Not getting any younger

– BY CINDY MOORE –

THERE’S A SAYING, IF THE MUSIC’S TOO LOUD, YOU’RE TOO OLD. I think my husband and I have reached the “too old” point. All the indications are there.

For instance, the other day we went into a restaurant. The music was really loud and obnoxious. We generally don’t say a lot when we’re dining together, but this time it was so noisy we could hardly hear each other not speaking to one another.

“Looks like it might rain,” I finally said.

“My mother is NOT a pain,” he barked. “Your mother is the one with issues.”

I handed him a napkin.

“What’s this for?” he asked.

“You said you wanted a tissue.”

“I can’t hear what you’re saying,” he said.

“Well, I can’t hear what you can’t hear that I’m not saying so let’s just get out of here.”

“But I haven’t got my milkshake yet.”

“Don’t be silly, there’s not going to be an earthquake! Now let’s go.”

We headed out the door just as a couple of teenagers came in. My husband was putting the money for his milkshake back into his wallet, but instead he handed it over to the girls. They looked at the money and then him and then each other and shook their heads in disbelief.

“What the heck are you handing out money to total strangers for?” I asked.

“Didn’t you see the condition of their clothes? Their jeans had holes in the pant legs big enough to drive a semi through. They’re probably going into the restaurant to scrounge for leftovers from tabletops.”

“Sweetie, I think those are fashionable now. They pay big bucks for those holes.”

“Nice try, but nobody’s dumb enough to pay for holes.”

Just then his phone alarm went off.

“Now what?” I asked.

“It’s time for my pills. We need to go back into the restaurant.”

“We just left, why would we need to go back?”

“Because I need some water to take my pills. I left a full glass on our table.”

“That’s ridiculous. We can buy a bottle from the drugstore here.”

He laughed, “Number one, I gave my last dollars to those homeless orphans and number two, why would I buy water when I can get it for free?”

We’re either old…or senile…or both. All the indications are there.

BY DAVID FINKELSTEIN