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I can understand the occasional slip of words or subconscious conversation, but if I hear you use “TikTok slang” in a reallife conversation, I will throw up. I don’t care what’s going on, no one will ever take you seriously if you say, “side eye,” in the middle of class. If you use the word “rizz” as a full grown high school student, you have no hope for gaining a personality. If I’m trying to have a conversation with you, and you respond to every sentence with, “slay,” I will leave you. I strongly believe TikTok is lowering the IQ of our generation. The attention span of kids my age is humiliating and disturbing. It fills me with rage knowing someone spends eight hours a day flooding their brain with useless information. If your entire sense of humor and vocabulary comes entirely from TikTok, you will never grow anything meaningful about yourself.

— Mars Smith

My nerves spiral as my date arrives at my house. As I open the car door, a rancid smell comes from the boy sitting in the front seat. He blasts rock music, desperately trying to impress me, but sings every word incorrectly. We get food, and as he shoves a hot dog down his throat, I notice the pubescent mustache he’s trying to grow. He then chews with his mouth open, bits of meat spewing from his lips. Later while we shop, he runs up the stairs on all fours. Then, he decides he wants new sneakers. When he tries them on, he skips up and down the aisle. My breaking point occurs when he asks me to feel the fit of his toe in the shoe. I internally gag at what I’m seeing, losing any hope I had that things would turn around.

— Arianna Bergman

Aggy Pants

I would love to know why people let their pants sag. It’s gross. If you’re going to wear them that low, why wear any at all? My worst nightmare is someone with baggy pants staring over my shoulder. If I wanted him to see what I was typing, I would show him. If we go to a restaurant and he’s rude to the waiter, it shows me all I need to know. When I try to say something about it, he interrupts me and tells me to calm down. Unsurprisingly, I’m angry and not calm. It’s so easy to stop and let me finish. Then the subject of my ADHD comes up. He tries to tell me things I should do to “fix it.” What makes him think he’s qualified to tell me how to live with my frustrating problem? My life is already hard enough. Please don’t try to cure me, ‘Baggy Pants Boy.’ Thanks.

— Alex Randle

I like listening to other people’s problems because I can guide them towards solutions. A complaint every once in a while about school work is good for the soul. However, constant complaining about classes gets old fast. It’s called whining. Toddlers whine when they don’t get their way and we tell them to stop because it’s annoying. It shows a lack of maturity and critical thinking because these problems often have easy solutions. We’re in high school, and we’re learning and being tested to solve complex problems. Finding the theme of Romeo and Juliet isn’t relevant to day-to-day life, but finding solutions to answer the question is a necessary and important skill school teaches us. Whining about not being able to solve a slightly difficult question doesn’t solve anything.

— Josh Huyg

Hiners

Sometimes, I can be a bit too picky, but there are icks that I feel are justified. Exaggerated self-importance, despite being mediocre, makes me cringe. Please, spare yourself the embarrassment of calling yourself “alternative” when your favorite bands are Slipknot, Korn, and Motley Crue. You’re just corny. And, seriously, if your driving ability compares to that of a 50-year-old drunk driver with an oversized truck that speeds inside school zones, we probably aren’t going to be a very good match. That may be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point. The only thing that could be worse is if you demand to be driven everywhere, despite having the option to drive yourself. And please, for the love of God, stop trying to please everyone. It’s okay to be at odds with others, hold yourself with a little bit of dignity.

— Clay Mustoe

Let me introduce you to Kevin. Kevin is a fictional character whose entire personality consists of icks. Kevin used to have a buzz cut, but now he’s growing it out into a mullet. In his free time, Kevin listens to either country music or Kanye West while flipping bottles in his messy room and playing Fortnite. Kevin always has noticeably chapped lips and a perpetually runny nose, which he often wipes on the sleeve of his neon red T-shirt. He wears mostly oversized gym shorts and tall socks with beat-up high tops. Kevin drives a Subaru with seats stained with old Chick-fil-a sauce and sprinkled with mystery crumbs. The car usually smells either like dirty socks in the backseat or the mostly empty milk carton rattling around in the trunk. So, now that you’ve met Kevin, what’s the key takeaway here? I’ll give you a hint—don’t be like Kevin.

— Maren Holecek