Hot Mess Mom Magazine | December 2018

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HOT MESS MOM 4 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO STOP TOUCHING YOUR BALLS (ORNAMENTS)

TWEET, TWEET!

TWEETS THAT MADE US LOL IN DECEMBER

CELEBRITY KIDS

participating in holiday assholery just like ours

8 PICTURES OF

SANTA THROUGHOUT

THE DECADES TO

HAUNT YOUR

DREAMS

3 HOLIDAY LOOKS

TO MAKE YOUR

RESENTMENT

MORE FESTIVE

BIZARRE HOLIDAY beauty TRENDS


HOT MESS MOM MAGAZINE IS A DIGITAL MAGAZINE DEDICATED TO ALL THE OKAYISH MOMS WHO NEED A HILARIOUS ESCAPE FROM THAT LOAD OF LAUNDRY OR DISHES YOU DON’T WANT TO DO ANYWAY. TO THE MOM WITH A SHAKY SMILE, STARING LONGINGLY AT THE BOTTLE OF MOSCATO IN THE WINE AISLE, AS HER CHILD WRITHES ON THE FLOOR, SCREAMING THAT THEY WANT POP-TARTS. TO THE MOM WHO THINKS THEY ARE FAILING IN COMPARISON TO EVERYONE ELSE, BECAUSE SALLY’S KID KNOWS MANDARIN, OR TIMMY’S MOM MAKES GLUTEN-FREE, GLITTERY, MULTICOLORED, UNICORN-FART-SCENTED SPAGHETTI NOODLES: I SALUTE YOU. THE REALITY IS THAT WE’RE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES, DOING ASSHOLE THINGS, WITH OUR ASSHOLE CHILDREN, AND WINGING IT TO THE BEST OF OUR ASSHOLE ABILITIES.

THE HOT MESS MOM MAGAZINE MANIFESTO


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COUCH OF CONTENTS WE'D SAY TABLE BUT THE TABLE IS COVERED WITH CLEAN LAUNDRY WE DON'T WANT TO FOLD

ON-TREND HAIR COLORS TO TRY - 1 HYGGE, MOTHERFUCKERS - 2 WHAT'S IN MY PURSE? - 4 4 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO STOP TOUCHING YOUR BALLS - 5 3 HOLIDAY LOOKS TO MAKE YOUR RESENTMENT MORE FESTIVE - 6 UNWRITTEN RULES BETWEEN PARENTS - 10 CUNTY CRAFT CORNER - 11 BIZARRE HOLIDAY BEAUTY TRENDS - 12 CELEBRITY KIDS COMMITTING HOLIDAY ASSHOLERY JUST LIKE OURS - 13

10 HOLIDAY GIFTS TO GIVE YOUR BEST BINCH – 14 HOT-MESS MOM APPROVED NAILS - 16 HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR ANXIOUS AF BITCHES - 17 HOLIDAY CHEER MOM-OSAS - 19 8 PICTURES OF SANTA TO HAUNT YOUR DREAMS - 20 WHAT’S ON MY CAR FLOOR? - 21 GOOD NEWS BLURBS - 22 8 HOLIDAY TWEETS THAT MADE US LOL - 23


ABOUT THE

Serena

FOUNDER AND CREATOR OF MOMMY CUSSES

SERENA IS THE DOMESTIC HOT MESS BEHIND THE SWEARY PARENT HUMOR ACCOUNTS AND BLOG MOMMY CUSSES WHERE SHE GIVES SANCTIMOMMIES THE FINGER, AND PUNCHES UNREALISTIC PARENTING EXPECTATIONS IN THE CROTCH. BEYOND DOLING OUT SNACKS TO HER SON, REVOLVING LIFE AROUND HER DAUGHTER'S NAPS, AND STEALING HER HUSBAND’S FRENCH FRIES, SHE IS A FREELANCE WRITER, DIGITAL CONTENT CREATOR, ARTIST, AND HUMORIST.

SHE IS A CONTRIBUTOR AT SCARY MOMMY AND SAMMICHES & PSYCH MEDS, AND HAS WRITTEN FOR SOME GREAT WEBSITES INCLUDING THE DAD, THE THINGS, MOMMYISH, THE BERRY, AND MORE.

editors

FOUNDER AND CREATOR OF HEALTHY LIVING FOR HOT MESSES

Mandi

MANDI IS A WANNABE FUNCTIONAL ADULT, BORN-AGAIN HIPPY, AND HOT MESS MOM OF 3. SHE IS THE SWEARY WRITER AND HUMOR BLOGGER BEHIND HEALTHY LIVING FOR HOT MESSES, AND THE CO-CREATOR OF MENTAL MOMS.

