Finding Your Village

WRITTEN BY JESSICA CARTWRIGHT

Out of all the places I’ve lived, Bozeman was the hardest for me to find my groove and my village.

I moved to Buenos Aires solo and met friends more easily than here in Bozeman. Here it felt like everyone was either in their houses or in the mountains, and how was I to meet someone to hang with?

I like to share this because I find other people often feel the same way. I moved to Bozeman after my family started transitioning here while I was in high school, and I traveled around a lot. So, even though I had family and connections, it was still hard. On top of that I know many of you moving here have new babies and young children. You’re also in a phase of life where you’re potentially even more housebound and feeling isolated.

I eventually found my community in Bozeman and realized they were more my people than I had ever met before. I loved it!

And yet when I got pregnant, I needed a whole new community. I needed mom friends who were in the same stage of new parenting that I was in. And who were local.

Luckily for me, I started teaching prenatal yoga when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2015. I thought that the mindfulness and physical support would be the best part of it—but it turned out to be community.

I was around women willing to be vulnerable and share how they were truly doing. I was around women all experiencing massive life transitions. I was realizing just how important it is be surrounded by others going through similar life changes, and to really feel supported by each other.

In that time and in the years following, I also started offering baby yoga and co-led Fresh Air Mamas, a hiking group for families. I saw over and over again parents making new connections, meeting their people, finding their mom friends. It was truly so rewarding. Because the village we hear about doesn’t just magically show up. You have to show up yourself, and trust that over time you will indeed create that loving, supportive village for yourself.

Here are some ways I’ve seen people find their villages over the years.

• Take a yoga class geared toward families, parents, moms, babies, etc. I co-founded Our Yoga Family out of a desire to create a home away from home for families. I have seen year after year the wonderful connections that come from regular attendance to these classes. You find people in similar stages, and you become friends (sometimes immediately, sometimes over time). Before you know it, you know who to call for support or to enjoy kid playdates with. It’s so incredible to witness, and it blows my mind how many women (dads too) have found their friends in such a nourishing, supportive way.

Be willing to share what’s hard – and celebrate what’s good. We all know that what’s missing from social media tends to be realness. So, when you’re in person (or online too, if you’re comfortable), share how things are truly going. The real life, behind the scenes messiness and beauty. It really opens others up to feeling you, trusting you and feeling less alone. We all need that, and it can spark so many beautiful connections.

• Ask for help! Set up that meal train for your postpartum recovery. Ask someone on the hiking trail what set-up they use, if it looks like they have it going on. Ask that parent at the park if you can borrow some sunscreen or if they live close by. I find people can often seem standoffish, but almost everyone I know around here opens up when it comes to lending a helping hand. Knock on your neighbor’s door or simply admit when you don’t know.

I find this is especially true with the outdoors. It can be so intimidating to get started or get your family out and about, especially when it seems like everyone else knows what they’re doing. If you ask for help or advice in an earnest way, I almost always find you’ll learn some great tips and maybe a new friend.

• Invite new friends to kid-free dates. Because toddler-free conversations, am I right? Sometimes, in order to get to truly know someone, it’s nice to not have your kid there.

• Find local events that are kid or baby friendly. Go to them regularly! Check out the Montana Parent and Bozone online calendars. Try Books and Babies at the library, Sensational Babies at the Museum of the Rockies (Dino museum), baby or toddler yoga at Our Yoga Family, Fresh Air Mamas and Blossom mom at Roots. Family Collaborative. Become a familiar face and soon you’ll feel a lot less alone.

When I was a nanny, getting out of the house for an activity in the morning made the rest of the day feel complete, and the same held true when I had my own daughter. I find this especially helpful during the colder months, when you spend more time inside.

I know how hard it can be to find your people, with or without support. This is why I’m so passionate about creating spaces for families and parents to find community. It’s also why I love helping others understand what makes Bozeman so beautiful aside from mountains and nature – it’s the community.

So hopefully these tips are helpful and encourage you to be vulnerable, ask for help, show up regularly and go find your village. I promise they’re out there waiting!

Jessica Cartwright is a mama, yoga teacher, Ayurvedic Women's Health Specialist, birth doula and co-founder of Our Yoga Family, Bozeman's family yoga studio. She is also a featured writer for Elephant Journal, So Much Yoga and BOHO Daily.