Masking The Issue

by Jean Eisenmann | photo courtesy of Jean Eisenmann

As the coronavirus pandemic continues, I reflect back a couple of months to when we were told gloves were a definite deterrent to contracting the virus. Then once we loaded up on them, buying up every store’s inventories and stuffing them in every nook and cranny of the house, the new preventive became mask. And my house smells like a latex factory.

I’ve now become so overexposed to because I hadn’t realized that ripping it “mass mask marketing” that it’s had a off my face in one fell swoop might be profound effect on me. I seem to have causing observers to have nightmares. developed a bona fide mask obsession. Today, I watched a local morning show And to think of all the years I wasted where the hostess announced, “Coming coveting shoes. up after the station break, we’ll learn how It’s the new normal to have only half to make masks from your husband’s old your face exposed. Not wearing one in boxer shorts. One pair yields two to three public places draws more glares than if masks, depending on the size of the I picked my nose in church. People are shorts.” We’re getting pretty crafty with going about their lives wearing those our masks. Ah, American ingenuity and little fabric disguises and yes, even at entrepreneurial spirit, with a sprinkling of home; gardening, sunbathing, cleaning opportunistic greed for good measure. out the gutters, and jogging. And fainting, I am accumulating quite a mask collection because it’s just too hot to wear a mask to feed my new outdoors in Texas. fixation. I have masks On TV the other day, a newscaster conducted an AH, AMERICAN INGENUITY AND of every color for every occasion – even a night mask interview remotely with an “etiquette expert” who shared ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT, WITH A complete with blue half-moons and silver stars. It’s a with us the proper way to remove a mask without SPRINKLING OF OPPORTUNISTIC little intrusive to wear while sleeping because my husband offending anyone. You know, that really enlightened me GREED FOR GOOD MEASURE. said it not only makes my breathing sound like Darth Vader’s, but the iridescent silvery stars reflect on the ceiling and keep him awake. Can’t he just count them like sheep and nod off?

I wear masks with red and orange flames when I’m feeling rebellious, sequins for masked tie, uh, black tie events, ‘70s psychedelic when I’m feeling my age, gingham when I want to project innocence, and a red lip print when I don’t.

I removed my jewelry from its designated box and placed the pieces in a plastic bag. My grandfather’s college graduation ring from 1920 and my aunt’s engagement ring that she brought over from the old country don’t require the special container with satin lining that my mask collection does.

In addition to its health benefit of virus protection, I have come to feel virtually undressed without wearing a mask. I see it as a burgeoning fashion industry, not only developing as we live under health threats, but also as we become accustomed to wearing them as part of our wardrobes. However, there will always be skeptics who prefer to go commando.

In the future, despite whatever progressive designs may evolve from today’s mask, one characteristic can never be replicated, and that’s the beauty of seeing a warm, heartfelt – and unobstructed – smile.