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September 2019 • mnparent.com
hen a woman is pregnant, we say she’s “expecting” — because yes, when you’re with child, you’d better be ready! That baby is coming! And a lot will be expected of you, your body and your family. When I was pregnant, I religiously read the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting. (There’s that word again.) Yes, it was fun, discovering the size of the fruit or vegetable that my little baby was growing into inside of me. And I learned the basics of pregnancy. Oh, it was miraculous to be pregnant! But looking back, that book (and its sequel: What to Expect the First Year) really instilled in me expectations. And you know what? When it comes to pregnancy and parenting, knowledge can be good, but expectations can actually be pretty damaging, especially when things don’t go as planned, which is surprisingly often, I’ve learned. Right here in this very magazine — our annual Baby Issue — we’re sharing just a few stories that deal with what happens when we as parents expect something and get something far different. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But with our society’s often idealized visions of how pregnancy, birth and babyhood will go, it’s easy to get disappointed and frustrated. In the case of two Minneapolis moms in this issue, it can even cause long-lasting emotional trauma. Everything the women heard, saw or read during pregnancy all but promised them an idealized home birth; natural, easy breastfeeding; and a sense of personal peace. But their baby — their situation, despite all their efforts — couldn’t deliver their dream. And then it was up to them to find their way to cope. And they did. The advice from a mental-health professional in the article was this: “The best way to prepare for any birth is to come up with pieces of your birth plan that are most important to you — and also work on acceptance that there are no guarantees.” Speaking of no guarantees, what if you can’t get pregnant in the first place? That’s what happened to one of the mothers in our adoption story in this issue. Her story is beautiful. Her children are amazing. But no one — including the birth mother — set out expecting open adoption to be their path to parenthood. So whatever you read while pregnant — and no matter who you talk to after the birth about how your baby is supposed to be — try to stay open to change. As much as you can. Don’t get sucked in to the tyranny of rigid expectations. Your path, your baby, your life will constantly surprise you. But once you give into it, you’ll find a life and a family that’s most unexpected — and undeniably, uniquely yours. Sarah Jackson, Editor
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CHATTER
Meals for kids! During the spring of 2010, the staff
At the end of each school week,
at Sheridan Elementary in Northeast
weekend food bags (typically about
Minneapolis discovered a problem:
5 pounds of nutritious food) are distributed
Students were hoarding food from the
into kids’ backpacks while they aren’t in
cafeteria on Fridays.
the halls.
Why? At the time, more than 90 percent of
Though the organization is focused on weekend meals, the program has
students at Sheridan were receiving free or
expanded in some areas to include
reduced-price lunches, and it turned out
summer and winter breaks, too, when most
that many students were taking extra food
school-lunch programs go on hiatus.
home to eat during the weekend. Saddened and dismayed, school staff
The Sheridan Story facilitates partnerships between schools and community
members approached members of Mill City
organizations such as churches and
Church — which met on Sundays in the
businesses. Such sponsors each partner
school auditorium — and asked if they could
directly with a specific school and donate
somehow address this need. By the fall of
to the cost of the program. They also
that same year, church members had
typically send volunteers into their
partnered with members of Woodridge
sponsored schools each week to distribute
Church in Medina to start a program to feed
the food.
27 kindergarteners at the school. Today, The Sheridan Story is a nonprofit
The Sheridan Story sources the food, runs food-packing events and provides
organization that’s helped provide more
promotional/administrative materials to
than 2 million meals to kids during critical
sponsors and volunteers.
food gaps. The Sheridan Story and its partners
Despite this work — and the work of other groups — more than 200,000 Minnesota
are now serving more than 9,700 kids
kids are still living with food insecurity. Learn
in 271 locations.
about how to get involved by donating,
8
The best part?
volunteering or sponsoring a school at
The program is discreet.
thesheridanstory.org.
September 2019 • mnparent.com
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Jen Wittes
BUMP, BIRTH AND BABY
The wisdom of babies B
abies know everything. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a newborn and experienced the unsettling sensation that she understands — well — everything? Those wide, searching, unflinching, drinking eyes seem to hold your heart’s deepest desires, the meaning of life and the intricacies of the universe — plus, you know, how awesome it feels to drool. Babies, in their lack of concrete knowledge and experience, are intrinsically wise. They know what love is. They ask for what they want. They get enough sleep.
They don’t waste time scrolling Instagram. They let their feelings out. They approach new people and experiences with caution. They approach each moment with wonder.
The art of doing nothing. While it’s your job, as a parent, to care for your baby, it’s also your privilege to observe and learn from her. The first lesson we can learn from an infant is how to live in the moment. This is a mantra barfed all over self-help books, mindfully whispered at yoga retreats and printed in splashy colors on tea mugs.
Beau, 1 week old, of Bloomington Photo by Sarah Karnas Photography
It’s something most adults strive for but fail at — the ability to be in the here and now, rather than falling into the sinkhole of the past or overthinking the future. By simply being — by moving spontaneously, observing and reacting — your baby will bring you closer to the present. You could watch her for hours, right? Take the experience a step further by getting down on the floor mat with your baby, seeing the world from her eyes. What small wonders unfold as the afternoon sun moves the shadows across the ceiling? How crazy is it that we live with cats? What do you feel when you just sit still and watch and listen and breathe?
Who gives a crap? Lesson two. Be you. And don’t apologize. Babies don’t care if you like their clothes. They don’t feel pretty, fat, smart or awkward. They don’t regret making too much noise at that cocktail party. They could care less if they have poop creeping up their back and seeping through their clothes. Well, they might care if it feels uncomfortable. It’s a sad day when shame and inhibition kick in. Though a little modesty and decorum is healthy as we get older, the freedom to scream shrilly in delight or anger seems healthier, at times, than holding it all inside. Babies are comfortable in their own skin. They’re simply little organisms, breathing and pumping blood, moving through this crazy world. But then … aren’t we all?
Anything is possible. During my days as a postpartum doula, I held a lot of babies. I always found myself taking a moment to appreciate the blank
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September 2019 • mnparent.com
BABY STUFF
Crinkle chews
Get your kid started on fresh foods early with these impossibly cute Crinkle Blankies — and stroller toys, too — made to look like carrots, radishes, peppers, watermelon slices, strawberries and more. $9–$18 • applepark.com
slate. Unwritten, a baby shows you what it really means to be a human — connecting, feeling, breathing — and what it means to have endless possibilities before you. That baby in your arms could be a writer, an actor, a bartender or a business owner. Your baby may one day major in physics, philosophy, agriculture or ceramics. She could skip college and train in a trade. He could skip it all and sail around the world. Twice. He could become a veterinarian. She could be president. Your child could become a parent someday, too … or not. What we learn, holding a content and alert baby, is that the most beautiful stories are still unfolding. Imagine what we could be if we saw ourselves as open, in progress, unwritten? A president. A veterinarian. A parent simply taking a moment to look into those wise young eyes, simply taking a moment to enjoy the day. Jen Wittes is a marketing director, writer, certified postpartum doula and mom of two living in St. Paul. MacPhail Center for Music MNP 0919 2-3page.indd 1
8/8/19 1:55 PM
mnparent.com • September 2019
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Shannon Keough
THE UNCENSORED TODDLER
The introverted parent I
used to work for a consulting company, a job where new clients and projects were introduced on a weekly basis. One day I was kicking off a project with a more experienced colleague. We needed to talk things over, so I could be adequately prepared. “We can have lunch today and talk about the project,” he said. “But just today — I usually have lunch alone.” Whenever I relay this anecdote to my more social, well-adjusted friends, they’re aghast. “Wow,” they often say, shaking their heads in disbelief. To them, this “just one lunch” limit is the height of rudeness. But to me, this professional boundary setting was a revelation. In workplace situations, I had grown accustomed to playing the part of the good-natured team player — dutifully tagging along for every group lunch, gamely making small talk in the break
TODDLER STUFF
room and forcing myself to say at least one thing in every meeting so as to appear properly “engaged.” And I did all this in a desperate attempt to hide my dirty little secret that I am, in fact, an introvert. The fact that there might be another way — a way to be a good employee while staying true to my nature — had never occurred to me.
Boundaries? Now that I’m a parent, I continue to struggle with what Susan Cain — the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking — calls “the extrovert ideal.” In my experience, parenting and introversion aren’t always the greatest match. Need some “alone time” to recharge your psychic batteries? Well, too bad! Your toddler is melting down in the middle of a tube slide; the neighbor kid is banging on the back door and inviting himself to dinner; the restaurant manager needs to talk to you about how your
Insect-bite remedy
child broke a drain pipe while attempting to climb onto the roof. All of these situations involve exhausting — and sometimes humiliating — encounters with other humans. What to do?
Damage control When you’re an introverted parent, sometimes all you can do is survive. Therefore, I’d like to offer some of my hard-won tips for navigating the relentlessly social, aggressively connected world of parenting when you are, personalitywise, an island. • Avoid crowds: Nothing wears me out quite like a big, jolly community event. While other functional humans happily commune with half the Twin Cities, I obsessively ruminate on the title of an old David Foster Wallace book: A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again. I go through the motions, of course: I’ve gone with my family to the May Day festival, Open Streets, the State Fair and countless other festive group gatherings. But do these experiences fill me with boundless energy? Absolutely not. • Know your limits: Get out of there when you must. Even better, consider
The Bug Bite Thing, a new suction tool created by a Florida mom, is getting rave reviews for its ability to relieve itching and swelling by drawing out venom and other irritants. We found it works best immediately after a bite, but can be effective days later, too. Even if it’s not a silver bullet for your kid, you’ll certainly have an amazing distraction — or placebo effect — in your arsenal. $9.95 • bugbitething.com
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September 2019 • mnparent.com
dispatching your more extroverted partner to the bouncy house extravaganza while you stay home and vacuum the couch cushions in solitary bliss. • Escape for awhile: The party hostess needs more ice? Why, you’d be honored to run down to the corner store to get it! If you’re having that “my-head-is-about-to-explode” feeling from too much social stimulation, embrace any and all opportunities to make a hasty retreat, if only for a few minutes. From escorting your child to the bathroom to moving your car from a far-away parking spot to a less far-away one, the possibilities for temporary solitude are endless — use your imagination! • Focus on the negative: One of the common understandings about us introverts is that we hate small talk, and instead prefer “deep” conversations. This has always sounded really pretentious to me. But social experts have an interesting take on how this takes shape: Introverts, it turns out, often seek out “problem talk.” And what could be more problematic than modern parenthood? Tough topics abound — fertility issues, postpartum depression, separation/divorce, baffling toddler behaviors — the list is endless. And while all this doom and gloom makes some people nervous, this darkness is where we introverts can really shine. My advice? When someone at a party mentions a troubling problem, grab her by the arm, find a quiet place together and do what you do best — listen to her, carefully and thoughtfully. Let someone else lead the bunny hop around the block. Shannon Keough lives in St. Paul with her husband and two children. Send questions or comments to skeough@mnparent.com.
