8 minute read
Strategy & Tactics: Identifying & Overcoming Negative Habits
IDENTIFYING & OVERCOMING NEGATIVE HABITS & BEHAVIORS
In the face of these difficult times, what actions can we take today to work toward a brighter future?
WORDS BY JON KOWANETZ
In February at KnowledgeFest Long Beach, I presented a class on Identifying and Overcoming Negative Habits and Behaviors. Afterward, many attendees let me know the class was very helpful, and they felt more empowered to take control of areas of their lives that had been causing them problems. Excited by their enthusiasm, I sat down with MEA leaders and agreed to repeat this class, and more, to my colleagues about a topic so near and dear to my heart.
In a time not so long ago, many in our industry would leave their shops for a few days every few months to fly across the country to attend Knowledge- Fest—spending a weekend in packed training seminars, shaking hands with strangers on a buzzing show floor and sharing drinks with friends at the hotel bar. Although it feels like much longer, it’s been under two months since the last time this semi-annual networking event took place, since I was last able to speak at all of the remaining 2020 events. And then, the world changed.
About a week into my self-imposed isolation due to the spread of COVID-19, I had already done so much to improve my business, Handcrafted Auto Marine & Off-road, while working from home. I reconciled our financial accounts, reorganized items and accounts lists in QuickBooks, created a timeline for tasks to keep my employees busy and on payroll and, of course, I did everything I
could to get my company in line for government financial assistance programs.
I felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment at checking these long overdue items off of my to-do list. But at the same time, I also felt a strange mix of anxiety and apathy that it all might be for nothing if we are unable to get this situation under control. As I often do, whenever life challenges me, I sat down at my kitchen table to write about my thoughts and to get some perspective on the problem.
It didn’t take long for me to remember that the only thing I have any control over at any time is my own actions. Taking control of them in the past had created the best possible outcome in so many bad situations. Maybe doing the same thing now could make the best out of this situation, too.
When there is so much that seems out of our control, and our normal daily routine is drastically upended, it is understandable to feel helpless and maybe even a little hopeless. This new reality of social distancing, and wearing masks and gloves to go grocery shopping, happened so quickly that we’ve had no time to adjust. The temptation to escape this new reality for a little while is real. Combine this with stay-at-home orders, and
it can almost feel like there’s nothing you can do but watch TV, sleep or drink a few beers to numb it away. Instead, ask yourself: What actions am I taking right now and what kind of outcome might these actions produce?
Don’t misunderstand me: There is nothing wrong with turning your brain off for a little while by watching a guy who’s all business in the front and party in the back call himself the Tiger King! Take time to unwind every now and then. But if you find yourself lying on the couch absently gazing at the TV for a majority of your day, you may want to ask yourself
where these actions might lead you. The curve will flatten one day. The death toll will start to fall. The world will emerge from this in some indeterminable way in which we all have very little control. The only thing we have absolute control over is how we emerge from this situation as individuals, by controlling the actions we choose to take in each moment.
How will you emerge from this situation? Can you listen to that little voice inside you that’s saying, “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be doing that so much,” or “Maybe I should be spending a little bit more time…” On what? What is it that you know, deep down inside, if you keep doing it, you are not going to come out of this situation the way you want to? Are you drinking too much or eating poorly? Not getting enough exercise? Consuming so much media that all you can think about are the worst scenarios?
What could you be doing to make the most out of this situation? Should you be spending more quality time with your family or reaching out to loved ones if you are sheltered in place alone? Is there a new hobby you could pick up or a skill set you could learn? Maybe it’s time to read the book you kept saying you’d get around to. Or maybe it’s the perfect time to slow down, breathe and be grateful that you still can.
I want you to know that even though everything feels out of your control right now, you have the power to change the trajectory of any part of your life in every single moment. You just need to ask yourself the right questions.
What is my problem?
The first step to overcoming any real challenge in life is to identify the problem. Chances are, you won’t need to take a lot of time to figure out what the problem is. It has likely come to the forefront of your mind already.
How could my life be better?
Once you have a clear idea of what’s causing a problem, try to imagine how your life might improve if you no longer had a problem with this specific substance or behavior. Whether you imagine that you might finally get your bathroom remodel done if you turn off the TV more often, or get into the best shape of your life by putting down the Doritos and picking up some weights, the same goal has been fulfilled—to give you a positive future to move toward, and away from the problem you have identified.
How could my life get worse? Obvious as it may seem, this step is about getting real with yourself about the potential consequences to your life if you do not change your destructive behaviors. Maybe your poor diet and lack of exercise will lead to obesity, diabetes or heart failure. Maybe you’ll lose whatever money you have left to a gambling addiction, or spend it all buying things you don’t need because you’re bored. Maybe your marriage, which may have already been on the rocks, will come to its final and messy conclusion when your partner sees that even in the most desperate of times, you still won’t step up and do what needs to be done. What’s the worst scenario you can imagine?
Why do I keep doing it?
In the face of all of this evidence that a life lived without this problem would be better and that, if you don’t get a handle on this problem you may not have a life to live at all, why would you keep doing it? What is it about this substance or behavior that you enjoy so much that you’d risk it all just to keep doing it? Don’t let yourself off the hook here: The answer to this question will show you what really drives you to do these things, despite what you may be telling yourself.
Am I ready to change?
Plain and simple, this is the step where you make the decision to either continue doing what you have already identified will make your life worse, or you will decide to make one small change in this moment—one small step toward that better life you imagined in step two. Make no mistake, there is no third option here, not with this much evidence right in front of you. Choosing not to change is choosing to stay the same.
Who can I lean on for support?
Once you’ve made the decision to change, you’ll want to put together a support team you can lean on when things get tough. This could be something as simple and impersonal as a paid trainer to motivate you to get in that workout when you don’t feel like it. Or it could be a group of loved ones who can help you remember why you decided to get control over your prescription pill problem in the first place, when that old pain reliever calls your name from the medicine cabinet. It’s only when we try to take all of the weight on our own shoulders, that it becomes too heavy and we falter.
What boundaries do I need to put in place? Take some time to think about the circumstances in which you tend to overindulge in this destructive substance or behavior which you identified in step one. Are you bored? Anxious? Lonely? Sad? Angry? We’re never trying to numb away a good feeling with multiple shots of whiskey, or escape a positive situation by mindlessly scrolling through social media. With a clear idea of the types of scenarios that will trigger this behavior, create some personal boundaries to keep yourself out of them. Splitting a large bag of snacks into multiple, single servings is an easy one. So is setting the sleep timer on the TV so you don’t watch more than you intended to. Even avoiding the people with whom you tend to get into trouble might not be so hard anymore, now that you can’t even leave your house!
How will I track my progress?
They say that if you don’t know where you want to go, you’ll never get there. Well, I think that’s true. But I also believe that if you forget where you came from, it’s all too easy to go back. So, keep a journal, take lots of pictures, post it all over social media or do whatever you need to do to document the progress you’ve made toward learning to live your life without the crutches you once relied on to keep you on your feet. Who knows? You just might emerge from this situation better than you went in and ready to hit the ground running! That is, once you can go outside again, of course.