MANDI ENJOYS BEING VALIDATED BY HAVING HER SHIT PUBLISHED ON BADASS WEBSITES SUCH AS SAMMICHES & PSYCH MEDS, THAT'S INNAPROPRIATE, AND SCARY MOMMY. SHE SPENDS HER FREE TIME MAKING MEMES AND PERFORMING HEADCOUNTS TO ENSURE SHE HASN'T ACCIDENTALLY MISPLACED A CHILD.


ON-TREND WINTER HAIR COLORS TO TRY

because you're bored as fuck

dark gray ombre

rose gold

grandma sidelines as a goth stripper

moldy ass metal

a tin unicorn farted in my hair

ice blonde

dark to blonde

purple highlights

elsa queef 1

copper

ombre

"just the tip" with jack frost

ursula's taint hair


hygge

motherfuckers

2


hygge,

pronounced "hoo-ga" is sweeping the nation, and it's time for you to get woke, fam. Hygge, in a nutshell, is a way of living where comfort,

quality, relationships, and simplicity are the focus. In a time where vanity, consumerism, and being glued to our phones are at peak, it's no wonder why this way of life which originated in Denmark is super "ontrend" (even though being on-trend is very anti-hygge). So, how do you "do" hygge? Put on your hygge pants, because you're gonna learn today! And, yes, you have a pair. The disgusting, comfortable pants you fart into and let your kids use as a tissue? They even have their own special name in Danish: Hyggebukser. 1. Candles and fireplaces Danes burn more candle wax than any other country and they do it for the cozy factor. There's something magical about lighting candles - the warm glow of the flame, the light crackling of the wick, the spell you cast over that bitch Britney from high school who's the reason you have trust issues. 2. Blankets and sweaters Comfort and warmth are key. Wrap yourself in one thousand throw blankets, now put a cable-knit sweater on and parade around the house like the Queen of hygge. 3. Hot drinks and sweet treats Hot cocoa, coffee, home baked goods, it's all hygge. Fuck your diet! 4. Naps WHAT!? Why didn't I know about hygge sooner? This is the gotdamned best! 5. Walking and light exercise There's this cool thing called the world and nature. Idk, you might be able to check the ratings out on Yelp but if you go outside you can totally check it out. 6. Friends and loved ones Another key factor in hygge is to spend time with the important humans in your life. The dumb YouTube videos will always be there, I mean until the sun dies and we die painful deaths as our lungs freeze, but until then, maybe love the ones you're with. 3


T s

he

n ce

f of t

ic

i t of

an

d

LIFT HERE TO SMELL XMAS CHERI

l ia e ns

b de

l

t

Xmas Cheri

XMAS CHERI E A U

D E

F R A G R A N C E

With delicate hints of Turkey and rum vomit on Nan's carpet


What's in My Purse?

With @itsmommyhour

TRY TO HIDE IT ALL YOU WANT, BUT PURSES SHOW WHAT TRASH WE TRULY ARE. WE ASKED FUNNY INSTAGRAM MOM @ITSMOMMYHOUR WHAT WAS IN HER PURSE, AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:

-2 squished cereal bars -2 empty cereal bar wrappers -1 mini bottle of hand sanitizer spray 1 boring, practical wallet that protects from RFID theft, which apparently isn't even a thing?! -1 empty maxi pad wrapper - which means the pad is probably stuck to the ass of my coat or the bottom of my left Ugg -1 empty tampon wrapper. Seriously, I throw wrappers away after I use them, so where the hell are these things going? -1 diaper -0 packs of wipes, because OF FUCKING COURSE NOT -2 $1 bills, which I keep re-using for my kids to "earn" and then spend on our Target runs -3 dirty socks -1 unwrapped tampon - ah, there it is! (but that pad's still missing...) -Crumpled receipts from the last 10 shopping trips I've made -I wish I could say my keys and my phone were in here, but I can never find them when I need them. I'll check the hood of my van first, then the fridge.

4


4

WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS

TO STOP TOUCHING YOUR BALLS

deck the halls with whatever, it doesn't matter, your kids are going to fuck everything up anyway

1

Small children could give a fuck about how flocked your tree is, Pam. While the only way to keeping your kids out of your bush is to not have kids, I mean a tree, your next safest bet is to use protection.