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mnparent.com • September 2019
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How birth order affects kids MIDDLE CHILDREN • Tend to be attention-seeking or rebellious. • More easygoing than firstborns. • Social. • Problem solvers, mediators. • Can have low self-esteem. WHY? Middle children often act as mediators between their siblings. They’re frequently put in a position to negotiate to get what they want and may feel that the oldest child gets more attention.
M
y four kids are no longer babies: My eldest is 14 and my youngest is 8; the other two are 10 and 12. Although I’m not new to the parenting adventure, the journey is proving to be fun, interesting and, of course, sometimes challenging, as my kids’ individual personalities are becoming more developed. Recently, I’ve done some reading on birth-order characteristics and how they can affect many aspects of our identities. Scientists have been studying birth order since the late 1800s, and since then there has been much debate and study on how and why birth order tendencies play out the way they do. Reflecting on my own childhood family dynamics, my husband’s, my students', and those of my own children, I’ve found most of the research to be spot-on. See if you recognize some of these traits in yourself, your siblings, your coworkers, your friends or your own children.
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September 2019 • mnparent.com
FIRSTBORNS • Tend to be natural leaders, ambitious, motivated to achieve. • Rule followers, cautious. • Responsible. • Perfectionistic. • Controlling. WHY? Firstborn children tend to get more undivided attention than subsequent siblings. They learn to please their parents from a very young age. Eldest children learn to be responsible by taking care of other siblings. TIPS: Try not to give firstborn children too much responsibility; keep expectations reasonable and developmentally appropriate. Recognize and celebrate achievements, give credit for hard work and extra responsibility. Verbal praise and expression of appreciation can mean a lot to firstborn achievers.
TIPS: Give your middle children individual time, which can help offset a natural desire to act out to get a response. Teach middle children to contribute to your home as much as firstborns; this will help your children develop a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility. It also helps build your children’s connection to — and identity within — the family.
BABIES OF THE FAMILY • Tend to be fun-loving, entertaining, funny. • Outgoing. • Manipulative. • Attention seeking. WHY? Youngest children often receive the least amount of discipline, the fewest responsibilities and the biggest audience. Their parents have loosened up a bit since their early days of parenting and are likely to project a more relaxed parenting style. TIPS: Make sure to give your child a full set of responsibilities; last-born children tend to be masters of getting out of work.
FAMILY SHOWS
LEARN MORE! The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman The Birth Order Effect by Cliff Isaacson and Kris Radish The Birth Order Effect for Couples by Cliff Isaacson and Meg Schneider The Birth Order Blues by Meri Wallace
Give your child positive attention. Stay on top of your child’s schoolwork and reading progression. As families grow and get busier — and parents get older — it can be more difficult for parents to find the energy to support their youngest child’s academic development at the same level they did with their older children. Of course, not every child or family fits these generalizations. Every family is different. And these trends are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s published research that also addresses age gaps between children, gender, twins, only children, children in blended families and families with three or more kids. Megan Devine is an elementary school teacher who lives in Northeastern Minnesota. Follow her blog — Kids, Lakes, Loons and Pines — at megdevine.com.
Katie Dohman
WORLD’S OKAYEST MOM
How we even live like this A
year ago, we moved from a home I thought we’d live in forever to the dream we almost didn’t even know we had until the opportunity presented itself — a 1921 French Revival home that needed a total renovation. At the time, we had three kids aged 5 to 1. And my husband and I are both selfemployed. What could go wrong? Here, I’ll start: lead paint, rodents, potential asbestos, or, like, small humans falling through the not-to-code spindles on the banister? (We took care of all that, just in case!) And that’s just the physical stuff. Recently we visited my best friend, whose home is undergoing a kitchen renovation. Our oldest, Ruby, walked in and said, “How can you even live like this?” That’s because that’s probably all she’s heard our guests ask US for the past year. Actually? We’re living like this pretty well. There’s something a little bit appealing about all being in this together. I won’t lie: I miss having an icemaker and towel racks. I really miss knowing where all my stuff is. “It’s in a box somewhere,” is a very common refrain around here. I miss things that work or are put together. I also miss our gardens, and our old neighborhood. But when I drive up the driveway, I feel that sense of wonder all over again. Our time in our new home is in its infancy. But even in our early days here, we’ve managed a few firsts: Our first child started — and finished — kindergarten. We just moved the baby, Eero, into his own bedroom — he’s been in ours since the beginning. Now he shares with his big brother, and Ruby’s gone back to having
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September 2019 • mnparent.com
I hope they look back at this time and say, ‘Wow, Mom and Dad really took a moon shot. How cool is that?' her own space. Like everything around here, the boys’ room is temporary: My husband, William (pictured), and I are sleeping in the boys’ future room until our room is finished. Through it all, my babies just keep getting older. The other day, Eero looked at me after a diaper change, pointed his pudgy thumbs to his chest, and said, “I cherub. I cute!”
I died. When did he become a full-fledged mini-kid? Probably in the past year, while we were frantically tearing everything apart. When we decided to move and embark on this project, it was an intense summer as we readied our former house and moved into our latter. We’ve had “a project” every single moment and we’ve often felt underwater. Our kids have borne the brunt of the uprooting, and subsequent moving around INSIDE the house. I know Remy in particular wonders if this house will ever feel like our old one: Homey, finished, his own. It’s going to be a while. But I hope my kids are learning resilience — also not to touch exposed stuff or draw
MOM STUFF
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LEARN THROUGH PLAY YMCA PRESCHOOL
on walls — and that a dream takes a while to realize. I hope they look back at this time and say, “Wow, Mom and Dad really took a moon shot. How cool is that?” I know I say that about my own parents, who bought an empty lot in the Great North when I was 4, and built a cabin over the years. A family treasure. I also hope that even though everything’s a mess right now, they know it’s home. That we are together and this is a safe spot where they can be themselves. That the projects aren’t more important than they are. That the uncertainty of our interior does not mirror any uncertainty about their importance. I can never be sure, so I hug them a lot and make sure to praise their sense of adventure. I hope they know we could not celebrate this anniversary without them. The ambition is largely here precisely because they are. Katie Dohman is currently living in the midst of a full-house renovation with her three kids, two pets and one husband. Follow her adventures at instagram.com/dohmicile.
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Mary Rose and Laura NANA & MAMA
Moving … with kids! MAMA Two young kids (3 years old and 8 months old), two big dogs, one 16-foot moving pod, two cars, one U-Haul trailer and 946 miles to go. The math was stacked against us, but my wife and I decided to take the leap and sell our home in Denver and upgrade to a larger home — closer to family and friends — in Minneapolis. We haven’t finished the move yet; my parents in the Twin Cities have generously let us live in their basement for a month until we close on our new house. But we’ve already learned many lessons about how to pull off a cross-country move with kids. Here are my tips to maintain your sanity: Pack early and often: However long you think it’ll take to get everything packed, double it and get started ASAP. All of those little projects add up and working around kids makes everything take longer. Break big projects into smaller tasks and chip away whenever you can.
↑↑Laura, Galen, Rory and Kellan Mitchell posed for one last photo at their house in Denver.
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To help your kids feel like they’re part of the move — instead of something happening to them — try to find ways to get them involved. Ask for help with the kids: When people ask to help with the move, don't ask them to pack boxes. It takes way too much effort to get the packing process organized enough to be able to hand it off to someone else. Instead, ask them to come watch the kids so you can work on packing. Bonus points for folks who will take the kids outside the home for play time. Get the kids involved: To help your kids feel like they’re part of the move — instead of something happening to them — try to find ways to get them involved. Our 3-year-old went through all of his toys, with our help, to decide what would come with us and what could be sold or donated. Older kids can help pack boxes, fold linens, label boxes, clean and more. Talk with your kids: Before the move, share what you’re excited about, what you’re going to miss and what challenges you might face along the way. Change is hard for everyone, but knowing what to expect can lessen the stress. During the move, narrate what’s happening and why, check in with your kids regularly to see how they’re feeling and try to carve out pockets of quality time to reconnect. After the move, continue to provide a listening ear and extra hugs as your kids
adjust to your new home. Support them as they navigate the changes, including making new friends, learning the new neighborhood and more. Stick to a routine: There are times when the usual schedule is absolutely impossible, but young kids in particular need structure. Find ways to incorporate or build a new routine to make their day-to-day as predictable as possible.
