Bereavement Booklet by Marine Corps Exchange

A Guide for Employees of Marine Corps Community Services

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Coping with Loss of Someone Close

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Steps of Loss & Grief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 - 5 Coping with Your Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 - 6 Helping Your Younger Children Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 - 8 Helping Your Teenager Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 If Your Loved One Was: Marine Corps Community Services or Federal Employee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Active Duty or Retired Military Service Member . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 - 11 General Survivor Information: Death Certificates, Wills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 Probate, Needed Certificates, Organization Memberships

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Insurance Policies, Automobile Titles, Bank Accounts, etc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Credit Bureaus, Credit Cards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Social Security . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Taxes (Federal Estate, State Estate & Income) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Helpful Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 - 20

After the loss of a loved one the days ahead can be challenging. We want you to know that you are not alone. Your MCCS family is here to help you through these diﬃcult times albeit personal or business related. Right now there are many things to consider and tasks that are essential. You may need to make final arrangements, notify various agencies and businesses, settle your loved one’s estate and, most importantly, ensure that their wishes are carried out. This booklet is designed to act as a guide to assist you with some of these steps. There will certainly be other things you will need to consider but this is a place to start. Though your life has changed, our Marine values remain timeless to include “Taking care of our own.” We’re here whenever you need us. If there is anything we can do to lessen your burden, please, just ask.

Coping with the Loss of Someone Close When you lose a spouse or other immediate family member, you may feel as though the pain will never end. How can you cope with your feelings of loss and grief? If you have children at home, how can you comfort them when you are feeling such sorrow yourself? The information here is meant to help you with the intense and diﬃcult emotions that come with the death of a spouse or other immediate family member.

An Indescribable Sense of Pain and Loss Few experiences are as painful as the death of an immediate family member. If your husband or wife, child or parent has died you are likely to feel intense emotions – shock, sorrow, anger, and possibly guilt. You will grieve not only for the loss of their companionship, but for the future that you expected to share. Sometimes, you may even wonder if life will ever be “normal” again.

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You will suddenly be faced with details of life to perform without the support and sharing of your loved one. If your spouse has died and you have children, you now face the challenges of caring for them alone. If you don’t have children but had hoped to share parenthood with your spouse, you will grieve the loss of that aspect of your life as well. The emotions that you are feeling are complicated and difficult to endure. No two people experience loss in the same way. Many people feel numb for some time, while others may react with immediate anger. It is important to let yourself feel the pain when you lose someone you love, and to let your grief run its course. Most people find that over time the intensity of their pain lessens, and they eventually come to feel more like themselves again. Although you may never again feel “the same”, you will reach a new kind of normal, and your sorrow will feel less immediate and raw. If the death of your loved one was sudden, you may experience nightmares or symptoms of “traumatic stress.” This is a normal reaction to an abnormal event – the death of a loved one in a sudden or violent manner. These are not limited to sudden death and can definitely occur after the death of one who has endured a prolonged illness. While they can happen concurrently, trauma reactions are different from grief itself, and need to be recognized and supported differently. Never hesitate to discuss your feelings with your professional community such as your family physician, clergy member or counselor.

Steps of Loss & Grief Acknowledging the Reality of Your Loss This includes understanding a loss has occurred and, as diﬃcult as it may be to grasp, there is nothing that can be done to reverse it. This feeling of “finality” can be very diﬃcult to comprehend.

The Mourning Process Grief hurts, and there is no easy way around this fact. We mourn, or physically feel the pain of our loss, because we loved so much. Some people may try to distract themselves but if you don’t allow yourself to grieve, your sorrow may stay buried and return in more painful ways. Well-meaning friends may suggest, at some point, that is time to “get over” your loss, or that you should distract yourself by taking a trip or becoming extra busy. Explain to them that the emotions of grief are very complicated and the kind of pain you are feeling can take a very long time to lessen… healing time can vary greatly from one person to another and there is absolutely no “time limit” on grieving.

