DANCE TO THE BEAT OF YOUR HEART
WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY DANIELA MITROVIC
Copyright 2017 Cover design, illustration, and story by daniela mitrovic. ISBN-13: 978-0-692-94455-4
Dedicated to: The Universe for granting me the strength to see this through. Joanne for busting my door down at 1 am on a work night and never giving up on me no matter how much i wanted to give up on myself Dr. Price, who patiently taught me the skills i needed to dig deep, Overcome, and conquer. The scientists and researchers who tirelessly search for alternative methods of mental health treatment. The Miami Sound Machine whose music was a beacon in the darkness, guiding me to the open door so old wounds could finally heal.
“Come out, little girl, from behind those walls, The ones you’ve built up all big and tall.”
“IT’s Safe where i am. You’ve no need to fear. Say why you’re screaming and i’ll bend an ear.”
“You’re afraid of failure. you’re afraid of rejection. You’re afraid of love, so you give no affection.”
“that fear response is part of your core. it’s no wonder you don’t want to live anymore.”
“you have loved so immensely and also have lost.
you’ve paid dearly with heartache At too great a cost.”
“if only you believed how loved you really are. everyone looks at you like you're a rockstar.�
“tear down those walls, try to let people in. they love you so much. let the healing begin.�
“Life will disappoint you, but you’ll be surprised.
life can seem like shit, but then you win the grand prize.”
“what i’m saying, little girl, is live and love freely. it won’t help you at all to live life so steely.”
“I love you, little girl, and what i’ve said is true. where you go from here is entirely up to you.”
Now, with her SCREAMING quiet, i turned AROUND to leave. i glanced back AT HER once more, and saw that girl was me.
tears began to well in her eyes. “I’m alone and that hurts a lot, but i am so angry that i am alone! everyone i’ve loved, i’ve lost!”
“you need to cherish the love you felt. stop mourning the love you’re missing. no one you’ve loved wants you to be sad! So, go out! start hugging and kissing!”
The little girl, exhausted from screaming Wanted to take a nap.
“Come here, little girl…I’ll keep you safe.” She put her head in my lap.
Just like that, she was out like a light, and gently, i stroked her hair. she had no idea how special she is. How could i make her aware?
I could tell her she’s smart, but she’s heard it before. I could tell her she’s cute, but she’d swear she’s a whore.
I could tell her that she’s funny, but that’s a tough spot. she uses her pain for laughs, and that hurts a lot.
Nothing I say Will Make her understand. I’ll jump into action. Help her take command.
She needed to see that she could succeed.
if she let others in she’d get the love she would need.
She awoke from her nap and immediately started screaming. Then she realized where she was, “I’m sorry…I was dreaming…”
“You’ve built up those walls all big and tall But you’re awfully strong, you see.” the little girl looked away in defeat, “The demons are bigger than me.”
“I promise I’m with you and I’ll never leave.” “You promise you won’t go away?” “Yes, my sweet angel, i’ll always be here.” She had nothing left to say.
She put on her armor and gathered her sword, ready to go off to war. there was a fire deep in her eyes, a look i’d not seen before.
she looked my way and gave me a nod, the one that means “I’m ready”. She placed her armored hand in mine and off we went, slow and steady.
the first obstacle was easy to beat, it was simply to open the door. She set her jaw and narrowed her eyes, she was confident, ready, and sure.
almost Immediately, light flooded the room. she winced, her eyes blinded with pain. she worked through the burning and opened her eyes and not once did she ever complain.
She stepped forward, taking a breath, Drinking in the breeze and cool air. It smelled sweet and fresh and clean, not stale with the stench of despair.
we wandered around for a good little bit when a wild demon appeared. the poor little girl gave out a yelp and ran behind me in fear.
“Don’t panic, sweet girl, you’ve got this, I’m sure.” She looked up at me in disdain.
“I’m with you for sure. one hundred percent.” She stepped out in front with some strain.
The demon gave out an ear busting roar, Shouting, “MY NAME IS DEPRESSION!!!” it bent over, looking her square in the face, “First, I must ask you a question.”
“Why do you feel that you’re worthy of love when all that you do is cause shame? you’re stupid. you’re worthless. you’re ugly and weak. Overall, I think you’re quite lame.”
tears welled up in the sad girl’s eyes. crying, she fell to her knees. “C’mon, little girl! Get up and fight! Do it! I beg of you, please!”
she thought for a moment, then took out her sword. she was steady and ready to engage. a fire welled up inside her soul, then she thrust forward with rage.
“i’m gonna kill you, you son of a bitch!!!” she screamed with a deafening sound.
it scared the breath right out of me, and those for miles around.
with laser precision, she slashed and she slashed, landing blow after blow after blow.
the demon stood still, did not budge an inch. She just could not move her foe.