NANA Twenty-eight years: That’s how long we lived in our beloved family home on five acres southeast of the Twin Cities. There we raised three kids, two dogs, one cat and two guinea pigs. We tended a huge garden and apple orchard, and I had a private work space above our garage. Even our neighbors were wonderful! Our roots were deep and we thought we’d live there forever, but in 2012 my husband accepted a job that required us to move north of the Twin Cities. Knowing how much I loved our home, he bribed me: “If you move, I’ll buy you all new furniture.” And so began our adventure of middleaged moving. Preparing to sell: We asked around, and found a good realtor who recommended we work with his colleague who was a consultant in feng shui, the ancient Chinese art of creating harmonious surroundings. She made recommendations about decluttering, painting, decorating and curb appeal (bye-bye basketball hoop). Her most intriguing advice was to write a letter to our current home. She suggested we thank the house for all it had done for our family, bless it and release it. As hokey as it may sound, my husband and I did this
and immediately our relationship to the home changed: We let go. Decluttering: We gave away much of our furniture to needy college students (remember the bribe?) and made countless trips to Goodwill. This move provided the perfect deadline to have our grown kids retrieve their left-behind items like drums, bikes and golf clubs. Listing during the holidays: Contrary to some opinions, our realtor said listing over the holidays was a solid plan: The inventory of houses was low and only serious buyers would be looking. He was right and we received five offers, accepting the highest bid, which was well over asking price. Our new home: Meanwhile, after touring a dozen homes with our realtor, we found a home that magically checked all our boxes. We loved both the house and property on a beautiful lake, so we made an offer, which was immediately accepted. Moving day: As middle-age movers, we knew our backs would be better off if we hired a couple young guys with muscles and a large truck. They hauled everything out of the old house and our sons were strategically placed at the new house, ready to unload. Lessons learned: Packing takes longer than expected. One tends to run out of packing supplies, especially tape, bubble wrap and boxes. It’s best to ask for and accept help from friends, family, neighbors and co-workers. Moving is an emotional rollercoaster. With help, however, even middle-age people can pull off an exciting move — and with any luck, get new furniture!
Tracy Walsh Photography MNP 0419 H6.indd 1
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Mary Rose Remington, a baby boomer grandmother, and her daughter, Laura Groenjes Mitchell, a millennial mother of two, are documenting their parenting/grandparenting — and life experiences — together. mnparent.com • September 2019
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Philip J. Ruce
#ADULTING
Protecting your family’s future
I
f you’re a parent — whether you’re just starting your new life with a tiny newborn or getting your oldest ready for college — you know the decisions parents have to make every day can feel overwhelming. No matter where you’re at in your journey, creating a will may not be on the top of your list, but it’s an essential step all parents need to take — sooner rather than later.
Guardianship Many parents feel that the estate-planning process will be uncomfortable, so they put it off. However, having peace of mind for your child’s future, should anything go wrong, can make the conversation more comforting. Most parents think the only reason to create a will is to decide who should care for their child or children if one or both
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parents die. Of course, choosing a guardian for your children is important. If you don’t make this decision, the state will make it for you, which could result in temporary foster care. The decision of guardianship for your children is only one aspect of an estate plan, however.
Inheritance Family dynamics also play a role in how you create a will: If you’ve helped raise a child, but you’re not the child’s legal parent, the child will not receive anything from your estate unless you have an estate plan saying otherwise. To ensure the child receives money or a special heirloom, you must lay out the specific details in a will. Another common situation can come up when a couple isn’t legally married. Without a will, the surviving partner might not receive anything at all.
Another consideration is how responsible a child is. If the parent doesn’t think the child can handle a large inheritance, even as a legal adult, there are many options. Trusts can be created to put rules or conditions in place so the child won’t have access to money until a certain age, or the parent might decide the money can be used only for college or to buy a first home. Often, the money is held back until a certain age, or distributed over a period of years.
Property How property is left to minors needs to be thought through carefully. Children under 18 can’t legally sign contracts, which can make accessing an inheritance prior to an 18th birthday difficult. Sometimes it can require a court order. This can be a problem if a child under
If you don’t want a certain person to receive your money or belongings, make the decision now to do something about it before the state decides for you. 18 inherits an interest in the family’s home. In this situation, the home might not be able to be sold until the child is an adult.
Don’t delay Creating a will is something you shouldn’t wait to do. If you die without a will, you’ll be subject to the state’s default rules, which are the same for everyone. Of course, we’re not all the same and neither are our families. Creating your own will gives you the opportunity to override the rules of the state and customize a plan specific to your needs. If you don’t want a certain person to receive your money or belongings, make the decision now to do something about it before the state decides for you.
Find a guide There are ways to create a will on your own, but it’s best to find a state-licensed estate-planning attorney to help you navigate what can be a complex process. Creating a will and trust can be confusing. My philosophy is to help clients feel as comfortable as possible, while also making their plan easy to understand. I listen to the client’s concerns and goals, and from there, we create a plan that best suits their specific needs. My goal is to help families feel confident in their decisions. Philip Ruce is a Minnesota estate-planning attorney at Stone Arch Law Office and is married with two children. Learn more at stonearchlaw.com.
Healthy development starts at home. Find fun and easy ideas for infants, toddlers & pre-schoolers.
HelpMeGrowMN.org
Dr. Allison Golnik
Serving up Baby’s first foods! E
xperiencing your baby’s first tastes of real food is a fun and exciting adventure. It’s recommended that babies start foods that go beyond breast milk and formula at 4–6 months old. Too early could interfere with the nutrition your baby needs from breastmilk or formula, while too late puts your baby at risk of missing out on the nutrients provided by solid foods. Babies need to be able to sit with support, have good head control and indicate an interest in food (by leaning toward it or turning away). I tell my patients to follow their child’s cues, including when their child watches them eat intently and then mouths or grabs for the food. When you do give your baby food, start a tradition of family meals and eat and enjoy food together. Get messy: Let your child “dig in,” play with their food. Soft avocado chunks can be a good start! Avoid choking foods: Research shows that babies who are allowed to feed themselves when they’re ready (“baby-ledweaning”) experience no increase in choking risk. However, always supervise your child when eating and avoid “choking foods” — big chunks of meat or cheese, hot dogs, whole grapes, whole nuts, raw hard vegetables and popcorn. By 9 months of age, most infants can feed themselves and share foods prepared for the whole family with minor adaptations, such as mushing them up with a fork or cutting them into very tiny pieces. Don’t forget water: Your little one will need water to wash food down. Give sips and follow your child’s cues.
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A baby’s brain is made primarily of fat — and your baby needs 30 grams of fat every day! Continue with formula/breastmilk: Foods will slowly become a larger percentage of your baby’s diet from 4–12 months old. However, breastmilk and formula pack in nutrition and should take precedence, especially before 9 months old. It’s reasonable to give solid foods around 2–3 times a day between 6–8 months and 3–4 times daily between 9–12 months. Babies taking breastmilk or less than 32 ounces a day of formula should be given 400 IUs a day of vitamin D. Or, if a family prefers, a breastfeeding mother can take 6400 IUs a day of vitamin D, which will transfer to the baby. Breastfeeding mothers should continue to take prenatal multivitamins. Avoid milk and honey: The only “no” food rules are no honey before age 1, due to a risk of botulism due to immature gastrointestinal flora, and no drinking a glass of straight/liquid cow’s milk because it’s harder for babies’ immature gastrointestinal tracts to digest its protein. Incorporate meats: Meats are good sources of zinc and iron, which babies need by 6 months old for brain development and cellular metabolism. Iron is especially important for babies who were premature or whose biological mothers were iron-deficient in pregnancy. Use grass-fed organic meat when possible to avoid antibiotic exposure
and to get more anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids. Some of my patients even cook and puree liver which packs a real iron and nutrient punch! Don’t forget some wild salmon for the brain-boosting omega-3-fatty acids. Discuss alternative protein: Let your baby’s medical provider know if you’re choosing a no-meat diet for your baby. Other iron- and zinc-rich foods include eggs, nut butters, ground seeds, tofu and ancient grains. Your baby’s medical provider will typically check your child’s iron status with a hemoglobin finger-prick test at 9 or 12 months old. Veg out: Get your baby started early on veggies with purees of leafy greens (kale and spinach) and colorful vegetables (carrots, beets, sweet potato, squash and zucchini). Consider fruits a dessert, as they contain more sugar. Stick with it, despite resistance you might see: Studies show that infants who were given vegetables, even when they disliked them, were more likely to enjoy
those vegetables even at 3 and 6 years. Don’t forget fat: A baby’s brain is made primarily of fat — and your baby needs 30 grams of fat every day! Give healthy fats, which are naturally found in avocado, plain whole milk yogurt, eggs, nut butters, chia and flax seeds and foods cooked with extra-virgin olive oil or coconut oil. Be on alert for allergies: Talk to your baby’s medical provider if you think your baby may be at risk for food allergies. (Children with eczema, a known food allergy or a sibling with food allergy are at higher risk.) Your doctor may recommend a blood test and/or not waiting on those first tastes of eggs and peanut butter — and may instead recommend starting earlier, around 4–6 months. Be aware of chemicals: Store baby food in glass or stainless containers when possible and don’t microwave in plastics. Avoid processed packaged foods that contain flavorings, colorings and preservatives. When possible, buy organic and wash fruits and vegetables in water with vinegar/baking soda to decrease fertilizer and pesticide residues. Take care with rice: High levels of arsenic have been found in rice products. Because rice cereal has long been a traditional first food, the FDA and AAP recommend that caregivers — if they choose to buy baby cereals — serve a variety of grains, including oatmeal and ancient grains, which have higher fiber and protein contents than rice. The AAP also recommends avoiding brown rice syrup in processed foods and rice milk as a dairy substitute. Keep trying: Now is the time to introduce lots of healthy flavors (including herbs and spices) that you want your child to enjoy later. Keep trying, as up to 15 exposures may be necessary before a new food is accepted. Most important, enjoy the wonder of taste together with your baby!
