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THE
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW -
BEST OF SERPENT'S TOOTH
Ted Turner was in negotiations to buy Russia's only independent television station last week. Good idea Ted, because the Russians will love Atlanta Braves baseball and James Bond marathons. We at Serpent's are wondering why the Drug Czar is always a general. If you want to stop trade, doesn't it make more sense to appoint a liberal economist to the position? Beaver College in Pennsylvania, after years of jokes and ridicule, has decided to change its name to Arcadia University. Beaver College on the internet, however" will still be available with tuition as low as $9.99 a month. The faculty at Penn State University recently banned booing, or 'negative cheering~ as they called it, at PSU football games. This might work, but Joe Pa should probably ban the team from sucking, or 'negative winning' first. So, we don't have to go to class on MLK Day, but we have to on Good Friday. Is Martin Luther King Jr. bigger than '" Jesus? What would the REVEREND Martin Luther King Jr. say about this? Utah authorities have arrested a 91year-old man who has allegedly been stealing power by tapping a nearby power line for decades. AuthOrities would never have known had the man not called the power company and reported an outage. Isn't that Just like stealing a car arid then calling the cops about a broken taillight?
• A
Summer, 2001
SERPENrS 'filE
The REVEREND -jesse Jackson has recently admitted to being involved in an I ex tramarital affair and to fathering an illegitimate child as a result.Pundits view this as a sign that he plans to run for president in 2004 due to his 'preSidential' behavior. Cuba has opened a premier athletic facility in hopes of training superior athletes for Latin America. Understandably, swimming, rowing and sailing are not taught, because anyone who can swim, rowor sail has already left Cuba. The NAACP said that they had a problem with the prospect of Michigan firing Brian Ellerbe, claiming that it was discrimination. Huh, maybe the NAACP has a different 'defmition of 'sucking' than we do. Top Ten Reasons Bollinger Did NOT Get the Harvard PreSidency 10. Summers' essay was just that much better. 9. Sir, he had the manners of a Yalie. 8. Good runner, but couldn't row to save his life. " 7. Forgot to ask Profes~~r Ralph Williams for letter of recommendation. 6. Apparently, a law degree from Columbia just isn't worth what it used to be. 5. Caught wearing a 'Harvard: the Michigan of the East' t-shirt to the interview. 4. Somebody's daddy forgot to build Harvard new library. 3. Forgot to send transcript with
a
"What I wouldn't give to be 20 ye81'S younger ". and a woman. "
D.C.Lee Editor-in -Chief
official application. 2. Still tried to use hand to denote physical locations in Cambridge. 1. Ironically, race based affirmative action programs didn't help him one bit.
A member of the Islamic Jihad recently rode a bike loaded with explosives toward an Israeli outpost before he was stopped and killed. A suicidal bomber on a bike? Man, those high fuel prices must be hitting everyone.
t'- :'-_3.V
james justin Wilson Assoc. Publisher, Managing Editor
Ruben Duran Campus Affairs Editor
jamesY. Yeh Executi ve Editor
R. Colin Painter NAT'L AFFAIRS ED: Brad Sprecher ASSISTANT EDITOR: Gina Fraternali FEATURES EDITOR: Kurt Rademacher EDITOR AT LARGE: Matthew S. SchwaJ1z SA TIRE EDITOR: Dal'id Guipe COPY EDITOR: Tyee De Boer ONLINE EDITOR: • Branden MuhI MUSIC EDITOR: JohnPratt STAFF WRITERS: Adam Dancy, (]lip EogIander, Jennj(er Lee. Dan Levi, 11m Maull, Ryan Sena, Midlllt'JVeeser,anWblle,ChuckWaog,T,J. WharTy
EDITORS EMERITI:
Lee Bockhorn
Benjamin Kef>le
Following a loSS In football to Michigan. riots broke out at Ohio State resulting in 29 arrests, 129 fires, 1 stabbing and at least 5 cars destroyed. Let's see, if the Buckeyes did this after every year they lost to us, Columbus should look like Beirut, or East Lansing by now.
Very Respectfully,
~~..
Publisher
Senior Editor
The German government has Just announced that in order to curb mad cow disease, they would be slaughtering 400,000 cattIe. Or, as they call it , 'relocating' the cattle.
D.C. Lee lliM ""--1M
Matthew Franczak
SuppOsedly, a group of professors get together each week at the 1M building pool and play water polo - in the nude. Yes, in the nude. What we want to know is, how do they know who's on what team? Hoods vs. Helmets?
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
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RE\,I E\\
The Campus Affairs Journal of 'the University of Michigan
Congratulations, and welcome to the University of Michigan, one of the most prestigious universities in the world. During your four years here, you are bound to experience many different people, places and ideas. That is, after all, what college is about; or at least, that is what college is supposed to be about. However, 'experience,' as many will call it, manifests itself in a number of ways - it is no longer enough to come into contact with or to interact with on a rational level. No, 'experience' as the University of Michigan will have it, manifests itself in leaving here after four years with an expanded, and hopefully, tolerant worldview. Well, what exactly is 'worldview'? Good question. It is one of those words the professors, administrators and campus left-wingers use, and a word without much meaning. At the University of Michigan, it means approximately the same thing as 'diversity,' 'tolerance,' 'progressive,' 'close minded,' etc. The list goes on, but what is important to note, is that during your brief time here, you will come into contact with a number of people and organizations that will, if they have their way, infuse in you a certain mode of thought - that of the liberal Democrat. It should not be surprising, therefore, to discover that the majority (read: overwhelming majority) of professors and administrators here are liberals. Unfortunately, that is the state of higher education. But within these pages, the Michigan Review, are the resources to challenge their dogmatic definition of 'experience.' And every two weeks we will present to you the rational, more conventio nal ideas of society: free markets, individual liberty and personal responsibility. ' And every two weeks, we will report when someon e, or some organization, fails to adhere to these principles, those on which this great country was founded . In short, the Michigan Review represents not just the latest in conservative thought, but we also represent an opportunity - the opportunity to engage in rational debate. So, enjoy your time at the University of Michigan. Enjoy your friends , your classes and your victories. But more importantly, enjoy your experiences. I look forward to meeting many of you in the time to come.
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,1 The Michig/JIJ Review is !he independen!, student-rmr journal of conservative and libertarian opinion at !he Unive..sily of Michigan. We neither sOlicit nor accept monelary 'donations from !he U-M. Contributions to the Michigan Review ate tax-deductible under Section SOl (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or universily political group. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo. !hey are unequivocally correct and just Signed '. articles, letters, and cartoons represent !he opinions ,of the author and not necessarily those of the Review.'rhe Serpent's Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Re>leW, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of !he Review's editorial stance. The opinions presented in Ibis publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal.
I don't know about you, but every pre-froslt I've seen on campus looks like he or she belongs in high school. I don't remember being that small or loolting that young -- and I certainly have not grown an inch since freshman year, Nor have I matured in any sense of !he word, physically or mentally. Perllaps the latter is due to the illiberal education I've recieved here, but that's another story. In any even!, [ don't lbink I'll be hanging around the donns too often, looking to score, er. recruit staffers for the Review. Please address all advertising. subSCription inquiries. and donations to Publisher do the Michigan Review. Editorial and Business Offices: TIu! Michigan Review 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, M1 48109·1265
lellers@michiganreview,com hllp://www.michiganreview.com Tel. (734) 647-8438 • Fax (734) 93&-2505 '
Love us or hate us, write us. E-mailletters@michiganreview.com with SUbject, "Letter to the Editor" Or send mai 1to: The Michigan Review 911 N . University Ave. ~A ~~.:. t.1:l Z;;, ~~~ f2ii :t!t tt\
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A Tale from Orientation One Student's Story of Terror in the UGLi By
F.M.
JACOB
OSUCK
The following contains a slightly embellished tale of a real experience I encountered at orientation. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the gUilty.
U
NUKE MANY COLLEGE freshmen, I entered Michigan's orientation well aware of political correctness. As I spent my high school years as a debater, I knew of Law Professor Catherine McKinnon, and her boisterous cry that all sex is rape. Indeed, having gone to a quite liberal high school, I'd had some personal ex perience with that dreaded acronym "PC : founding a conservative club which my school soon banned as offensive. Still, nothing quite prepared me for the game of "tolerance" conducted during my orientation. Read on, gentle reader, while I tell you a tale of fire and brimstone. It is a story from my own orientation. It began as a blissful Wednesday night, my second evening in Ann Arbor.
Suddenly, they divided us 200 incoming students into groups of about 25 . Like cattle, my group was herded into a dark chamber lurking somewhere in the Undergraduate Library. "It's time to get to know each other better," our group leader chanted. "We're going to playa little game. I'm going to say something, and, if you agree , walk across the room," she stated in a deceptive pleasantness. Right there, I could smell where this was going: divide and conquer, identify and reprimand. Divide us by opinion , such that the minority are ostracized, and go with the majority out of awkwardness. Identify the independent, strong of will, who resist this pressure for social uniformity. I would have no party to their first scheme and resisted their second. Thus, I allowed myself to stand out, in the face of their "tolerance. " The session continued as I expected it would, the moderator making statements such as "I consider myself an . ally of gay, bisex ual, and transgendered people." One statement in particular stood 'out: "This school does
not hold class on my religious holidays."
