Learning To Own Your Flaws With Tom

Reber

This month, we spoke to the HGTV host of “Unfinished Business,” Tom Reber. A husband and father focused on positively impacting others, Tom is also the founder of Contractor Fight, a company that coaches elite contractors.

Dennis Postema: What does success mean to you?

Tom Reber: Getting what you go after is one measure of success. If you successfully reach a milestone or goal, that is success.

The other, deeper sign of success is fulfillment. Being at peace with how you choose to show up each day. You can tie success to results, but not reaching a goal by a certain date or within a specific time frame doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t successful.

If I can high-five myself and say, “Hey, good job today,” then I know I have succeeded.

Dennis: What traits or values are fundamental to success?

Tom: Own your crap.

My company used to do this initiation with new members where they had to share a personal character issue, like, “I procrastinate this task,” or, “I’m lazy and I hit the snooze button.”

There is no progress without truth.

Listen to the song “MANTRA” by Bring Me the Horizon. The line, “Before the truth will set you free, it’ll piss you off”—that highlights this fundamental.

Another fundamental for success is winning the moments. Every moment we are building toward or away from something that we do or don’t want. You can’t win the day if you don’t win the moments throughout the day. That’s what my upcoming book, “Win the Moments,” focuses on.

I recommend reading “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. In it, he explains that every action you take in a moment is you casting a vote for who you want to be in the future. That always resonated with me.

Finally, you have to acknowledge and accept that success is inconvenient. It takes what it takes, and it is what it is. That’s not a negative statement. I’m not saying, “Success is always a struggle,” but don’t be surprised when circumstances change. Your top employee might leave or your kid might have a health problem. There will always be something trying to knock you off your path. You have to be OK with that.

Entrepreneurship is not easy. Nobody shows their bloopers.

Dennis: Do you feel like you have made it? If so, at what point did you realize this?

Tom: Not even close.

Every level you reach, your eyes open to a whole new level. I remember when I used to say, “If only I could make $3,500 a month,” and then the number kept increasing.

I talked to a client who has been lacking in motivation recently. I said to them, “Paint a vision of what you want your business to look like in the next five years.”

If you’re a true high performer, it becomes more about who you are and who you choose to be each day and how you show up, regardless of the results. I could have $1 billion in one industry, open a hot-dog stand, and put in the same amount of effort and intensity to that project.

I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished. If anything,

I’m kicking myself for not figuring some things out sooner. It’s important to forgive yourself. Try not to focus on what could have been.

Dennis: What are some of the biggest adversities you have overcome?

Tom: I was in special education for two years in grade school, back in the mid-1970s. They labeled me as hyper.

The teacher would say, “Nine times nine is eightyone.”

I’d say, “Got it,” and then move on and distract my classmates.

I thought I was stupid for decades. I felt insecure. I wouldn’t speak my mind in business partnerships or relationships because I thought I was stupid. I was never good at arguing. I’m not good at coming up with responses in the heat of the moment. I had all this baggage.

A friend of mine invited me to be part of this leadership event put on by Jerry Nelson, one of the founders of Ticketmaster. My friend wanted me to be a speaker. He invited me two years in a row, and I lied to him both years, making up excuses for why I couldn’t go because I didn’t think I was smart enough to be there.

Eventually, I cracked down on myself, because I needed to deal with this baggage or I would never get past it. There were probably a hundred guys at this event. Everyone had bios posted on the wall. All of their bios were like books, and mine was, like, a paragraph. Right out of the gate, it was like, “You’re stupid.”

I got up on stage and spoke.

At the end of the day, the facilitator of this weeklong event told me, “Everyone is going to hang around, and you can meet all of the other speakers.”

I went out, bought a few buckets of beer at the bar, and wound up with around forty attendees at my table. They said, “It’s about time a real person, who isn’t impressive, is talking with us.”

By the end of the week, several members on the board of this nonprofit organization sat around this huge table and invited me over. They were drumming up ideas to bring in more college students to future events. One of them said, “Tom’s new at this event, so what’s his take on this?”

In under a minute, I laid out some ideas.

Someone else at the table, a billionaire in the oil industry, turned to his assistant and said, “Do we have the ability to do everything he said?”

The assistant said, “Yeah, we can do that.”

Then, the billionaire said, “OK, let’s do it. Meeting adjourned.”

Everyone got up and walked away.

It was the biggest aha moment of my life. I sat there and thought, “What the hell just happened?” after they left.

I walked outside, grabbed a drink, and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I said, “Looks like you’re not fucking stupid.”