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mnparent.com • September 2019
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Dr. Rachael Krahn
ON BEHAVIOR
Little transitions, BIG emotions! R
est assured: Transitions can be difficult for all children. You’re not alone if you have children who react strongly when it’s time to change what they’re doing. As a parent, I can relate to thinking, “Why in the world is my child responding SO BIG when I just asked her to… [have dinner, run an errand, leave for school]?” As adults, we can empathize with not wanting to switch gears if we’re in the groove of a particular activity, but the tears, stomping or tantrums that often occur when it’s time to transition can be a real challenge. And it’s one all parents face. There are the day-to-day transitions such as bedtime, getting to school and turning off a video when it's time for dinner. Bigger transitions, such as the beginning or end of a school year, a move or a change in family composition, can also exacerbate a child’s difficulties with change. Depending on the age of the child, he or she may not actually have the brain development to cope easily, rationally or empathically with a transition, which is why your response is so important. A parent’s response influences how a child moves through a given transition and can help manage future transitions. STAY CALM AND CONNECT: When your child is in the throes of big emotions, resist the urge to fix or change the feelings. Instead do all you can to connect physically and emotionally with your child. Touch his arm, make eye contact, turn off distractions — ensure your child knows he has your full attention. Help your child name his feelings. Reflect back what you hear and validate the distress. As much as you can, model
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Be consistent with how you handle transitions! This is a truly golden nugget of guidance, as consistency is incredibly helpful so children know what to expect each and every time. the behavior you are hoping to see in your child. Do what you need to do to stay calm: Take deep breaths, take a little break, name your own feelings. PROVIDE ROUTINES AND WARNINGS:
Be consistent with how you handle transitions! This is a truly golden nugget of guidance, as consistency can be incredibly helpful so children know what to expect
each and every time. Children will try all kinds of things to get their way. This can present a real test for parents to provide consistent messages, responses and consequences. The use of rituals and routines can help, especially for transitions that happen every day. Distraction and playfulness through the use of songs or movement, or reminding your children about a reward for getting through a transition can help them move through their initial resistance. You might also try giving your child a warning countdown: In 10 minutes we’ll stop playing and get PJs on. Then: In 5 minutes, we will get PJs on. And so on. All of these strategies reinforce that transitions will be handled the same every day. Transitions and change aren’t always welcome, but consistency is incredibly reassuring. PLAN AHEAD AND LOOK BACK:
Anticipating future transitions is another good strategy, as children tend to do better
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with some information about what’s to VOLVO SALES & REPAIR SHOP come. Reflecting on how they’ve handled things in the past helps them plan for what they might do and what they might need in the future. Problem-solve with your child about why a past transition was hard. It can be tempting to “just move on,” but growing Do It Right … Or Not At All your child’s reflective capacity is a wonderful life skill that can help her better 612.803.5661 swedishmotorsmn.com understand her triggers, her worries and what’s helpful during tough times. Bundle Studios MNP 0919 12.indd 1 8/14/19 10:26 Swedish AMMotors MNP 0819 12.indd 1 6/28/19 2:07 PM CHEER: Praise the moments your child handles a transition with little emotional or behavioral difficulty! A quick, “I love how you turned off the video right away!” Montessori School | Family owned since 1963 612-377-1698 • childgardenmontessori.com • office@childgardenmontessori.com reinforces the positive behavior. Some“The goal of early childhood education should be to activate the child’s own natural desire to learn.” times a positive reward system can spark your child’s motivation to better manage transitions. The goal with reward systems is to shape behavioral responses so your child is able to draw upon internal rewards (sense of accomplishment or mastery, positive feelings within a relationship) Full-time Care for 6 wks – 6 yrs of age rather than rely on external rewards. Open 7:30am to 6pm, M–F STAY COOL: Do your best to ignore Exceptionally low child to staff ratios minor disgruntlements from your child, as Onsite Chef serving lunch & 2 snacks long as your child ends up complying with many organic options within the expectations you’ve set forth. Focusing on the positive versus the minor Child Garden Montessori MNP 0818 H4.indd 1 7/2/18 2:49 PM negatives can go a long way toward helping your child feel successful and motivated. Children who struggle with anxiety, sensory integration or ADHD may have even more challenges with transitions and may require therapeutic interventions to support both the child and the caregivers. Call a community mental health center Nelson Family Farm, Litchfield, MN such as Washburn Center for Children (612-871-1454) if you have concerns about ® Visit Our Website your child’s mental health, development Weekends & MEA For Special Events, or learning.
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Dr. Rachael Krahn is a child psychologist with the Washburn Center for Children, a Minneapolis-based community mental health center with a mission to nurture every child and family’s well-being through transformative care. Learn more at washburn.org.
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mnparent.com • September 2019
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Sarah Jackson
IN THE KITCHEN
CRUNCHY BROCCOLI SLAW
Can’t get the kids to eat broccoli? Try this crunchy-noodle slaw! Let them bash the noodles and then watch them devour the final dish. Double this recipe for a party and you’ll be a hero.
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1 package Oriental-flavored ramen noodle soup (3 ounces; other flavors work, too) 2 tablespoons butter 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, such as canola 2 tablespoons brown or white sugar 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar 1 ramen noodle seasoning packet 1 bag broccoli slaw (12 ounces; sold alongside bagged salads at the grocery store) 2 tablespoons nuts (slivered almonds or chopped peanuts) 2 tablespoons sunflower seeds Chopped green onions, for garnish (optional) Salt and pepper to taste
Remove the noodles from the package and set the seasoning packet aside. Crush the ramen noodles in a large zipper-close bag. Melt the butter in a large skillet over low/medium heat. Add the crushed noodles to the skillet, stirring and keeping the temperature at low/ medium heat until light golden brown, about 5 minutes. Set aside to cool. Whisk the oil, sugar, vinegar and seasoning packet in a small bowl until the sugar is completely dissolved. Toss the shredded broccoli with the dressing to coat thoroughly, then add the fried noodles, nuts and sunower seeds and toss again.* Garnish with chopped green onions (if using). Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste and serve immediately. *If you aren’t serving the salad right away, you can fry the noodles ahead of time, let them cool, store them (covered) and then add them (and the nuts) just before serving. If you don’t mind the noodles soft (we loved them), this salad keeps great for two to three days as leftovers. Source: Adapted from Paula Deen and Christine Lakhani at foodnetwork.com; photo by Sarah Jackson.
Ed Dykhuizen
BOOKSHELF
Books for Baby
The main goal of books for babies and toddlers is to gently introduce the basic concept of reading words on a page. That’s the easy part. The tough part is grabbing and keeping the attention of the most distractible tykes. These new books expertly meet future readers at their level.
Keeping it simple is key, especially for babies. In this adorable tale, a cute, busy toddler wears out his dad through a day of opposites — for example, “No, no, no,” to foods he doesn’t like, and then a triumphant “Yes!” to the one he does. That basic theme gives each page some anticipation, capped by a bit of humor that both kids and parents can appreciate. Ages 0–3 • $16.99
Ever seen a book that has an interactive page — a wheel or tab kids can move to change the illustrations? It’s always the favorite page. This book is nothing but those kinds of pages. And thankfully, every moving component is made of sturdy, thick material, so it will last more than a few months! 3 months–3 years • $8.99
No one could blame a new parent for not having the energy to maintain a well-organized catalog of stories, achievements and pictures. But if you’re up for it, this book’s adorable, colorful pages provide many ideas for things to record, things that otherwise might be lost in the sleepdeprived fog of early parenthood. And when the baby grows up, it’s guaranteed to be a favorite read; what kid doesn’t love hearing about him/herself? Illustrated by Christine Roussey • $24.99
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This sweet tale follows a winning formula for keeping toddlers interested: rhyming, repetition, cute animals and the all-important X factor — interaction! Many pages end with little questions tots can proudly answer, such as the number of flower petals on the page, where the mouse is hiding and more. Ages 3–5 • $16.99
Often, what makes a book a baby’s or toddler’s favorite is its ability to surprise. This creatively constructed book elicits delighted little laughs by first giving a peek at the animal on the next page and then using a slider-panel mechanism to change its face. 3 months–3 years • $7.99 Ed Dykhuizen is an associate editor at Minnesota Parent and father of three, who lives in St. Paul. Do Good Diapers MNP 0919 2-3.indd 2
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A
birth story Two Minneapolis moms dreamed of a relaxed home birth — only to end up with a traumatic C-section. Though their newborn daughter recovered quickly, their own healing took more time.
By Am�da Webst�
R
Laurel and Rebecca Luxenberg with their daughter, Addie, 3, in Minneapolis. Photo by Sarah Karnas
ebecca and Laurel Luxenberg of Minneapolis always knew they wanted children. Immediately after their wedding in October 2013, they began planning their family. “On our honeymoon, we watched The Business of Being Born,” Laurel said. “That’s how serious we were.” Knowing they would need medical help to conceive as a same-sex couple, Rebecca wanted to prepare as much as possible. Even before the marriage, she started tracking her cycle, changed her diet, signed up for yoga and received alternative fertility treatments such as acupuncture and Mayan abdominal massage. She even tried ancient fertility foods like liver and sardines.
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I was grieving. I was raging. I was really upset. I was also scared. Why did this happen? What’s wrong with my body?
Laurel and Rebecca Luxenberg play with their daughter, Addie, in their Minneapolis yard. Addie’s birth required an emergency C-section and a stay in the NICU for an emergency blood transfusion. Photos by Sarah Karnas
— Minneapolis mother Rebecca Luxenberg
“I had no sense of whether I’d be fertile or not — and because there was a cost associated with getting pregnant, I wanted to throw everything I could at it, so it could happen as quickly as possible,” Rebecca said. All that work seemed to pay off when she discovered she was pregnant after their first attempt.
The best-laid plans Rebecca and Laurel were thrilled. They read everything they could find about childbirth; attended birth, newborn and breastfeeding classes; and began the exciting process of planning for the birth of their first child. They knew they wanted to pursue a pregnancy and birth as free as possible from medical interventions, such as unnecessary ultrasounds, electronic fetal monitoring and induced labor, and were easily drawn to the idea of midwifery and home birthing, which support such an approach. “I didn’t know of any health problems,” said Rebecca, who researched birth centers and midwives and ended up choosing the midwives of Trillium Midwifery Care. “We just clicked. It felt right.” Rebecca passed a midwifery health
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assessment and was declared a good candidate for a home birth, so the Luxenbergs arranged for a birthing tub and prepared for a serene water birth in the nursery. Aside from a surprise, but insignificant, diagnosis of uterine fibroids during a 20-week ultrasound, the pregnancy progressed without complication, and the couple had no reason to assume they wouldn’t have the birth they desired. Then, at 38 weeks, Rebecca developed a nagging suspicion that something was wrong. She hadn’t felt much movement over the course of a day and began to worry. “I really didn’t want anything to be wrong,” Rebecca said, “and I really didn’t want to call the midwife. I wanted it to magically fix itself.” Laurel could sense Rebecca’s fear and made the call anyway. Midwife Emme Corbeil told Rebecca to eat something, lay down and count the baby’s movements over the course of 30 minutes. When Rebecca hadn’t felt any movement after 15 minutes, she called back. Corbeil calmly instructed the couple to head to the hospital, where she would meet them, to get checked out.
