I Envy the Dropout

On a fresh autumn day, we arrived on campus with clean minds, ready to be filled and prepared to face the challenges of the real world. We had packed up our expectations, our uncertainties, and our dreams and come to the place where we would get all the answers we needed to be real adults.

This was exactly what I expected to happen when I came to school first year. I had all these expectations of the four years to come. I imagined all the things I would learn, and hoped that university would prepare me for the real world. I had no idea that two years later I would be on the verge of quitting school altogether.

It’s a decision I’ve considered more times than I can count, a thought that has rooted itself in my brain. For a long time I’ve been ashamed of that part of me that wants to quit. That was until I realized just how amazing the university dropout really is.

I applaud the dropout. The person who entered the world of “higher learning” only to turn around, pack it in, and ditch the scene. To a certain degree, I envy them, the people who saw the lines being drawn around them and escaped.

I envied them because they saw it—the thing that almost all of us see without seeing—and actually did something about it. They saw the box and realized they didn’t have to stay inside it. The dropouts are the ones who understood the problem in being told to think outside the lines and then being condemned for doing just that.

We are told that we are the great minds of tomorrow, but instead of being encouraged to think with great minds, we are instructed on how best to fit inside the parameters. The professor who tells us to think and dream bigger is the same one who docks marks for taking a different route.

I know I’m not the only one who sees it. I’m not even one of few. The truth is, to varying degrees; we all understand what is happening. But how do we stop it? For those of us who know that the lives we want to live require degrees, quitting school isn’t an option. So is giving in the only choice we have?

We are often told that university prepares us for the “real world.” My question is this: how real is that world? The truth is, university is a place that prepares us for the world of the bigger box; university prepares us for the grey, dull cubicle that’s branded as the only option. Maybe I’m just stubborn, but no part of me believes that’s the only world out there. What if it isn’t?

I believe in the world of possibility. Why shouldn’t I, when it’s where most of us want to be anyways? I believe in the world where we can do what we want with the lives we’ve been given, where we can exist outside the lines, where we can draw our own damn lines.

There are some of us who are able to let go of that world. There are some of us who can accept the grey, and the box, and still be happy. If that’s you, congratulations. But what about the others? What about the ones who are on the outside? The ones who can’t let go of that technicolour world of possible?

What about the dreamers?

If you’re feeling boxed in by your choice to be here, know you’re not alone. College days don’t have to be the best days of your life. You don’t have to want the model they’ve put in front of you. Doubt the model. Doubt the whole system if you want to. Don’t believe that’s all there is just because they say so.

I’m not saying everyone should drop out of school. I’m not even saying that living “outside the box” is the best choice. Being true to who you actually are— not who someone else wants you to be, or what you feel you should be—that’s pretty important.

I’m too stubborn to give up on my degree—too sure that the life I want to live requires a post-secondary education to throw in the towel just yet. I know that to get where I want to be I have to play the game, and just hope I don’t get played along the way.

Maybe I’ll make it here and maybe I won’t. And either way, I think that’s okay.

By Lena Gilmour | Photography by Marshall Cole McCann