activities such as writing, using electricity and planting crops (should I desire to do so in fair Ann Arbor) are strictly forbidden. On Hanukkah, one has no work restrictions, as it is only a minor, RabbiniC festival - not a divine commandment. Faced with such a situation, I lost control of my internal PC police and cried out (perhaps too strongly, and with a poor choice of words), "Hanukkah? That is not a major religiOUS holiday!" In response, the girl dashed out of the room in tears. I was then to learn the meaning of "tolerance.» I was escorted into a dimly lit room. The moderators arrived shortly. "We cannot allo"w people to express antiSemitic attitudes at this University. You offended that girl.» Anti-Semitic attitudes? "But I'm not an anti-Semite; I'm Jewish!" I protested, carefully leaving out that I am also a rather
As a Traditional Jew, I held my ground , as legions of devout secularists and nonreligiOUS Christians crossed the playing field . I felt that although the school does not schedule classes on Saturday (a.k.a. Shabbat) , this pleasantry grew out of coincidence more than principle . Further, classes are routinely scheduled on such principal holidays as Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur, Simchat Torah , Pesach, Shavout, Tisha B'Av etc. No, I thought, this school does indeed hold class on my religious holidays. Following this indoctrination (err, orientation) session, the moderator sat our group down so we could "discuss" our answers. When one girl's tum came, she said, "I wasn't sure about the religious holidays question. I mean, like, I don't think we have class on Hanukkah." I felt rage within me. Hanukkah? A festival commemorating a ·2,2oo year old military Victory. Under Jewish Law, Hanukkah stands out in contrast to the majority of Jewish holidays precisely in that one can do work. On almost every other holiday,
Continued ORIENTATION on PAGE 6
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Ignore Your Professors, You Just
Fight Apathy, Get Involved
T
HE UNIVERSITY OF Michigan They want to see that you did something is one of the most prestigious with your free time that Interested you. universities in the cOuntry. Every And this ~wh:y you, as incoming freshman, student here has something to offer .the should get involved with some other University,and in tum. theUniversttyhas organizations. Fight political apathy on something to offer every stu(jent. The campus . Do something that means University will present to you, as something. freshmen, numerous opportunities-not Join the College Republicans if that only those in the classroom, but more Interests you. Join the College Democrats significantly, those outside the classroom if that interests you. Join Voice if you want as well. And the latter, those opportunities to fight against affirmative action and racial to interact with your fellow classmates and preferences. Join the Coalition to Defend future co -workers in the realm of Affirmative Action By Any Means universit y life Necessary outside the (BAMN) if you classroom . will want to defend manifest racial quotas and themselves in the believe you are a form of different socialist. run for the organizations , Michigan Student pol i t ic a I Assembiy (MSA) , associations and the student body community service government, or committ.ees. even your residence Festifall , the hall council. beginning of the Whatever it is year student you decide to do, Q r g a n iz a ti 0 n make sure ·it" is kickoff on the worthwhile. Make Diag, represents sure that you can, the quickest and and see to it that best time to check you will.· .m ake a . . .difference 00 out your interests and to see what campus. For too groups and organiZations look most long, the students here at the U -M have sat appealing. Sign up. It doesn't matter what back and complained about the state of you sign up for, just sign up. Get involved. ; affairs (on any given issue) , yet most of these Most students Inevitabty sign up for more students have not lifted a finger to do email lists than they can handle, but that's . anything about it. There are, despite what all right. Don't worry about that now. Just some upperclassmen will say, some student get involved. Soon enough, you will see bodies with the potential to affeCt the lives that there are, in actuality, four to five of every student at this University. Take, for kinds of organizations on campus: student example, the MSA. With a budget in the publications like the Michigan Daily and hundreds of thousands of dollars , its the Michigan Review, community service potential to help and work for the students organizations like Habitat for Humanity is greater than that of riearly every other and Circle K. pre-professional student organization combined. In fact, it organizations like the Undergraduate Law acts as a funding clearinghouse for many Club, recreational activity groups that get .. campus organizations. With control of the involved with intramural and other ·MSA budget, students can do anything. Do something fo~ yourself, your sporting events, and political . organizations like Young Americans for feliow classmates and your University. Freedom and the College RepUblicans. Show everyone, yourself included, that you Many of these organizations are care. Care about something that interests worthwhile, many are not. It's you . Go to Festlfall, sign up for twenty understandable that as incoming groupS or so and ·then decide what works freshmen, many students are interested ~t for you. Just don't pass up on the ones in those groups that will look good on·a that count-the one where you can make resume. It's understandable because a difference. If you see the College grades and the right ex tra curricular Republicans' booth, stop and say hello. See activities will look impressive at an what they have to say. Just go and get interview for an internship with Goldman involved . Make a difference and fight Sachs. However, this is not to say that apathy. And when all is said and done, YOU'll these groups are necessarily the most not regret the time you spent. f..R promising and fulfilling. Most potential employers will look right through .this.
Make sure that you can and will make a difference on campus. For too long, the students here at the U-M have sat 'back and complained about the state of affairs, yet ·f.!lost of these students have not liftM a finger to do anything about it. .
'
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Might Learn Something
M
OST COLLEGE STUDENTS . aro,und the . country are . . apolitical, because, for the most . part, politics have ' never Jactored prominently in their lives. Most college students would not be able to differentiate between a conservative and liberal position. Now, this is not to suggest that most college students have no opinions on the issues, but only to suggest that most college students are ignorant of the political process in general. And this is where the University of Michigan can become a dangerous place. The UeM is a liberal campus. In fact, it prides itself on its liberalness. Take, for ex.ample, the millions of dollars the. University has dumped into defending its illegal affirmative action policies. Take, for example, Jesse Jackson, James Carville and -other speakers who have visited Ann Arbor recently. Take; for example, the response on campus to Ward Connerly, the man responsible for ending racial preferences via Pr~poSition 209 in California, when the campus liberals took to shouting him . down and offering derogatory comments to analogize his race and political indination. Yes, the University of Michigan is a liberal campus, and as such the majority of . professors here . also lean to the political Left. Why is this important? Because, as students, you must not oniysit through many a lecture with liberal tendenCies, but you will also be to forced regurgitate the information on your exams . So, what do you do? Take everything that is said in class with a grain of salt. Ask yourself, ~does this make sense logically?" and then analyze the issue closely. It is quite likely that you will hear somethil'lg to the effect of "there is no proof that tax cuts stimulate the economy" or that "the roles of race, class and gender in Shakespeare., .• at some point during your University career. Of course, these are perfectly valid opinions; but they are just that, opinions. just because it comes from the mouth of the professor does not mean that it is the truth, fact or unquestionable. Naturally, certain departments are more notorious than others for espousing liberal views. For example, the American Cultures and Anthropology departments fall much deeper into the liberal category
than the Finance and Electrical Engineerirtg departm~nts. However. what is of considel'ableimportance is the fact that the majOrity ofthe latter are in schools other than the. School of Literature . Science and Arts (LSA). Finance and EE majors will-find themselves In the Bustriess and Engineering Schools respectively: and these majors will not be forced int~ listening as much liberal, rhetortc as their LSA counterparts. However, for those students in LSA, the journey is only beginning. Freshman orientation is only the beginning of the cultural sensitivity trainirtg you will receive as ~ undergraduate. As you begin to fulflll your distribution reqUirements for graduation (the mandatory sciences, humanities and infamous ~ Race and Ethnicity" courses) you will soon come to terms with the true extent of liberal thought and political correctness that runs rampant in academia, and that which parades as indePendent, scholarly thought. Moreover, the further you get into your major. or concentration. the more in depth, the liberal analysis becomes. No longer will you be hearing .about thepersonality disorder of Susana Ka~n in Girl, Interrupted in American Cultures 20 I, but you will be analyzing, -Qna supposedly much deeper level, why the racist, sexist, anti-gay AmerIcan society . helped contribute to her disorder in American Cultures 401. But either way, in either class, the gist of the material is the same; and, sadly, the same in many other classes as well, regardless of the material. After four years at the University of Michigan, you will be presented with a diploma bearing ·your name. After four years, you will be ready to pursue other ventures, otherllfe-styles and other gOats. And, if all goes well according to the University, you wUI also leave with an expandl'!dp~rspective, the kind that encourages you to JoOk at the world not objectively. but subjectively. focusing on the politics of race, class and gender and toeing the liberal line. The professors will see· to it that you hear enough of it to have it tngratried in your mind. Just have the insight enough to take everything they say with a grain of salt and a little rational thought. You'll be better off for it. f..R .~
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Of course, these are
perfectly valid ·opinions; but they are just that, opinions. Just .because·it comes from the mouth of the professor does not mean that it is the truth, fact or unquestionable.
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Foulest of the Fall 200 1 Classes to Avoid at All Costs
E
ACH YEAR, THE University of Michigan offers a plethora of courses that are aimed at propelling its students into success at the dawn of the 21 st century. Well, at least that's what they tell your parents. We all know that the real gaal of the U-M is to see that every one ofits precious students does not grow up to be a CEO of same big multinational corporation. As one af the nation's leading research instltutlans, the U-M is more James interested in Justin Wilson propelling itself into the annals of history for discovering the cure for cancer, AIDSand flatulence. All simultaneously keeping its self-righteous, and seemingly wealthy, alumni happy with a glossy alumni newsletters here and there with a bunch of pictures of "kids" studying on the Diag and reading in the UGLi. As if we do. that when it's warm, let alone during the neverending Michigan gray slush-filled dreary winter. Despite all of this, they've got to pay the bills somehaw, so each year they farce the professors to teach something. From that comes the much-beguiled LSA Course GUide. Now, the Caurse GUide laoks innocent from the autside, but an the inside it attempts to encapsulate an entire semester's worth of lecturing into a brief, and sametlmes not so brief, paragraph. The goal in writing a caurse descriptlan is to attract students to take a course. That's simple. Yau'll never see a descriptian that say$, "In this course we will study an endless amQuntaf liberal prapagand;t and filth. Your time will be wasted with an untald number af boring and lengthy books about thing$ you dan't care about, and you will. also be required to waste an entire weekend (or far you slackers, a Sunday night and Manday morning all-nighter) writing a paper that is long enough to . be a book if it weren't so boring. This caurse satisfies absolutely no distributian reqUirements besides the Race and Ethnicity requirement nar does it provide any credit towards graduation. " This will never be printed in the course guide , even thaugh it is what every professor thinks when he writes that
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innocent paragraph. That makes finding a relatively good caurse difficult, if nat impossible. Despite this, there are number of clues that can begin to indicate what the course is really about. Here are a number of general guidelines: Ethnic Ghetto Departments - This is a rather broad category including pretty much any class in the Afro-American & African Studies , Wamen's Studies, Chicana Studies , etc . departments . Basically, these departments exist because a few liberals gat all huffy about the University focusing an thing$ like HIStory and ecanomics - things that matter. According to. the National Wamen's Studies Associatlan, "feminist pedagagy assumes an approach that views knawledge as contingent , apen , and intercannected and learning as mare effective in a setting that is nonhierarchical; student-centered, and collaborative. " I have three simple questions. One, what the hell does that !inean? Twa, how are these classes going to get you a job? And three, if wamen, African-Americans, Latinos, etc. want to graw up to. fight "the man," then why aren't they taking classes that teach the skills they need to. break the glass ceiling and shatter the stereotypes? Instead, these classes only entrench systems of division - they perpetuate the ghetto., and students graduate only to. fester in their awn hate. The ReG (and don't farget S) Warning - Race, class, gender, and the new one, sexuality play some kind of a role in life. Sure they do. Does focusing on them when you are studying quantum mechanics seem appropriate? No . RCG&S is the new and improved way of saying: "This course will focus an a number of totally unrelated liberal causes in order to. seem politically correct."
MIM (see Glossary) Marauding - If Sen. McCart1)y was a regent of the U -M he would have no. doubt had a heart attack long ~go; These days, there is no watchdog to keep an eye out for the infiltration of America-hating, pinko-communist prapaganda into. the caurse afferings. These Cammles are hiding araund every comer and mast LSA courses with their little red books in their jacket packets ready to take. aver the world when Mao. rises again. Okay.· ifs nat that bad . Nevertheless, many of the courses affered· have an inappropriate focus on the evils of America and capitalism. There is just
no need to spend faur hours a week hating America, let a1ane getting charged a hefty fee for it. Just take a vacation to Iraq if you want that. Liberal Buzzward Liberatian - Watch out for the follawing words and phrases when selecting a caurse, they anly mean trouble: American Imperialism. social inequality, inequality, racism. sexism , environment. womanhood. labor, race identities, burden af histary, social justice, masculinity, calanial. calanialism, colonization, communism, socialism, and Canada. Nat to mentian, United $nakes of Amerikkka , the vast right-wing conspiracy, feminism, evil capitalist pigs. and the Michigan Review. Oh and any other "-ism" besides capitalism. Hyphenation Inflation - Maybe this is self-explanatary. maybe nat. Many of the more liberal-chic professors have adopted the ritual of creating unnecessarily long last names. Naw. in general. it is relatively safe to. assume that taking "American Histary" from Susan Smith is safer than "Transgendered Lesbianism in , 13th Century Inuit Villages" from Hector Running water de la Van BizmarkAndersan-Vasquez-Nayguen- (click) (click) (click) (click) . With those as guidelines in mind. a number of courses. in no particular order, affered for the Fall 200 1 term receive red flags. Who in the hell takes these and what were they thinking?
