Floral Masculinity

The quest of a small, butch lesbian to find clothes that fit

I tell people I’m 5’2” but that’s counting the extra inches my blue mohawk gives me. I’m what a politely condescending J.Crew cashier would call “petite,” which makes finding flattering masculine clothes nearly impossible. I grew tired of having to pick between buying a badass printed T-shirt, which engulfs my shoulders and stretches past my fingertips, and a form fitting top, which in no way reflects my gender. Last week, I went to the post office wearing an appropriately depressing, oversized hoodie for a Monday. I reached into my P.O. box and found a check. I looked down at my hands and saw them drowning in fabric. I saw the “petite” blob in the window’s reflection. And I said, more loudly than I intended, “mama’s going shopping.”

It’s not an uncommon phenomenon. Transgender and nonbinary people struggle to find clothes that are both flattering and reflective of their identities on a daily basis. While certain niche fashion labels such as Wild Fang, FLAVNT Streetwear, and Bindle and Keep have popped up to fill the void, the predominant retail stores have yet to manufacture clothing for people of different genders and body shapes. Few accessible clothing brands carry high heels over size 13, suits under size 32, or dresses over size 20. Quite simply, fashion corporations have overwhelmingly failed to provide clothing for anyone whose body or style does not fit the cis-mold. It’s a miracle when we can find any clothes at all.

I bought a sweatshirt. Black. Bright red roses on the chest and hood. XXXS. I found it at Topman, based in the U.K., which is one of the few stores that makes men’s clothes in extremely small sizes. For me, that is a gift from God.

By perpetuating the false dichotomy between menswear and womenswear, retail stores alienate customers and contribute to the erasure of gender nonconformity. In a 2013 Guardian article, Casey Legler, the first woman to be signed to the men’s division of Ford Models, called out “corporate America” for propagating gender myths and only incorporating “female-masculinity and masculine-femininity” when it’s trendy. Legler criticized “corporations and the traditional media” for not “celebrating difference” and “otherness.”

I bought a white T-shirt with floral sleeves and a blacktipped ringer. Both are plain with a pop of color.

“A lot of our friends wear mostly secondhand clothes because they can’t achieve their identity with clothes that are new and on the market now,” said Eden Loweth, a designer for the label Art School, which creates clothes for trans and nonbinary models, in his January 2018 interview with The Guardian.

I don’t have style icons. I don’t look up to anyone because I don’t see anyone that looks like me. While it’s disheartening and frustrating, it is also freeing. My style can evolve without comparison. My aesthetic can be floral and masculine. It can be iconoclastic. I don’t feel like I’m challenging masculinity or indulging in some form of toxicity. Rather I’m reconciling previously perceived contradictions. My masculinity is my security blanket, my vulnerability, my expression. Floral masculinity is my reconciliation.

Written by Siena Fay

Photographed by Danielle Tang

Modeled by Angel Smith & Jaime Seney