Adjusting to the Environment in which your Family Member is Missing It can take time to become completely aware of the new roles you will need to take on and the skills you will need to learn. This can be complicated, and sometimes needs to take place, in some cases, before you are ready. You may still be deep in grief but may have others depending on you for support or for normal family obligations. Reach out when you need it… sharing your feelings, even with a close friend, can help immensely.

Moving in a Diﬀerent Direction Building a new life with a family member missing takes time too. Learning new skills, forming new social connections and deriving satisfaction with your new life are all critical to grieving and becoming whole again. It is important to keep in mind that the tasks are a natural progression, and there is no time line involved for any of the steps. The tasks can overlap or take a longer, or shorter, time to accomplish. The process of grief can’t be rushed, nor should it be.

Coping with Your Loss The death of someone close takes an enormous toll, both emotionally and physically. You are likely not to “be yourself” for some time. The following may help you navigate during this very diﬃcult time:

Express Your Feelings Some people find it helpful to cry, pray, or spend time talking about their loss with friends or family members. Others have diﬃculty expressing their feelings. If you find it diﬃcult, you may want to write them down in a journal. You will be amazed how cathartic it is getting out your feelings in this way!

Take Care of Yourself It’s easy to neglect yourself when your thoughts are elsewhere. Try to eat well, even it if means eating small portions instead of regular meals. Go for walks if possible, and take naps if they make you feel better.

Let Others take Care of You Often friends and neighbors want to help, but don’t know what to do. Let them take the load of duties away from you, like grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, maybe bring you a meal, or simply sit with you or go for a walk with you. DON’T FEEL AS IF YOU ARE AN IMPOSITION! When the people who love you oﬀer to help… they mean it!

Stay in Touch with Others Spending time alone with your thoughts can be an important part of the healing process, but too much solitude may leave you feeling isolated from the support you need. Reach out to people who listen well, such as family, friends, and clergy members. It is especially helpful to talk with others who have experienced a similar loss.

Respect Your Beliefs If spiritual beliefs are part of your life, they can be a great comfort after a loss. If you question your beliefs, try not to feel guilty, this is a normal part of grieving for many people. Even if you haven’t been religiously observant for some time, a sensitive clergy member will understand if you seek help.

Treasure Your Memories When you feel ready, take time to remember what you treasure most about your loved one. You may want to find a special way to honor them

Helping Your Younger Children Cope with Grief If you have children at home, you will have the doubly diﬃcult task of helping them cope with their feelings of grief while you yourself are grieving. You may want to keep the following in mind:

Share your Feelings in Appropriate Ways Saying that you feel sad, too, lets your child know that it’s alright to show their feelings.

Help Your Child Talk about the Loss Let them know that it’s normal to feel sad or worried and to miss their father, mother, sibling, grandparent or other family member very much. Often young children have a hard time putting their feelings into words. Give them tools to help them express themselves – finger paints, modeling clay, paper and crayons or markers.

Talk with Your Child’s Teachers Make sure your child’s teachers know what they are going through. Ask them to be sensitive and to let you know of any behavior changes.

Try to Keep Up Basic Family Routines Familiar activities can be very comforting to a child who is going through a diﬃcult time. Ask a friend or family member to help with the logistics of getting them to/from practices, play dates, etc. Continuing family routines can be a source of strength and comfort for all of you.

Helping Your Teenager Teenagers, too, need reassurance and opportunities to talk about the loss of a parent or close family member. Many teenagers are reluctant to discuss their feelings because they are afraid of adding to the parent’s grief and stress. Let your teenager know t hat you are available to talk, even though you yourself are feeling sad. Make sure they have opportunities to talk with other trusted adults – coaches, teachers, guidance counselors, or a leader of your place of worship. Many teenagers benefit from one-on-one counseling and they might also find it helpful to keep a journal during this time and in the months to come.