• American Culture 222. Elementary Qjibw8 - "This caurse is designed to. give the conversatianal and cultural skills necessary to enable students to. use Ojibwa in real life situatians." When was the last time yau regretted nat learning Sanskrit? Or when you blew a flat tire in ancient Rome and needed to. use your acute Latin skills to find the next gas station? Well, why nat learn Ojibwa so. you can use it in so many "real life situatlans: This course has "cansiderable emphasis an teaching culturally appropriate behavior, and the simple conversational · patterns af greetings, leave takings. Introductions, table talk, etc " First af all, what on earth does "culturally appropriate" mean and , secandly. who determines it, let alone feels tl:iey have the right to. teach it? Secand, what kind af "table talk" involves Ojibwa? • Lloyd HaJJ Scholars 125(165). College Writing. Section 002 - Beyond o.j and Nicole: The Realities ofSexual and Domestic
Violence - Still have a crush an Marsha Clark ar Alan Dershawitz? "Everyane has his or her opinian about the guilt or innacence of O .l. but haw many have thaught about the complicated dynamics af damestlc violence that led to the trial af 0.]. Simpson?" He's guilty, get over it. • Lloyd HaJJ Scholars 125(165). College Writing. Section 005 - Personal Environmental Activism - This caurse will teach yau life skills such as haw to survive freezing cold water as yau are about to. be run down by a whaling boat ar how to. create a human barricade within 30 secands. Oh yeah, and this caurse will also. leave yau "with a strpng understanding of college writing. n So. when you are about to. be cut in half by an angry lumber jack yau will still have time to. write .a ut yaur will in time and leave your Express and Narth Face wardrabe collection to your "lifemate." We. all Hate America! You should tool
• RC Social Science 360. Social Science junior Seminar. Section 004 Deconstructing Whiteness: Alternative · Perspectives on Race, Clas5, and Gender in the American Experience - "This caurse will explore the history af race, class and gender as they are represented and misrepresented in American histary texts · and in the culture at-large. " Let me guess, n this class will be decanstructing the "bad American histary texts using other American history texts. Hmm .. . Evidently those mainstream, widely-accepted books have been lying to. us far years. The "authars and publishers have a prapinquity to. represent American history in hyperpatriotic, feel-good pedagogy. High school textbaaks in particular seldam present class canflict, urban history, immigrant histary. race canflict, women's histary. enviranmental histary, or . palitical skullduggery. " So basically, the textbook publishing industry has created a vast canspiracy to. - God farbid - create hyper-patriotism. · Ok, no.. This class would have yau believe that the Founding Fathers were all child malesters and that Lincaln was a slave awner. I don't know about you, but just abaut every histary class I've taken has put a dispropartionate focus an the travesties af American Histary, rather than .
Continued FOULEST on PAGE 12
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Summer.
A Young Student's A to Z Guide to the Conservative Campus Groups By
CHIP ENGLANDER
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ELCOME YOUNG FRESHMAN. You will find throughout this publication many different articles that will detail to you the mess you have gotten yourself into by attending the University of Michigan. You will run into campus leftists, donothing administrators and students who numbingly accept the hate-filled doctrine they project. Below, in no particular order, you will find a quick summary of the groups that set out to oppose their agenda. All of these groups pioneer for causes that are somehow involved in any good conservative's heart.
College Republicans - The U-M College Republicans is the army of the movement against the left on campus. Any person looking to get involved in the conservative movement, who is a Republican, must join the CR's . CR 's is wide-ranging and welcomes Republicans of all viewpoints, conservative and liberal. CR's has recently come out of a lull and looks poised to move forward , advancing the cause under julie MarcaI's leadership. julie has done a great job early in her tenure and should be contacted by anyone looking to make a difference on this campus. julie, with the help of another prominent CR, Doug Tietz and myself (Doug is the current V ice President and I am the current Chairman), has helped to tum CR's into a dominant force . Be all you can be, join the army. join College Republicans. Contact: julie, Jmarcal@umich.edu Webpage: www.umich.edul- umcr Young Americans for Freedom - If CR's is
ORIENTATION From Page 3 religious jew. 路 We don't care what your religion is. We cannot allow people to express antijewish beliefs," they answered. "But saying Hanukkah isn't a significant jewish holiday is a jewish belief, not an anti-Semitic one," I retorted. "Says who?" they asked. "jewish Law! " I replied. "We cannot allow you to offend others' religious sensitivities. Don't you recognize that that's wrong? Apologize and admit your mistake to that girl," they demanded. "But saying Hanukkah is a serious
the army, YAF is the green berets. YAF is a group of conservative and libertarian students that traditionally provides most of the activism on campus. YAF' ers last semester held a Tax Cut rally, participated in a protest of Planned Parenthood (led by U -M Students for Life) , protested National Public RadiO, and some YAF'ers, justin Wilson and Ruben Duran, even generated television and newspaper coverage with their protest of jesse jackson. When the left is at its worst, YAF is there to attack . If you're more interested in fighting the left than talking about the left join YAF. Contact Doug Tietz, the statewide Executive Director, for more information. Contact: Doug, dtietz@umich,edu Webpage: www.michiganyaf.com
the Michigan Review. MR is a bi-weekly publication that reaches thousands of conservative students each issue. MR is coming off a great year, and is now led by Editor D .C. Lee . Unlike the liberal Michigan Daily, MR is often the only publication really reporting what is going on campus. They have worked to expose the administration's admissions policy in the past and have been on the forefront of exposing the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action By Any Means Necessary (BAMN). Talk to D .C. Lee or Justin Wilson for more information. Contact: Dustin, leedc@uniJ.ch.edu Webpage: www.michiganreview.com
The Michigan Review - The Michigan Review is the paper you're reading at this very moment. If you're conservative or libertarian, and you enjoy journalism, writing, or reporting you HAVE to join
Students for Life - Students for Life, in the past year, has possibly been the most active student group in agitating for its cause, Life. While SFL is not a group of any political affiliation, such as MR, and holds views that many conservatives disagree with (such as Anti-Death Penalty) , its passion for the Pro-Life cause has been amazing, Last fall they hosted the Genocide Awareness Project, which aggressively displayed images of abortion, unveiling its horrible side. From there, it brought two dozen students to Washington, D.C. for the annual March for Life in january. It then led a protest against donations to Planned Parenthood at least year's production of the Vagina Monologues. Andrew Shirvell has been an amazing leader turning SFL from a small group of students into one of the larger and more active groups on campus. SFL has been fearless in its cause, and if you are ProLife and actually care about making a difference you have to join SFL. Contact: Andrew, ashirvel@umich.edu
religious holiday constitutes a direct affront to my 'sensitivities.' I was not wrong, I made no mistake, I will not apologize. " "Then why.didn't you just keep your mouth shut, to avoid offending anyone?" they asked persistently. "Wasn't this supposed to be a discussion?" I replied. "Doesn't a discussion involve an exchange of ideas? And where is there a constitutional right protecting one from being 'offended'?" "We are not letting you out of this room without an apology." And so, faced with the prospect of hours stuck within an UGLI dungeon, I caved. However, although I stood down, I did not surrender unconditionally. Rather, I carved a bargain. I apologized not for what I said (which I continued to
hold by as being steadfast and true) ; Instead, I apologized only that the girl took offense. Incidently, she didn't possess the slightest clue that she shouldn't be offended because my statement was accurate. And so I learned a few lessons . Chiefly, that the goal of university faculty is imposing a view upon students, not helping students to develop their own opinions. Whereas once colleges served the function of in loco parentis, they now strive to achieve the poSition of in loco intellectualis. Yet, our politically correct oppressors are people too. They have the same passions and difficulties as the rest of us - such as the need to eat. Accordingly, stick to your principles. When the PC gulag comes, try to strike a deal. They may be leftists, but they also want to get to dinner - they'll meet you
Voice - Voice is the conservative movement's anti-quota and affirmative action arm at the University of Michigan. Founded by YAF State Chairman D,C. Lee (also the Editor of this paper) and myself, Voice opposes the use of race in admissions, and thus actively works to end the U-M's color-based admissions policy. Voice welcomes people of any political affiliation and any background; all we ask is that you oppose the use of race in admissions. Though moderate, we do not shy away from attacking the left. Also, look out for Voice's occasional publication , UJice on Civil Rights. Contact: Chip, chipen~lander@yahoo . com
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College Libertarians - If you are a Libertarian and have worried that you would have no home here at the U-M do not fear, because CL's does exist and is always looking for new members. Led by a core group of people such as brilliant GSI's Charles Goodman and Tim Maull, it has been most active in agitating for the legalization of marijuana. If this cause interests you or if you are interested in learning more about freedom, free markets, government intervention and other libertarian thought, contact Charles; or, If you're just looking for a rousing debate, still look Charles up, one of the most intelligent students on campus. Contact: Charles, q~oodman@umich.edu Activate - Activate is a conservative student group for Asian students at U-M. Newly founded this last school year by MSA Representative Dean Wang to give Asians a better outlet to participate in conservative causes, Activate has done well out of the gate, helping to bring in a Pro-Life speaker last semester. The group is poised to take off nex t semester. Contact: Dean, wan~dh@umich.edu While there are other groups on campus, these tend to be the most active in agitating for conservative causes. These groups and students are the leaders to get in touch with if you have any interest in playing a role in this movement, be it as an activist for your cause or a candidate for student government. Simply, these are the groups and students that can point you in the ri~ht direction. ~ halfway. So, take this tale as both a warning and a piece of advice. Feel free to speak your mind , but understand that with such freedom comes the risk of a situation like the one above. Before arguing for your viewpoint, ask yourself if this opinion is important enough to warrant twenty minutes spent defending it- Lastly, fight on an intellectual ground . Never allow your spoken thoughts to stray into vulgarity. A vulgar attitude only weakens a logical case and discredits your poliCies. If you act otherwise, you may find yourself unwittingly sent to the stockade of the Code of Student Conduct office, charged with disturbing an Orwellian peace. ~
jake is cunrmtly a law student at Columbia Law School on a fullscholarship.
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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW -
CAMPUS AFFAIRS
Page 7]
Everything You Ever Wanted to. Know A Handy Glossary of the Things You Will Encounter at U-M 4:20 - Recognized international time for pot smoking. Origin unclear. AAPD - In the beginning, there was a frat. And unto frat, God said, "Go forth, get thee drunk, be carnally pleasured, and throw totally righteous parties for the pathetic freshmen, so that they might also partake of the forbidden fruits of thy drunken sorority chicks. And upon those frats came forth the wrath of AAPD, for the public didst say, "Thou art responsible for the tragiC death of Courtney Cantor. " For forty days and nights didst AAPD raid and pillage, fostering MIP's on gently drunk freshmen. And the sky was black upon the land. ff
Agenda - A pseudo-Marxist Ann Arbor rag that has, in the past, recommended bombing Washington and Tel-Aviv. Owned and operated by U-M philosophy professor Eric Lormand . Run by communists, their ad space is really cheap. BAMN - The Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action By Any Means Necessary. This group holds rallies that . tend to attract few people until fire-alarms mysteriously go off all around campus. A frdnt for the Revolutionary Worker's League. Blue Party - Campus political party that holds a plurality of seats, but which is best known for its RINO's and do-nothing approach to MSA. (See RING) Campus Corner - Best place to pass a fake ID on campus (or so we've heard). Chip Englander - Sets the agenda for virtually any and all conservative groups on campus. Best campaign manager at the U-M: Code of Student Conduct - Recently renamed "The Statment." U-M's little way of disregarding students' constitutional rights. Its provisions deny !itudents the right to counsel, the right to face their accuser and the right to be innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Its . implementation limits students' freedoms of speech, press and assembly. College Libertarian(s) - A group of individuals interested in liberty, free markets and legalized pot. Meetings, every Wednesday at 4:20. College RepUblicans - Most prominent source of RepUblicans on campus. Courtney Cantor -
Student whose death
three years ago after attending a frat party and allegedly falling out of her sixth floor Markley room , has prompted the University and DPS to take drastic measures when dealing with parties.