Since then, I’ve been on a crazy trajectory. This experience taught me the importance of running into the punch. Whatever you fear the most, do it. I was afraid of going out there because I felt like a fraud. I thought nobody would respect me because of my background, my financial situation, and my résumé.

I chose to run into the punch, anyway. I had to get through it.

Every area of my life has improved a thousand times because of that choice. Do the thing that you’ve been putting off. Deal with the thing you don’t feel like dealing with. Have the conversation you’re scared of.

If we’re fighting, and I go to punch you, it’ll hurt much worse if I pull back and build up force, then it is going to hurt when I land my hit. However, if I go to punch you and you close the distance, that punch can’t build up as much. That’s how I deal with these things.

Dennis: What drives you?

Tom: Impact. I want my time here to be worth it.

I could have coasted through the last few weeks of 2022, but instead I closed deals and made sales because I want to impact other’s lives. I was up at 9:30 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, closing the final deal.

It’s necessary to bring others into our programs because I know what happens behind the curtain and under the hood when somebody comes in. If they’re willing to put in the work and gain new perspective, then I know what’s on the other end waiting for them.

Dennis: What does an average day consist of for you?

Tom: I get oxygen every day.

No, but seriously, one of the values we teach at my company is “Take care of you.”

Success is an inside-out game. My business is only as strong as I am.

If you toss a rock into the lake, where it hits is you. You’re the center of the universe. The next ripple is your people—your family, friends, and employees.

The ripple after that is your empire, your career, your business.

I start off by reading and working out.

Recently, I made my righthand guy our CEO and moved into a founder role because I’m not a good day-to-day manager. That transition gave me bandwidth to write more, create more—and better—content, and to have more time with our CEO.

We have many quick vision meetings throughout the week. We toss questions back and forth and get our minds thinking.

My wife and I spend oneon-one time together every day, whether we’re playing pool at the house or we go out to do something. Damn near every day is a date for us.

Dennis: What is your reaction to haters and naysayers?

Tom: Many people ignore the haters and will say that if you don’t have haters, you’re not doing anything, but I disagree.

I don’t even know if I have haters because I don’t pay attention.

Naysayers are different. I would define them as people who think you’re full of shit. Many of my company’s methods are unorthodox in sales and how businesses tend to approach things. I continue to work, make an impact, change lives, and let the results speak for themselves.

Most contractors have an awful mindset when it comes to their value and worth. You don’t have to win every project, you just have to win the right ones. We teach a sales process rooted in turbo charged prequalifications that focuses on human connection. It has nothing to do with making a case for why someone should hire you. It revolves around conversation.

So, to the naysayers, I say, “Keep watching us.”

Dennis: What is your number one overall goal, in business or in life?

Tom: To be who I’m meant to be, have the impact I was created for, and to not waste my time. I want to be everything God created me to be, as a husband, a friend, a leader, and a father.

Dennis: How important are mentors and coaches to you, and can you name a few and the impact they have had on your life and career?

Tom: You’re asking a guy who runs a coaching company. That’s funny. I love it.

I could go back to the biggest shifts I’ve ever had in my life, and the fastest shifts were when I hired a coach. The first coach I hired cost, I don’t know, $700, $800, $900 a month, and I thought I was going to go broke.

It’s a huge priority in my life. If I want to learn something, I look for somebody who knows how to do it better and I hire them.

If you’re not in a position where you can hire someone right now, that’s understandable, but there are resources out there. There are podcasts, books, YouTube videos, and other—often free—media to check out. You can go check the book out. You can go on YouTube.

You never see an NFL team go out on the field without a coach, because a coach sees things that you can’t see.

Dennis: What is the best advice you have ever received?

Tom: My mom always reminded me to be me. Being you is enough.

I didn’t believe it for many years, and I have received great advice from many people, but ignoring that wisdom from my mother hurt me the most. I spent so much time not being true to myself.

Reach out to Tom on his company’s website at www.thecontractorfight. com or on Instagram: @ RealTomReber. Check out his new HGTV show, “Unfinished Business,” on Discovery+!

Dennis: What piece of advice would you give somebody who needs to run into the punch? How can you get them there?

Tom: If you asked me a year ago, you would have received a different answer. If you ask me again in a year, you’ll probably get a different answer. The flavor of the month for me right now is the word necessity.

Why do you have to succeed? What’s at stake if you don’t take some action? What’s at stake if you don’t attack this fear? What’s at stake if you do?

