How to Talk to your Children about Injustice

By Susan Meister

Most of you reading this would never even suggest to your children that they should dislike or be afraid of anyone who does not look like them. Most of us would deny that we have any prejudices at all, and thus would surely never pass them on to our children.

However, valid studies show that we all have what is called implicit biases. Implicit biases are prejudices that unconsciously affect our decisions, even if they do not align with our declared beliefs. Everyone has such biases, whether they involve characteristics such as race, ethnicity, age, or appearance. They are molded over the course of a lifetime beginning at a very early age. How early? The song continues: “You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late Before you are six or seven or eight…”

And this is what is startling. Young children, beginning as early as six months, favor people who look like their caregivers. They register differences in color, gender, and even age. As they grow, they refine their perceptions through the books they are read, the television characters they see, the movies they watch. Through a combination of what they hear and see at home and what they observe around them, they develop their own preferences for the people who surround them. Clearly, if a white child rarely plays with a black child, or goes to a school that is predominantly white, or reads comics in which the heroes are mostly white and the bad people are black, their view of the world order will be very different from children who have been brought up with multicultural exposure. Even with such exposure, there are many counter influences that surround us, such as those television shows and movies already mentioned, the books they read, and even the way certain news is covered. The environment is rarely devoid of racial or gender bias; it is our response to it when we see it that counts. That response is evident even to the youngest child.

Certainly the books that are read to young children, even the toys they play with, can be highly influential, and for a long time, there were few that addressed inclusivity. This, fortunately, is changing. Major toy manufacturers are offering black dolls instead of the procession of white, blonde, Barbie types and there is evidence that this change affects children’s response to racial differences in a positive way. The highly influential animation industry is also altering many of the character types that forge children’s perceptions of race and gender. Still, it is in the home that the greatest impact on those perceptions is made.

At what age should a discussion of racial prejudice be addressed directly? There is evidence that children as young as 9 are acutely aware of racial attitudes. They are by that time introduced to the internet, and may even be seeing social media. One of the recommendations by Dr.Nzinga Harrison, a specialist in children and race, serious discussions prompted by parents are appropriate for elementary school children. They could begin with something like, “Let’s talk about people who are different from us.” Inevitably the topic of how kids who look different are often treated differently will come up. In this context, it’s an advantage to relate it to someone your child may know. “For example, let’s talk about your friend Kai. How would you feel if you saw him treated unfairly just because he is black?” Or, “have you ever seen a friend of yours treated badly because of the color of his skin?” That provides an opportunity for your child to provide his or her own examples. Then, “How would you feel if this was a member of your family?” Chances are, your child has been exposed to some form of prejudice -- perhaps it’s a disabled child in the class, or one from an immigrant family who is dressed differently or speaks with an accent. Your child undoubtedly will have opinions, and this is your opportunity to affirm them. Such an approach encourages not only openness

Anti-racism is not about living without prejudice: implicit bias is inescapable. The true anti-racist is a person who commits to fighting racism even when it is noted to be within. We are not automatons but humanbeings with conflicting emotions, not all of which we are proud. The manner in which we process and act on these emotions will influence how equitable the world is. This is not a time to allow obvious incidents of injustice to go unremarked.

As parents, we can start early in our children’s lives to help them realize that they have an impact on how caring, compassionate, and fair the world they inhabit will be if they act with honor and courage towards those who are victims of discrimination in any form. If we achieve this, we will have achieved something that lasts a lifetime, something that will perhaps prevent spectres of the tragedy that surround us now. Change is past time. If we start with educating our children that to be inclusive is to be just, to empathize with those who are treated unfairly just because they are different from us, is to be human in the best sense. If we achieve this over the course of generations, we will truly change the world.

Susan Meister is a journalist, columnist, and community activist living in Pebble Beach. Susan’s writing was recognized with the 2020 Bronze Award for service writing from the Parenting Media Association.