A Nice Jewish Girl

BREAKING DOWN THE STEREOTYPES FOR JEWISH WOMEN Written by Maya Greenberg, New Members Director Illustrated by Riley August, Makeup Director

Growing up as a girl from a Jewish family in a Fridayfish-fry, Catholic, midwestern town, I’ve heard every Jewish stereotype there is to offer. There’s the Jewish American Princess, the overbearing Jewess who gets left for the blonde-haired Golden Shiksa and, of course, the Nice Jewish Girl. Though the roots of this stereotype are hard to pin down, it likely came from the idea of sheyne mishpokhe, which is Yiddish for a nice family.1 Although some of the qualities are values that many Jewish families hold, the phrase has taken on a life of its own. Today’s Nice Jewish Girl can be described, by Urban Dictionary, as “a kind, modestly curvy family girl who loves Judaism, her family, and the American Dream of a nice house in the suburbs.”2 In other words, she is the kind of Jewish girl that men find exotic enough without embodying any of the negative stereotypes that would make her unappealing. Her features aren’t entirely westernized, but they aren’t too bold. She has the curves, but she won’t flaunt them — except for you, in private. She won’t force you to eat gefilte fish, but she’ll still buy you a present for every day of Chanukah. She’s that ever-hard-tofind, attractive, G-d loving woman. This stereotype implies prudence, obedience and an idealized vision of Jewish women crafted under the gentile male gaze.

¹ Forward. “Was Amy Winehouse a ‘Nice Jewish Girl’?” Philologos, August 22, 2011. ² Ohmygoy. “Nice Jewish Girl.” Urban Dictionary, June 28, 2009. Despite being kind, modestly curvy and holding Judaism and my family close to my heart, I am also a bisexual Jew who is very comfortable in her own sexuality. My nature is far too ambitious and intense to ever be considered obedient, and any man who is looking for a token modest, straight-laced Jewish woman will likely want to pass me by.

One of the most damning things about this stereotype is that it exists largely outside of the Jewish world. Frankly put, the Nice Jewish Girl is an antisemitic trope that holds Jewish women to impossible expectations while simultaneously Christianizing them to match Western ideals. Those who understand women with Jewish roots, however, know that Judaism can actually promote sexuality and confidence rather than hindering it. Going back to ancient times, Judaism has roots in sex-positivity.3 The Torah, the holy book for Jews, actually spells out a man’s duty to please his wife in bed. It also prohibits men from

³ Alma. “Thanks to the Torah, Jewish Girls Are Better in Bed.” Nylah Burton, June 11, 2018. coercing their wives into “marital relations,” and requires an enthusiastic “yes” for consent to be present. Judaism also promotes constant questioning and learning, and many Jews today use this to understand sexuality as a spectrum. Although at times confusing, the relationship between sex and religion can be vibrant. Many Jewish girls like myself have been brought up in environments in which we are always growing and exploring. This led me to my personal realization that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and I am not all the way to one end or the other.

Oftentimes, non-Jewish men feel threatened by the actual idea of a Jewish woman. They don’t know our history, they don’t speak one of our languages and our features may not fit in their traditional concept of beauty. The Nice Jewish Girl fits neatly into their box of attainable and desirable, while still existing within their standards. Unfortunately for these individuals, if they think they’re just getting a Nice Jewish Girl, they may end up with far more than they bargained for. Those who seek out a Nice Jewish Girl fail to celebrate the beautifully dynamic Jewish woman. Look back to the roots of Judaism that allow for today’s Jewesses to embrace their womanhood and sexuality. Appreciate the Jewish woman for who she is, not for who you expect her to be. ■