The demon laughed loudly, “Little girl, you are dumb. You’ll never be able to beat me.” She stared to the distance, far and away, at something that i could not see.
off she went running, as quick as a hare. “where are you going? Come back!” Hold on, she motioned, overflowing with glee, “I’ve got a new plan of attack.”
A Few minutes later, she arrived with some folks Who looked like part of a band. I stood there in awe, beside myself, Wondering what she had planned.
She gave the singer a wink and a nod. they raised up their horns and played.
she began dancing and singing along. these folks had come to her aid!
THE GIRL DANCEd AND SANG AS THE DEMON GOT SHORTER AND SHORTER. THE music and fun diminished the fiend ’TIL it WAS THE SIZE OF A QUARTER.
THE GIRL KINDLY THANKED THE BAND, THEN SENT THEM ALONG THEIR WAY. She looked down at the demon. She had something to say.
“You’ve robbed me of my dignity! My pride’s been torn and tattered!
I should kill you on the spot! stomp you and leave you splattered!”
“Instead, I’ve decided to let you live, now that I know how to beat you,
And if you ever act up again, I’ll know how to defeat you.”
My heart practically flooded with joy At the battle that i had just seen. she had just overcome a demon so large, and still, she seemed so serene.
“Hey,” she said, “Let’s leave it alone, but first, help me take off this armor.”
one by one, the pieces came off. she felt like nothing could harm her.
The girl and I started walking around With no destination in mind.
we walked and we talked of the battle she fought And the way the little girl shined.
she suddenly paused and grabbed my arm. She told me her stomach felt sick. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt, her pulse rising fast, I knew that I had to think quick.
The poor little girl began to burn up. she was clammy and started to shake. off in the distance, salvation was found in the form of a crystal clear lake.
i scooped the little girl up in my arms, running as fast as i could. when we got to the lake, i threw her in. she floated on top, like wood.
All of a sudden, this ball of electric Consumed the little girl whole. “I AM THE DEMON CALLED ANXIETY AND I’VE COME TO ROB YOUR SOUL!!!”
“Oh my god, little girl,” I shouted. “get up!” “I can’t. i’m knocked out with fear.” “you have to keep trying! at least stand up!” “I’ve failed us. just let me die here.”
THE DEMON ZAPPED HER WITH A SHOCK. THE LITTLE GIRL CONVULSED IN PAIN. WHEN SHE TRIED TO MOVE, IT ZAPPED HER AGAIN WITH THE FORCE OF A HURRICANE.
THE LITTLE GIRL HAD BEEN KNOCKED RIGHT OUT, HER BODY AS LIMP AS A RAG. I KNEW THAT IF SHE COULD JUST GET UP SHE’D HAVE THIS BATTLE IN THE BAG.
I heard a commotion approaching our spot, the band who helped once before. i showed them the girl and started to beg, Asking for help once more.
The band agreed and the singer began projecting a powerful tune. the little girl began to wake up. the battle would be over soon.
The little girl got back up and started to sing and dance. once the rhythm had filled her soul the demon withstood no chance. She grabbed the demon by the tail and swung it around her head. she slammed its body on the ground. she kicked it until it bled.
“I won’t go down without a fight!” the demon zapped her once more. it was stronger this time, she fell to her knees, beaten, battered, and sore.
The singer stopped singing her powerful tune, and changed to a hip swinging beat. The little girl, energized again, Stumbled back onto her feet.
“if i can’t beat you, i’ll tucker you out. We’ll have a dance marathon. i know that I’ll beat you. i know that i’ll win. Rhythm always BEATS brawn!”
The girl kept dancing for hours on end Showing no signs of fatigue, then she pulled out her special moves. this demon was out of his league.
The band was exhausted, the singer was hoarse, but she kept going and going.
the demon began to show signs of distress. its movements were jerky and slowing.
“Sudden death rules!”, the little girl shouted, and grabbed the demon from behind. she put her hands upon its hips and formed a conga line!
“i give up, little girl! uncle! no more!” it ardently begged with a snivel. the little girl sent the demon right off, remaining composed and civil.
the tables were turned as the band thanked the girl for giving them a much needed break. she knew they were tired, so she helped set up their camp at the edge of the lake.
the girl offered the singer a lozenge and then thanked the rest of the band. Then we continued along our way. I was holding the little girl’s hand. as we walked, i started to notice the little girl began to get older. she must have put on ten years, at least. then i noticed it got colder.
we stood in a clearing, it turned black as night. The temperature dropped below freezing. i had lost sight of the little girl. her screaming was very displeasing.
