Things Children Say by Sylva Fae

Things Children Say

by Sylva Fae

My three girls have grown to an age where I can have a relatively normal conversation with each of them, but it wasn’t always that way. Lately, my illustrator friend, Katie Weaver has been sharing some of the funny comments her 4 and 6 -year-old boys come out with. It reminded me of the bizarre logic and peculiar comments my own three made as little ones – thankfully, I wrote them down so I would never forget this special time in their childhood. Here are a few examples from my girls and Katie’s boys:

Child Logic

S: Mummy, do frogs eat dogs? Mum: You mean dogs eat frogs? S: No, frogs eat dogs. Mum: No, frogs don't eat dogs. S: This one does.

Mum: Why are you drawing on my mirror with a lolly? S: I saw a bear! Mum: And did this bear tell you to draw on my mirror? S: Silly mummy! There're no bears! Mum: Oh, so what about my mirror? S: The bear did it.

O: Those are big wheels! T: W for wheels…. Mum: That’s right! W for wheels. T: W for wheels and W for wice! (rice)

T: Mummy, Cranky just knocked over my drink, and Beary’s got a juicy bottom.

S: Mummy, can you move the sun? Mum: No, why? S: It's in my eyes!

T gets out a game and pulls out the instructions… T: I’ll just read the instructions. Actually, I can’t read so I’ll just make them up!

S: Can you take your shoes off? Mum: Why? S: I need to check your feet are still in there.

Putting a 5-year-old to bed

Dad: Why do you have a pen in bed? S: I’m just numbering my toes.

Mum: You can have another story if you're good and quiet.

S: I can be good and noisy!

Mum: No, you have to be quiet. S: Oh, I'm not going to get a story then, am I? Mum: No, you can't sleep with your sword. S: That's inconvenient! Mum: Why inconvenient? S: How am I supposed to defend myself against the bogeyman in the wardrobe? Mum: There is no bogeyman.... S: Exactly! He's scared of my sword. Cringe Moments

Shouted to a full playground. “My mummy can't go down the slide because her bottom's too big!”

On a boat trip at Chester Zoo, shouting at the top of his voice: “We’re stinking! We’re stinking!” (sinking)

Sat in a café, the background chatter ceases just as my toddler points and loudly announces: “See that old woman in the corner with the silly make-up?” *Every adult sneaks a look.... “She looks just like an evil Disney villain.”

And she did too!

When I grow up….

T: Mummy, I can’t wait to be a police officer at my police station, and have a police car that goes, ‘Wah wah! Mummy, what do you want to be when you’re grown up? Mum: What do you think I should be? T: A firefighter, and Daddy can be a dinosaur when he grows up.

S: When I grow up, I want to be a daddy. Mum: Don’t you mean a mummy? S: No, mummies have to do lots and lots of boring work, and daddies just go out to play in the park all day and eat sweeties.

Guess the Song...

New Bon Jovi lyrics by my 6yo rock chick... “Take my head, we're halfway there Whoah oh, chicken on a chair...”

Maybe you’re reading this reminiscing about the funny things your children or grandchildren said, or maybe you are experiencing this phase right now, if so, write them down so you can enjoy a giggle at a later date. My girls are at that irritable, overly dramatic pre-teen stage but they still love being reminded of the days when Mummy could move the sun, and a plastic sword made you invincible.

Sylva Fae is a married mum of three from Lancashire, England. She has spent twenty years teaching literacy to adults with learning difficulties and disabilities, and now works from home as a children’s writer and illustrator.

Sylva has published several children’s books and also writes a blog, Sylvanian Ramblings. Her debut book, Rainbow Monsters won the Chanticleer Best in Category award. Discover more about Sylva on Mom’s Favorite Reads website: https://moms-favorite-reads.com/moms-authors/sylva-fae/