DAAP - A campus political party, cleverly entitled the Defend Affirmative Action Party. The political arm of BAMN and yet another branch of the Revolutionary Worker's League.
D. C Lee - Current Editor-in-Chief of the Michigan Review. Despite the Asianesque last name, rumor has it he is actually a white man. Doug Tietz - a.k.a. "Doug." Responsible for holding together the conservative and Republican movement on campus. Can be found involved in almost all campus conservative organizations. If you 路 believe former CR president Rory Diamond. Doug's potential election as MSA president last March WOUld've lead to segregated water fountains, gas rationing, bootlegging, white slavery, and the eventual annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland. Erika Dowdell - a.k.a. Curtin's puppet. Heir apparent to .the Curtin legacy. That is, if she ever leaves. (See Jessica Curtin) Every Three C#ekif - The non-official source of humor at the University of Michigan ever since the Gargoyle started being terminally unfunny. No group or tragically deceased person is safe from their humor. Gargoyle - U-M's unintentionally serious magazine. Studies have shown that readers get as much of a laugh from the Gargoyle as a triple back-to-back-to-back feature of Shoah, Sophie's Choice and Schindler's List. Hideki Tsutumi - a.k.a "Hideki." The former president of MsA. Failed in his second campaign and can be seen walking around with a "Hi! Hideki Needs a Date so He can Get Married and Not be Deported" sandwich-board-sign. jessica "The Iron" Curtin - Che Guevera wannabe known primarily for inciting riots in downtown Ann Arbor and using her MSA seat to direct seized student money to leftist causes. Winner of the Michigan Review's "Miss White Liberal Guilt" award for 1998. (No awards given since then.) Leader of BAMN, DAAP, NWROC, and other assorted no-goodnik organizations.
LSA -SG - A minor student government body with some power to alter curriculum. Unlike MSA , this group of student politiCians actually gets things done. Most recent LSA-SG success: getting the University to authorize minors. Luke Massie - a.k.a. Curtin's biatch. Massie, a ruffian who doesn't go to school here, hangs out around campus to aid leftist student groups and terrorize unsuspecting Michiganders on the Diag. Isn't a student here, never was, most likely will never be, yet is still considered a constituent, hmmm ..... Matt Nolan - President of MSA. Known best for squishing on all ideas conservative. Meijer's - A giant superstore where one can find cheap food, even cheaper clothing. toys and guns, 2417. Curtin's former workplace. Michigan Dally - Most prominent campus newspaper. Famous for crossword puzzle, inaccurate sports predictions, and 110 years of inane editorial writing.
b) calling all men "potential rapists." Also a front for the Revolutionary Worker's League . Chill out girls - militant feminism causes wrinkles.
President Lee "Mophead" Bollinger Headmaster of the University of Michigan, our Fearless Leader in the battle for racial preferences , illiberal education, and the Soviet way. Recently lost his bid to become the president of Harvard. (When you see him,just pat him on the back and tell him how smart he is and how Harvard probably isn't as good as they say.) (See Cover) The Real World - No, not the show, also know as "Reality. " Supposedly, the uncivilized territory outside Ann Arbor 路 city limits, where the natives hold jobs, pay taxes, and don't give a rat's ass about sweatshops or affirmative action. (Does not include Berkley, CA, Madison, WI, or any other places where college students don't have to work for a living.) RINO - Republican In Name Only. (See Matt Nolan) ,!:
Michigan Independent - U-M's very own fashion magaZine. Survives on MSA grants. Grade: DMichigan Review - Crusaders for the American Way. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but a loaded gun can really make people sit up and listen. MIM Notes - Publication put together by the Maoist International Movement. Affectionately referred to as "Mim" by the locals. Ann Arbor's best unintentional humor magaZine. Known for its interesting spellings, such as the "United $nakes of AmeriKKKa." No kids, it's not a parody. Michigan Party - The only campus political party worth joining. Known to be level headed and working for the students at U-M. Michigan Student Assembif- a.k.a. MSA. Primary student government of U-M. Central powers include seizing $5.69 per semester from each student to fund an array of liberal causes and dictating U.S. foreign policy. NWROC - National Women's Rights Organizing Coalition. Instead of helping battered women, this would-be beneficial organization spends all of its time: a) mixed up with the likes of BAMN and DAAP, fighting for afflfffiative action, and
SOLE - Students Organizing for Labor and Economic Equality: Rich white kids , campaigning for fewer sweatshops and more unemployment. Members do not know how to spell. They're slightly more diverse than the KKK, but only if the KKK was also a yacht club. SPEED - Students Promoting Exportoriented Economic Development: Students campaigning for more pre-teen sweatshops and less unemployment.
UAC - University Activities Center, the organization responsible for much of the programming on campus . Also responsible for funding all-expense paid weekend retreats' at the Hilton for its members, using student money to pay the way. Also, the financial backers of the Every Three C#ek/y. Village Corner - Worst place to pass a fake ID on campus (not that we've tried) "Who Would You Dol" - short-lived Michigan Review Serpent's Tooth feature met with apathy by students and horror from snooty ex-Editors. Yeah, well you guys try filling up an entire page with original material at four in the morning. (And no, cartoons and schlock boxes don't count!} ~
{page 8
Ending Affirmative Action By CHUCK WANG
s YOU ENTER the University of
A
Michigan this fall, you will find that one of the most controversial debates on campus centers on affirmative action and the two lawsuits being brought up against the University. These lawsuits, both filed In 1997. have garnered national media attention as it Is presumed that eventually both will end up in the United States Supreme Court resulting in a monumental decision. Recently. decisions in lower courts were made in both the lawsuit regarding the Law School and the suit involving the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts. Although this has brought the issue one step closer to conclusion, it has been just one milestone In a long series of events. The issue of affirmative action here at the University began when Jennifer Gratz (Gratz v. Bollinger. et. al). an applicant for admission for the Fall 1997 term, sued the University claiming that her application was denied because the University illegally used race as a determining factor in their admissions i;policy. She was joined by Patrick . Hamacher, another applicant for the Fall 1997 term who was denied admission. Later that same year, Barbara Grutter (Grutter v. Bollinger et. al), an applicant
for the University's Law School also sued over the use of race in the admissions policy. In both cases, the Center for Individual Rights (CIR) picked up the cases for the plaintiffs with a Minneapolis law firm serving as lead counsel.
The University claims that the Bakke decision permits the use of race and ethnicity in admissions programs in order to achieve a diverse student body.
The University's defense of their policy is based around the 1978 Bakke decision in the Supreme Court. The University claims that the Bakke decision permits the use of race and ethnicity in admissions programs in order to achieve a diverse student body. In August of 1999, another group of individuals won the right to intervene in the ~mative action lawsuits. The Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit made certain students and citizen groups Intervenors and full parties in the case.
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CAMPUS An'AJRS
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These Intervenors intend on defending the University's policy on the basis of remedying past or present discrimination against minorities. So far the two cases have produced two different results due to the cases being tried under different judges. In December of 2000, Judge Duggan ruled without a trial and granted a summary judgment against Jennifer Gratz. He ruled that the benefits of diversity were a compelling interest and that the University's admissions policy was constitutional. Judge Duggan, however, did not accept the Intervenor's defense of the University's policy. Judge Duggan also found that the grid system that had been previously used by the University had in fact been unconstitutional. In the Law School trial. another story developed. In March of 2001. Judge Friedman ruled that there was no compelling Interest for diversity and that the specifics of the Law School's policy were not narrowly tailored to that Interest. Judge Friedman, like Judge Duggan. also rejected the intervenors' defense of correcting past or present discrimination. Judge Friedman then ordered that the Law School had to stop considering race In its admissions process. In April of 200 I, the Court of Appeals issued a stay of the District Court's order. thereby allowing
the University to continue its practice of using race in its admissions poliCies throughout the appeals .process. Both cases are currently in the Sixth Circuit of Appeals and will be heard by the three judge panel of Boyce Martin, Martha Daughtrey and Karen Moore around October.
Judge Friedman ruled ·that there was no compelling interest for diversity and that the specifics of the Law School's policy were not narrowly tailored to that interest.
