Lives in Sheffield Age
56
Mother, Writer, Health WorkerIn her garden
In her local park
It started early for me, I wasn’t even 40 when I experienced some symptoms. I thought it was diabetes or high blood pressure. I went to the doctor who sent me for a test and told me it was the early signs of menopause. I was referred to an organisation. They went through all the symptoms with me and recommended things that I could change.
The things that really affect me are not being able to sleep through the night, that low mood and lack of motivation. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry and when I can’t go back to sleep. You have to make a positive out of some negatives. I write about how I’m feeling and what I think my body is saying to me. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of sitting in silence and going with the flow because I don’t feel like I can do anything about it. When I get up in the night, I just grab a notebook and write a poem, or I just write what I’ve done that day.
I just write and write and write until I feel I’m ready to go back to sleep again.And then it’s a hot flush again, and then I wake up. I can sometimes be awake for two to four hours. I try not to switch on the light. I don’t have a TV in my bedroom; sometimes I have to pick up my phone so I can listen to music to help to relax me because it can be very frustrating. So I change the set of clothes and put another set on, because of all the perspiration I’m going through.
What I write at night feeds into the poetry and short stories I read out at the high security unit. For me, it’s like the menopause created a workshop in me that allows me to write and develop those pieces and just use them wherever I go.
I’m conscious that when I’m out I have to wear dark coloured clothes so that nobody can see that my arm is wet.Any time anyone invites me to an event it has to be dark coloured top. If dance is included I have to walk with a flannel and packets of tissues to keep my face cool. Sometimes I don’t want to participate. I don’t want to go to events because of that. Over the years I’ve developed different ways of coping with that to be able to enjoy myself, because if I stay home it’s going to get worse. The other thing is the constant headache, and the less I sleep the more the headache is there. So I just go for a walk and get some fresh air to breathe. I’m surrounded by green spaces, so I’m not just in the bedroom.