3 key leadership lessons I learnt from hanging out with President Obama for the day…

By Gry Tømte

Last year, I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet a leadership giant, President Obama. This wasn’t just another Tuesday – it was a standout moment in my life’s highlight reel.

Yep, that’s me in the picture with the man himself. My mum wanted to frame it by the way!

So, there I was. Slightly sweaty hands and a racing heart.

As I nervously shook his hand, in an instant I forgot all the cool things I was planning on saying - and barely managed to squeak “Nice to meet you, Mr. President.”

Talk about surreal…

President Obama, with his combo of humility, intelligence, poise, and practicality, had me eager to soak up all his wisdom on leadership. And he didn’t; disappoint.

And today I want to share some of the key messages I picked up:

Hire challengers - not cheerleaders.

If you’re a business owner, responsible for the lives and well-being of many (including yourself and your family…) you’ve probably realised that decision-making can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Every call seems like a make-or-break moment, especially when you’re responsible for a business.

Weighing up pros and cons, self-doubt, fear of making the wrong call…

So, I was really intrigued to see how the President thought of these pressures. After all, the kinds of decisions he made could have meant the difference between war and peace. Literally….

Not all that surprisingly, President Obama said he is actually his very best under pressure. He has an ability to stay calm and focused during high pressure situations.

He had me even more intrigued. This was the stuff!

I discovered his secret sauce for decisionmaking under pressure - and, spoiler alert, it’s not just his “Obama NoDrama” vibe - his ACTUAL nickname by the way!

He thrives in these moments because he understands that there’s always going to be a good choice and a lesser choice. And often it’s a 51-49 split which way it goes. His reminder to himself is that “the decisions I have to make are difficult by virtue because the outcomes always have consequences”. And he continued “Often there are great arguments to be made for either choice - and neither is necessarily wrong”.

Ans whichever decision he makes it will always be the best decision he can make based on the information available at the time.

So, then the question becomes - how do we make sure we have as many angles covered in the information gathering?

And this is where the good stuff is…. The way he worked through decisions was quite simple and yet quite a profound awakening for me:

1. Any decision made will always be based on the best data available at the time. And that’s the best anyone can do.

2. To get the best data available, he surrounds himself with a team of “non group thinkers” - a diverse team of people who aren’t afraid to speak up, challenge the status quo, and let their different viewpoints be known.

Which means the likelihood of missing an important viewpoint is as small as it can possibly be.

Wowser!

I mean, how often have you felt that a decision weighs on you alone? And you “forget” to consult with a broad cross section of people with different perspectives - which means you miss several crucial elements of your decision-making process?

I remember a multitude of team meetings when on the few occasions where there were different opinions being voiced, I felt like it was a personal attack!

“I’m the boss - how are they so disrespectful!”

I was longing for constant consensus and “harmony”.

Ummm yes.

And then I realised that having no one to challenge your thinking and status quo was hindering us big time!

It took me a while, but actively seeking continuous feedback from my team was a game changer. It uncovered gaps in our protocols I just couldn’t see from my vantage point.

Suddenly, those “annoyances” in the clinic, like “why are they always running late in this one treatment ??” - started to make sense as the diverse perspectives came out, and we could address them effectively.

Lesson learned: embracing diverse viewpoints is key to well-rounded decision-making. We need challengers - not cheerleaders…

Everyone Deserves a Seat at the Table - It’s on Us as Leaders to Make Room

President Obama then dropped another little nugget!

“Everyone deserves a seat at the table. It’s up to us as leaders to make room and ensure that everyone has a voice.”

Oh! This hit home for me.

As leaders, we often fall into the trap of thinking we need to have all the answers. But real leadership is about fostering a culture where differing perspectives are not just heard but valued.

It’s about building an environment where being a challenger is seen positively, and everyone, regardless of the “rank” and experience, has a voice and an input.

Everyone’s voice carries weight - regardless of position.

I could see this in the way Obama interacted with the staff at the venue. There were stories of the cleaners having some great 1-1 conversations, him pranking the photographers and surprising the venue staff. It was pretty clear that he lives and breathes this motto,

And one of the reasons it rings so true to me is that through my failings through the years I have made a really conscious effort to adopt the same thinking - within my business and in my personal life.

And I truly believe this is one of the keys to strong leadership.

So, how did I start crafting this culture in my business?

Well, first we got REALLY clear on our values - including making it safe across the team to make mistakes. That goes for everyone from me, the owner - to the most junior team member.

If you want a group of diverse thinkers who aren’t afraid to challenge the current way- you also need to make it safe for them to own up to mistakes without the fear of losing their job, status or standing.

