Lives inArchway (London)
Age 51
Social Worker (anti-human trafficking) with women
Next to music posters of memorable gigs in Camden
Under the bridge between Camden and Kentish Town
I started noticing my periods were irregular at 49 and I was becoming irritable and having night sweats which I thought were related to work burnout I had to face up to the fact that it was the start of menopause . I thought “not me, not yet”. In the back of my mind I had this fear that all of a sudden I would become this wrinkly invisible woman. I thought I would slip into frailty. Being single as well I thought “that’s it” You consider your sexuality Am I going to be this un-attractive woman on my own? This lasted about 6 months with wrangling with my sense of being attractive and sexual and I struggled with it But then I got sick of my own bullshit and thought “this is an emotional form of self harm” and “you’re the only one that thinks that”. I realised there were lots of mates going through it. I had this “how dare you” moment where I thought my value isn’t weighed on my looks. I love body art, tattoos - my value isn’t external - it’s what do I want to look like?
I’ve always expressed myself in my own way and for that 6 months I thought maybe I should start toning it down but I’ve come out of that now and thought “no bollocks”. From that point I’ve grown and become stronger in myself. I don’t feel like I need anyone’s approval anymore. I really don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks anymore I feel like I’ve been released from a societal mindset that says “at this age you’ve got to do this or that” I’ve realised it’s all about being yourself and I don’t want to be a miserable, unhappy old lady. I feel more confident in myself as a person. My mind has been opened and I’m far more accepting. I’ve got an increased sense of fun and grab opportunities and life. I just go for it. I’m much more in sync with the women I work with - I feel passionate about giving women a voice and helping them work on their boundaries and what they want to allow in their lives - as women we have secrets; miscarriages, mothering through difficulties, termination Society tells us to feel ashamed, but it’s part of who we are.
I’ve learnt so much from these women. We’re all in this together. I feel really good about myself and what I’ve achieved so far These things aren’t massive challenges anymore I love music and comedy and it gets me through