Senior Living

Learn the Skill for a Lifetime: Self Soothing

These are difficult days. Indeed, the times call for us to put some thought into the concept of self-soothing.

In most people’s minds, self-soothing is not a “thing.” Yet it is one of the most important skills you can learn and will be a tremendous help throughout your life.

There is nothing complicated about self-soothing. It’s only a skill, and anyone can master skills. To start to acquire this skill is to spend a bit of time and energy thinking about yourself.

Just as no two people are exactly the same, no two people are soothed in the exact same way. Everyone’s needs are different, and Step 1 is figuring out what works for you. The possibilities are endless.

It is wise to list possible soothers before experiencing a complicated emotion. It will work very much to your advantage to identify good possible strategies and have them ready to try when you do need them.

Likely, a self-soothing strategy that works in one situation may not work in another, so it’s good to have not just one technique but a list of them. In your moment of need, you can try one and if it doesn’t work, try another.

Identifying effective soothers may help to think back to your childhood. Were there things that you found comforting as a child? Also, think back to the most emotionally challenging times of your adulthood.

Have there been helpful self-soothing strategies that you’ve used in the past without realizing it?

Be careful what types of strategies you use. Make sure they are healthy for you. For example, alcohol, shopping, and eating can seem easy and effective, but they should never be used for self-soothing. They can quickly end up giving you to deal with another problem.

Below are some examples of healthy self-soothing strategies that have been identified and used effectively by others. Go through this list and remove those that clearly will not work for you. Then think about any personal ideas you might add. Keep your list handy, and use it when you need it. Self-Soothing Ideas To Start With • Take a bubble bath • Make a cup of soothing tea • Take a long, hot shower • Listen to your favorite music • Wash or polish your car • Exercise, walk, lift weights, or take a bike ride • Play a musical instrument • Cook or bake (we are talking about the process here; be careful not to over-use food itself for self-soothing!) • Spend time with your pet • Play with a child • Go outside at night and look at the stars • Clean • Garden • Sit quietly and look out the window • Self-talk: this is probably the most useful and versatile of all self-soothing strategies. It involves literally talking yourself through your uncomfortable feeling state.

Things you can say to yourself: • “you know you are a good person,” “this will pass,” “you are trying your best,” “just wait it out.”

Be sure to keep your list flexible. Remove strategies that stop working for you and add new ones as needed. Make self-soothing a meaningful, purposeful endeavor that grows and changes with you. All of your life, you will need to have the ability to soothe yourself, but now more than ever. As you get better at it, you will become a calmer person who feels more in control and more comfortable overall.