3

Kids still partaking in the spritely destruction of your holiday dreams? Stick that fucker on the ceiling. The presents, too. Want a little Christmas tale, Timmy? Well, once, there was this kid who made Santa so sad that he rage-stapled gifts to the motherfucking roof. 5

2

If you don't fancy yourself the look of a sad, imprisoned Christmas tree, another option is to grab a chainsaw and hack all of the lower branches off as you engage in maniacal laughter. Your kids are guaranteed to leave you alone for a minute or two after witnessing this.

4

If your kids find a way to chop your very last holiday nerve in the taint, it's okay for you to bag it up and call off Christmas this year. Do it like the lady in this picture. With a smile."Don't think I'll cancel Christmas? Bet!"


3 Holiday Looks

TO MAke your resentment more festive

6


HOLIDAY TRASH PANDA

EFFORTLESS MESSY BUN TO ATTRACT LOCAL BIRDS

BOLD GLARE-BROW

DARK LIQUID LINER IN "CTHULU'S LAMENT"

A DARK LIP IN "XMAS DOESN'T MATTER CUZ WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE"

7

OVERSIZED COAT TO SMUGGLE OUT COOKIES AND SILVERWARE


MANIC PIXIE SNOW HO GIFT WRAP YOURSELF IN A BOW BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING TREASURE

SMOKEY EYE VIA 3 DAY HANGOVER

BRONZE GLOW FROM STARING AT THE HOT OVEN

GLOSSY LIP STAIN IN "SORRY I DRANK ALL THE MERLOT"

FESTIVE MANICURE IN "PAINTED WHORE" 8


WISTFULLY HOLDING IN EGGNOG FARTS

HOLIDAY WREATH SHOPLIFTED FROM HOBBY LOBBY

FROSTED EYESHADOW IN "FROSTY THE SNOWJOB"

DRUNKEN WINE FLUSH

BOLD RED LIP IN "DUMPSTER INFERNO"

9

FAMILY DYSFUNCTION ANXIOUS BOOB SWEAT


crystal me skinny

A DIET PILL FOR THE EXTRA AF. STARE AT THE PILL STUFFED WITH CRYSTAL SHARDS WHILE MEDITATING ON ALL THE FOOD YOU'D LIKE TO EAT, THEN SWALLOW THE PILL. THE SHARDS WILL RIP UP YOUR BUTTHOLE WHEN YOU POO, MAKING YOUR BODY ASSOCIATE EATING WITH PAIN


The Unspoken Rules Between Parents

1. GO AHEAD AND FACTOR IN A 30-MINUTE DELAY WHEN WE MAKE PLANS. SHIT HAPPENS. SOMETIMES SAID SHIT IS LITERAL SHIT. 2. I KNOW MY KID IS BEING AN ASSHOLE. I KNOW. UNLESS MY KID IS HARMING YOURS, IT IS YOUR JOB TO SMILE AND PRETEND YOU DON’T NOTICE ANYTHING. 3. THOU SHALT NOT SAY A GODDAMN THING, IF YOU NOTICE ME WEARING THE SAME THING TWO (OR THREE, OR FOUR) DAYS IN A ROW. 4. COME BEARING ALCOHOL OR COFFEE. 5. DO NOT INTERVENE WHEN MY KID ACTS UP. I AM THE PARENT. BRING IT UP AND LET ME DEAL WITH IT. 6. TELL ME IF YOUR KID IS SICK BEFORE OUR PLAYDATE. 7. “COME AS YOU ARE.” BRING ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR REEKING, YOUR FRAZZLED, YOUR FRUMPY. 8. IGNORE THE MESS, THE KIDS ARE FERAL. 9. PUT UP ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT MY KID TO PLAY WITH. 10. YOUR SNACKS ARE MY SNACKS; MY SNACKS ARE YOUR SNACKS. 11. DO NOT UTTER THE WORDS, “I WOULD NEVER LET MY CHILD DO THAT,” OR “MY CHILD WOULD NEVER DO THAT” IN MY PRESENCE. 12. A MORNING OF “ARE WE STILL DOING A PLAY DATE?” TEXTS IS OBLIGATORY. WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS, PLANS CHANGE AT LEAST EVERY HALF-HOUR. 13. KNOW THAT MOST OF WHAT I WILL SAY WILL BE TOTAL WORD VOMIT. I DON’T GET TO TALK TO OTHER ADULTS VERY OFTEN. 14. IF OTHER PARENTS ARE INVOLVED, I NEED NAMES AND A BRIEF SUMMARY ON THEIR LEVEL OF UPPITYNESS. I NEED TO KNOW IF I HAVE TO PUT ON ACTUAL PANTS OR NOT, AND MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR THAT SITUATION. 15. DO NOT FOLLOW UP MY BITCHING AND MOANING WITH, “YOU THINK YOU’RE TIRED” OR BY TELLING ME ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE, OR HAVE HAD, IT WORSE. 16. DO NOT LOOK AT MY CHILD WITH YOUR TSK-TSK FACE. I WILL RIP IT FROM YOUR SKULL. 17. KEEP YOUR HOLIER-THAN-THOU-NESS CHECKED. I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THAT. EVER. 10