“let me go! don’t touch me there!” the little girl pleaded with fervor. i couldn’t find her alone in the dark. i remained a concerned observer.
the little girl sobbed and screamed in pain, “I don’t want this! let me go!” the screaming continued like back in the dungeon, “let me out of here! help me! please, no!”
the commotion continued for quite a long time, followed by blood curdling silence. when all of a sudden, i heard a loud whack. i knew she was dealing with violence.
she couldn’t see what it was she was fighting. its name was beyond her reach. i felt a cold wind cut through my bones. the little girl gave out a screech.
whack! smack! crack! thwack! tHE LITTLE GIRL WAS TAKING A BEATING. WHEN EACH BLOW LANDED, SHE SCREAMED AGAIN. MY HOPE FOR HER WAS FLEETING.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE NOISES HAD STOPPED, AND A CALMNESS FILLED THE AIR. A LIGHT OPENED UP IN THE CLEARING. I SAW THE GIRL WAS THERE.
her clothes had been ripped, her face kind of bruised. why was she in such a state? i was quite confused.
she looked up at me, half crying, half dazed. i had no idea what to say.
i held the little girl close in my arms and let her cry away.
I asked the little girl what had happened after she stopped her crying. “Nothing,” she said. “I’m okay. it’s fine.” I could tell that she was lying.
Whatever had happened, I didn’t want to pry. she would open up if she was willing. she vacantly stared off into the night. the look in her eyes was chilling.
We sat for a bit until she was able to get on her feet once more. I knew we were getting close to the end. in the distance, i saw the ocean shore.
we walked all day, stopping briefly to rest, When we finally reached the shore. We walked over the dune, and to my surprise, there was the band once more.
The sun was setting in the sky. the party atmosphere growing. People began to arrive at the beach. the horns in the band began blowing.
“C’mon, little girl, let’s go get some cake.” but she stood there, frozen and white.
There it was, a demon on her neck. this was her final fight.
I reached for the demon and started to pull. “Don’t touch me,” it snarled! “She’ll die!”
“I am the demon called PTSD, and i’ll keep her frozen in time!”
the little girl had that look on her face, the same one i saw in the clearing. i did not know what the demon had done, or what it was she was fearing.
The band started again. I was optimistic. Their music had helped her before. the demon grabbed the little girl’s ear, “Don’t dance,” it said. “You’re a whore.”
“Remember what I did to you back in the clearing? How I knew every inch of your skin And then I beat you and asked if you liked it?” It had a terrible grin.
The little girl stared blankly off into space, like her body had been drained of its soul. Now that I knew what this demon was, I could help her regain control.
I grabbed the girl’s shoulders, “Hey, look at my face, And dance to the beat of your heart.” but there she remained, frozen like ice, her expression looked blown apart.
“Little girl, believe me, it’s helped you before. Just summon the music within. i’m here with you, darling, i’m right by your side. i’m with you, so battle to win.”
In just a few moments, I saw her return from wherever her mind had gone. she began to glow in a rainbowy light. it was quite the phenomenon.
just then, the demon that sat on her neck began to howl with distress. the little girl summoned the music inside. she started to dance with finesse.
the demon couldn’t hold on anymore. it was starting to lose its grip. it fell to the ground with a thud and a yelp shattering like a corn chip.
The battle was over, the little girl won. “You did it, little girl! you’re finally free!” She continued to glow even when she stopped dancing. Giggling, she looked over at me.
“Oh, I feel better! so carefree and light!” She snorted from laughing so hard. she took my hand and we started to walk. “Thank you for being my guard.”
The little girl was free to do what she wanted. there was nothing holding her down. we arrived at the foot of this happening party. the little girl and I looked around.
Everyone was having a fabulous time dancing and moving to the beat. i took a step forward, all ready to join in, but she stopped me dead on my feet.
“I’m totally free to go on my way, but from you, i don’t want to depart.
You’ve helped me out every step of the way, And I want to live in your heart.”
Once the transmutation was done the girl had become part of me. Despite how brilliant the glow had shined, It was a change i thought no one could see.
but the singer had noticed, and so had the band, having traveled with them all the way. The singer gave me the wink and the nod the little girl gave her that day.
she began to belt out a joyful tune. that little girl so loved the beat. i felt her urging me from within to get out there and move my feet.
“I’ll dance, little girl. I’ll sing just for you.” i told myself firmly, out loud. i began to swing my hips with force to make that little girl proud.
I continued to dance well into the night, then day after day after day, keeping that precious little girl inside safe and out of harm’s way.
by helping that girl, i helped out myself. i conquered my demons and fears. that little girl will live in my heart For all the rest of my years.