Birthday Unmasked

by Jean Eisenman | photo courtesy of Jean Eisenman

Ijust celebrated my birthday with family and friends the COVID-19-compliant (party pooper) way. They say “necessity is the mother of invention,” so we did our best to conform to pandemic protocol, yet have a good time. We should’ve thrown a masquerade party. burgers. “Because you’d have to TOUCH them,” and I mimicked the family glare. My presents included masks that added to my growing collection. “Cousin Ribeye” To maintain occupancy compliance, there every place setting was a gift bag stuffed gave me a Mask-of-the-Week boxed set, were just 10 of us. We chose to gather at with a pair of latex gloves and two mini each one embossed with its own day, my house. Odd, because it was a bottles of hand sanitizer. Chairs around from Monday through Sunday. Since I’m surprise party. the table were placed six feet apart, which a year older, these should help keep me Guests arrived, some wearing dress clothes from the waist up along with pajama bottoms and slippers. They work from home. Everyone wore masks, and I had no idea who some of them were until we sat down to eat, barriers removed. It’s hard to converse with mystery guests, yet somehow a little titillating. Note to self: Next time, check IDs at the door, then slap meant using the two extra table leaves we only add at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh, I also packed little toy megaphones into everyone’s gift bag in case we couldn’t hear each other clearly at that table distance. YOU’RE WELCOME, GRANDMA. on track in case I forget what day it is. However, I already have day-of-the-week underwear that serve the same purpose. Best gift of all, a mask from grandma, on which she hand embroidered our family tree, each leaf containing a family “It’s hard to converse with mystery guests, yet somehow a a “Hello, my name is ______” sticker on them. I filled a wicker basket with hand sanitizer little titillating.” member’s name – even cousins twice

The first guest to enter the house had the honor of breaking through the yellow “STERILIZED” banner I had draped across packets to pass around - family style - before eating, followed by the rolls (in a different basket). removed. The mask extends past my larynx. We have a big family. the front door. He won the...door prize. Van, my husband, temperature screened everyone as they entered. I concluded that my many gifts would offset the cost of us having to buy eight oral thermometers. Like a good hostess, I set my own birthday A buffet-style dinner was ruled out. We didn’t want social distancing stickers on our carpet. So I put on my latex gloves and served (whose birthday was this again?). My cousin had the darndest time cutting his ribeye with a plastic knife, but I reminded him about being a team player After everyone left, we took a few minutes (okay, an hour) to sanitize, fumigate, wash, and disinfect the furniture, doorknobs, carpet and floors. Once the “sanitized for your protection” band was placed on the guest toilet, the process was complete. tablescape, complete with festive in these crucial times. I also reminded him We’ll plan our next event around, say, birthday-themed paper plates, wax-lined that Rome wasn’t built in a day. He glared, 2023. And if I have my way, that’ll be my cups and matching plastic utensils. At just as Van asked me why we didn’t serve next birthday, too.