If your loved one was a Marine Corps Community Services or Federal Employee Was your loved one a current or former Marine Corps Community Service or other Department of Defense employee? If so, please contact your local Human Resources Oﬃce. (See credit card sleeve). You will need to provide answers to the following: • Were they retired and receiving retirement checks? • Did they list a beneficiary for any of their benefits?

If your loved one was an Active Duty or Retired Service Member If your loved was an Active Duty or Retired Service Member, please contact their Casualty Assistant Office. Each branch of service has a Casualty Assistant Call Officer (CACO) that can provide immediate assistance and information. The Veteran’s Affairs (VA) can provide burial benefit information for deceased military members.

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An important note, if the deceased is receiving annuitants it is critical that you inform the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) that the recipient has passed away. If this is not done, then you may be held liable for repayment of funds received posthumously. Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) U.S. Military Retirement Pay PO Box 7130 London, KY 40742-7130 (800) 321-1080 As a survivor of a retired armed service member, your ID card will have to be updated to reflect your status change. Please visit www.dmdc.osd.mil/rsl to locate an installation near you. If your loved one was a military veteran, please contact the Department of Veterans Aﬀairs Oﬃce (VA) for burial information. Your loved one may qualify for a burial benefits. Please visit www.militaryfuneralhonors.osd.mil for more information. Contact any Veteran’s Service organizations to which your loved one may have belonged to. The Department of Defense “Survivor’s Guide to Benefits” has a great deal of helpful information. Please ask for a copy or visit the link under “References” at: https://www.manpower.usmc.mil/portal/page?_pageid=278, 1952407&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

General Survivor Information Death Certificates Request several certified originals of the death certificate. Some agencies or oﬃces may accept photocopies, but most require a certified copy. The Funeral Director can usually help with this, or you can contact the Register of Deeds where the death occurred.

Wills Locate your loved one’s will. The lawyer of the deceased may have the will, or it may be in a safe deposit box or with the personal belongings of the deceased. Update your own will, Power of Attorney, and/or Living Wills as needed. Especially if your loved one was named as a beneficiary or executor of your estate, you’ll want to make important changes.

General Survivor Information Probate Probate is the process of paying the deceased’s debts and distributing the estate to the beneficiaries. The process begins with the court appointing someone to administer the estate. The Will usually names the executor. If there is no Will, or no executor is named, the court will appoint a “personal representative”, usually a spouse or relative. This person will need to pay a filing fee, inform interested parties, especially creditors, that the estate is being probated, make inventory of assets, and dispose of the estate according to the Will or state laws. Depending on the size and complexity of the estate, legal assistance may be required.

Other Needed Certificates • Marriage Certificates – contact the Register of Deeds from where the marriage was performed. • Birth Certificates – contact the Register of Deeds from where your loved one was born • Military Records – National Personnel Records Center (DD-214) 9700 Page Avenue St. Louis, MO 63132 Attn: (Branch of Service)

Organization Memberships Notify organizations that your loved one belonged to (auto clubs, service organizations, etc.) Some may provide a benefit to deceased member’s survivors.

Insurance Policies Locate insurance policies. These may be found in a safe deposit box or with the personal belongings of the deceased. These policies could include: • Life Insurance policies through MCCS or other agencies • Mortgage or loan insurance • Accident Insurance • Health Insurance • Auto Insurance • Credit Card Insurance

Automobile Titles The title of the vehicle owned by your loved one may need to be changed. Contact your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) for more information.

Bank Accounts, Stocks and Bonds If you had a joint bank account with your loved one, it should automatically pass to you. Notify the financial institution of your loved one’s passing. Ask them about the required steps you will have to do to change the title and signature on the account. If the bank account was held solely in your loved one’s name, the assets will have to go through probate. Check with stockbrokers to change any stock or bond titles.