CUNTY CRAFT CORNER

HEY, LET'S

co er nature in fucking glitter!

Fucking nature is so passe, am I right? If you think Mother Nature is uggo, Pinterest has a DIY that's right up your alley. This simple craft will klass up your house and have you picking sparkles out of your asscrack for months to come!

Step 1: STEP INTO THE WILDERNESS AND PLUNDER SOME RANDOM SHIT. TWIGS, PINE CONES, AN ENTIRE COUNTRY, THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER AND EVERYTHING BELONGS TO YOU. THAT HELPLESS, HIBERNATING BEAR CUB? STEAL IT FROM ITS MOTHER, IT SHOULDN'T BE CO-SLEEPING ANYWAY, THAT'S LAZY PARENTING. A MAGICAL WHITE STAG THAT, IF KILLED, WILL COMMENCE THE END OF DAYS? SAW OFF ITS ANTLERS. YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Step 2: COAT YOUR BOUNTY IN SPRAY ADHESIVE, SNORT SOME FUMES, AND THEN SALT BAE THAT SHIT IN GLITTER. Step 3: stick YOUR DIY BULLSHIT in a big, dumb bowl, weave them into your obnoxious holiday garland, or put them in the guest bathroom for visitors to wipe their asses with. 11


Want to make sure you don't wear something someone else is going to show up in, too? Try these on fir size. First seen by Instagrammer Taylor R, @taytay_xx, who is known for inventing bold looks.

CORKSCREW NAILS

Be the hero you always knew you could be by saving everyone's bottleopening woes with this oddity dreamed up by Kiara Sky Nails. "Allow me and my stabby nails!" you'll say. Like some sort of beauty parlor Macgyver.

TINSEL EYELASH

EXTENSIONS

The tree isn't the only thing getting lit this year, fam. Sideeye every bitch who ever did you wrong like the majestic unicorn that you are. Don't stop there, bling out your pubes and ask your spouse if they want to go down to Tinsel Town. I hear the pink snapper is on point!

SDNERT YTUAEB YADILOH

EYEBROWS

erraziB

CHRISTMAS TREE

12


13

CELEBRITY KIDS

committing holiday assholery just like ours

Jersey Shore star Snooki, Nicole Polizzi's kids Lorenzo and Giovanna

Kristin Cavallari's son assuming the classic children's pose "Fuck This Shit."

Kelly Clarkson's daughter, River, looks like she's belting out to the tune of "I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS!"

The Kimye brood (that's Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for those of you living under a rock) actively participating in a favorite children's pasttime of not fucking cooperating.

Emily Maynard proves that when you have more than one kid, there will always be that one who refuses to cooperate.

Alec Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, posted this candid pic to Instagram and I'd love to see more less than perfect pics like these

Mark Wahlberg's kids barely tolerating the holiday festshitvities.

Jersey Shore star Jwoww, Jennifer Farley, posted this pic of her daughter Meilani, and son Greyson who looks like he wants to fist-pump Santa's face

Chrissy Teigen's daughter, Luna, is having none of this merry Santa bullshit.


The

Adopt-A-Mess Program THE ADOPT-A-MESS PROGRAM IS A SPECIAL, CUSTOMIZED ESCORT SERVICE (WITHOUT THE SEX AND/ or butt stuff). How it works: you're a person with some things you'd like to draw unwanted attention away from at the holiday family get-together (such as your recent breakups, lawsuits, or cosmetic surgeries). we match you with a special hot mess who will join you at said party, and proceed to drink heavily while making a rude spectacle of themselves to attract attention away from your shIT!


