ATalk With Dad

He awoke from a good night’s sleep and lay in his tent listening to owls hooting and crickets chirping. It was Father’s Day and his thoughts were about his Dad. “Haven’t done that in a long time,” he thought. He left his sleeping bag, put on some clothes, and stepped into the early morning darkness.

There were still a few hot coals in the campfire, so he added some kindling and blew on the coals. The fire came to life again. More wood was placed in the fire until it was ready to put his coffee pot on the grate. As he waited, he looked up to see stars still twinkling and listened to the sounds of flowing water in the nearby creek. He enjoyed time alone outdoors but was beginning to miss his wife and family.

Maybe that’s why his Dad kept sneaking into his thoughts that morning. His Dad had been gone for many years, but there were things he needed to say to him and never had. It was a good time to do that. To tell him what had been in his heart and mind for a long, long time. No one was around to think he was crazy talking to someone that wasn’t there.

Dad, I don’t remember you ever telling me you loved me. I don’t even remember if you ever put your arms around me and hugged me. I’m sorry, but it’s hard to tell you I love you when I never heard or felt it from you. I realize now that your father never did that with you, so you didn’t know how. That may be how he grew up, so he didn’t know how to do those things.

All I remember about Grandpa is he never smiled. He never seemed happy. I guess his Dad was probably that way too. Not showing someone you loved them got passed down to you. I wish it had been different, but it wasn’t. Excuse me for a minute. Smoke from this campfire must have got in my eyes.

I do remember the only time you took me fishing. You and my other Grandpa took me along to the river with you. You never let me fish and never tried to show me how. I do remember getting in trouble for throwing rocks in the water. I also remember the turtle I hid from you because I was afraid if you found out I snuck it back home with me, I would get in trouble again.

That was when we lived with Grandma and Grandpa down on the farm. I don’t remember you doing much with me as I grew up there. You worked for the railroad and were gone a lot. Mom worked in town, and grandma was always busy helping with chores and cooking our meals. At least she would take the time to put her arms around me and kiss me on the head sometimes. I loved her smile. Grandpa had to milk the cows, feed the pigs, butcher the hogs, cut and put up the hay, fix what was broken, and other stuff. He didn’t have much time for me either.

When I was young, I spent most of my time alone wandering the fields and forests around the farm. I remember pretending to be a soldier like you were. My imagination had me fighting the Germans, and when I wasn’t fighting them, I was dodging arrows from the Indians and riding off on my horse. You weren’t around to see me doing that, Dad.

When I got old enough to help around the farm, I gathered the eggs for grandma and helped pluck the feathers off the chickens she butchered. Grandpa taught me to milk the cows by hand and take a bucket to the spring to haul water back for grandma. He never said thanks, but at least I got a pat once in a while. That’s something I never got from you, Dad. I know you were busy working. Wow, smoke’s getting in my eyes again.

Two things happened during that time that would eventually be a big part of my life. When I finished my work, Grandpa would let me use his old fishing rod, and I went off and taught myself how to fish. Later he let me use his old rifle, and I became a hunter. The love I was seeking from you, I found in the great outdoors.

Were you proud of me when I joined the military, Dad? I wrote you, but I don’t think I got any letters back. Guess you were too busy. I’ll be right back. This campfire smoke is getting in my eyes again. I have to blow my nose and wipe my eyes.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, were you there when I got married? I don’t remember that either. Like you, I made mistakes with my kids. For that, I am deeply sorry. They and God forgave me, and I forgive you, Dad.

My wife and I have always told our kids we love them. We still hug them. Grandkids, too. That’s important in today’s world. They have grown up fishing, hunting, camping and in church. It has helped shape them into the good adults and young people they are. They have a lot of happy memories. Our kids have passed it on to their kids. They also will pass it on to their kids and grandkids. You will be glad to know that the chain is broken. What a better world it would be if all kids grew up knowing that they are loved. It would be even better if kids grew up learning to enjoy God’s great outdoors and all it offers. It changes lives.

Well, I have to go now. My son and grandson will be here in a little while. We are going fishing. I am glad we had this talk, Dad. I have needed to do this for a long time.

He finished his coffee, wiped his eyes one last time, looked up, and thanked God for all the blessings in his life. He smiled and started getting his fishing stuff together.

Larry Whiteley