Although both the plaintiffs and the University will be making their efforts to win in the appellate court, It Is without a doubt that both cases will end up In the Supreme Court. Thus, although this process has consumed years of time, and promises to consume years more. It does finally have Its end in sight at the high!st court of the land. r-.R
Study Says: U -M "Greatest Offender" in Using Race Bias in Admissions two white applicants denied undergraduate admission to the University, and the other on behalf of a white student HE UNIVERSITY OF Michigan denied admission to the Law School, are is "by far the greatest offender" working their way through the legal among Michigan's public colleges system. and universities when it comes to using racial preferences, said a report released "Schools routinely reject white and Asian students with higher test scores than three years ago by the Center for Equal Opportunity (CEO) . The study "shows black and Hispanic students who are race is not just one factor out of many, admitted," said the CEO in its report. but a major force in deciding who gets in "These rejected students, however, usually the University of Michigan: said John ]. have lower GPAs than black and HispaniC Miller, then vice president of CEO. students who are admitted .» "There is a double standard at U-M." Specifically, 613 students (564 whites University officials continue to stand and 49 Asians) were rejected by the U-M by their claim thattheir admissions policy in 1995 despite having higher ACT scores is legal and acceptable. and GPAs than the black admittee median. "The University of Michigan will 266 students were rejected despite havirig continue to use race as a factor in making higher SAT scores and GPAs than the admissions decisions as long as it is lawful black admittee median. According to the report, "in various to do so, and has no intention of changing individual instances, these differences in this policy.» said the Office of University qualifications were astoundingly large. 49 Relations in a press release . But the legality of the University's of these individuals had ACT scores admissions policy is being questioned. greater than 29, 77 had combined SATs Two lawsuits filed by the Center for greater than 1200, and most amazing of Individual Rights {€IR>';one on' behalflJf' , "·all. 4 bad SATs' gteate,,'tf1an 14po. ~· ·
By BENJAMIN KEPPLE
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The report also suggests that the use of these racial preferences in admissions is a major factor in the lower graduation rates of black and Hispanic students. "We cannot prove that conclUSively with these rates, althoug~ these numbers are conducive with the hypothesis" that graduation rates will fall thanks to racial preferences, said Miller. University officials harshly attack such a proposition. "Students of color graduate at a vastly greater rate here than those at many other institutions," said Cantor. "This deflates CEO's argument that the U-M admits unqualified students of color. To follow the CEO theory, our graduation rates for students of color, supposedly unqualified for admittance. would be lower than other schools." However. the CEO report does not claim that the admittees to the University are unqualified, but rather that those beneficiaries of racial preference may be less qualified than many white and Asian rejectees. According to the report , "if students gain admission to college for any ~oosorl a Hier than their ·a<:ademic
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preparation, it is likely that they will face more hurdles in school compared to their peers who have been admitted under a higher standard." The most controversial statistic in the CEO report, and one to which the media has given a great deal of attention. states that a black applicant is 173.7 times more likely to be selected over an equally qualified white applicant. "Critics of race preferences argue that as better schools reach down into the applicant pool to accept minorities . la qualifications gap will arise] between white and minority enrollees: according to the CEO report. "If this is the case, then there should be a positive relationship between the quality of the school, and the whiteminority gap in qualifications. Dr. Robert Lerner. senior author of the CEO study, noted that the chance of race playing a factor on an admissions decision at U-M is six times as large as the odds of getting lung cancer if one smokes throughout one's entire life. r-.R
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Race Counts More Than SATs, Service, Essay Com.bined By BENJAMIN ROUSCH
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it was outstanding, you got one point; otherwise you received none. Examining the "Miscellaneous" category, applicants can get points for only one of the follOwing situations:
VERY YEAR THE Office of Undergraduate Admi ssions receives over 20,000 applications Academic Achievements Other Factors from students hoping to attend the 1. Males going into Nursing get 5 University of Michigan, and only enrolls Geography GPA points. about 5,000 of those students. Four years Residency Points GfA .fW.ots ago, the U-M abolished the old "grid 2.5 50 • Michigan 10 2. Scholarship athletes get 20 system," instituting a new "point system" 2.6 52 • Underrepresented points. that makes admissions decisions easier to Michigan County 6 2.7 54 understand. However, for the most part, 2.8 • Underrepresented S6 3. The provost can bestow 20 they uses the same admissions criteria as 2.9 58 State 2 points at her discretion, but this happens the old system. 3.0 60 only in exceptional circumstances. Alumni Status A quick look at the policy .(see table) 3.1 62 (Assign only ont option) reveals that. it is split into two sections: 3.2 64 4. You get 20 points for being Status Points "Academic Achievement" and "Other 3.3 66 socio-economically disadvantaged. Legacy 4 Factors." In the academic portion, points 3.4 68 (parents/ stepparents) are given to a student based on his CPA 70 3.5 5 . Underrepresented minorities get Other 1 3.6 in certain high school courses, the quality 72 20 points. (grandparents, siblings, 74 3.7 of the school attended, the strength of his pouses) 3.8 76 high school CUrriculum, and his SAT or Minorities living with socio3.9 78 ACT scores. In the other part of the policy, ' Required Essay economic hardships do not get 40 points, 4.0 80 points are given for a student's geographic Essay Duality ~ only 20. Thus, the only minorities who location, alumni affiliation, one page essay, Dutstanding 1 really get these 20 points are the privileged School Factor personal achievement, leadership and Not Outstanding 0 minorities, and they get a significant service, and "miscellaneous." The number Duality fQinm fraction of the 100 points solely because 0 of points an applicant scores determines Personal Achievement of the color of their skin. 1 2 if he is admitted. The maximum number (Assign orlly Ont option) A white or Asian (a non2 4 of points one can receive is 150 , but ~ fQints underrepresented minority) and a 3 6 appticants need only 100 to guarantee an State 1 minority student who attend the same 4 8 acceptance letter. A score between 90 and Re~onru 3 privileged Michigan high school , have 5 1 99 will allow applicants a place on the National 5 taken the same courses, and are essentially waltlist, and a total of less than 90 points Curriculum Factor exactly the same student, except for the . most likely gets an applicant a rejection Leadership & Service Difficulty ~ color of their skin, will hence be scored letter. (Assign ordy on~ option) -2 -4 differently using the point system (see The category with the most potential l.&Ycl fQinm -1 -2 table, bottom right) . for acquiring points is CPA. With a 4.0 State 1 0 Why should minorities get bonus CPA. an applicant gets a full 80 pOints, Regional 3 1 2 points? The common answer is, "To make and even a modest 3.0 CPA earns an National 5 2 4 up for past wrongs, and to combat applicant 60 points, more than half of what 3 6 discrimination rampant in modern. Miscellaneous is necessary for admission . An applicant 4 8 society." However, most of the minorities (Assigll only 1 option) can also get a few points by attending a who receive these bonus points have not Test Score Crlteda Met ~ tough school. but only two Michigan had to endure hardships as a result of "past (Assign only lnrg~r point value) schools will earn you eight points here; • Socio-economl wrongdoings. " The minorities who receive most aspiring Wolverines will get between Dlsadvantag 20 Acr SAIl ~ the 20 points do not live in slums, nor do two and six points. And applicants may 1-19 400-920 0 • Underrepresented they attend inner-city schools; if they did, 20-21 930-1000 6 think that suffering .through a rigorous 20 RaciaJlElhnlc MinOrity they would get the socio-economic 10 22-26 1010-1190 curriculum filled with nightmarish honors 5 Men In Nursing • hardship bonus points. They live in the 11 27-30 1200-1350 and AP courses will net them a bunch of 20 • Scholarship Athlete privileged suburbs and do not feel the 12 31-36 1360-1600 points, but the most points an applicant • plight of the truly "repressed minority." can get from his curriculum is eight, with If the lawsuits against the U-M are the average U-M applicant getting between Privileged Non-Minority vs. Privileged Minority won by the plaintiffs, the University will two to six. be forced to remove race from the at Same High School and with Same Curriculum Well, what abou't the SAT and ACTI admissions process. Although the Simply, a perfect SAT or ACT score will Minority Category (Score) Non-Minority admissions office says it would find some get an applicant 12 points, but most people other way to ensure diversity, it will be will get about 10 or 11. And considering 10 Michigan Resident (Yes) 10 forced to be less obviously race-based than the difference between 10 or 11 and 12, 1 Outstanding Essay (Yes) 1 the current admissions policy. Whether it does not seem as if the admissions 6 Above-Average School (3) 6 they will need to do that remains to be process takes into consideration the Curriculum Quality seen, but the University is certainly not differentiation between test scores. (0, no honors courses) 0 0 backing down from its use of race in Remember that essay you slaved over, ACf (21) or SAT I (1000) 6 6 admissions just yet. l\.R making sure all the phrases were perfect, GPA (2.9) 58 58 not a spelling mistake in sight? Well, your 20 Underrepresented Minority 0 essay diminished in value from previous Thls artide was first published in the 1 srOIU? " ". ,. ...• ', \'~1 l =;: rejec~ · \ JJ91 1= ,~.ted <l~('/ ;·" ': , years. If the ~dmisstoos collnselor,thought . '':'':'" April]fJ?8 ,~,!~, of,..tfe: R,e'fi!'!:" ,;, , ,~. "I.!' I. 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[page 10
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW -
Summer, 2001
CAMPUS AFFAIRS
What Did I Miss? The 2000 to 2001 Year in Review By
images of the Holocaust and other genOCides, to make the point that abortion is tantamount to genocide. Abortion is easier. The FDA approved RU c486 , commonly known as the abortion pill, for sale in the United States. University Health Service will not offer the drug - though they do offer the morning-after-pill.
MATTHEW S. SCHWARTZ
-T H E UNIVERSITY OF Michigan's 2000-2001 academic year had a lot to live up to. Previous years had seen the introduction of unconstitutional speech codes, protests against the infamous Code of Student Conduct (recently renamed "The ' Statement"), laws.uits against the University's race- based admissions policies, walkouts and strikes by hundreds of Graduate Student Instructors, suicides, murder-suicides, various sports-related deaths, and who Could forget the sit-ins? In a misguided attempt to rekinl:ile the student activism of the 60s and 70s, 'protesters from a myriad of disciplines .(read: SNRE and School of Social Work) planted themselves everywhere from the Dean's office for a few days to the now infamous Michigamua wigwam for over five weeks. This got them out of classes, bad dorm food and showers. Oh, the smell! The old maxim about quantity versus qu~ty applies when recapping the hijinks of the Class of '01. We didn't see a lot of action, but the action we did see more than makes up for the occasional dry spells. And now, a month-by-month recap of the most important and interesting things that happened while you were a. senior in high school. .. September 2000
New and improved?Students returning from summer vacation were amazed to .. ''''nd that they could no longer access and iify their class schedule over the , Wolverine Access was now totally / Iized - and also totally slow and /Asible to most people. "It's not a it's a feature! " . ,/ 'Cause "gay" means "Halperin" and "Halperin" means gay"! After months of media speculation, English professor David Halperin taught students "How to be Gay" - in the most superficial ·and stereotypical manner possible. Did you know, for instance, that being gay means you love interior decorating and Broadway mUSicals? If so, you get an A! Abortion is genocide. The "Genocide Awareness Project," organized by the LAbased Center for Bioethical Reform and Students for Life, appeared on the Diag. Thirty mounted 6-foot by 13-foot photographs of aborted, dissected fetuses were visible from hundreds of yards in every direction. As over 30 million fetuses have been aborted in the past three decades, project-organizers superimposed
October 2000
Affirmative action lovefeN. The Michigan Student Ass.embly approved ovep $11.000 in funds to "Affirmative Action 102: an ideologically balanced week dedicated to "teaching" students, about the pros and cons of affirmative action. Of course , as the event was cosponsored by ultraliberal radical activist Jessica Curtin, and the week followed her definition of "balanced": no one who disagreed with race-based affirmative action was invited. This, despite a 1999 Michigan Dailypoll that found the campus evenly divided on the issue. Bring in the high schoolers! BAMN held ,the "Day of Action" to rally students to the racial preferences side of the fence, and conjured up an interested audience by using MSA funds to bus in hundreds of Detroit high school students. Tick, tick, tick! U-M's affirmative action lawsuits gained national attention when Ed Bradley discussed them on CBS's 60 Minutes, and interviewed two Review staffers for the conservative side of the story.
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January 200 1
Financial compensation. The University agreed to pay $100,000 to Detroit News columnist George Cantor to settle the 1999 lawsuit he filed after the death of his daughter, Courtney. Ms. Cantor was a freshman who, in October 1998, fell to her death from a 6 th floor window In the Mary Markley residence hall. Ms. Cantor had attended a party at the Phi Delta Theta fraternity earlier that evening, and was found with a blood alcohol content level of 0.059 and traces of GHB In her bloodstream . While alcohol was never conclusively proven to have caused the fall, Mr. Cantor's suit alleged that the University did not proVide sufficient alcohol awareness programs to discourage students from excessive drinking. The dawn ofa new era. President-Elect George W. Bush was Inaugurated into office despite protests from liberals and Democrats. Since the inauguration, Bush has set himself up with numerous conservative proposals on his agenda, all the while maintaining the degree of centrality required to run the country.
November 2000
Scandal in the Assembly. A Review investigation revealed a cover-up in MSA. In September, Curtin had told MSA that the conservative Young Americans Foundation would donate $10,000 toward bringing racial preferences opponent Ward Connerly to campus . Review reporters discovered that she was lying. In actuality, YAF had never agreed to fund anything, and no one had even spoken to Connerly. The article spurred a series of events that led to Curtin losing a powerful chairmanship on MSA.
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intolerance masquerades as diversity. " Guests Included bestselling author Dinesh D'Souza, former National Review editor Joe Sobran, and longtime U-M philosophy professor and racial preferences opponent Carl Cohen. Race allowed in admissions. More than three years after the original lawsuits were filed alleging discriminatory admissions practices, the University of Michigan emerged victorious this month at the district court level. Though U .S. District Judge Patrick Duggan found that U-M's previous grid system was unconstit~tional, he allowed the current admissions system, finding that diversity constitutes a "compelling governmental Interest" In admissions. Accordingly, he said, race may be used as one factor in the admissions process. University lawyers had switched legal strategies, arguing that diversity of race enhanced the education of every student. In past affirmative action cases at other universities, lawyers had tended to argue that racial preferences help make up for past Injustices. This argument generally proved to be unsuccessful.