Fetal monitoring revealed the baby was in severe distress. Under the bright white lights of the hospital triage room, Rebecca was angry and scared. She looked to Corbeil for support and hoped for a different answer. But Corbeil confirmed her fears. It was a life-threatening emergency, and an immediate C-section was necessary. Less than 20 minutes later, doctors discovered that Rebecca’s placenta was detaching from her uterus and the baby was losing blood, a condition known as placental abruption, which can be lifethreatening to both the mother and child. After the surgery, Laurel held up their newborn baby girl, paper-white in color at the time, for Rebecca to see moments before nurses rushed her to the NICU for an emergency blood transfusion. Eight excruciating hours passed before Rebecca and baby Adele (Addie) were reunited.
From one trauma to another Thankfully, Addie recovered quickly, but the trauma of her birth made Rebecca more determined than ever to develop a strong breastfeeding relationship with her
new daughter. Addie, unfortunately, had other plans. She wouldn’t nurse. No matter what. Rebecca was devastated. Again. “It was just so unbelievable that we’d had this C-section and now my baby won’t breastfeed,” Rebecca said. For three weeks post-birth, Rebecca and Laurel tried everything they could think of to get their daughter to nurse. They kept Addie on a three-hour rotation of attempted nursing. When that didn’t work out, Laurel would feed her through a syringe while Rebecca pumped. They hired three different lactation consultants. But nobody could fix the issue. Eventually, it became too much. “I was grieving. I was raging. I was really upset,” Rebecca said. “I was also scared. Why did this happen? What’s wrong with my body?” Laurel said: “It was a really dark time emotionally for both of us.”
Coping with it all Dr. Maren McMillan, a licensed psychologist in St. Paul who specializes in perinatal mental health, said that even when there isn’t a life-threatening situation, postpartum mothers often experience grief, trauma and anxiety when things don’t work out as planned. Anxiety, grief and trauma, McMillan said, exist on a spectrum that includes depression, but they often don’t get screened for
the same way that depression does. “We’ve come a long ways educating people about postpartum depression,” she said. “But I don’t know that there is a lot of conversation about postpartum anxiety and trauma.” McMillan was inspired to specialize in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders after her own experience with a traumatic birth and postpartum anxiety. “I knew something was going on with me, but I didn’t understand it — and I’m a mental health professional,” she said. “So I Your Whole Baby MNP 0919 12.indd 1 8/8/19 1:47 PM can’t even wrap my mind around what that might be like for women who have no context for this.” One of the most common experiences Apples, of course, she sees in new mothers, even those and Apple Cider, Apple Bakery without a history of mental-health - A Family Outing challenges, are intrusive thoughts about
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McMillan encourages women to seek help from a perinatal mental health professional if they aren’t feeling like themselves or begin having intrusive thoughts. It’s important to find someone who is supportive and understands the unique period of time around childbirth and won’t overly pathologize the woman’s experience. The right provider will do a non-judgmental risk assessment. Families can find professionals through Pregnancy and Postpartum Support Minnesota, which offers a list of providers and resources. (Learn more at ppsupportmn.org.)
Tools to address trauma Though Rebecca didn’t have intrusive thoughts after Addie was born, she did seek therapy when she realized anxiety was interfering with her ability to function in new motherhood. Therapy helped her rewrite the story of Addie’s birth, so that it didn’t cause trauma every time she thought about it. She was also able to come to terms with their breastfeeding challenges. In her own practice, McMillan encour-
ages women to share their stories as much as possible. She said sometimes that’s all they need. She also works with them on what she calls “here-and-now skills,” which may include mindfulness, exposure therapy or radical acceptance. If there’s a need to more directly address trauma, she’ll use specialized techniques like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). EMDR and ART are therapeutic treatments that rely on rapid eye movement and visualization techniques to specifically focus on trauma. Studies have shown these to be exceptionally fast treatments for trauma that once took years to address. McMillan said many of her clients move beyond trauma and create positive change in just one to three sessions.
The second time around Fast forward to 2018: Addie, is a feisty, energetic 3-year-old on her way to becoming a big sister. Even though Rebecca and Laurel had
done a lot of healing since Addie’s birth, the second pregnancy brought much of the past anxiety back to the surface. Rebecca felt like she couldn’t plan anything for after the baby was born. She simply didn’t have faith that everything was going to be fine. In the final weeks of the pregnancy, she began having panic attacks during her weekly Non-Stress-Tests (NSTs). Her therapist referred her to a specialist in ART. After three sessions, Rebecca finally felt calm and ready for birth. “I feel like I moved through and shed so much trauma and fear in those weeks that I hadn’t even realized I had been carrying around with me,” she said. McMillan said the best way to prepare for any birth is to come up with pieces of your birth plan that are most important to you, and also work on accepting that there are no guarantees. Birth is one of the few things in life that we have very little control over. If a person has a history of trauma, McMillan recommends seeking support as soon as possible.
Laurel and Rebecca Luxenberg and their daughter, Addie, welcome her sister, Sula. Photos by Amanda Webster
Postpartum help Pregnancy and Postpartum Support Minnesota provides a list of mental health providers and psychiatrists who specialize in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders as well as certified providers who practice alternative modalities of evidence-based treatment that complement traditional medicine and apply a “whole body” focus for healing, rather than treating the symptoms alone. PPSM also includes providers who specialize in working with partners and dads. Find help at 612-787-7776, ppsmhelpline@gmail.com and ppsupportmn.org. Maren McMillan, a licensed psychologist, loves working with new mothers. She’s at 366 Selby Ave., Suite 200, St. Paul; 651-419-5255; drmarenmcmillan.com
La Leche League has been supporting breastfeeding families for more than 60 years. We understand that while breastfeeding is natural, it doesn’t always come easily. Around the globe, mothers find vital support from La Leche League’s volunteer Leaders on the phone, through email, and during monthly Group meet-ups. Attending meetings and contacting Leaders is always free. Visit our website to learn more about who we are, our mission, diversity statement, and philosophy.
lllofmndas.org • 612-922-4996
twin cities book festival
La Leche League MNP 0919 H6.indd 1
rain taxi
8/12/19 10:45 AM
Saturday, October 12, 2019
Minnesota State Fairgrounds 10am - 5pm • FREE admission & parking
All-Day Book Fair Storytelling & Activities for Kids Teen & Tween Events Author Readings & Signings Used Book & Record Sale
twincitiesbookfestival.org A happy ending Both Rebecca and Laurel worked hard throughout the second pregnancy to accept whatever may come, and although they knew a medical birth was their only option, they still hoped to avoid a C-section. Fortunately, their story has a happy ending. On Aug. 24, 2018, they joyfully welcomed a healthy baby girl, Sula Berit, after a speedy VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) in a hospital. Sula easily took to breastfeeding. Rebecca is thrilled she was able to have the natural birth and breastfeeding relationship she always wanted, but still grieves Addie’s rough beginnings. “As a mother, I wish I could have given them both the same easy start in life,” she said. “But our Addie is a fighter and her birth is just the beginning of her story.” Amanda Webster lives in Roseville with her husband and two kids. Find her at amandawebsterwrites.com. mnparent.com • September 2019
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Open to love By Abbie Burgess
— Grace e Baby r e h red pictu r mother, e with h and y, d n e er W with h w belo er, moth birth is an idy — Cass tion p ado open ry. ss sto succe
Adoption isn’t the closed door it once was. Birth parents and adoptive parents are joining forces to benefit their children.
Photo
by Ste
phanie
Benne
tt
L
ike many proud mothers, Cassidy Stumm has a social media profile that’s full of “aw”-inducing photos of the 27-year-old cuddling her baby girl. Amidst images of her daughter’s baptism and first birthday party, a picture of Cassidy — lifting up the laughing baby — is superimposed with the words: “I am touched by adoption.” Cassidy, you see, doesn’t live with her daughter, Grace, who is 1 1/2 years old. Grace lives with her adoptive parents in the Twin Cities. But because the adoption is an open one, Cassidy is still allowed to be a part of her daughter’s life. “This is a modern-day adoption story,” Cassidy said.
wouldn’t have to part ways forever with her daughter. “I was like, ‘OK, I can work with this,’” she said. Cassidy just wanted what was best for Grace. She turned to Lutheran Social Service in St. Paul for guidance and resources. She looked at the profiles of many families, but none seemed like the right fit. Then a coworker asked her if she wanted to meet Ben and Wendy, a Twin Cities couple who had already done one open adoption and sounded “super open and cool.” Cassidy remembers thinking, “Well, I’m due in a month and a half, so I probably should.”
