The Girls’ Book: How to Bewitch Everyone

CULTURAL INFLUENCES ON LURING ROMANTIC PROSPECTS IN Written by Gabrielle Gronewold, Editor in Chief Graphic by Nicole Glesinger, Contributing Graphic Artist

Growing up, I specifically remember owning a book called “The Girls’ Book: How to be the Best at Everything.” The worst part is I enjoyed owning this book. I was passionate about reading this book. I remember avidly reading this book on warm Saturdays as my parents did yard work. The description of this book is as follows: “Here is the book that every girl, young and old, has been waiting for. Learn how to make hand shadows, bake treats, set a trend, do the splits, escape from zombies, read someone’s mind, flip a pancake, play games and much, much more. The Book For Girls is guaranteed to beat boredom and help girls become the best at everything.”1 I am incredibly thankful I chose to learn how to read minds and fight zombies as a child; it has been very useful in my adult life. In retrospect, this book is quirky and harmless—a simple read for a sassy seven-yearold. However, upon further reflection and addressing my perfectionist problems in therapy, it has dawned on me just how weird it is that there’s a book titled “How to be the Best at Everything” in the first place. “The Girls’ Book: How to be the Best at Everything,” in all its glory, reminds me strikingly of modern-day wifey culture. The slang term, wifey, was first defined on Urban Dictionary in 2003. Wifey traditionally refers to one’s wife and is often used as an endearing term similar to that of babe, baby, honey, etc.2 Today, the slang term is much more of a cultural phenomenon. Painted across bachelorette party accessories and peppered throughout pop culture, outside of being a term of endearment, the term “wifey” has also become a measure of a woman’s worth when it comes to relationships. In other terms, there is a subconscious, social sliding scale deeming some women better “wife material” than others.

I think it’s important to note that this is not exclusive to women, and broadly in relationships we often, regardless of gender, rate people on the basis of whether they’re relationship or marriage material. In some ways this makes sense. Of course, we’re going to search for the best partner who has healthy traits,

In an odd way, we subconsciously become less of ourselves in order to get people to want to be with us.

fulfills us and brings us joy. In other ways, I believe these socially observed standards act more as a way to objectify women than anything else. Social and cultural nods like wifey culture and my beloved childhood read spike what I believe to be a life-long phenomenon of learning how to lure people—and specifically, potential prospects—in. We see this all throughout pop culture. Unintentionally, I have come across three separate recipes for “Marry Me Chicken,” a recipe intended to make someone want to marry you after consuming it, on my TikTok For You Page over the past month. In 2004, Glamour magazine released the recipe for “Engagement Chicken,” a recipe that has stood the test of time, rumored to have resulted in Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s engagement.3 It’s quite funny. I personally catch myself cooking for potential mates every time I fancy someone, and I’m still not sure if I am doing it to be nice or if I am still just trying to be a girl who is the best at everything. Studies show that individuals will actually go as far as changing their dating preferences to match potential prospects in order to get them to like them more.4 In an odd way, we sub-

³ Glamour, “How to Make Engagement Chicken,” July 9, 2006. ⁴ Gurit Birnbaum, Mor Iluz, Harry Reis, Making the right first impression: Sexual priming encourages attitude change and self-presentation lies during

consciously become less of ourselves in order to get people to want to be with us.

The root of the desire to lure people in and want us actually comes from our natural instincts. No shocker, but since the start of mankind and through evolution, we as human beings have instinctually found attraction toward other human beings and then taken part in a bunch of weird innate behaviors in order to attract them back.5 While this is a natural human experience our ancestors relate to, today we can just Google search what people want. The internet provides overflowing access to tricks, tips and stories to build our dating tool kits. When searching “first date tips” on Google, over 18,400,000,000 results come up, making my girly how-to book look like a little tiny shrimp.6 I don’t even know what someone would do with all of this information, let alone how they would apply it to their personal lives and turn success rates on dates. With pressures like Wifey Culture and recipes like Marry Me Chicken, it’s no wonder all this information is available.

For example using that Google Search one would be able to find studies that

encounters with potential partners,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Research Gate, 2020. ⁵ Richard Taflinger, “Social Basis of Human Behavior: Sex,”Washington State University, May 28, 1996. ⁶ Google Search, October 5 2021. prove humor and sexiness tend to be more sought-after traits than wisdom and beauty.7 That individual would then be able to apply this knowledge in an effort to become the most attractive mate one may desire. All of this “insight” builds up into what we know about dating. Finding the one has never really been authentic, but rather an intricate concoction meant to bewitch the best in sight. Starting at eight years old, I was acutely aware that

⁷ Gurit Birnbaum, Mor Iluz, Harry Reis, Making the right first impression: Sexual priming encourages attitude change and self-presentation lies during encounters with potential partners,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Research Gate, 2020. there were resources around me that could tell me all I needed to know about success in girlhood, and as I’ve gotten older these resources have become more widely and readily available. At the end of the day, however, maybe it’s not that deep. I clearly have fond memories of the book and I do enjoy cooking new recipes with or without a romantic fling in attendance. Rather, what these cultural phenomenons really tell me is that we’re all just trying to find companionship. Maybe we could do so in a more authentic way, but the brain’s proven natural instinct to impress mates and lure them in can’t be half bad if it ends in love. ■ OCTOBER 2021