It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Most people think that some children are given different sport or musical aptitudes. while others were born without theses characteristics. On the other hand some people believe that through education every child can learn sports or music. It is important think about these opposite points of view and consider some important facts that influence our childhood. A good introduction should have three things: First, it should paraphrase the question. Secondly, it should include a clear opinion and lastly it should outline the main ideas you will discuss in the main body of your essay. You have not really done any of these things. When a child is born there are several facts that influence him, such as his genetically and cultural background and the place where he was born. There are some physical characteristics that can be an advantage in sports like being tall, corpulent or agile. For example, afro-descendants are usually really good at running. There are also some children that have a special ear for music, and some of them can even follow a song before they learn to talk. I think this child it special abilities should practice a sport that allows them to use their advantage. You have too many ideas here and they are not fully developed. It would be better if you limited the number of ideas to one or two (at the most) and developed them with explanations and examples. Despite of the fact that some chidden children have a natural advantage, some people claim that if we provide enough training, any child can learn how to be a good sport person or a musician. It is well known that people usually are usually good at learning something when they like it, . in this order of ideas, kids Kids will become good on at a particular sport or instrument just only if they like them. If the children enjoy while they are learning, they would have a better change chance to success succeed in this area. There are some examples, like kids that began singing in on Disney TV channel and now they are famous pop stars. What question are you trying to answer? The question does not ask you about this. You must answer the specific question. Your example is not specific enough.
As aIn conclusion, children are born with some natural aptitudes for sport or music, but we also can teach them new aptitudes, . in In both cases it is important to consider what the kid enjoys the most because childhood is mean to be enjoyed. Why are you talking about enjoying childhood? The question does not mention anything about this. A good conclusion should have two main elements. It should reiterate your opinion and it should also summarise your main ideas. Your conclusion has neither of these things. Task Response- Band 5 You have not fully addressed the task. The format is inappropriate. You have not developed your answers. SuggestionsYou must analyse the question properly and answer the question that is actually being asked. Look at the keywords and discuss those, not the general topic. See my article below on question analysis. You must also learn how to identify the difference between an ‘opinion’ question and a ‘discussion’ question. See my article below on this and the different structures required. You must also fully develop your answers with explanations and examples. You should reduce the amount of ideas you have and then develop these ideas by explaining what they mean, how they answer the question and then use a relevant example to support your answer. Coherence and Cohesion- Band 5 Your answer presents information with some organisation but there is a lack of overall progression. Ideas are not explained or developed and main points are difficult to understand. Grammar and vocabulary mistakes make the writing difficult to understand at times. Your introduction and conclusion are not effective.
Suggestions- You should first learn how to write an effective introduction. A good introduction paraphrases the question first, then gives your opinion and outlines what you are going to write about in the rest of the essay. This makes it easier to understand the rest of your essay. See my article below for more information on how to do this. You also need to understand how to build a supporting paragraph. A good paragraph should have one main idea only. You then take this idea and develop it further with explanations and examples. See my article below on how to build a supporting paragraph for more information on how to do this. You should also reiterate your opinion and summarise your main ideas in the conclusion. Finally, you should read the advice below on grammar and vocabulary. Grammar and vocabulary mistakes make it difficult for the examiner to understand what you are writing about. Vocabulary- Band 6 You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. You do attempt to use less common vocabulary but this often leads to mistakes, as you can see above. You do make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication. Suggestions- You obviously have a wide ranging vocabulary; however, when you try to use more advanced words and phrases you can make slight errors at times. You do not get extra marks for inserting large, complicated words if they are inappropriate or inaccurate. My advice is to use the 100% rule. Only write a word or phrase when you are 100% sure about the meaning and form of that word. In the long term you should think about starting a vocabulary book. This is a place where you record new vocabulary with spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms and example sentences to make sure you know it 100%. You can then review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your vocabulary. You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary and make sure you have not made any mistakes.
Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word. Grammar- Band 6 Your grammar is not bad, but you do make small mistakes in nearly every sentence. None of your grammar mistakes stop meaning coming through, but there are too many of them to get one of the higher band scores. Around 50% of your sentences need to be completely error-free for you to get a higher band for grammar. Suggestions- You can do three things. First, you can identify your common mistakes, review the grammar and then try to fix it. Secondly, you can make sure you only write sentences that you are 100% sure about. It is better to be correct than try to show off with fancy grammar and complex sentences. Lastly, practice so that you leave yourself at least 2-3 minutes at the end to check for mistakes. Overall- Band 5.5 This score might be lower than you might have hoped for, but you should see it as a good opportunity to identify your problems and fix them. You should focus on the following things:
Paraphrase the question in the first sentence.
Give a clear opinion in the introduction.
Outline your main ideas in the introduction.
Reduce the number of main ideas in your main body paragraphs.
Develop your main ideas with clear explanations.
Include one specific example in each main body paragraph.
Summarise your main ideas in the conclusion and reiterate your opinion.
Only use cohesive devices when absolutely necessary.
Use cohesive devices correctly.
Reduce the number of vocabulary mistakes you are making by only using words and phrases you are 100% sure about.
Reduce the number of grammar mistakes you are making by reading each sentence immediately after your write it to check that it makes sense.
Proofread your whole essay at the end.
Analyse the question before starting to write to make sure that you are answering the specific question being asked.
Plan your answers for 5-10 minutes before writing.
Suggested Resources:
Planning- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/07/02/how-to-plan-an-ielts-essay/
Main body paragraphs- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/05/21/write-supportingparagraph-ielts/
Question analysis- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/05/how-to-understandanalyse-ielts-writing-task-2/
Introduction- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/05/how-to-write-introduction-ieltswriting-task-2/
Conclusion- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/06/14/ielts-writing-conclusions/
Examples- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/08/04/using-examples-in-writing-task-2/
Cohesive devices- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/08/12/cohesive-devices/
Synonyms- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/09/01/ielts-synonyms/
Agree or disagree- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/02/ielts-writing-task-2agree-disagree-lesson/
Discuss both views- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/18/writing-task-2discussion-essay-lesson/
Grammar- http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/04/20/ielts-grammar-mistakes/
Vocabulary- http://ieltsadvantage.com/vocabulary/
Sample It is argued that some men and women have god given talents, for sport or music, and others do not have these traits. However, others would say that any young person can be taught to play sport or music at a very high level. This essay believes that the very best athletes are there because of their tenacity and drive and not because of their innate abilities.
It is true that some people are born with a natural ability for sport or music. That is to say that from a young age they did not have to work hard and were just naturally better than most people in their chosen field. Everyone knows someone in their school who was gifted and did not have to work hard, for example, I had a friend who was offered trials with Manchester United but didn’t ever practice or take football seriously. As a result, he was unable to pursue a career in soccer, because despite his talent, they saw he was not prepared to put any work in. I therefore disagree with the view.
To really make it, there is no substitute for hard work. Many of the top performers in the world do admittedly have natural talent, but they all have one thing in common, they
combined that talent with a hunger to work hard and be the best. Take Michael Jordan, for example, who was cut from his high school team and worked harder than anyone else in the world and taught himself how to become one of the greatest basketball players of all time. I therefore agree with this view.
In conclusion, there are people who have talent built into their DNA, but unless they work hard then they will not be a success and therefore you can teach any child to be great at sport or music.