How it all began
An instant connection
Before Grace’s birth, Cassidy said she had hit rock bottom. She was dependent on alcohol and in an unhealthy relationship. In April 2017, her family surprised her with an intervention in hopes of getting her into an addiction treatment program. She agreed, and soon after discovered she was pregnant by a man who had left without contact after physically abusing her. She received prenatal care while in treatment and successfully graduated from the program that July. Leaving her apartment and job from her old life behind, she moved in with her family to start over. But even then, she couldn’t admit she was pregnant. “I had so much shame and denial, the words couldn’t leave my mouth,” she said. “My brain wasn’t catching up to my body.” Cassidy was rebuilding a stable life for herself. But knew she wasn’t ready to parent as a newly sober, single mom. “When my mom was pregnant with me, she’d considered adoption, but didn’t go through with it because back then it would have been closed,” Cassidy said. “She said, ‘I never would have seen you again.’” But then Cassidy learned there was another way. With modern adoption, she
At their first meeting at a Caribou Coffee, Cassidy, Ben and Wendy immediately hit it off. “When you know, you know,” Cassidy said. She and her mom visited Ben and Wendy’s home, further solidifying her decision. Their Christmas tree was decorated with family photos, including one of their son’s birth mom, so it was clear this wouldn’t be the couple’s first open-adoption experience. They promised to add Cassidy’s picture to the tree, too. “They are so warm — the definition of a family,” Cassidy said. Ben and Wendy, who adopted their son, Augustin, after struggling with fertility issues, didn’t have much time to decide if they would adopt Cassidy’s child and create a family of four. They’d known Cassidy only a couple weeks before she officially chose them; from then, they had about three weeks to decide. But they were so impressed with her recovery and her honesty. “She was absolutely on the path to healing and health and wholeness — and coming out the other side,” Wendy said. “She was stronger already for what she’d
been through. We knew this was a young woman of strength and determination and goals.” Grace was born with Ben and Wendy in the delivery room; Wendy cut the umbilical cord. Ben and Wendy stayed overnight in their own room down the hall in the hospital with Grace to start the bonding process. “We did an entrustment ceremony,” Cassidy said. “After a couple prayers, we each went around holding Grace and saying our wishes for her and for each other. A lot of hugs and crying, but it was really special.” Wendy said during the births of her open-adopted children, she was able to be present in the delivery room and was allowed to cut the cord in both instances. “There’s something symbolic there,” she said. “That hospital time is really sacred ground.” That neutral space was also where they bonded much more closely with Cassidy. “We’d talk and talk. It was this liminal space. It’s that in-between space,” Wendy said. “We got to know each other so well.” But then it came time to leave a couple days later, a process that wasn’t easy for anyone. It fact, it was traumatizing, Cassidy said. But having a plan in place to meet up the following week made it more bearable. Now, her contact with Grace happens every four to six weeks. “Open adoption is super great,” she said. “I text Wendy all the time. I have a birth-mom section in the baby book. Grace will never have to wonder where she comes from.”
Filling in the narrative Before open adoption came to the forefront in the 1980s, children like Grace didn’t have the option of knowing their biological relatives. And that can be hard on some kids, said Alexis Oberdorfer, the executive director of adoption at Lutheran Social Service. mnparent.com • September 2019
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“When you’re missing significant portions of what forms who you are as a person, it leaves some holes in your narrative,” Oberdorfer said. But now, more than 90 percent of infant adoptions through the agency are open. Birth mothers can select the adoptive family of their choice as well as the amount of openness and communication they would prefer. The definition of open adoption is simply that it involves the disclosure of identifying information between the biological and adoptive parents. How much contact they will have is agreed upon in advance. Every relationship is different. Some are more open and involve meetings. Other families, rather than getting together in person, engage from a distance with video calls, photo sharing and gift giving.
Fate, destiny, closeness Catherine Kirk Chase of Victoria has two adopted children who have had experiences on opposite ends of the openness spectrum. With the adoption of her son, Jake, 15 years ago, she knew the connection with the birth mother wouldn’t be a close one. “When she handed him to me,” Kirk Chase said, “she told me that she wouldn’t be able to see him.” Kirk Chase and her then-husband exchanged letters and pictures for a few years with the birth mom, but she eventu-
ally dropped contact. The Chase family’s second adoption happened quite unexpectedly. Kirk Chase had started volunteering to help others go through the adoption process. One day, she agreed to meet a young woman and her parents to share her story of how open adoption worked for her family. At the meeting, the birth mother-to-be surprised everyone: After they’d talked awhile, she handed a sonogram photo to Kirk Chase and said, “This is the first photo of your daughter.” Kirk Chase has one word for it: destiny. After that fateful meeting, a relationship began that would leave a deep impact on them all. The birth mother announced the birth (a daughter, named Gemma) in the local paper, stating that the baby girl had been born and was being lovingly adopted by the Chase family. Meanwhile, Kirk Chase has become quite close to her daughter’s birth parents and their extended families as well. This spring, Gemma, now 10, attended a family reunion alone with her birth family. “It’s her family,” Kirk Chase says simply. “It all comes down to: Is it right for Gemma? That’s true for all parenting: Is it right for my child?” Before she adopted the first time, Kirk Chase interviewed birth mothers for four years to learn what type of adoption
worked out best for them. Overwhelmingly, the answer seemed to be adoptions with openness.
Making it work Overall, open adoption is highly recommended, Oberdorfer said. But like any relationship, it takes work. There can be bumps along the way as all members of the adoption triad work to define that new normal. No one calls it easy. “For people who can navigate and do it right, you’re creating a new normal and redefining what a family is,” Oberdorfer said. “You have to be open to a different framework of a family,” said Kirk Chase, who is working on a book about her experiences with adoption. When Kirk Chase is on an outing with the extended birth family, it can be a little confusing to people who encounter them. During the early years, they would try to explain their complicated connections. “I’m older than some of the grandmothers,” Kirk Chase said. “The look on people’s faces has been really funny.” Now they have a simpler way — using just names, not titles. Being close in age to Gemma’s birth grandparents had led to a beautiful friendship. “I stay at their house, we chat and go on vacation together.” Kirk Chase said, adding: “We had to work to make it what it is.”
↑↑Ben and Wendy of the Twin Cities snuggle their children, Grace, 1½, and Augustin, 5½, who they adopted in open adoptions. Cassidy Stumm, Grace’s mother, enjoys some quality time with her daughter.
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Expanding their tribe Cassidy encourages adoptive parents to foster gratitude and an open mind. “It’s not easy what a birth mom has to do,” she said. “Basically they give up part of themselves to create a family for someone else.” She attributes her strong relationship with Grace’s parents to honesty, communication and trust. “It’s not joint custody,” Cassidy said. “Yes, she is my child. But they are her parents.” At the same time, Ben and Wendy actively seek out opportunities for Grace to get to know her birth grandparents, too. “We feel like the more people loving our kids the better,” Wendy said. “You just expand your tribe. You don’t narrow it.” Wendy said the hardest part of both their adoptions was fear that things might not work out in the end. When you adopt, she said, you often put your profile in a book and must simply wait to get picked. Adoptive parents can start to wonder when — or if — they’ll be selected. “You’re putting yourself out there,” she said. “You have that fear of not being enough.” Even after being chosen, parents can end up afraid that the birth mother will have a change of heart. “The scariest part is always: Will they change their mind?” she said. “Our hearts are on the line.”
Eliminating the stigma You can never have too many moms. That’s according to Jenny Eldredge, the executive director at Bellis, a nonprofit organization based in Elk River that offers peer-based support gatherings to anyone impacted by adoption. After Grace’s adoption, Cassidy found support through Bellis and now volunteers with the organization to tell her story to social workers and high school students in an effort to reduce stigma around adoption. Audiences love her honesty and vulnerability.
RESOURCES Adopt US Kids adoptuskids.org Lutheran Social Services (Children’s Home Society) chsfs.org Minnesota Department of Health tinyurl.com/mdhs-adoption MN Adopt mnadopt.org North American Council on Adoptable Children nacac.org
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Cassidy, now working as a Barre fitness instructor in the Twin Cities, said when her students asked her on Mother’s Day this year if she was a mom, she told them about her birth daughter. While the innocent question, “Do you have kids?” can feel like a stab in the heart, it also can be an opportunity to share her story. Blooma MNP 0919 12.indd “I like to spread the word about adoption,” Cassidy said.
Redefining family Openness is no longer limited to domestic infant adoption, Oberdorfer said. International and foster care adoptions are now more open than in the past. And tools such as social media and DNA testing are breaking open once-closed adoptions, too. One thing is clear: Everyone in the open adoption triad is doing this because they love their children and have their best interests at heart. “We underestimate our capacity to love,” Eldredge said. “Your heart keeps growing and you welcome more people into your family.” Kirk Chase agreed: “Love is what it’s all about.” Abbie Burgess is a Twin Cities freelance writer and lifestyle blogger at thepinkpaperdoll.com.
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6/13/19 1:34 PM
SeptOberfest in Wabasha, Minnesota, runs Sept. 6–Oct. 26.
FA L L I NT O
family fun The Driftless Region is rich with delightful day trips for kids! BY MAGGIE SONNEK
M
y husband and I sit at Big River Kombucha’s taproom sipping cans of fermented tea. I like Paddleboat Peach; he prefers Driftless Ginger Lime. Our three kids dance and play nearby to the music of the Sawtooth Brothers, part of a free concert series. Time seems to stand still. Just 60 miles southeast of the Twin Cities, we’re surrounded by sweeping green valleys and rolling bluffs overlooking the wild yet graceful Mississippi. And for our little family, life has transformed, too. After relocating from St. Louis Park to Wabasha — about two hours to the southeast — we’ve spent the past two years exploring Southeastern Minnesota and Western Wisconsin, seeking out some of the area’s most unique spots. If you’re ready for a fall adventure, I recommend you explore this wonderful area, which is geologically known as the Driftless Region.
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SeptOberfest Farmers and artists come together in a unique partnership to deliver this fabulous festival every year in Wabasha, featuring 3,000 pumpkins and 5,000 cornstalks turned into creative displays. Part pop-up play park, part pumpkin festival — and part boutique heaven — this event showcases the oldest city on the Upper Mississippi River like no other. Rent a bike or surrey from River Rider Cycle & Specialty, weave through a straw maze in Heritage Park and listen to local bands perform at Music Under the Bridge. And because it’s happening Sept. 6–Oct. 26, you’ll have plenty of chances to check it out. See wabashamn.org for a full schedule.