December 2000
The conservatives are coming! Accuracy in Academia, a conservative public service organization that seeks to restore traditional academic ethics to the nation's universities, held a two-day conference on campus entitled "Uncovering the campus diverSity fraud : how Intellectual ~,.JI '
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February 2001
A marriage made in the bus terminal? The University almost entered Into a partnership with the Ann Arbor Transportation AuthOrity that could have -a_
saved the University millions of dollars In operational costs. Various routes would have been transferred to the AATA, which currently runs only the city busses. But protests by the bus drivers' union and quality control questions derailed the project until further notice. March 2001
Wait list. . . wait list. . . rejection. U-M President Lee C. Bollinger, considered by many to be the frontrunner for the Harvard presidency, attended a number of secret meetings with Harvard regents during February, but was ultimately rejected In favor of an actl,lal Harvard graduate . Race prohibited in admiSSions! Judge Bernard Friedman found the use of race in Michigan Law School admissions to be iJlegal. Judge Friedman felt that racial diversity was nota compelling government interest, and that the use of race flew in the face of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 as well as the 14'h Amendment. "A distinction should be drawn between viewpoint diversity and racial dive{Sity," he wrote in his opinion. " . .. The Lavy School has made the current ' ad~I~~; ..' policy practically indistinguishable from a quota system." This ruling directly contradicted the lower court's December rl!ling regarding the College of LSA, making it ever more likely that the Supreme Court will examine affirmative action at the University of Michigan sometime In the upcoming academic year. The dawn ofa new University era. With the creation of a new campus political . party, the University Dern'ocratic Party, the three established campus political partles, the Blue Party, the Defend Affirmative Action Party and the Michigan Party faced a little more competition than usual. In the end, the Blue Party finished the year with a plurality of seats on the Michigan Student Assembly while presidential and vice-presidential candidates Matt Nolan and Jessica Cash offiCially took over the gavel from the outgoing duo of Hideki Tsutumi and Jim Secreto. April 2001- Summer 2001
They come and they go. University Provost Nancy Cantor announced that she was leaving the U -M to become Chancellor of the University of IllinOis. She is expected to assume office in August.
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We Have the Right To Hold You Responsible Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities Provides the University's Disciplinary Processes By
MATI FRANCZAK
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N THE EDUCATIONAL process, the University takes it upon itself to enforce certain "essential values" in the behavior of its students. To accomplish this, it uses the Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities, formerly titled The Code of Student Conduct and known among the student body simply as "the Code. " When the Code Applies
Administered through the Office of Student Conflict Resolution (OSCR), a part of the Office of the Vice President of Student Affairs, the Code can be applied to a wide variety of situations where students are involved. The Code is intended to enforce the "essential values" of "Civility, dignity, diversity, education, equality, freedom, honesty, and safety" within the student body. Only students can be charged under the code, although it is intended to enforce those values of the entire "University community" and any student, faculty, or staff member can make accusations under the code. The scope of potential code violations ranges from serious offenses such as murder and sexual assault to minor offenses like minors in possession of alcohol and disrupting classes or University activities. The Code is applied to students in any incident that occurs anywhere within the city of Ann Arbor, at any University property or event outside of Ann Arbor, or outside of any of these locations If the University believes there is a threat to other members of the University community. Furthermore, the Code, since it is defined as an administrative procedure, is redundant with any other charges that may result from the incident in either criminal or civil courts or any poliCies of any individual schools or organizations within the University and is not subject to the same standards as legal proceedings. The Code Procedure
A Code procedure begins when an incident described above is reported to a Resolution Coordinator (RC) . The complaints typically must be submitted within 6 months, but the RC can waive this reqUirement. Either someone involved or someone who has heard about the incident indirectly can report the incident. Before informing the accused, the University begins a preliminary investigation to determine If they want to charge the student. Based on this investigation, the University drops the charge, places the student on an
emergency suspension until they meet to formally charge the student, or schedules a meeting to charge the student. At this meeting, the student is informed of the charge against him, but not yet given access to the information the University has collected. The student can respond to the charges at this point. The student then meets with the RC and learns the details of their charges and is asked to decide how to resolve the, case. If the accused pleads guilty, then the RC chooses the punishment. If the parties involved agree to it, the case can be resolved via mediation with either a University or independent mediator. Mediations may not be appealed and the RC must approve to allow mediation in an incident where violence occurred. If the mediation falls or the accused pleads not guilty, the case follows the arbitration process instead. , Both the accused and the complainant are given access to the information gathered by the RC before the arbitration and the accused can choose to have either a single Resolution Officer or a Student Panel consisting of 5 students from a pool of individuals appointed by each of the colleges' student governments and a nonvoting Resolution Officer to oversee the proceedings. Each of the parties may present their cases and ask questions and may be advised, but not represented, by legal counsel. During the proceedings only the accused, the complainant, arbitrators, the路ir representation , and witnesses are allowed to be in attendance without the consent of both parties. The punishments for Code violations can range from expulsion to a mere formal reprimand and frequently include both disciplinary, such as diSCiplinary probation and loss of University housing, and "educational " components, such as community service and behavioral workshops. These punishments can be changed by the Dean of Students afterwards in whatever way he deems appropriate, with the exception of adding suspension or expulsion to a punishment that did not include either. The arbitration can also be appealed within 10 days If new evidence 'has , become available , the evidence does not support the findings, procedural violations occurred , or the punishment is excessive or insufficient. A three-member board consisting of one faculty member, one administrative member, and one student member hears the appeal. The board can either recommend that the arbitration be repeated or the punishment altered or confirm the arbitration's results. The Vice President of Student Affairs may then modify these recommendations in any way that does not involve adding suspension
or expulsion. The Unversity then keeps the results of the entire process as confidential as legally possible. Opposition to the Code
Many students have voiced concern about certain aspects of the Code of Student conduct and the need for change in the Code probably路has the broadest consensus of any issue on campus. Despite this, efforts by the Michigan Student Assembly to have these concerns, addressed have met with minimal success on the major concerns due to the reluctance of the administration. These concerns include allowing hearsay as evidence in Code cases, using an ambiguous standard of "clear and convincing" for determining guilt, not allowing legal advisers to act as advocates
the lack of any punishment for filing false Code charges, and the "double jeopardy" of being charged in the .courts as well as under the code for .the same offense. The most highly publicized code case involves LSA senior Ryan Hughes (aka Galaxor Nebulon) who was brought up on assault and vandalism Code charges for spray painting anti-gay protestors at the LGBT Kiss-In. Some, including the Michigan Daily and the BAMN/DAAP syndicate, have latched on to Hughes as the martyr of the anti-Code cause, while other Code opponents argue that the Hughes case is a poor example since his case does not involve the major complaints about the Code more than any other and it's generally accepted that spray painting those you disagree with is not an acceptable form of political discourse. f\.R
THE "CODE" Violations of the Code
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Physically harming another person including acts such as killing, assaulting, or battering Sexually assaulting or sexually harassing another person Hazing, stalking, or harassing another person Possessing, using, or storing firearms, explosives, or weapons on Universitycontrolled property or at University events or programs (unless approved by the Department of Public Safety... ) lllegaUy possessing, using, distributing, manufacturing, or selling alcohol or other drugs Stealing, vandalizing, damaging, destroying, or defacing University property or the property of others Obstructing or ,d isrupting classes, research projects, or other activities or programs of the University; or obstructing access to University facilities, property, or programs (except for behavior that is protected by the University'S policy on Freedom of Speech and Artistic Expression) Making, possessing. or using any falsified University document or record; altering any University document or record, including identification cards and meal cards
Possible Punsishments
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Formal Reprimand: A formal notice that the Code has been violated and that future violations will be dealt with more severely Disciplinary Probation: A designated period of time during which the student is not in good standing with the University. The terms of probation may involve restrictions of student privileges and/or set specific behavioral expectations Restitution: Compensation for loss, damage, or injury to the appropriate party in the form of service, money, or material replacement Educational Project: Completion of a project specifically designed to help the student understand why her or his behavior was inappropriate No Contact: Restriction from entering specific University areas and/ or all forms of contact with certain person( s) Suspension: Separation from the University for a specified period of time ... Expulsion: Permanent separation from the University
Segments Taken from the Code of Student Conduct
I
• History 393. Topics in Us. History. Us. History Section 001 - US. Imperialism 1891-Present - History 393 "will keep an eye on the ongoing political, economic and cultural interventions of U.S. government, corporate, and other private interests in Central America, the Caribbean, Europe, Asia, and Africa." Bash;ally, Amerikkka is evil, EVIL. Additionally, this course will examine "such Issues as tl1e export of Disney and prostitution and the U.S. military, we will also examine the ways in which the interlocking ideologies of Imperialism, race, and gender animated U.S. expansion and shaped the political culture and consciousness of American society." What exactly does Disney have to do with this? What, was there a secret conquest of Mexico by Mickey Mouse? Classes Queerer than a Three-Dollar Bill
• English 317. Literature and CUlture. Section 001 - How to be Gay: Male HomoSexUality and Initiation - "Just because you happen to be a gay man doesn't mean that you don't have to learn how to become one." It's just like being Irish. Where would the Irish be without the learned skills of drinking on St. Patties day, red hair, talking so funny, bar fights, and all those "Mc" names? In this course students will learn how to be gay, even if they aren't already. It's just that simple. Besides concentrating on "camp, diva-worship, drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism," students will enjoy speech therapy to develop the characteristic lisp. Additionally, three South Park Episodes will be screened and students will be required to analyze Big Gay AI in a 7-10 page paper. After all, he is the paragon of gaydom, right? Last year, while stumbling through Angell Hall, I glanced into one of the lecture halls, not even knowing which class it was, only to fmd a guy licking another guy's ass. Yes, gay porn. I'm sorry, caU me a bigot, but that just Isn't right. And if you don't understand why, you don't belong here. For years gay rights advocates have been yammering on and on about how homosexuallty Is genetic, and as such, they deserv~ all the same rights and privileges of heterosexuals. I'm not going to delve into that debate. But It appears the premise of this class it just the opposite. You aren't bom gay; evidently you have to learn how to lick a guy's ass. Eng. 317's sole existence is to promote gay stereotypes and myths. If being gay actually requires a class, what's next, the book "~ing Gay for DUmmies?" • Womens Studies 347. Feminist Perspective on Lesbian Studies. Section 001
RaciSts, Bigots, and Republlcans Nympha-pedagogy