10 HOLIDAY GIFTS TO GIVE YOUR BEST BINCHES

BAD PARKING CARDS FOR THE BISH WHO LIKES TO HAVE HER SAY (EVEN IF THERE'S NO ONE AROUND TO HEAR HER)

Teabagger tea infuser- the perfect holiday gift for big mouth bitches and nasty grannies

Nature's dick pics- an unsolicited journey through 2019 that definitely won't get blocked or reported

A TOILET TIMER FOR ALL THE MEN WHO LOST THEIR WAY

A GRATITUDE JOURNAL FOR SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO BE MORE POSITIVE without sacrificing sass 14


POTTY GOLF, BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN DOING IN THERE?

PEOPLE OF WALMART COLORING BOOK BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LIKE PAINTING SOME ASSCRACK TO MAKE YOU ZEN AS FUCK

COASTERS THAT REMIND FOLKS THAT THEY ALLOWED OVER FOR A FEW BUT THEY GOTTA KEEP THINGS CLASSY

behold- ther perfect makeup bag for the bish that's always losing her shit

HOW TO TRAUMATIZE YOUR CHILDREN GUIDEBOOK- THE THING YOU DEFINITELY PROBABLY DONT NEED, but little debbie "first pregnancy" probably does 15


NAIL POLISH TRENDS AND HOTMESS MOM APPROVED NAIL ART TO TRY THIS WINTER

16


RUSTY TROMBONE

UP ALL NIGHT WITH SICK KIDS

SHORT ON TIME AND NEED SOME HOLIDAY NAILS IN A PINCH WHILE YOUR HUSBAND IS IN THE BATHROOM PINCHING OFF TURDS INSTEAD OF HELPING GET THE KIDS READY? TRY DABBING GOLD LEAF ON YOUR NAILS SO IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FINGER-BANGED TINKER BELL.

SANTA'S BALLSACK

ON MY 6TH LOST SHIT OF THE DAY

IF YOU KIDS DON'T ACT RIGHT, I'M CALLING SANTA AND CANCELING CHRISTMAS

17

WE ALL KNOW THE SECOND YOU START APPLYING NAIL POLISH, YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO NEED YOU TO START SNACK-BITCHING. PAINT A COUPLE STRIPES AND TELL PEOPLE YOU WERE GOING FOR THE NEW, EDGY "NEGATIVE SPACE" TREND

LET'S BE REAL, THE ONLY NAIL POLISH YOU'VE BEEN SPORTING LATELY IS DRIED-ON FINGER PAINTS. BECAUSE WHENEVER YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE A FANCY BITCH, YOUR MOM BLADDER HAS YOU RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM WHERE YOUR ZIPPER PEELS OFF A STRIP OF YOUR MANICURE. GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, IT'S ON-TREND NOW AND WE'RE CALLING IT "NAIL POP."


Holiday Survival Guide

For Anxious AF Bitches The holidays are supposed to be about family and joy, but for some of us that sappy shit is easier said than done. Obligation, anxiety and less than perfect relationships with our kith and kin can leave some of us feeling like someone took our Hearty McFeels, drowned it in gasoline then lit that motherfucker on fire. The following are a few nuggets of wisdom to help you get through the dumpster fire emotional buffet that's on the menu around Christmas time.

OBLIGATION IS A SHITTY REASON To compromise your mental health Despite your feelings otherwise, you are a grown ass woman and not obliged to sacrifice your wellness because Aunt Suzy McBoozy might get offended that you aren't around to "ooh" and "ahh" over her mashed potaters. If you need to stay home or come when there's less people, then do that. Your family should support your wellness and if they don't then you shouldnt feel obliged to them. 18


YOU DON'T NEED TO CLEAR YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO BE A JOLLY MOTHERFUCKER Money doesn't equate wealth, happiness or success. Christmas is an expensive time of year to begin with, but pile on all the gifting and feelings like we haven't

bought enough or whatever and it can positively draining. If you're feeling the pinch financially, try giving gifts of experience or time, or at the very least, curb the urge to spend out of obligation or a desire to prove something.

EAT WHAT YOU WANT AND MOVE THE FUCK ON

Seriously. Hating yourself is played out and a huge waste of life. Eat the cookies, have the fun and save that criticism and loathing for someone who deserves it. Your body's had enough.

deep breathing is a better way to deal with anxiety than drinking I'm gonna need you to just trust me on this one. 19


HEY GIRL! are you tired of doing boring, mundane shit all day long like cooking, cleaning, parenting and pleasuring your husband? ARe you desparate for a bit of fucking help with chores? Ever wish there was 2 of you?

d a You nee

SISTER WIFE!