Credit Card Bureaus Order a report from the credit card bureau to ensure that you are aware of the credit cards in your loved one’s name. They can be ordered from the credit reporting agencies. The three major companies are: • Equifax – www.equifax.com or (800) 685-1111 • Experian – www.experian.com or (888) 397-3742 • TransUnion – www.transunion.com or (800) 888-4213

Credit Cards Contact all the credit card companies and let them know about your loved one’s passing. This will ensure that no one uses them under their name. Check with stockbrokers to change any stock or bond titles.

Social Security Check with the local Social Security Oﬃce in your county or call the toll-free number at (800) 772-1213 to determine if your loved one was eligible for benefits. Please have your loved one’s social security number handy. If they were already receiving benefits, do not deposit any checks after the death. The Social Security Administration will advise you on what to do with them. If your loved one was eligible to receive benefits, depending on your situation, you will receive one of the two benefits possible. They are: • A death benefit of $225. Either the surviving spouse (or child entitled to survivor’s benefits) or the funeral director can complete the application and apply the benefit directly to the funeral bill. • Survivor’s benefits for an eligible spouse or children. To be eligible, the spouse must be either: Age 60 or older Age 50 or older, if disabled Under age 60 and caring for children under 16 or disabled An important note: Whether your loved one is eligible or not to receive benefits, the Social Security Oﬃce should be notified of your loved one’s passing. This is to ensure no one uses your loved one’s SSN and to prevent identity theft.

Federal Estate Taxes A Federal Estate Tax Return must be filed and taxes paid within nine months of the date of the death. Estate tax is only due on estates exceeding certain dollar amounts, but a return must still be filed. Please contact the Internal Revenue Service for more information at (800) 829-1040.

State Estate Taxes The conditions for filing an Estate Tax Return and for paying your state taxes are similar to the requirements for filing federal returns. Please check with your local taxation department for more information.

Income Taxes Federal and State income taxes of the deceased are due for the year of death on the normal filing date unless you file for an extension. The spouse of the deceased may file jointly for one year after death and spouses with dependent children may file jointly for two years. The IRS booklet, publication #559 Information for Survivors, Executors and Administrators may be requested by contacting the local IRS oďŹ&#x192;ce.

Helpful Resources Employee Assistance Program Phone number: (800) 424-5988 Website: www.MagellanHealth.com/Member

Human Resources Division Benefits Section Phone number: (see business card sleeve) Website: www.usmc-mccs.org

Civil Service Benefits Hotline Phone number: (888) 767-6738 Website: www.opm.gov

Social Security Administration Phone number: (800) 772-1213 Website: http://www.ssa.gov

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Helpful Resources continued Internal Revenue Service Phone number: (800) 829-1040 Website: http://www.irs.gov

Department of Revenue Phone number: (see business card sleeve)

Department of Transportation, Department of Motor Vehicles Phone number: (see business card sleeve)

OďŹ&#x192;ce of Vital Records Phone number: (see business card sleeve)

U.S. Marine Corps Casualty Assistance Manpower and Reserve AďŹ&#x20AC;airs Phone number: (800) 847-1597 Website: www.manpower.usmc.mil

Military OneSource Phone number: (800) 342-9647

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Helpful Resources continued U.S. Navy Casualty Assistance Phone number: (800) 362-3202 www.npc.navy.mil/CommandSupport/CasualtyAssistance

U.S. Army Casualty Assistance Phone number: (800) 626-3317 Website: www.armycasualty.army.mil

U.S. Air Force Casualty Services Phone number: (800) 433-0048 Website: www.afpc.randolph.af.mil

Defense Finance and Accounting Service Phone number: (800) 321-1080 Phone number: (800) 433-0048 Website: www.dfas.mil

U.S. Department of Veterans AďŹ&#x20AC;airs Phone number: (800) 827-1000 Website: http://va.gov

Important Contacts Name ______________________________________________________________ Program/organization _______________________________________________________ Address ____________________________________________________________________ E-mail _______________________________ Work phone ________________________ Cell phone __________________________ Fax _________________________________ Notes ______________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________

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Important Notes _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ 24