The Complex World of Working Mums and Navigating Family Guilt

By Dani Boerma

In today’s fast paced society, the role of a mother has expanded significantly. Many mothers are balancing the demands of their careers with the responsibilities of raising children and some with older children are often caring for elderly parents and Grandchildren. This dual role can lead to a profound sense of family guilt, a feeling that I have experienced and have recognised is common and deeply personal.

Understanding Family Guilt

Family guilt often arises when working mothers feel they are not meeting the expectations of their family, themselves, or society. The pressure to excel at work while also being present for their loved ones can create a tug of war between professional ambitions and family responsibilities. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and stress.

The Sources of Family Guilt

Society Expectations

Society often perpetuates the stereotype of the “perfect mother” who is always available for her children and extended family. This unrealistic ideal can make working mothers feel like they are failing if they cannot meet these standards.

Time Constraints

Working mothers often struggle to find time for both their jobs and family life not to mention time for themselves. The limited time spent with family can lead to guilt, especially when they miss important milestones or events.

Career Pressures

In many workplaces, there is an unspoken expectation to prioritise work commitments, which can conflict with family time. Mothers may feel they are letting their employers down if they leave early for a child’s event or take time off for other family needs.

Self-Expectations

Many mothers hold themselves to high standards, feeling that they must excel in all aspects of their lives. This self-imposed pressure can exacerbate feelings of guilt when they perceive they are falling short.

The Impact of Family Guilt

This guilt can have various negative effects on both mental health and family dynamics.

Mental Health

Prolonged feelings of guilt can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout. Working mothers may find it challenging to enjoy their time at work or at home due to the constant worry about whether they are doing enough.

Family Relationships

Guilt can strain relationships within the family. Children may sense their mother’s emotional turmoil, affecting their sense of security. Additionally, the partner may feel the strain of balancing responsibilities, leading to tension and resentment.

Strategies to Alleviate Family Guilt

While family guilt can be overwhelming, I have found strategies that working mothers can adopt to alleviate these negative feelings.

Set Realistic Expectations: Recognising that perfection is unattainable can help us set more achievable goals for ourselves. Understanding that it’s okay to not do everything perfectly can reduce guilt, just do the best you can.

Prioritise Quality Time: Focus on the quality of time spent with children rather than the quantity. Engaging in meaningful activities, even if brief, can create strong bonds and reduce feelings of guilt.

Communicate Openly: Sharing feelings of guilt with your partner or your support network can provide relief. Open communication can lead to shared understanding and awareness within the family.

Practice Self-Compassion: Being kind to oneself is crucial. Acknowledging that many mothers, and daughters of elderly parents face similar challenges can help normalise the experience of guilt.

Seek Professional Support: If feelings of guilt become overwhelming, seeking help from a therapist or counsellor can provide valuable coping strategies and emotional support. This has helped me navigate my own journey with raising my family and now caring for my mother with dementia.

Just understand that family guilt is a common experience for working mothers, stemming from societal pressures, personal expectations, and the challenges of balancing work and family life. By acknowledging these feelings and employing strategies to manage them, mothers can cultivate a healthier relationship with both their work and family.

Ultimately, it is essential to remember that being a working mother is a continuous journey, filled with both challenges and rewards. Embracing this journey with compassion and understanding of yourself can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

If you are seeking support drop me an email at dani@totalcoachingacademy.com