Coronavirus Double Duty: Working from Home and Parenting

Monterey County residents have been sheltering-in-place since March 17th. We may be in this together in spirit, but the reality of how this crisis impacts our daily lives is dramatically different from household to household. For some, it’s a breather offering a chance to step back, tackle a project we’ve been putting off, or embrace a simpler way of living. Many of the working parents I’ve spoken with share a different story: they’re drowning. And knowing how lucky they are to be still employed and safely at home, they’re keeping quiet about it.

I own a small business, and for the first few years, I grew it from home while caring for my three young children–developing skills and systems that worked for us. I went on to expand on those ideas for a book about work-life balance for entrepreneurs.

But there is a considerable difference between what I did and what parents are expected to do now: my work was on my timeline. No meetings that I didn’t accept. No deadlines that I didn’t create. Work projects and goals that were tailored to my work-at-home limitations.

That isn’t a luxury working parents have during the pandemic. Employers are expecting parents to accomplish the impossible: maintaining their usual level of productivity while caring for and educating their children through an ongoing crisis. We all know that’s bananas, right?

One local mom writes, “My anxiety and depression kicked in early on, which makes it hard to stay level headed at times. It is also hard to concentrate. I’m feeling extremely scattered and frazzled most of the time. Our typical day right now is: wake up, get ready, set-up our work area (the dining room table), and start work and school. My job requires a lot of concentration, which can be difficult when my son is doing projects that he needs to think about out loud. Once my husband gets home from his essential work, he and our son go for a walk, and I finish up my workday. It has also helped me to have a loose daily school schedule setup for my son.”

She adds, “My employer has been great. We were able to bring whatever we needed to work from home, including our laptops. We have benefits that we can use in relation to COV- ID-19. They have been understanding and flexible during this situation. They have also been giving us updates.”

Parents with employers that are less empathetic may feel hesitant to ask for accommodations, especially when companies are laying off workers at an unprecedented rate. It may help to share with your employer that a more flexible schedule or different types of projects allow you to create better work.

A few ways employers can make this easier:

Be mindful of roping employees into Zoom meetings that they don’t have to be attending.

Ask parents (or any employee) if they need to adjust their workload or take on different projects on different timelines.

Try to be open to adjusting expectations and supporting people within reason so we can all get through this in one piece.

Strategies for work-at-home parents:

If it’s possible, set up a distractionfree workspace that you can retreat to while your partner watches your children or after your kids go to bed.

If you feel comfortable, ask your employer for a modified schedule that works around your obligations at home.

Lean into routines that have helped in the past. If you know that daily exercise supports your mental health, make it a priority.

Reach out to loved ones and let them know, honestly, how you’re doing.

Listen to Podcasts and read books that you find inspiring and helpful.

If you find it’s making you anxious, limit your exposure to social media and the news.

Focus on getting through each day, one hour at a time.

Find ways to extend kindness to others, which can support your emotional health as much as it supports theirs.

Spend some time every day in nature, even if it’s just 10 minutes with sunshine on your face on your front step. Sometimes the little things are the big things.

Shower kindness and praise on yourself and your spouse. Acknowledge that you are superheroes navigating an unprecedented time and that you have each others’ backs.

If your kids are bored and anxious, it can help to give them ownership over a job around the house.

When in doubt, prioritize connection and team building within your family over any other seemingly “productive” task.

Whatever this year holds, I know that parents will do what they’ve always done. They will make it work for their families. It’s my sincerest wish that we all continue to reach out and support each other as we navigate the impossible–one messy step at a time.