Raising Perfect Parents ! Have you ever wondered what you could do to help make your p a r e n t s i n t o w h a t t h e y s h o u l d b e ? By Gil H. Goethals and Rick L. Shallenberger D o yo u r ea l i ze th a t yo u h a ve as mu ch tim e to ra i se yo u r pa re n ts a s th e y ha ve to r a i se yo u ? You see, parents have only been parents as long as their children have been children. When you look at it this way, you see that you can have a big influence on what kind of parents you have. W h a t c a n y o u d o to help them become the parents that you want? Before you start….. Most of us are familiar with the Fifth Commandment. ‘Honor your father and mother…’. To honor or obey your parents as this Commandment says, you need to raise honorable parents! Parents are a little difficult to raise. They tend to be set in their ways and do things the way they’ve always done them. So it may be hard to help them change. Be patient. Here are 10 commandments for raising good and honorable parents: 1 ] E n c o u r a g e t h e m . We all need encouragement and parents are no different. They need to hear you and see you encourage them by what you say and do to them. Tell them you appreciate them and the efforts that they put into being your parents. You must admit that it’s not always easy putting up with you! Nonverbal encouragement is showing them that you are ‘growing up’ and taking more responsibilities for what you do. You can show this by cooperating more and arguing less with your parents and with your bother or sister. Show them you are making progress – in school, in sports, in hobbies, and the many other activities that you do. Let them know that you are concerned about your future and taking steps to plan for it. Every parent likes to hear that you are thinking and practicing good habits for when you get older ‘like them’! Show by your actions that you are really trying to do what is right. This needs to be shared with them even if you believe they already know it!!! Tell them a situation where you made a ‘grown up decision’ and how glad you are that you did the right thing. Parents are encouraged when they see you trying to apply the teachings that they have ‘preached’ to you about; when they see those things happening, they are more likely to treat you with more freedoms! 2 ] D o n ’ t b e t o o s t r i c t w i t h t h e m . Learn to be less demanding about getting things done your way and sometimes let them have their things done the way that they want them! Let mom and dad listen to their favorite television or radio stations once in a while. Let them pick the television shows occasionally and suffer through watching it with them. Don’t demand to always see what you want to see! Let them have a little freedom and a little room, and soon you’ll find yourself with more freedom and opportunities to do what you want to do. When you learn not to be so strict with them, you are well on your way to raising loving and totally unselfish parents. 3 ] S a y t h a n k s a t l e a s t o n c e a d a y . Stop and think a moment about how much there is to be thankful for. Your food, clothing, your possessions, a roof over your head, that
bicycle or car, and the list goes on and on. What about thanking them for just being there? You do that and you’ll find that they will start being there for you more and more when you need them. Don’t take them for granted. They need to know that you care about them again and again and again. Look for little things to thank them for. Thank mom for clean clothes. Cleaning them takes time and energy she could use to do something more enjoyable. Thank dad for being willing to work for eight or more hours each day, five or six days a week! Both mom and dad may work outside of the home and come home tired from work – as you do from school. It would help them if they heard a kind word of thanks! Being thankful is an attribute that is valuable for the rest of your life. Just think how peaceful things would be in your home if you and your parents thanked each other more often and really meant it! 4 ] D o s o m e t h i n g n i c e f o r y o u r p a r e n t s . The key here is to do it before they ask! If you wait until they ask, what have you offered? There are lots of things you can do before they ask you: clean your room [and tell them about it afterward]; put your things away; wash the dishes; clean the garage; help to fix dinner; mow the lawn; make your own breakfast; vacuum the family room, and many more. Show them by your actions that you love them. Don’t just tell them [though saying it to them is very important also]. 5 ] D o n ’ t b e a f r a i d t o s a y , “ I ’ m s o r r y ” a n d m e a n i t . If you are sincere, they will forgive you. Make sure you do more than just tell them; show them that you are sorry. How do you do this? By changing. Making a mistake is not as bad as not being willing to change once the mistake was made. Every person, even mom and dad, makes mistakes. The secret is creating a situation so that the same ‘mistake’ is less likely to occur again. When you say, ‘I’m sorry’ you should also tell your parents what you will do differently the next time you get into that situation. Your parents will know whether you are sincere by how you apologize and what you do to change. 6] Never do anything to betray your parents’ trust or make them question y o u r h o n e s t y . Trust is your most precious possession and tool for ‘growing up’. Once you lose their trust, you’ve got to go a long, long way before you get it back. Therefore, learn to be honest with your parents. Take your punishment when it is necessary. Don’t try to lie out of it or manipulate your way into blaming someone else. Always tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Trust and honesty are absolutely necessary if you want to raise perfect parents. If you want privileges and more freedoms, you first have to let your parents know that they can trust you and that you are dependable. If you are going to be coming home late, for example, call your parents and let them know. Tell them where you are, what you are doing, whom you are with and when you will be home. For their security and trust, this is the what they need to know in order to trust you more in the future! Trust is your most precious treasure; guard it with your life!!!
7] Don’t get so upset at mom and dad’s shortcomings that you forget your o w n . Learn to be forgiving. Remember, it’s not easy to be a perfect parent. You don’t have the responsibility of raising a teenager; they do! If they get upset and yell at you, it may be because of what you have done or how you have done it. They still love you very much but they don’t like what you did! Don’t judge them for their mistakes. Chances are that you have plenty of your own! So don’t be to tough on your parents
when they make a mistake, It takes a forgiving child to raise happy, loving, and forgiving parents. You can be that child!!! 8 ] T a k e y o u r p a r e n t s i n t o y o u r c o n f i d e n c e . Learn not to hide things from your parents. If you are open and willing to share your feelings and thoughts with them, they will start sharing more things about themselves with you. Your relationship will blossom like never before. Take advantage of your ‘family’ relationships and share in an open and honest way. Talk to them like you talk to your friends while realizing that your parents will always protect you when you need it. Remember, that special family members are those who will always love you; tell you things that you need to hear and even disagree with you sometimes. Give your parents the chance to show you that they can be there when you need them; but show them that you need them! 9] Ask your parents for advice on matters big enough to make them feel i m p o r t a n t . You have no idea what this commandment can do for parents. If you say, “I need your help,” or “I need your advice”, you’ll always get it. There’s a great chance that they will stop whatever they are doing and immediately begin to help you! Use your parents’ wisdom and years of experience to help make a good decision. Even if you don’t agree with what they said, still have the compassion to ask them for their help. They were once kids also and their advice can save you a lot of heartache. 1 0 ] T i m e y o u r t a l k r i g h t . There does not need to be a ‘communication gap’ between you and your parents if YOU raise them correctly. But learn the value of ‘timing’. Don’t talk with them when they are upset. You have moments when you don’t feel like talking and so do they! Wait for a time when they are relaxed and can give you their full attention. Now grade yourself on these commandments. How well have you raised your parents? Part of the reputation that parents have is the way that their children act. If you take pride in wanting to raise ‘almost perfect parents’, then follow these ten commandments and you will have success. The result will be loving, forgiving, understanding, wonderful and trusting parents that you can truly be proud of.