Keeping it Real

WRITTEN BY BLAIR FJESETH | PHOTOS MARIAH ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Like most moms, I love and loathe the holiday season in equal measure. I see the excitement level in my kids rise the moment the Target toy catalog arrives, and it makes me want to do it all for them: the sledding, the hot cocoa, the cookie baking. I want them to have the Hallmark Holiday we’ve all fantasized over. And then, the anxiety begins to build as reality sets in.

It’s hard enough surviving the other 11 months of the year, but December – she’s a beast. Managing the jolts to our regular schedules with holiday programs and recitals, adding a school break, handling children filled with holiday anticipation, lack of outdoor time, holiday parties, spending “quality time with the in-laws,” cleaning the house for those quality times and of course... the gifts. Purchasing, wrapping, making mental calculations so that each child is gifted equally. Buying thank you gifts for teachers, colleagues, bosses and extended family. And lest we forget, we also need to make a purchase to make the jolly old white guy look good.

It’s a lot. It’s running an ultra-sprint on top of a marathon.

And while my partner puts a lot of time and effort into raising our kids, when it comes to the holidays, it’s me who takes on the blocking and tackling.

The world expects so much of us moms; they forget we need a holiday break too.

Having anxiety or even a bout of depression is OK and normal. If you need to talk to someone, you can go to your primary care physician, make an appointment directly with a therapist or use an online service such as TalkSpace. Remember that before taking a plane ride, they always instruct us to put our oxygen masks on before helping others. The same concept applies here. You can’t help others if you are not taking care of yourself.

Create joy by committing to reaching out to the moms around you and telling them how good they are doing – that you see her and all she does for her family. You never know who is struggling and needs to hear this.

Give yourself the gift of time. Lock yourself away for at least 5-10 minutes to breathe and mentally reset each day, twice a day if you can.

Give yourself grace. Your children will remember the holiday vibe and not the specifics. If you are overly stressed and short-fused, they will remember that more than your ability to make 17 kinds of holiday cookies. Triage the season. What is most important? If it’s not at the top of the list, don’t have guilt over canceling it or taking it off the list. Put your mental health over the FOMO guilt we have for our children. As moms, we want them to experience the best of everything; we forget what a toll it takes. It’s OK for them not to do it all but to have more quality time with you. Read that again. It’s OK for them not to do it all.

Lastly, do something for yourself. Book a massage for after the holiday or a “me” afternoon where you go and reset – whatever that looks like to you.

So, while the world may have forgotten about us work mules... I mean, moms, let’s not forget ourselves.

Blair Fjeseth is a working professional and proud Montana mom. You can reach her at blairparker. inc@gmail.com. Follow her Instagram @blair_mt for more adventures.