The 5 Stages of Business Grief By Kym Krey

ACCEPTING THE UNACCEPTABLE

We usually relate stages of grief to dealing with the devastating loss of someone dear, or maybe a serious and unexpected diagnosis or injury, however after experiencing the last 2 years I’m sure we can all relate to the sense of grief and loss in business.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified the 5 stages of grief commonly accepted today in her book On Death and Dying and explains the grief process that we experience when faced with catastrophic personal loss.

Those five stages are:

• Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance

When we look at these more closely, it’s uncanny how similar the process has been for so many business owners navigating through the calamity that has been Covid-19 and I feel there is much that we can learn from this model to support us as we continue to adapt to a future we possibly never saw coming.

THE 5 STAGES OF BUSINESS GRIEF

Just like personal crisis, these 5 stages of business grief are related to loss. No doubt, this included financial loss, however, it can also have been loss of treasured long-term clients or long-term trusted staff, loss of the lifestyle you had worked so hard to build, loss of the savings you had so diligently put aside, or for some, sadly even loss of their entire business. Whilst we’ll all progress through the grief cycle at our own pace, for business owners, there are other things at play. Other responsibilities, other commitments, other pressures, other people’s livelihoods that are constantly on our minds. And because these pressures often continue to build, the longer it takes us to arrive at the final stage of acceptance and forward action, the more it’s going to hurt for business owners.

Stage 1 – Denial

In denial, the first stage of business grief, we can’t believe what is unfolding and don’t want to accept that it is actually happening to us! This wasn’t how it was meant to be. This wasn’t what you’d be planning for, working for, dreaming of. We often shut out reality by telling ourselves it will all be OK. If I just wait… see what happens…. but essentially do nothing… it will hopefully resolve itself and go back to normal. Because that’s what we crave… normal. We convince ourselves that this is just temporary. It won’t last or it won’t affect us. It may affect others, it might be on the news, but surely it can’t affect me! Hopefully it will all just blow over. Some will go to great lengths to seek out information to back up their theory… to find comfort and reassurance in others confirming their view. Of course, we all find ourselves in this stage. It’s only human. However… what we’re not doing while we’re fighting hard to ignore it is actually dealing with the problem.

Stage 2 – Anger

When we’ve spent a period of time in denial, but then realised that it is actually happening, the delayed reaction we experience fuels a sense of anger. We start to play the blame game. Whose fault is this? Who is going to take the rap? Why aren’t the politicians doing something to help me? Who’s going to pay my bills? Why isn’t my landlord more supportive? How was I

to know this was going to happen when I took out that loan? I’m going to lose my house/ business and it’s all someone else’s fault! It’s so unfair! (Note: Not wanting in any way to minimise the genuinely stressful experience some did have at the hands of their landlords during extended lock downs, who were, no doubt, reacting from somewhere in their own grief cycle!) How could that staff member leave me? After all I’ve done for them! I can’t believe my clients are acting like this! You get the picture…. Again…. all part of the natural reaction process, but you probably don’t want to hang around in that headspace for too long. While you’re stewing about how you’ve been ‘wronged’, who needs to pay or what you’re going to do in retaliation….. you’re not dealing with the problem. The solution isn’t ‘out there’.

Stage 3 – Bargaining/Rationalization

By this stage, we know this situation is real. We’re feeling the effects, we’re dealing with the myriad of stresses, and no doubt we’re working out how on earth we’re going to pay the mounting pile of bills that are now overdue. We may ask suppliers to extend payment terms. We might try to negotiate with banks for additional time to make repayments. We are also no doubt watching our credit card balance get scarily out of control. It’s enticing to get lost in our daydream of the big payment/supplement/handout the government/insurance company/party-at-fault is likely to pay to get us out of this situation and turn things around. But if all our ‘eggs’ are in that particular ‘basket’, i.e. relying on someone else to save us, we are very much at risk. Many will start rationalising their situation by comparing their own predicament to others. “I heard they’re so far behind in rent they’re about to be evicted! At least my situation isn’t that bad.” Just like calling your industry friends to ask how bad their week is going when your numbers are looking grim… it might comfort you for a moment, but it keeps you stuck exactly where you are- and that’s likely somewhere you don’t want to be.

