The Bottom Line

Be careful to manage your reactions to these questions, as it is normal to feel defensive. Instead of reacting defensively, try to stay in a place of curiosity and remember this is not easy for the person giving feedback either. After you speak to a few people, you will begin to see patterns that may be surprising, but these patterns will give you a sense of how others see you. If what they see is what you intend, great! If your goals and their perceptions don’t align, you now have a great place to start to move things into alignment.

In my own case, I learned a lot of things from asking these questions; I realized my passion for this work was often coming across to others as intense. This can put people off, put pressure on them, or both. That has never been my intention at all, and it was a little difficult to hear, but it was helpful. I decided I am not going to stop being passionate about workplace well-being, but I am going to be careful to let others know that just because I am excited about something, it doesn’t mean I expect long-standing workplace culture to change overnight or others to fix issues for me. I ensure that I convey my excitement about ideas, possibilities, and opportunities to find creative solutions together.

You will probably also find useful information about yourself by doing this, but remember to be open to thinking about what these people are brave enough to tell you and compassionate to yourself as well. There will be more about receiving feedback in chapter 4 (page 71), which deals with psychological safety, but for now, as you work on self-awareness, remember to start with the people who care about you and will give you the truth from that caring space. It is a really great place to start and will make it easier when you need to expand that feedback circle later. Feedback is not always easy to hear, but if you can gain an understanding of how others perceive you and align their answers to how you want them to perceive you, think of how powerful that would be! (See page 44 for the reproducible, “Steps to Build External Self-Awareness.”)

The Bottom Line

Now you have some ideas about how to promote and support self-care in general, and some specific ideas about how to include the essential social-emotional components (SELf-care) through increasing your own self-awareness and modeling this practice for others. Practicing self-awareness is a perfect connection to the next part of well-being because your own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are all connected, but they also always occur in relationships. I examine this second aspect of well-being—other—in chapter 3 (page 45).

Self-Care Action Steps

1. Situate health promotion information and self-care ideas within the larger well-being framework by including all three parts of well-being in conversations and materials.

2. Keep self-care reminders short, simple, and personal. Here’s an example text message: Sharing laughter is a great way to connect with one another and lower the stress response. Here is something that made me laugh today: [insert link to funny meme here]. 3. Work on your own self-awareness and keep practicing. For example, That feeling in my stomach is happening, and I notice I am thinking about all the reasons I am furious about this, but that was not how I wanted to be in this meeting. This may be a good time for a short break. 4. Share your learning about self-awareness and what you are working on with your team, ask for feedback, and model or share what you have learned in your teams. 5. Acknowledge that self-awareness is a lifelong activity, and perfection is not the goal.