Imposter Syndrome

ANNIE NG

“Imposter syndrome for me manifests via constant comparisons of myself with others - even when I receive praise from those exact people... As a digital artist, it’s extremely easy for me to see someone else using a piece of software or a technique I haven’t experienced and immediately feel I’m somehow falling behind. Even though I know everyone else is probably just trying to figure it out too, it’s a thought pattern that emerges all the time without intention.”

It’s a thought pattern that emerges all the time without intention.

JESSICA YEUNG

Recently, I have questioned my place in the art world at Stanford. Before college, I practiced photography independently without formal instruction; taking classes and incorporating photography into my academic pursuits challenged how I viewed art and my position as an artist. With this newfound pressure to create, participate in gallery shows, and pursue art as a purely intellectual field, I started to question the validity of my work and my intentions as a photographer. Especially when the professional art world is a space not established for minorities, it is hard to feel like your work belongs and will be appreciated. Thoughts like:

“Am I focused enough?” “Do I put enough thought into my work?” “I always feel like others are doing more, doing better than I am.” “Do I need some grand philosophical quest to be an artist?” “Does my work matter? Do people care?” “I don’t belong here.”

crept into my head after numerous failed attempts to become more involved in the arts. I realized I could not be the only one with these doubts, so I wanted to explore how other student artists felt about their experience at Stanford and outside.

Ultimately, I have tried to accept that it is okay for me to still be exploring my aims as a photographer, and having multiple sectors of interest does not make my work any less valid. Not everybody will like your work, but find the people that support you and help you grow. I interviewed just a small sector of art students, but even then, it shows that we are not alone in our struggles to feel like we belong. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or want to be part of this project – I will be continuing to interview students about their experiences.

SARAH OHTA

I was very lost during the first months of pursuing photography because I was learning completely on my own.

“Looking back, though, working independently forced me to find a purpose behind my photography that was completely internal. I’ve definitely grown the most when experimenting for hours on my own with different styles of editing or executing strange concepts with friends that are very open to my crazy ideas. I now use my Instagram to create art for myself and include my friends in my work by teaching them to pose and ideating my most experimental concepts with them. Even wthough Instagram can create a new type of imposter syndrome because you’re constantly and immediately compared to other artists, it still helps me stay motivated... but I have felt pressure to not declare a completely artistic major because of the lack of respect for less technical majors at Stanford.”

AJA TWO CROWS

The only way to overcome imposter syndrome is to try your best not to engage with it.

“Usually the art speaks for itself. And at some point, if you’re producing quality content and quality work, then other people’s opinions are really not important at all...Filmmaking, especially, is such a long term process. It requires you to have an extreme focus on one subject for so long while also taking artistic considerations into account. So there isn’t really a lot of room left over to consistently and constantly – at least for me – mull over in my mind whether I feel like an imposter or not.”

SHANNEN TORRES

“I feel imposter syndrome all the time. I subconsciously pat myself on the back every day for pretending to know what I’m doing. I’ve yet to distinguish between everything being a result of luck or hard work, and even then I tell myself that it’s just a matter of what’s meant to be... I have to remind myself, even when I’m producing work, that its me producing it. Otherwise, I look at my art and think that there’s no way I have true “talent.” It’s weird being paranoid that you’re going to be exposed for being a fake artist when you literally use your hands and your mind to produce original work and you see yourself doing it.”

Art here is often fundamentally elitist.

“There’s this ‘renewed’ interest in urbanism, and in Black and brown culture, that forwards a pattern of appropriation. Class fetishism, appropriation of poorness, and just a culture of collecting identities to showcase them – such as posing as a marginalized identity to gain clout and to feel like the true suffered artist – is difficult to have to live with at Stanford and anywhere outside of my hood.”

BENNY SIAM

I have been systemically told that my voice does not matter or that my thoughts are not of value.

CAIRO MO

“Having my work put next to other people’s work, especially in the context of something with a structure or standard like a juried exhibition, has made me doubt the value of what I do. When I make art, I’m usually working through a troubled idea, something that demands my attention in many ways. But when I am confronted with what I have made, it is hard sometimes to acknowledge that it is “good art” or even “good” when it is constantly compared to others’ work. I learned a lot of my art through years of teaching myself, so the lack of a formal technical foundation sometimes feels very prominent in my art when it’s placed next to other art... I think being an artist at Stanford makes you inherently prone to imposter syndrome because the very practice of artmaking is not valued or seen as profitable.”

photographed by Jessica Yeung

modeled by Cairo Mo, Annie Ng, Sarah Ohta, Benny Siam, Shannen Torres, Aja Two Crows, Jessica Yeung