Stage 4 – Depression/Despair

Whilst some of this ‘bargaining’ might buy us some time or soothe our frayed nerves as we’re navigating our way through, it’s not your longterm solution. Your suppliers are likely overextended to their suppliers, your landlord has payments due on their loan, banks at some point will start to tighten up on controls and possibly clients are stretching out appointments or not spending like they used to. As the pieces come together and the reality of all this sets in with no ‘magic bullet solution’ in sight, this is when our truth bomb really explodes. We’ve seen so many business owners fall into despair as they come to terms with their situation, including many in our industry. ‘What’s the point in soldiering on if there’s no certainty? What if it doesn’t improve soon? Am I just going to slide further into debt? I was just starting to have a decent lifestyle/income- I don’t know if I have it in me to do this all again!’ Often, the underlying cause of this angst is the sense that you have no control over the outcome. There are no guarantees. Your future, stay or go, is uncertain. You’ve been through a lot right? You want to know it’s going to be worth it if you dive in again and keep swimming. You want to know that at some point, this situation will end, and things will be good again.

Stage 5 – Acceptance

But in business, as we know, there are no guarantees. There is no safety net. The greatest asset we have is ourselves. Our own resilience. Our own determination. Our ability to think clearly and make good decisions under pressure. Business is a game of adaptation and response. With that freedom that drove you into your own business comes great responsibility. You’ll never know what you’re going to be in for when you sign that lease, all you can do is back yourself to rise to the challenge whatever that may be, and then keep showing up each day to do just that. But most of the business owners I know are made of pretty sturdy stuff. You’re not throwing in the towel so easily. You’ve taken a few hits and you’ve had moments of despair, but this will not be the end of your story. You’ll get yourself up tomorrow and you’ll keep the wheels turning. You’ll show up physically and mentally because people are relying on you to do just that. It may be far from perfect and there are days when you might barely hold it together and nothing on your To-Do List gets done, but you’ll be back again tomorrow- even when you are mentally and physically exhausted from constantly holding the weight of responsibility for so long. I see you.

You will need compassion (for yourself and others), you will need to embrace surrender and imperfection, you will need to draw on reserves of determination that you never knew you had, but most of all….. you will need to be willing to sit with uncertainty and discomfort. Navigating through such times requires us to not only be willing to change once, but to be willing to do it again and again…. and again. To begin each new week by asking “What is my situation right now?”. “What am dealing with today?” “How can I move from here to there?” The ones who will succeed long term in this wonderful game of business are the ones who were able to continually adjust, reconsider, change plans and generally adapt to the constantly changing environment. ‘What worked last year or last month may not work today’ has never been more true that it is right now. Your comfort zone will sink you. Your answers are out there somewhere on that scary-looking limb.

The expert guidance tells us to not allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity for long. Make peace with ‘what is’ and start working on how to deal with it. You won’t have any magical guidebook. You’ll just try and see; test and measure; focus on what’s working and eliminate what isn’t.

Add new services, delete unprofitable services, correct your pricing, nurture your best clients, and fire the problem ones, hire new staff, induct them in your vision and values and don’t-stopcoaching, release those who are no longer fully ‘on your bus’. Learn how to be profitable on a lower turnover or with fewer staff or be willing to hire, train and grow your own. And above all else, keep talking to your team through every win, crisis, and bump in the road. They’re not looking for someone who gets everything perfectly right every time (no one does), they’re looking for someone real, whom they trust and who they’ll back in a storm. Crisis and catastrophe are inevitable in business. The key is to recognize it quickly, and resolve the Stages Of Business Grief Process to allow you to move into ‘Action Mode and get back on track.

Kym Krey is a salon industry veteran with the runs on the board to help you get real results. She’s the gal you’ll want to have in your corner when things get rough or when you’re planning that next big, scary jump. Reach out at www.kymkrey.com.au or kym@kymkrey. com.au