• RC Social Science 374. Race, Gender, • Lloyd Hall Scholars 151. Focused and Empire in the Nudear Age. Section 001 Studies. Section 004 - Sex: Whats Your - Meets with History 396.002 - This class Position? - In this "focused study" the "class is already suspecting enough coming from will explore .t he historical roots of Western the Residential College, but that Is not all. sexuality, from the Judeo- Christian According to RCSSCI 374 , the "s~ndard tradition to U .S. sexual codes in the late vision of the nuclear age leaves out twentieth century. We will consider the thousands of men and women whose social basis . of human sexuality by participation.n the nuclear age was central examining sexual learning and how sexual to its success: Africans from all over the scripts vary across gender, as well as trends continent, Native Americans, Australian in sex ual attitudes and behaVior, including Aborigines, and PaCific Islanders. These sexual orientation: Additionally, the class men and women mined the uranium used will involve a lot of giggling and note passing by so-called nuclear nations to fuel their just like 7th grade health class. bombs and reactors. They were displaced (or not) by test ex ploslons of atomic Social Outreach ot Social Justice? Both . weapons. Their participation in the nuclear are Pointless. age, in short',fundamentally shaJ>ed not only their lives, but also the age Itself. • Psychology 211. Outreach. Section Meanwhile, the technologies and politics ()01 - Working with Preschool Children - of the nuclear age (mining uranium, selling "Students will work at a placement with power plants across international borders, infants, toddlers , and/or preschool . and testing weapons) were in many ways children. " In this course you will pay untold closely dependent on colonial structures amounts of money to babysit. Maybe next and cultures." year they will offer Physics 400 - Lawn BaSically, all of us colonlsts in America Mowing physics. Or maybe Women's are bigots for blowing up a couple of bombs Studies 312. Housework. Section 001 on a sparsely populate paCific island. Intro to Dishw!lShing. Section 002 - Intro Eisenhower was not out to exterminate the to Bathroom Maintenance. Section 003 - dozens of Bikini's nati.ve inhabitants. Nor Preparing the perfect after work meal for was FDR settling a personal vendetta your husband.·Section 004 - Giving Good against the few inhabitants of the Nevadan Head (cross referenced with LHSP 151 - dessert when he selected the test site and Sex : What's Your Position?) then eventually saved thousands of American lives by ending the war in Japan. • Socology 389. Practicum in Sociology Race and gender had absolutely nothing to - This practicum has many sections, all of do with the nuclear age. Period. which involve working in the community. Of those, far too · many involve the CulturaJAnthropology 370(474) I LING propagation of a liberal.agenda into young 370. Language and Discrimination: Language minds. as Social Statement - So this class doesn't Section 028 "-'- Feminist Mentors - In this have a description , but you know what? section," undergraduate women volunteer This is America, we speak-e English-e. No? as feminist mentors nemtors") to 6th and 7th grade girls at West Middle School ht Chauvinist Pigs, the Man, and Ypsilanti. The "It's Great to Be a Girt" Republicans program. The basic philosophy of this course is get them young and get them Womens Studies 342. Gender and converted . This offers the "femtors" a Society: Hierarchies in Social Organization. chance to teach impresSionable girls that Section 001 - Wbmen In Prison. Meets With men are evil pigs before they actually have Psych 305. 004 - "This course will bring the a chance to go on their first date, let alone fact of the existence of oppression these get pregnant. The course requires a lab fee, . women experienced before, during, and no doubt used for buying them their first after incarceration, to the attention of those pair of Birkenstocks and the complete box fortunate enough to live on the outside, set of Indigo Girls CD's for their "femtees." for we know nothing of these inmates Lets just say this isn't a class to take if you whose lives and activities are limited by are planning on "admiring the scenery," the cold, gray stone walls of their prison
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cells." Cold, gray stone walls? I guess they didn't bother to hire an interior decorator when they built the prison. The poor things - oh wait - they are cri.minals. So this class teaches you to feel sorry for them because they are women in prison; as if a female criminal at least deserves wallpaper. What about all the men in behind the cold gray "double standard. " walls? Repeat after
me,
Womens Studies 315 I English 315. Wbmen and Literature. Section 001 - The Black Female Body in Wbmens Literature of the African Diaspora. WTF? I mean come on. ~
Classes to Avoid Lloyd Hall Scholars -125 (165) College Writing, Section 002 Section 005 -151 Focused Studies, Section 004 RC Social Science -360 Social Science Junior Seminar -374 Race, Gender, and Empire in . the Nuclear Age Section 001 Women's Studies -315 (English 315 cross~ref), Women and Literature Section 001 -342 Gender and Society Section 001 -347 (History of Art 394 cross-ret)Feminist Perspectives on Lesbian Studies Section 001 Others -
American Cultures -222 Elementary Ojibwa Cultural Anthropology -370 (474) (Linguistics 370 crossret) Language and Discrimination English -317 Literature and Culture Section 001 History -393 Topics in U.S. History SectiOn 001 Psychology -211 Outreach Section 001 Sociology -398 Practicum in Sociology Section 028 Section 036
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embrace the perpetual undercurrent of freedom .
unless of course hairy pits are your thing . Section · 036 - Prison Debate Club "Students in this section will work in teams to lead a debate club at either the Adrian Prison, the Western Wayne Prison, or the Cooper Street Correctional Facility on a weekly basis." POSSible debate topics: Who has the tightest ass on Block-D? Which guard Is the most "doable?" How much can you bench? And who has the most tattoos?
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From Page 5
- Cro.ssing Erotic Boundaries: Representations of Lesbianism in Early Modern We5tem Art. Meets with History of Art 394.002 - Ok, this class has no description; all I can assume Is that its content is so outrageous that it couldn't be published. If you are expecting HOT female-on-female lesbian porn, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that probably Isn't going to happen. Basically, you are going to see pictures of a lot of disfigured women with arms where their boobs should be and stuff.
2001
• FACE-OFF
Central Campus vs . .NoIih Campus ~y GINA FRATERNELLI
f\
FTER OPENING THE housing letter that says ~Bursley Hall" on . North Campus. you may think it not that bad. But wait-it is that bad. )ur social life. sleeping pattern and ollege experience" will be ruined, all ~cause you are stuck up on North ampus. Important things to know about 'ing on North Campus: you have to ride e bus to get anywhere, the buses never' me when you want them to, and they ,n't come often enough to get you where u need to go. Sure. there is a bus schedule d you will be told that you only have to lit about 7 minutes for the bus, but they ve out that it is a fifteen-minute bus ride, d during peak hours (when you want to • to and from class). you may not catch ! first bus that comes. So if you have a n class, you have to get up around 8 to to the bust stop by 8:45 toget to central npus to walk to class by 9:10. This is ere your sleeping pattern gets messed
~asically,
the buses seclude you from doing anything spontaneous.
If you live on Central Campus. you roll out of bed around 8:30 and still ,e it to class on time. If you don't have <-to-back classes, and have an hour or lreak, you can go back to your room catch some sleep or watch tv. If you on North Campus, you wait seven utes each way for the bus, plus twenty utes on the bus, leaving you just enough ~ to walk into your room and leave o. This makes it annoying to schedule es or make plans with friends. One of the worst things about North lpUS is when you have to turn ething in late at night or have a study p. First of all, no one will ever come lorth Campus to work on a project. { will use excuses like. "I don't know 'e the bus is" and "It is just easier if ;ome down here. " So get used to always 19 to meet people on central-subtract her hour off your day. Let's say you are hungry and don't like is being served in the dorm. Can you It to eat? Not unless you have a car. will have to order takeout and hope deliver. Let's say you just want to go o eat. Once again. you have to catch
By JAMES ' JUSTIN
the bus down to central .and then walk for another 15 minutes to get .t he Main street Now for the weekends. Usually riding the buses can be tolerated during the week, but on the weekends they only corne.every 20 minutes, and depending where you get on. it can be a 40 minute bus ride. If you are planning to go out to a party. you will have to be ready by 10:30pmto catch ,the bus. You ride the bus for 15 minutes and
WIlSON
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CAN THINK of nothing better about my i::tme here at the U~M than getting , to the Bursley bus stop bright and early. well. okay, at8:33just intitile to be greeted with a chipper"good moriung. watch your step" as I step onto Bursley-Baits. the bus that connects Bursley'Hail to Central Campus every 7 minutes. Then, after the
arguments. Ask yourself 'one simple question: Would you like to live in the same building that you work in? Maybe sleep in back of the kitchen of McDonalds? LiVing in Central Campus is Just that. sleeping on the job, and we all know the consequences of that. , School never stops; they are on the job 24 hours a day. 1 days .aweek. Heck, West Quad is closer to Angell Hall that I have to walk to get the mail at home.
I don't really care what they call it. I call it home.
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North CampUs, the I8ndof milk and honey. then walk another 20 to the party. That is brief and peaceful ride thro\1gh the Huron not SO bad. But if you plan on getting back River Valley, the famous Rackham an9 the up tb North Campus. you have to be at . Power CenterforPerformingArts, the next the bus stop by 2:30am, usually just when .stop is the Michigan League where this the party is starting. During the wuiter. it . coach will be.out of service. Finally, just as is quite cold waiting for a stupid bus. ,And I'm abOutto step offfue bus one last, "Have if you miss it. that is another 20 minutes. a nlce day now." Mr. Nice Bus Driver, as (Special note: On weekends, the North I call him; is indicative of the general Campus bus turns into the Vomit Comet) attitude of North Campus, warm and Basically, the buses seclude you from doing welcoming. ' ~ . " " .' . anything spontaneous. from ·visiting your Almost everY~hman I1ving on North ' friends for dinner or a movie. and from Campus lives in , Bursley Hall , the getting a I1ttle extra sleep. University's largest Residence Hall, the "Burlodge" to the initiated. Yeah. we all . know it's a dorm, ' but the . administration insists that we call them residence' halls. It has something to do with Souncling more On weekends, the North like a community or something. I dont Campus bus turns into the really care what they call it. I call it home. Vomit Comet. Usually. freshman who receive their registration milterlals get "stuck up north" with all the psycho engineering and music students who stUllive in a dorm during When talking about North Campus, their senior year. you usually hear things like, -North "Stuck" on North Campus, however, Campus sucks" or, "I have never even been is in actuality a blessing in disguise. By the to North Campus." My adVice to you: get end of my first year living in Bursley. I out while you can. No matter what anyone realized that although North Campus was says, get out. It has to be better living on somewhat of an inconvenience. the benefits central. on the real Unlversity of Michigan outweigh any negatives. campus. ~ Let's begin with the most basic of
Living on Nor.t h Campus it the equivalent of commuting to the suburbs. It's cleaner, quieter and generally less hectic. The 10-minute bus ride is a riff between work and play. Sure, I still study in my dorm room, but when I'm in Bursley I'm home. I try to get all my work done on Central Campus, and then when I get home I can just enjoy myseif. as if I had time to do that. Although. I will admit, the Campus MovteNetwork (charmel 72) can come in handy when I feel the need to procrastinate.
Finally, just as I'm about to step off the bus one last, "Have ~ nice day now." Mr. Nice Bus Driver, as I call him, is indicative of the , general attitude of north campus, warm and welcoming.
All too often dorm rooms gain the same stigma as the library or the classroom. This is not the room's fault. it's how you live in it. If you treat it like a library or a classroom and bring all your work home, you'll have no refuge. I've seen it happen before. One night, late, YOU'll find yourself wandering around senselessly somewhere in the Arb. Alas. you've caught dorm room disease. The cure, you guessed it, is North Campus. Close enough for home, but not too close. Living in the University's "suburbs" is not the only reason to live on North Campus. After all, it's the land of milk and honey. ~
Summer, 2001
Wolverine Athletics, 2001-2002 By
THOMAS WHARRY
O
NE OF THE reasons you probably chose to come to this great school is the intercollegiate athletic department. Sure, you wanted to get your B.A. in Middle English linguistics from a prestigious learning institution like U -M, and certainly the diversity was a definite factor as well. Well, at least that is what you told your parents. We all know that the real reason you chose Michigan is because of its highly visible athletic program. And so , the Michigan Review, always first to cater to students' needs, humbly presents a guide to Michigan Athletics. No doubt, the most popular and visible sport on campus is football , and with good reason. Michigan is the winningest team in NCAA history, and that distinction is well earned. The doomsayers will point out that Drew Henson, David Terrell, Anthony Thomas and pretty much the entire offensive line are gone, and they will say that without that, Michigan has no offense. The doomsayers, however, are wrong. When Drew Henson was on the sideline nursing an "owie" for the first few games last season, John Navarre stepped in and performed admirably. He is being
pushed by fellow sophomore Andy Mignery for the #1 job , which creates a hotly contested atmosphere beneficial to both. Terrell is headed to the NFL, and he is replaced by Ronald Bellamy and Marquise Walker, who are more than capable of providing a balanced air attack. Also, on the passing front, look for Michigan to return to their classic style , where they exploit their TE's Bennie Joppru and Bill Seymour, as well as their fullback B.J. Askew. It worked in 1997, and the Big Ten is the perfect place to use it again. Though Anthony Thomas left as one of the all time best running backs in Michigan history, freshman Chris J>erry showed incredible flashes last season. Perry, along with Walter Cross, will keep Michigan set at RB for a long time to come. Incoming freshman Kelly Baraka may even make waves. And while the first two rounds of the NFL draft sapped the Wolverines of three starters on their O -Line, Michigan has always been an offensive lineman factory, and this season will be no different. Another highly visible sport on campus has always been basketball. A sore subject around Ann Arl>or for the ~<lSt few years, the basketball team looks to be back on the right track with new coach Tommy Amaker. While the team received much
flack for their lackluster performance the past couple seasons, it should be noted that they were a team heavy on talented freshman last season, freshmen who will only get better. Look for Blanchard, Queen and Robinson to be a triple headed monster, and wreak havoc in the Big Ten this season.