DISCLAIMER: Sister wives are not for everyone. sister wives come with a variety of side effects including heart palpitations, anxiety, jealousy, and secondhand dick syndrome


Holiday Cheer

Mom-OSAS INGREDIENTS:

champagne cranberry juice candy canes

DIRECTIONS:

fill a glass with champagne. Add a splash of cranberry juice. let a candy cane slowly dissolve in it like your sanity. put crushed candy cane on the rim of the glass because everything else in your house is sticky and covered in food, SO why the fuck noT?

20


8 PICTURES OF

Santa

GUARANTEED TO

HAUNT YOUR DREAMS

This Rasputin-looking mofo looks like he wants to consume this little boy's soul.

"mommy, santa smells like dead bodies."

i didn't know ed gein sidelined as santa claus!

21

nod your head if you are in danger.

"what large eyes, you have, santa!" "the bigger to possess you with, my dear!"

everyone's favorite: 3rddegree-burn santa

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

"Santa doesn't occupy this mortal shell anymore."


What's on My Car Floor

Car floors are where dreams of being organized and having your shit together go to die. This is some shit that lives on my car floor.

Ripped-up construction paper hearts from Valentine's Day...in December

Toys. So many fucking toys. And balled up tissues. gross! WTF.

A big bag of drive-thru garbage. Why am I like this?

Dirt, pine needles, loose change, more dirt, and glitter. My car is like a sad holiday stripper for shady corporate events, and it smells like one, too. 22


GOOD NEWS BLURBS TO CURB THE URGE TO CANDY CANE SHANK A BITCH

Photo Source: Good News Network

Photo Source: Good News Network

Next time someone claims that miracles don't exist, slap them in the face and tell them about Michelle De Leuuw. De Leuuw was a 57 year old mother who suffered a heart attack that left her without oxygen for 15 minutes, a scenario that usually results in permanent brain damage, if not death. Doctors told Michelle's family that she was left with only 5% brain function, and the difficult decision was made to take her off life support. Miraculously, few minutes later she began to breathe on her own, and since has started physical and speech therapy that has resulted in a full recovery.

Photo Source: Good News Network

31 year old Becca Kinsey truly discovered this “villiage” that people always talk about, when she was struggling in an airport with her 2 kids. Becca, whose husband was unable to be on the trip with her, publically took to social media to praise 3 moms who helped her during the fiasco. As Becca tried to board the plane with her tired cranky kids, one woman let her take her place in line while another helped her carry her luggage, since her hands were full of kids. A third woman on the plane, held Becca’s crying child to give the poor mom a break. Now this is the kind of story that helps us have faith in the sisterhood of Moms! 23

Photo Source: Good News Network

Well, here's a little something to melt your cold dead heart! Santa will be doing live FaceTime calls from the North Pole to kids in the Nemours Children's Health System, thanks to a telemedicine service called CareConnect. Santa’s elves came to the hospitals (located in Orlando and Delaware) and facilitated the surprise video chat between Santa and the little ones. This was a nice surprise for children and their families, who “often feel left out this time of year” [Good News Network].


8 Holiday Tweets

THAT MADE US LOL IN DECEMBER

24


! U O Y Y E H , T PPS

...YEAH, YOU!

Want to get some eyes on your brand and be a sponsor for the best fucking digital magazine ever written (...by us)? Contact us at hotmessmommag@gmail.com to find out more about promotional sponsorships for hot mess mom magazine. We can offer a variety of promotions, for example: -product reviews -custom ads created by us to run in the magazine and on social -sponsorship shoutouts Your business would be promoted to our very awesome, very exhausted audience of badass mamas in this publication and on social media. hit us up for rates and deets!


Thanks so much for reading!

IF YOU ENJOYED WHAT YOU READ, A GREAT WAY YOU CAN SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR THE HARD WORK AND LOVE WE PUT INTO MAKING THIS MAGAZINE TO HOPEFULLY PUT A LITTLE SMILE OR GIGGLE IN YOUR DAY IS TO TOSS A SPARE COIN INTO OUR VIRTUAL TIP JAR! THANKS SO MUCH AGAIN FOR READING, AND DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

...pssst!...tipping is awesome!


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