To paraphrase a quote I heard recently, “When you procrastinate, the price you’re paying is who you could’ve been.” Familiarize yourself with the Five-Second Rule. The more time you give something, the more it grows and the scarier it becomes. Take action. Do you have a pissed-off client? Pick up the phone and call them. Do you need to apologize to your spouse? Do it. It compounds. Take action. Get in touch with what’s at stake.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement: 8 Effective Ways to Motivate Your Employees

As a motivational leader, your job is to motivate and inspire your team and make them feel good about working for your company. It’s not always easy, but it’s an important part of being a leader. Here are some tips to help you motivate and inspire your team.

1. Encourage your team to take initiative.

Taking the initiative is an important part of motivating a team. The benefits of encouraging initiative are twofold: it helps boost morale and productivity and fosters better relationships between everyone on the team. Encouraging this type of behavior should be an essential part of any manager’s job description since it will help ensure their success in moving forward with their career goals within your company.

2. Provide regular feedback.

Regular feedback is one of the most important ways to motivate your employees. To be productive, feedback should be specific and timely. It should be positive more often than not, focusing on what went well instead of what didn’t. Finally, it’s better if you deliver the feedback in private. That way, there’s no risk of embarrassing or demotivating the person you’re talking with by letting them know they’ve done something wrong or performed poorly.

3. Create a positive work environment.

Creating a positive work environment is one of the most powerful things you can do to motivate your employees.

Studies show that employees who feel valued and appreciated are more likely to feel motivated, perform well, and stay with their organization. This means that a positive work environment will not only boost employee productivity but also higher employee satisfaction and lower turnover rates. Here are a few things that you can do to help create a positive work environment:

• Encourage open communicationEncourage employees to communicate openly and with you. This will help create a more open and understanding workplace.

• Promote positivity

- Try to promote a positive attitude in the workplace.

This can be done by acknowledging good work and by encouraging employees to support each other.

• Be flexible - Be flexible with your employees and try to accommodate their needs. This will show them that you care about their wellbeing and help create a more positive work environment.

4. Encourage and reward creativity.

As a motivational leader, encourage and reward employees who display creative thinking. Do this by providing employees with opportunities to think outside the box and reward that creativity somehow. For example, you might provide incentives like cash prizes or bonuses for submitting a winning idea or project.

5. Encourage your team to stay rested.

You’ll be a better leader if you ensure your team gets enough rest and sleep. Sleep is important because it allows the brain to recharge and function optimally. Most adults need seven to nine hours of sleep per night -- and that’s not just for productivity. Research shows that people who get enough sleep are more creative and solve problems better than their well-rested counterparts.

Emphasize the importance of sleep, but also be receptive to allowing employees to take a short nap at their desk or a brief meditation break to rest their minds. The key here is to ensure these naps are quick. If they linger too long into REM (rapid eye movement) sleep cycles where dreams occur, people may wake up groggy instead of energized.

6. Set clear expectations with your team.

One of the most important things you can do to support your team is to set clear expectations. This will help you manage them better and offer them a sense of purpose and direction. When you don’t have clear expectations, it’s difficult for people to know what they should do or how they should do it. It also makes it hard to delegate tasks because no one knows what needs to be done.

7. Support employees struggling emotionally.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. The most effective leaders are the ones who support their employees when they are struggling emotionally. Your employees’ mental health affects their job performance and productivity on the job. If they’re suffering from anxiety or depression at work, it can affect their productivity because they don’t feel like working.

An emotionally distressed person is someone who feels overwhelmed by problems at work or in their personal lives. These problems may be caused by something that happened recently (like a bad review), or they may be longstanding issues (like an abusive relationship). The person may know what they need to do to solve these problems but not have the resources or ability to do it immediately.

Whether you’re helping someone who’s emotionally distressed because of work-related circumstances or something else, being supportive is a key step. As a manager or team leader at any level within your organization (or even if you’re simply trying out these ideas in another capacity), one way to improve employee performance is by promoting good mental health practices among all employees. and range of motion. It also increases blood flow, which improves circulation and helps decrease muscle fatigue and soreness.

8. Encourage regular stretching breaks if employees sit at their desks all day.

Encourage employees to take five minutes total-body stretch breaks focusing on major muscle groups such as those in the hips, chest, and back. This can boost productivity by keeping your employees from developing neck or back pain, which makes their job more challenging.

Hopefully, this article gives you a better understanding of how to motivate your employees. Remember, your team comprises people with individual needs and personalities, so it’s important to approach each person individually rather than treating them all the same way.

Stretching is important because it helps the body maintain its flexibility

By considering their personality type (or even just recognizing what makes each person happy) and giving them what they need to be effective workers, whether it’s praise or regular feedback, you’ll have happier employees who are more motivated by their work.