When Drew Henson was on the sideline nursing an "owie for the first few games last season, John Navarre stepped in and performed admirably. tt
A sport with an almost cult-like following on campus is the hockey team. The only question marks lie in who is going to return. The lure of the riches in the NHL may be too much for Andy Hilbert and Jeff Jillson to pass up, which would leave tne team to 2001 NHL draft prospects Mike Komisarek and Mike CamtnaUeri. If that were to happen, look for the Wolverines to remain competitive, yet not the Frozen Four contenders that they were
Music Scene at U-M By
JOHN
PRArr
s
A
A NEW U-M student, you will soon encounter enough studentgroup events, famous speakers and campus displays to fill restless intellectual and artsy curiosities you never knew you had. But while there are plenty of activities during the school year to keep you from doing any real work, if you are hoping to watch one of your favorite music groups perform tracks from their newly released album, make sure you bring a car. Despite containing a large state university, Ann Arbor only occasionally sees big-name musicians run through town. For a U-M student , attending a performance by a popular artist almost always requires a trek away from the comfort of the Ann Arbor city limits and in the direction of charming downtown Detroit, one of its lovely suburbs or the distant Auburn Hills. Tours shy away from U-M mostly because promoters would rather take advantage of venues elsewhere that can draw larger numbers of people. Facilities in Ann Arbor are hardly adequate for largescale events: the Hill AuditOrium, with its theater seating and semi-elegant decor, is a building too nice for the average concertgoer, and it often stages events patronized by an older, more sophisticated crowd. But ."
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despite the existence of a few decent bars, Ann Arbor can still lack musically: club culture in town is grim and talented D]'s and electronic musicians always direct their energies to areas in or surroundirig Detroit since the city is known for its techno. Venues off campus, such as the Blind Pig (which uses mirrors to detract from its narrow surroundings) , are often too small for big acts, and only football games and Pink Floyd can hope to fill the stadium. The closest decent venue, the Convocation Center in Ypsilanti (a shorter 10-mile drive) was able to draw a few decent acts this past 'year. h is important to note, however, that not all small acts should be dismissed quickly. Local and small acts can be entertaining as the Blind Pig contains plenty of pictures on its walls of past previously unknown bands that played like Pearl Jam, proving today's nobody might someday be the next Nirvana. However, if you have no time to wait for a band to tum rags to riches, get ready to drive. Helpful resources:
www.pollstar.com - Contains a vast database and is very dependable; this is the only site you need for concert listings. www.ticketmaster.com - If you like
this past season. If Jillson and Hilbert return, a National Championship is entirely possible, with talented goalie Josh Blackburn backstopping the team. As well, it should be noted 'that the Wolverines landed one of the best recruiting classes in NCAA history this season, highlighted by touted goalie Jason Bacashihua and forwards Milan Gajic and Jason Ryznar. The future looks ex tremely bright on the cold floor. If you're an incoming freshman , it is very possible that by your senior year, you will have seen the women's gymnastics team win a national championship or two. In her freshman year, U.S . Olympic team member Elise Ray established herself as one of the best all around gymnasts in the NCAA. Ray, with fellow freshman Calli Ryals, form a duo rivaled only by DanzscherlPowell at UCLA. Expect to see Michigan and UCLA going head to head in the Super Six for the next three years. Win or lose, this will be an exciting year for sports on campus. Michigan offers pretty much every major varsity sport on the planet, most of them offering free admission. Students are encouraged to take advantage of this , support your classmates and show your school spirit. ~
Get Your Share of MP3's
paying too much for tickets thank Ticketmaster and its service charge. Standing In line at the Union Ticket Office is sometimes less preferable. www.mapquest.com - Make sure you get driving directions for the concert you plan to attend. Getting lost in Detroit isn't much fun.
Venues off campus, such as the Blind Pig {which uses mirrors to detract from its narrow surroundings}, are often too small for big acts.
Magazines/N ewspapers:
Current: Very thorough guide to upcoming events. Lists everything that's going on, which sometimes is too much. ReaJ Detroit: D-town's source of entertainment events and news. Agenda: Nifty parody covers every month. Skip the radical political commentary and go straight to the event listings. ~
The demise of Napster signifies no end to the transfer of mp3's for college students. Since you will be living in University housing, take advantage of the high-speed network that runs across campus by using our guide to file transfer. Network Neighborhood - Living in University housing provides the ability to grab files off the net at speeds off-campus students envy, and it also allows you to grab files from other students' computers set up to share files. You can view all by going to . Network Neighborhood. Read a manual or ask someone in your hall if you don't know how to share your own files . Bearshare - www.bearshare.com - Built on Gnutella (a decentralized file sharing protocol), this software is the latest popular source for mp3 's. Limewire - www.limewire.com Another Gnutella-based service that is also supported on multiple computer platfonlls. WinMX - www.winmx .com - A decentralized network that also provides the ability to search multiple OpenNap servers. (OpenNap is an internet protocol that useS the Napster client but is not run by Napster Inc .) KaZaA - www.kazaa.com - A Napsterclone which supports multiple types of media beSides mp3's; however the European-based service is expected to require a subscription in the near future. ~
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I Summer,2001
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW -
FEATURES
Page
151
The Michigan "FOOD" Review A Cheap Eats Guide to U-M By BRAD
SPRECHER
O
ne of the greatest advantages of living in Ann Arbor is having access to a great variety of interesting and delicious foods. The University attracts some of the best minds from across the nation and the world and the food selection in town is only one example of Ann Arbor's cultural wealth. Unfortunately, hungry students may not often fmd similar expressions of wealth in their wallets. The following guide will help you to manage the gustatory maze and pOint you towards the most affordable eateries (or otherwise food sources) in town. Even for students on the University's ever-scrumptious meal plan there will come a point in your college experience where your innards will groan for something noncafeteria. This desire will be compounded by your tight schedule: especially if you live far from your mid-day classes and you are · )ooking for a q4l~)}p~J.tet , " '_,' .. .l, ). • One option to tame the noon-tide beast is to toss him a frankfurter. Cheap wieners near campus include Leo's Coney Island on S. University, Red Hot Lovers on E. University and Mr. Greek's on State. These places are ideal if you want a gourmet dog and a place to sit. But, of course, there is more than one way .to skin a cat, or in this case, eat a dog. The quickest, and perhaps cheapest dogs in town are sold by the street vendors between the Natural History museum and Little, or on the comer of N. University and State. So maybe tubes of processed animal , chocked full of nitrates may not be the healthiest choice, but when you are on the run, it is quantity and taste that matter most. Other popular lunch spots include the Union, the League, and the Pierpont Commons, which serve common, fast food (as you may have already discovered) . But you should be warned that campus area fast-food restaurants are notorious for subpar quality, even by fast -food standards. Fries may never. have tasted so cold and ' rubbery, nor burgers so dry, nor buns so stale as you will experience at campus area establishments, The reason? Not only dq;s
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good help seem hard to come by (especially since burger-wages and Ann Arbor rent don't seem to jive) , but these burger joints realize they are serving a feeble college population that is pressed for time and is light of wallet. Since cash-strapped students have little choice of eating elsewhere, there is little incentive for the ' burger barons to improve their product. For the most intriguing meal on campus '(lunch or . dinner), I would have to suggest stopping at the little known Hinodae Japanese restaurant, tucked just off State Street between the State Theater and Mr. Greeks. Look carefully or YOU'll pass right by it. Regrettably, I did for 3 years. Once you enter, I would advise you not to be turned off by the simple decor or the sagging floor panels. You have come to the Hinodae to eat, not c r ' t i que interior design. And you are in luck because the best thing about this place is the food. QUality is ex tremely high and the ' price is very low. At the Hinodae you may . eat with a plastic fork on a styrofoam plate , but when you are gettir:g a fantastic meal for $5, you can scoff at those schmucks getting screwed over at
Wendy's. Of course the old college staple and quintessential cheap eat is pizza.' Some very cheap pizza joints (with delivery) include Hello Faz Pizza, DaVinci's, Bell's; Backroom, Nikko's and Hungy Hdwie'~
(a
Review
favorite). But remember,. these places , don't sell quali~y as much as . they ,do quantity. To get a cla~sic and quality pizza, you're going to have to pay a lot more. For example, great Chicago style pizza can be found at the Pizza House on Church , St. For a slightly more sophisticated feel and equally extraordinary pizza, stop at the original Cottage Inn ·r estaurant on William St. Even in absence of a campus Taco Bell (which closed a couple years Q3ck) , there are plenty of places on campus to get a quality burrito. Tio's on Huron and Division is an excellent choice fora somewhat quieter, sit-down feeL And then there is Panchero's restaurant on S. University. If the size of the burritos (or the skil,l of the t r wrapping) doesn't blow you away, the after-effects just might. Overall, both places are a real blast. If you are ever looking to get a satisfying breakfast while staying within your budget, there are several good options. The best thing to do when considering a place for breakfast is to avoid your first
instinct , and by this I mean avoid the "Angelo's" frenzy (on - the corner of Catherine and Glen . . .don't even try to park here), To be honest, the little restaurant is clean and cute, but although the portions are substantial, the food is often bland and overpriced. Breakfast foods are some of the simplest to come by, so don't dump $15 on a couple eggs and diced vegetables that lack somewhat in taste. It is true that a long line of people stand outside the restaurant each Saturday and Sunday morning, but I believe this is more because Angelo's dining area is too small and people are unaware of better campus options than that Angelo is selling anything special. For . a truly re~arkable breakfast in a m,o re spaciol,1s! relaxing, and sophisticated atmosphere, try the Afternoon Delight on 5r11 and Liberty. It is true that Afternoon Delight has some more expensive items, but this is more than made up for by the wonderfully tasteful food. Other quality restaurants that are a bit more walletfriendly include Cloverleaf, alS(j on Liberty, or4.~p's. which serves ~d cheap breakfasts in ,addition to their Coneys. In Ann Arbor, there are more eating choices than One may know what to do with, but to find the truly affordable establishments takes some time and experience. It is my hope that my experience might save .you both some time and some money. But perhaps the most enjoyable thing about eating in Ann Arbor is discovering new and interesting places to chow down. You may find several other delicious and economic restaurants tn town, tucked away, between other large and well-known businesses. There's something to be said for adventure, and what better place than college to take your hunger and explore. 1\.R
Howev., bewIre of the McDonlld'I on South "U." There ii, quite pouIbIy, the WORST food ever there. Tlke our word for it.
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