Mom’s World: Pandemic Perspecঞ ve

MOM’S WORLD Pandemic Perspective

In A Tale of Two Cities, Dickens wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” In that same vein, a friend of mine recently said that she thought that the coronavirus pandemic was the best and worst thing that had ever happened to us.

Many people have made note of the fact that while the social distancing, mask-wearing, plan-changing has been diffi cult, they have also had more time with their families, become more physically active outside and spent more time cooking their own meals. It has been a massive pause in our society, and, like it or not, it has resulted in change in perspective. Some people have decided they’d rather work from home, even if they could go back to work. Some people have never had the option to not work. Some people have gone to work, gotten sick, and not returned. Some people have decided that they just want to be home with their children, if that’s an option. And, of course, some people have died or lost loved ones in this pandemic. In addition, some relationships have strengthened as couples have had more time together to enjoy, while others have had their confl icts amplifi ed by too much togetherness.

The pandemic has certainly made us as human beings aware of what we do and do not want — in our jobs, in our personal relationships, in our spiritual lives, and in our selves as people. There’s been a lot of “we were supposed to be doing this right now” and certainly a sense of loss of those changed plans, missed celebrations, postponed happenings that may never, let’s face it, happen. In addition, however, it seems there’s been a lot of “when this is over, I’m going to...” (fi ll in the blank).

In its midst, we have also faced divisiveness as a society and nation as we confront racism and privilege on a level that I’ve never witnessed in my 50 years on this planet. Perhaps because of the added strain of the pandemic, it has not taken much to push people in one direction or another as to what is and is not acceptable in the wake of George Floyd’s untimely and brutal death. Somehow quietly retreating to our normalcy of contemporary society has seemed unreachable at this juncture in history. Silence seems deafening. Criticism of “the other side” seems to ring louder as well. So many people are drawing the line in

the sand that it’s hard to know how it will all shake out.

But, being the optimist that I am, I feel like the fragility and vulnerability of this time also forces us as people and as a nation to realize that certain truths are non-negotiable and Justice with a capital J will withstand death, disease, war, partisan politics, and time, and that she will raise her head above us all in the end. We may need to talk less and listen more. We may have to let some long-held skewed beliefs go by the wayside in the process. But, again, Corona (if I can call her that), has forced a lot of letting go these last six months already.

As mothers, we are uniquely designed to nurture but also to let go. We carry and then birth our babies, pushing them into the world in all its beauty and chaos. We teach them, nudge them towards independence, and celebrate every step forward in school and in life, while also learning how to be present through the challenges and setbacks. It is a push and pull that is familiar, forcing adaptation at every life stage.

During this pandemic, I have been able to be with all three of my boys more than I have in years. My college-aged son returned home, set up camp in our computer room, and graduated to only the fanfare of a family dinner and celebration. My other two sons were attending school online and their all-encompassing wrestling was put on hold. We started eating dinner in the kitchen rather than everyone grabbing food and scattering to various rooms in the house. Life circumstances and pandemic-driven fl exing out of the offi ce meant that I was actually home more than I have been in 18 years of clinical practice. I told my husband that I had spent more time enjoying our front and back yards, fl owers and property in three months’ time than I had in the entire nearly 12 years we had lived at our house. Some of my die-hard habits and OCD of never bringing work home or leaving work undone have loosened as I try to re-frame my life with my family at its center.

Changing your life perspective requires lots of sighing, giving silence a place in your mind to ponder your adaptation to new circumstances, and providing yourself with permission to grow into your new envisioned self. I’ve had some

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panic attacks, plenty of uncertainty, and doubted myself more than I care to admit. But, thank God for good friends, family and grace, I’m moving through this chaos. I believe in new beginnings and that life as a mother, woman and person is an evolutionary process that requires resilience and necessitates pauses. The pandemic has given us all a pause. When I’m struggling with these realities, words from “Resilient” by the female folk duo Rising Appalachia have struck home in me and I listen:

I am resilient

I trust the movement

I negate the chaos

Uplift the negative

I’ll show up at the table, again and again and again

I’ll close my mouth and learn to listen

heather jordan, CNM, MSN

Comments or questions? 828.737.7711, ext. 253 landh@localnet.com

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