Co-Parenting During the Holidays by Rhonda Hopkins
The holidays are upon us. I know when parents are separated or divorced; the holidays can be extra stressful, trying to fit in the children’s plans and events with both parents. When parents don’t get along, things can escalate to where the time that should be joyful is miserable in both homes. Holidays can be a magical time if parents are able to co-parent effectively. Co-parenting basically boils down to “cooperative parenting” or “parenting together”. It is a firmly held belief with professionals that children fare better when parents can minimize any trauma during and after their divorce and can communicate, cooperate, and compromise with consistency.
will be easy. But, I’ve found that when one parent (even when not deserved) offers respect and courtesy, the other parent tends to mellow some. Always? No. Sometimes, one party is just not able to function and co-parent. But, the more even one parent tries, the less stressful it will be for them, and their children.
When I did custody evaluations for the family courts, I always asked the children to tell me what they’d wish for if they had three wishes that would come true. The number one wish for nearly 100% of the children I spoke to was “for mom and dad not to fight anymore”. This is especially true during holidays and other special events.
Before we go any further, I want to make sure you know I am not an attorney and am not offering legal advice - just some observations from my twenty years within the family courts. You should always follow your custody orders. You don’t want to get in trouble by violating what the court put in place. But, in most cases, your orders may say that as long as you both agree, you may make exceptions to the plan. Make sure you understand what yours says. If you’re unclear, contact your attorney for clarification. In some circumstances, there may be issues on one or sometimes both sides that prevent changing the plan at all for the safety of the children or a parent. So, it’s important that you understand your orders before you do anything. This article is meant for those that have the flexibility to make adjustments.
With the new year coming up, it’s healthy to look back over the past and think about what you did that worked for you and what you might have done differently. I know some of you have had a more difficult time dealing with the ex and have had some bad experiences. I understand that and I’m not saying it
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