One of our values is “F*ck , own it, learn and grow”.

Which means voicing and trying different solutions won’t be feeling risky, but rather expected.

I also introduced quarterly team feedback surveys, improved our constant feedback strategies, and focused on building trust, empathy, and accountability.

I often hear leaders asking their team “do you have any feedback for me?” Or “is there anything I can do better?”

And although very well intended no doubt it leaves the door open to simply say “nope you’re all good”. Because it’s easy… and giving constructive feedback to a leader whether manager or owner - is haaaaard!

So instead, what I like to do is “what feedback do you have for me” and “what are some things I can do to better support you?”

Same question.

Different outcome.

This shift for me from a one-woman show to a collaborative environment was revolutionary.

Overnight Success Takes Time

Obama’s journey from grassroots activism to the presidency took two decades, yet the press called him an overnight sensation when he won the DNC…

He said, “Apparently the press seemed to think I got a hell of a lot smarter overnight!”

The narrative of an overnight success is not only misleading and creates unrealistic expectations.

But it also leads to feelings of failure and a lack of enjoying the process.

In the business world, we’re bombarded with promises of quick success – “10x your business in 60 days,” “become a leader overnight,” and so on.

We often hear about businesses or leaders who seemingly came out of nowhere to achieve massive success. It’s tempting to buy into these stories because, let’s face it, they’re exciting and they sell the dream of quick, effortless success. But in reality, these stories are the exception, not the rule.

The problem with this ‘overnight success’ narrative is twofold.

First, it sets up unrealistic expectations. People start to believe that if they’re not achieving rapid success, they’re failing. But that’s just not how it works.

Second, it leads to a lack of appreciation for the process. The focus shifts from building something meaningful to chasing quick wins. This can lead to shortcuts, burnout, and a lack of fulfilment.

True leadership and business growth, as Simon Sinek would say, is about playing the infinite game. It’s about seeing business as a continuous journey with no end.

There’s no final victory because the landscape is always changing, and the goal is to keep adapting and improving. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. In the aesthetic industry, where trends and technologies are constantly evolving, this mindset is crucial.

This approach involves continuously investing in yourself, your team, and your business.

It’s about striving to be better than you were yesterday, every single day. It might not make the front-page news, but this is what leads to sustainable success and real impact. I t’s about building a legacy, not just a headline. This path requires patience, resilience, and a commitment to continuous learning and growth – the very essence of effective leadership.

This not only creates undue pressure but also detracts from the value of the journey.

Remember, the key to great leadership is not just in the decisions you make, but in how you make them, and who you involve in the process. Keep nurturing diverse perspectives, and don’t rush the journey.

Success, real success, takes time.

Final thoughts and reflections…

I challenge you to look at your leadership style. Is there room for improvements?

If you’re like me the answer will always be YES! It’s a journey remember….

So, for those of you who are forever growing here are 10 questions I’d love for you to reflect on:

Absolutely! Reflection is a crucial part of growth, especially in leadership. Here are some reflective questions and thoughts that leaders, particularly in the aesthetic industry, might find beneficial:

1. Challenging the Status Quo: How often do I encourage my team to question existing methods or strategies? Am I open to feedback that contradicts my own views?

2. Diversity and Inclusivity in Decision Making: Do I actively seek out diverse perspectives when making decisions? How can I ensure that everyone, regardless of their role or experience, feels valued and heard in my team?

3. Handling Pressure and Decision Making: How do I react under pressure? Do I rush to decisions, or do I take the time to consider various perspectives and options?

4. The Myth of Overnight Success: Have I been chasing immediate results at the expense of sustainable growth? How can I realign my goals to focus on long-term success and development?

5. Value of Mistakes and Learning: Do I view mistakes as learning opportunities? How can I create an environment where my team feels safe to take risks and learn from failures?

6. Empathy and Understanding: How well do I understand the challenges and experiences of my team members? What steps can I take to improve my empathy and understanding?

7. Personal Growth and Development: What am I doing to continuously grow as a leader? Am I investing in my personal development as much as I invest in my business?

8. Work-Life Balance and Burnout: Am I balancing the demands of my leadership role with my personal well-being? How can I model healthy work-life balance for my team?

9. Authenticity and Integrity: Do my actions reflect my values? How can I ensure that I lead with authenticity and integrity every day?

10. Impact Beyond Profits: Beyond achieving financial success, what impact do I want my leadership and my business to have on my employees, customers, and community?

For more leadership wisdom and business conversations, jump onto Gry’s Instagram. @grytomte