IN THE DARK

Our story started back in early 2020 when COVID hit. Everything went into melt down and Poppy, my 5-year-old Pomeranian, was acting oddly too. When she was about one, she had a handful of funny spells, unable to stand, seeming like she was in pain then falling over and generally losing balance. It was put down to an undetermined neurological issue, but the MRI scans were clear and there were no obvious signs of anything else. The random episodes eventually stopped on their own. Fast forward four years and I worried that her swaying on the spot, staring into space, refusing to walk sometimes and just generally feeling like she wasn’t present in the moment, was down to a neurological issue again. I took her to the vet.

On the first two visits they didn’t know why it was happening. We were told to monitor the behaviour and try to get videos, which we did – but trying to show the vet videos through the window of my car in the rain and then passing over my sweet, confused Poppy to go into the vet alone, was heart breaking. I would wait in the car anxiously, distressing about her being on her own as I wasn’t allowed to go in with her. I thought they would bring her back and tell me she was severely poorly and wouldn’t have long to live.

On the third visit, the vet phoned me as I sat in the car and asked me to go into the surgery, I was anticipating the worst – I knew it was bad if they wanted me to go in amidst all the social distancing rules. I went and sat nervously in the waiting room, chewing the skin on my fingers, and eventually she walked in with Poppy. She sat on the other side of the room, as Poppy tottered over to me. I knew it was something awful, that look in her eye – the part of her job she least enjoyed… dishing out the bad news. I braced myself as she started talking and all I heard was her very soft empathetic voice saying, “She’s blind.” Blind? This hadn’t even crossed my mind. I had focused on the fact there was something awfully wrong with her brain, her vision hadn’t even come into question. It seems so silly saying that now, but I was stumped. At first, I didn’t react at all, I sat there while she calmly explained to me the little obstacle test they did, but I didn’t really take anything in. She was lovely but when I asked how to get support, I was just told to Google it – apparently there was lots of information on the internet. I started crying and wondered what was happening to us! I was crying as Poppy did a huge steaming poop on the waiting room floor. It was all a blur. In my mind I felt like I had lost a little bit of her, like life as we knew it wouldn’t ever be the same. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong for this to happen? The guilt flooded me. What was the cause? Would she get her sight back? Would everything be okay?

At this point in time, the ophthalmology department were only taking on “serious” cases during COVID. Poppy’s blindness wasn’t considered serious because she wasn’t in pain. So that was that. What could I do? I picked her up, carried her to the car and wept into her soft fur. She must have wondered what on earth was happening - her human sobbing in the darkness.

I drove home, glancing over at Poppy and wondering what on earth we were going to do. The one thing that never crossed my mind though, was ending her life. My best friend was sticking with me, and I knew I was going to help her, I just didn’t know how… yet.

The first few days were awful, now I was aware of the blindness it was so obvious, and I hated myself for letting her struggle for those weeks we were trying to diagnose it. I went into a shell, I spent a lot of time crying and wishing it wasn’t happening. I Googled, but finding someone who understood me was so hard. After a lot of research, I concluded that she was blind from SARDS (Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome) due to the speed it had happened.

One day, about a week later, I woke up and thought “no, this is NOT going to be how things are.” My upset and devastation were making her worse, more confused, lost, lonely, and I’m sure she felt like this darkness was the worst thing in the world with me being such a rotten mess.

The following weeks were hard. If I tried to get her to play, she wasn’t interested. The one thing that had drastically changed was her appetite! She started to eat anything and everything, which she never did before, so I started doing some training with her. Positive, reward-based training. She loved it, even re-training basic steps like ‘sit’ and ‘down’ were fun and lit her up.

I started to understand more by doing training courses. We would go away together and learn together; I was adapting to suit her needs and she was loving the time we were spending with each other. The feeling of getting things right gave her confidence and she really started to wake up to life again. I loved her enthusiasm and decided that I wanted to help other visually impaired dogs and their guardians, so I set up The Underdogs Training.

One of the first things I did was create a Facebook group where I offered free advice and tips particularly aimed towards people whose dogs had lost their sight. It’s such a terrible thing to happen and sadly, I know of times, even to this day, where people have put their dog to sleep due to blindness alone. I wanted to offer a space where people could talk openly, share experiences and support each other with the aim that people might see a brighter side and put the effort in to helping their blind dog thrive again.

Having taken a little bit of time to gain traction, I now work with people globally to help them support their vision-impaired dogs through the struggles they face and get them to a place where they can enjoy life together again. Earlier in the year I was overjoyed to meet Theo Paphitis from Dragons Den to collect my Small Business Sunday award from him. I have also been lucky enough to be featured on BBC’s East Midlands Today and became an instructor at Grisha Stewart’s Academy.

I’m so grateful to be able to do something I love every single day. I’m also able to work from home which means I get to spend a lot of time with Poppy, Jake – my blind rescue dog, and Jimmy who is my little Jack Russell. I never imagined what a happy life Poppy would lead but I feel blessed that she’s here and love how resilient she’s become.

Blindness isn’t the end, it’s just a new path to follow. Instagram @theunderdogstrainer YouTube @theunderdogstraining

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