Seeing the Invisible

Samantha and Faye are two moms who are incredibly passionate about their kids. Their greatest wish is for them to be safe, understood, and loved for who they are.

Most parents would want the same, but for these two families (and many others), there is an added dimension of diversity that is not always well understood and that can lead to feelings of displacement and worry.

explains Faye. “It can include most visible signs such as with those with Down Syndrome, but for many, it’s learning differences, autism, ADHD, anxiety, and even trauma or depression. It’s simply a consistent way where someone’s brain perceives and processes things differently.”

As Samantha candidly journeys back, she recalls her own reticence to have her children tested for neurodivergence. “It took four recommendations before I was ready to hear that testing should extend to autism. As parents, we see and accept our children for who they are, and there is fear behind a potential diagnosis. I had to be ready to see it and even then, there are a lot of scary words that get thrown at you - gifted, ADHD, ASD, dyslexia. Your mind goes to the impact of those labels on your children and how it might affect how they are treated. We’re so conditioned as a society with unconscious bias - it’s hard to feel like you are ‘outing’ your children and putting them in a place of vulnerability. But, now that we better understand what support is needed, and that he can absolutely be successful despite the diagnosis, we can focus on that. I’ve learned things like asking my child to look me in the eye when we are talking is not helpful. He can focus best when he is busy with something else. But that might not be behaviour that is considered widely acceptable.”

Building understanding is what both moms see as key.

The language families use at home to describe difference needs to be thought about and practised.”

In terms of school, both moms applaud Mulgrave’s inclusive approach to date, but express worry about what the future might hold. Will there continue to be a fit? Will their children continue to thrive in the IB and the environments of the Middle and Senior School? They recognise the unknowns as their children grow and develop and are hopeful that the deep family-school partnership that has been established will continue.

“A teacher at Mulgrave discovered that running our son’s hands under cold water quickly calmed him,” shares Faye. “I’m his mom and I had no idea. That sort of caring is phenomenal.” She adds another anecdote about the Junior School Assembly and her child’s hesitance to speak in public. “He asked for a nonspeaking part, but his teacher actually recommended he take on the MC role! She reached out to us to explain and ask us to help encourage him as being MC offers structure and predictability while boosting his confidence. He’s going to do it.” (and we’ll all be rooting him on from the audience!) adds Samantha. “It helps to shape empathy, prioritise kindness, and normalise difference.