Sept. 15, 2021 Campus Voices | Reviews | News | Collegiate Health | Op-Ed | Board of Regents | Stang Stories 6
SUICIDAL T
THE SILENT STRUGGLE
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY COLIN STEVENSON | THE WICHITAN
An estimated 285,000 each year become suicide survivors according to the American Association of Suicidology, Sept. 14. LAUREN COLPITTS REPORTER ccording to the American College Health Association, suicide is currently the second leading cause of death among college students. Tessa Buckley, political science freshman, recalled the time she tried to end her life. Buckley, from a young age, felt as though she didn’t truly belong. This was one of the deciding factors on the night she tried overdosing on prescribed medication. She remembers trying to convince herself to spit the pills out or get help, but at that moment she couldn’t find a reason for it. “I was just kind of staring at this bottle on my nightstand and just remembered thinking, ‘What if?’” Buckley said. “Growing up as a child with autism and trying to navigate [life] while experiencing hate because people didn’t understand why I was so different… I forced myself to [act as society wanted] and lost myself along the way.” After the attempt, Buckley continued in the same mindset, not trying to end her life again, but not sure why she shouldn’t. Eventually, she realized that she would have missed so many things if she had succeeded that night. “[I thought] like why did I have to wake up and face what I did? I had to take a step back and realized, af-
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ter finding myself, that maybe no one would miss me, but that I would regret it. I would regret not being able to do things that I’ve gotten to do,” Buckley said. Though this life has been a difficult journey for her, Buckley said she understands that it won’t stay this bad forever. People struggling with mental illness and suicide ideation can get stuck in the mindset of everything
being worse; according to Buckley an important part of living is dealing with these thoughts by reminding yourself of a better future. “There’s always that thought in the back of your head when someone expresses disappointment in you, or you mess up something on your test, or you’re trying to draw something and it doesn’t come out right, there’s that little thought like, start over, maybe this time you’ll get an avatar without so many glitches,” Buckley said. Raul Doporto, nursing junior, lost himself while questioning life’s purpose. These thoughts caused a large amount of anxiety and depression. Doporto began to think: how is one supposed to plan a future, if in the future they see no point? During this time, he was taking two classes called ‘Drugs and Behavior’ and ‘Brain and Behavior’, which gave him an interesting perspective on his life at that point. “It felt like I was part of my professor’s presentation, and I was like, ’Here is Raul, standing on the balcony, another statistic, a Hispanic smoking marijuana, drunk and was about to jump off the balcony to commit suicide.’ That’s what was in my head at the time,” Doporto said. Luckily, at that moment on the balcony, he had someone there to pull him
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY COLIN STEVENSON | THE WICHITAN
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year old Americans according to the Centers for Disease Control, Sept. 14.