Pizza farms! We love our pizza farms here in the Driftless Region, where they’re considered agricultural and culinary treasures. Parents get a night off from making dinner; the kids get to tour a real working farm; and you all get to dine in a remarkable outdoor setting with the freshest foods of the season — agritourism at its finest. Our two favorites — The Stone Barn in Nelson and Suncrest Gardens Farm in Cochrane — are both on the other side of the river in Wisconsin. And both offer gluten-free crust upon request. Matt and Marcy Smith, owners of The Stone Barn, teach at the local high school during the school year. But come
May, they trade in their curriculum for a wood-fired brick oven. Wait times during the weekend can be lengthy, but a field adjacent to the outdoor patio is the perfect place for a pick-up game of soccer or kickball. Plenty of indoor and outdoor seating is provided along with plates and utensils. We have two favorites — the Alaskan (smoked salmon, onions, dill and capers on a cream cheese base) and the Modena (balsamic chicken, onions, mushrooms, sugar snap peas and feta cheese on a garlic olive oil base). Meanwhile at Suncrest Gardens Farm, Heather Seacrist has worked hard to make the destination family friendly with live music, yard games and a playground. While you wait for your pizza, you can snack on chips with homemade rhubarb salsa, a crowd favorite. Our favorite pizza is the BBQ — a tasty crust topped with mozzarella, roasted onions, sweet peppers, chicken and a drizzle of barbecue sauce. Bring your own lawn chairs or blankets as outdoor seating is limited. Bring utensils if you want them. Napkins are provided and the pizzas are served in a “green” pizza box; the lid is perforated and can easily be torn into four “plates,” while the remaining box can be converted into a take-home container. See thenelsonstonebarn.com and suncrestgardensfarm.com for fall pizza nights!
Photo courtesy of Suncrest Gardens Farm, Cochrane, Wisconsin
all perks of a great hotel. But, if you’re up for a bit of an adventure, check out Bending River Cove, a tiny-home resort between Wabasha and Lake City. Just above Lake Pepin along Highway 61 sit six lakefront tiny homes, including a cottage and studio apartment. Between 200-400 square feet each, each structure is handcrafted with local and reclaimed materials. See brctinyhomes.com for current rates.
Photo courtesy of the National Eagle Center
National Eagle Center There’s a good chance you’ll see one — or several — eagles during your time in Wabasha. But, just a few years ago, this wasn’t the case. There was only one active bald eagle nest along the 261-mile stretch of the Upper Mississippi River National Wildlife and Fish Refuge. Today, there are more than 300 active nests. That’s at least partly thanks to efforts that started in Wabasha. In 1989, a group of local birders pooled their resources and founded a nonprofit organization, Eagle Watch, to raise awareness about bald eagle endangerment. That small nonprofit has transformed into the National Eagle Center, a modern, 15,000-square-foot riverside destination that features hands-on eagle exhibits. But what really sets the center apart are the four live ambassador eagles on permanent display in an open-air exhibit — Angel, Columbia, Donald and Was’aka. The eagles, three of them bald eagles and one a golden eagle, were each rescued and deemed unable to survive in the wild. They’re the stars of the center’s daily, 45-minute educational programs taught by on-site naturalists. Learn more at nationaleaglecenter.org.
(Tiny) Accommodations The AmericInn Lodge and Suites in Wabasha features a pool and hot tub, themed suites and a free breakfast —
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LARK Toys LARK Toys, just five miles down the road, is no ordinary place. Situated below the picturesque bluffs in the town of Kellogg (population 453, also offering its own SeptOberfest attractions), this 21,000-square-foot utopia is one of the largest independent specialty toy stores in the world. Owners Miranda and Scott Gray-Burlingame along with Miranda’s parents, Kathy and Ron Gray, encourage all ages — hello, adult-sized scooter! — to play and imagine. A train table, dollhouse, toy kitchen and a variety of developmental toys are all fair game for hands-on exploration. Near the dollhouse is the iconic workshop. Here sits toymaker Tim Monson. He’s been at LARK for 31 years, helping dream up and handcraft the store’s trademark wooden pull toys, like the Bilberry Bear — a bear riding a tricycle. Before you make your way to the full-sized, hand-carved carousel featuring hand-
More!
Host an Exchange Student Today!
Marie Perry Yoga: Perry is a certified yoga and barre instructor offering private and group sessions, including classes on the beach. She empowers you to find breath, movement and mindfulness to create a healthier you.
(for 3, 5 or 10 months) Make a lifelong friend from abroad.
Enrich your family with another culture. Now you can host a high school exchange student (girl or boy) from France, Germany, Scandinavia, Spain, Australia, Japan, Brazil, Italy or other countries. Single parents, as well as couples with or without children, may host. Contact us ASAP for more information or to select your student.
Broken Paddle Guiding: Take a guided paddle or bike tour to explore the Upper Mississippi River and the rolling bluffs of the region.
Victoria from Australia, 17 yrs.
Enjoys spending time with her family and younger siblings. Victoria plays volleyball and is excited to learn new sports while in America.
Wabasha Farmers Market: At the corner of Main Street and Allegheny Avenue every Wednesday afternoon and Saturday morning, this market features fresh local fruit, vegetables, eggs, meats and baked goods. Photo courtesy of Marie Perry Yoga
Giorgio from Italy, 16 yrs.
Loves to play baseball and spend time with his dogs. Giorgio also plays the guitar, and his dream is to join a drama club at his American high school.
TAMMY 715-497-6696 AMY 1-800-736-1760 (Toll Free) host.asse.com or email info@asse.com
Driftless Books: Peruse new releases and classics on Main Street.
Founded in 1976 ASSE International Student Exchange Program is a Public Benefit, Non-Profit Organization.
WHAT DOES DRIFTLESS MEAN? The Driftless Area is a region — in Southeastern Minnesota, and the adjacent parts of Wisconsin, Iowa and Illinois — that escaped glaciation during the last ice age. It’s characterized by steep, forested ridges, deeply carved river valleys, spring-fed waterfalls and cold-water trout streams.
For privacy reasons, photos above are not photos of actual students
ASSE Intl Student Exchange MNP 0919 V6.indd 1
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The rugged terrain, known in Minnesota more commonly as Bluff Country, is due to the lack of glacial deposits (called drift) and the bedrock-carving flow of the Mississippi River and its tributaries.
stained animals, you’ll be transported back in time through an antique toy museum full of displays, including vintage action figures, old-fashioned dolls and tin cars. The hall opens up to a candy store, food court, gift shop, fudge counter and llama-viewing area (yes, llamas!). Then there’s the magical carousel. Running every half hour each day, both kids and adults are welcome to ride on animals such as a white bird with a fish in its mouth or a dragon with a wizard sitting at the base of its neck. And the fun’s not over! Just outside is an 18-hole mini-golf course featuring waterfalls, ponds and a play-through mountain. See larktoys.com. Maybe you’ll love your visit to Southeastern Minnesota so much that, like us, you’ll decide to move here! But, if you don’t, fear not. We’ll be here — hiking in the bluffs, boating on the river or eating magical pizza at a local farm. Maggie Sonnek and her husband, Eric, decided to move their family from St. Louis Park to Wabasha in 2017. After living in a church rectory for a year, they purchased a home just a few blocks from the river, with a view of the bluffs. Learn more at millcitycreativempls.com. mnparent.com • September 2019
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BABY RESOURCES ADVERTISER LISTINGS
mnparent.com/baby
Education
Minnetonka Public School District (E–12) With ECFE, Preschool and K–12 programming, the Minnetonka Public School District focuses on world-class, childcentered excellence. Features: K–12 Chinese and Spanish Immersion, K–12 computer coding, AP and IB, collaborative research and award-winning arts and music programs. 952-401-5000 minnetonkaschools.org
Your Whole Baby Your Whole Baby gently educates parents on the many benefits of keeping baby boys intact at birth, avoiding routine infant circumcision. We also provide proper care information for the parents and doctors of intact boys. yourwholebaby.org christine@yourwholebaby.org
Childcare
Creative Kids Academy Creative Kids Academy provides exceptional early education for children 6 weeks–12 years. We are NAEYC and MN Parent aware accredited. Our interactive enrichment programs such as Yoga, Spanish, Karate, Gardening and Music are all FREE. Visit one of our 10 amazing locations! Multiple locations • 763-360-6730 ckakids.com
Kinderberry Hill Highest quality care and early education with a heartfelt dedication to nurturing intelligence. Our premier programs feature experienced educators, an onsite school nurse, a commitment to health/nutrition and a Reggio inspired, child-led curriculum fully preparing children for kindergarten and beyond. FT and PT, infants–pre-K. Multiple locations kinderberryhill.com
Mis Amigos Spanish Immersion “Giving Children The World.” Serving ages 6 weeks–5 years. Half-day and full-day options available. Native Spanish speaking teachers. Call or email to schedule a tour today! Parent Aware Highest Rating— 4 stars. NAEYC-accredited. Hopkins • 952-935-5588 St. Paul • 651-728-3261 misamigospreschool.com
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Fitness New Horizon Academy New Horizon Academy is a MN family-owned company that provides high quality childcare and early education. While focusing on developing a healthy sense of self in each child, we also strive to provide your child with the necessary skills to succeed not only in school, but in life. Multiple locations • 763-557-1111 newhorizonacademy.net
Playworks Playworks is Minnesota’s premier provider of quality childcare and family fun. Offering certified teachers, state-of-the-art facilities, and excellent care options, Playworks is a safe and exciting place for your child to play, laugh, and learn. Prior Lake • 952-445-PLAY (7529) playworksfun.com
Dentists
Dentistry for Children & Adolescents When should my child first see a pediatric dentist? The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends shortly after the first tooth erupts, and no later than the child’s first birthday. Our dentists are committed to providing your child with the highest standard of care from birth to age 19! Edina • 952-831-4400 Burnsville • 952-435-4102 Minnetonka • 952-932-0920 childrensdent.com
St. Paul Ballet
This nonprofit, community dance school offers lessons for ages 2–100, year-round for all income levels and abilities! Parent & Me classes for ages 2.5 to 4 are offered in fourweek sessions throughout the year. Children ages 7+ perform in two major shows yearly. Drop-in classes available. St. Paul • 651-690-1588 spballet.org
Photography Tracy Walsh Photography
Maternity, children, family, senior and business portraits. Maple Grove tracy@tracywalshphoto.com tracywalshphoto.com
Resources Help Me Grow MN
Young children grow, learn and change all the time. Keep track of the developmental milestones your child reaches. If you have concerns about your child’s development, talk to your doctor or refer your child to Help Me Grow MN. 866-693-4769 helpmegrowmn.org
Out & About SEPTEMBER
mnparent.com/calendar
OPENING SEPT. 21
Twin Cities Harvest Festival and Maze ⊲ This year’s 20-acre maze honors the Minnesota Lynx and includes team trivia questions throughout its many pathways. Jump in the corn pit; stroll through the straw bale maze; and enjoy live music, a petting zoo, duck and goat races, a hayride, inflatables and a giant slide. When: Saturdays and Sundays Sept. 21–Oct. 27, plus Oct. 17–18 Where: Brooklyn Park Cost: $12; children shorter than 36 inches can attend for free. Info: twincitiesmaze.com
ONGOING
Minnesota State Fair ⊲ The Great Minnesota Get-Together features 12 days of food on a stick, agricultural and cultural exhibits, parades, live music, entertainment, carnival rides, animals and more. When: Aug. 22–Sept. 2 Where: Falcon Heights Cost: Gate admission will be $15 for ages 13–64, $13 for age 65 and older and ages 5–12 and free for ages 4 and younger. Info: mnstatefair.org
Minnesota Renaissance Festival ⊲ Explore a 16th-century European village featuring 16 stages of live entertainment, more than 250 marketplace artisans, kid-friendly rides and games, a petting zoo, artist demonstrations, roaming characters and live armored jousting, plus beer, wine and food vendors. When: Rain or shine Saturdays and Sundays Aug. 17–Sept. 29, plus Monday, Sept. 2 (Labor Day) and Friday, Sept. 27.
Where: Shakopee Cost: $24.95 for adults, $15.95 for ages 5–12 and free for ages 4 and younger; advance tickets cost $13.50–$21.95. Info: renaissancefest.com
SEPT. 4–7
Burnsville Fire Muster ⊲ Over a four-day stretch, this community celebration includes entertainment, fireworks, carnival rides, kids activities and the fire truck and community parade that started it all. When: Sept. 4–7 Where: Burnsville Cost: FREE Info: burnsvillefiremuster.org
SEPT. 4–8
Defeat of Jesse James Days ⊲ When the James-Younger Gang arrived in Northfield to rob the bank, they were swiftly thwarted by both the townsfolk and the bankers. Celebrate the town’s proud history with reenactments, parades, a car show, rodeo, carnival and many other community events.
When: Sept. 4–8 Where: Northfield Cost: FREE Info: djjd.org
SEPT. 6–8
Taste of Greece ⊲ This three-day festival features authentic Greek food, live music and cultural events, all in support of three local charities. When: Sept. 6–8 Where: St. Mary’s Greek Orthodox Church, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: mplsgreekfest.org
SEPT. 7
Bellyrama Block Party ⊲ Blooma’s 10th-anniversary celebration features family and kid yoga classes, free muesli and coffee from Seven Sundays, bike decorating with Farmstead Bike Shop, face painting, vendors selling art and goods (and giving away swag), a live DJ, balloons and more. When: Sept. 7 Where: Blooma, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: blooma.com/bellyrama mnparent.com • September 2019
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Out & About SEPT. 7
Minneapolis Monarch Festival ⊲ Honor the monarch butterfly’s amazing migration from Minnesota to Mexico. Using art, music, dancing, games, native 10:39 AMplants, prairie tours and food, the festival raises awareness of the need to provide and protect monarch habitat.
Visit hobt.org or call 612.721.2535 for more info.
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When: Sept. 7 Where: Lake Nokomis Park, Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: monarchfestival.org
SEPT. 13–14
St. Paul Oktoberfest ⊲ This festival features a horse-drawn beer wagon parade, a stone-lifting competition, dachshund races, a kid-friendly carnival, bed races, live music and more. When: Sept. 13–14 Where: Schmidt Brewery, St. Paul Cost: Admission is free. A $5 wristband is required for alcohol purchases. Kinder Carnival admission is $8. Info: stpauloktoberfest.org
OPENING SEPT. 13
Sever’s Fall Festival ⊲ Embrace fall fun with an extreme corn pit, zip lines, a tire mountain, jumping pillows, pumpkin blasters, hayrides, food trucks and more. When: Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays Sept. 13–Nov. 3, plus Oct. 17–18 Where: Canterbury Park, Shakopee Cost: $17 for ages 4 and older ($12 in advance) Info: seversfallfestival.com
SEPT. 14
Prairie Burn Music Festival ⊲ Check out activities for kids amid all-
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ages music from Har Mar Superstar, Yam Haus, HALEY and more, plus food and beer, to help the Twin Cities YMCA make camp experiences accessible for all. When: Sept. 14 Where: YMCA Camp St. Croix, Hudson, Wisconsin Cost: $35 for ages 16 and older, $5 for ages 3–15, free for ages 2 and younger Info: ymcamn.org/prairieburn
SEPT. 15
Czech and Slovak Festival ⊲ Savor the sights, sounds and flavors of Czech, Slovak, Bohemian and Moravian cultures at this annual festival with live music, ethnic food and beer, folk dance performances, children’s games, craft booths and more. When: Sept. 15 Where: CSPS Hall, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: sokolmn.org
SEPT. 17–OCT. 20
Circus Abyssinia: Ethiopian Dreams ⊲ The rhythm of Ethiopia comes alive as this internationally acclaimed display of athleticism and acrobatics makes its Minneapolis debut. When: Sept. 17–Oct. 20 Where: Children’s Theatre Company, Minneapolis Cost: Tickets start at $15. Info: childrenstheatre.org
SEPT. 20–OCT. 20
James and the Giant Peach ⊲ In this all-ages show, James is sent by his conniving aunts to chop down their old fruit tree. But he discovers a magic potion that results in an enormous peach and launches a voyage of gigantic proportions. When: Sept. 20–Oct. 20 Where: Stages Theatre Company, Hopkins Cost: $17–$24 Info: stagestheatre.org
SEPT. 21
Girl Time ⊲⊲Ages 5–12 are invited see demonstrations, try hands-on activities designed with girls in mind and chat with women working in, or studying, engineering. When: Sept. 21 Where: The Works, Bloomington Cost: $9 in advance or $12 at the door Info: theworks.org
SEPT. 22
Doing Good Together Festival ⊲⊲A variety of local organizations offer fun activities focused on sharing, kindness and giving back to the community, including service projects, mindfulness activities, music- and art-making and more. When: Sept. 22 Where: Nicollet Island Pavilion, Minneapolis Cost: $5 per person or $20 per family Info: doinggoodtogether.org
Washburn Games ⊲⊲In this annual sports sampler, kids are invited to play rugby, soccer, lacrosse, cricket, karate, football, yoga and more in a noncompetitive environment geared toward ages 4–12. Proceeds will benefit the Washburn Center for Children, a Twin Cities nonprofit providing transformative children’s mental health care. When: Sept. 29 Where: Bryn Mawr Meadows Park, Minneapolis Cost: $10 online or $15 at the event Info: washburngames.org
mnparent.com • September 2019
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The One-Man Circus
Out & About
⊲ David Dimitri, a world-famous high-wire dancer and veteran of Cirque du Soleil and the Big Apple Circus, balances dramatic feats such as high-wire flips and a human-cannon launch with humor, poetry and serenades on the accordion. When: Sept. 12–22 Where: L’homme Cirque will set up a big top adjacent to the Circus Juventas big top in St. Paul. Cost: $30 Info: circusjuventas.org
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PARENTS, we’ve got you covered for Special Needs resources in the Twin Cities! MNP 0319.indd
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Imagine the Possibilities... Early Education * 6 Weeks–12 Years
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CHILDCARE/EDUCATION
PARTY PAGES
Your child is a natural... Playing
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Choose band size &/or Panda! • Music for all ages available! • Special rates for flexible scheduling •
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CHILDREN’S YAMAHA MUSIC SCHOOL Celebrating Over 40 Musical Years in Minnesota!
www.childrensyamaha.com • 612-339-2255 Schools in Edina & Roseville
MISCELLANEOUS
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Reserve your fun! 651.487.8272 or visit comozooconservatory.org
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Kids Birthday Packages
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7 themes to choose from For children ages 1+
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Week-long camps June–August Behind-the-scenes experiences • Meet zookeepers and gardeners
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www.teddybearband.com (612) 861-3570 richard@teddybearband.com
5/15/15 10:45 TeddyAM Bear Band MNP 0717 2cx2.2.indd 1
October 12th & 13th or December 7th & 8th
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Great times for all ages at Como Park Zoo & Conservatory
Parents — hide away in your own area while the kids party!
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JOIN US ON THE SECOND SATURDAY OF EACH MONTH FOR FAMILY DANCE 6:30–8PM
12/12/18 10:50 AM
UPCOMING FAMILY DANCES
9/14, 10/12, 11/9
Fun for all ages Simple & easy to learn Live music • Dancing
$12 per family • $6 individuals plus: “pay what you can” option
Tapestry Folkdance Center • 3748 Minnehaha Ave, Minneapolis • 612-722-2914 • tapestryfolkdance.org
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FIND MORE PARTY RESOURCES AT MNPARENT.COM/DIRECTORY
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mnparent.com • September 2019
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11/20/14 10:34 AM
FROM OUR READERS
Sunshine and style Don’t you just love these gals? They all have their own sense of style and a touch of attitude, too!
← Hadley, 10, practicing ballet at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum
↑ Davey, 2½, of Brooklyn Park with her Nana and Papa, Deb and Les
↑ Paige, 5, of Anoka outside her grandmother’s house
↑ Stephania, 17 months, in her yard in Minnetonka
Want to see your kid on this page? Send photos with your child’s first name, age and city to editor@mnparent.com.
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