OurThoughts MOORE ON LIFE BY CINDY MOORE
Daylight ravings
It’s here again. That weird time in March. “You mean the holiday when we violently pinch those not wearing green; the time when we force ourselves to shove corned beef and cabbage down our throats even though we hate it; the holiday we party around like happy little leprechauns till we pass out?” Wow! I though my idea was weird, but you’re right, that is one messed up holiday. Well then…ahem…the second weirdest time of the month--daylight savings time. History tells us that daylight savings time was originated by, George Hudson, the famous entomologist. “Who the heck is he? And what’s an entomologist?” He just happened to be a renowned scientist who studied insects. He believed that by creating a two-hour time shift, he’d have more after-work hours of sunshine in which to go bug hunting in the summer. But there are advantages and disadvantages with the time switch. Let’s go over some. Pro: People shop more during extended daylight hours. More shopping and more sunshine release more endorphins. Endorphins stream through our system like happy little bugs. Back off Hudson! Con: I could very well explode from an overdose of endorphins. Pro: Our math skills sharpen. When the clock is changed I am constantly adding or subtracting hours to find the “real” time. Alarm goes off at 6 a.m. “Let’s see, six minus one hour means…it’s really 5 a.m.! Wake me when it’s nine minus one!” Con: Mentally we can’t adjust and physically our bodies never truly adjust. Our seasonal timing is severely affected. Similar to the physical jolt that happens when I walk into Hobby Lobby at the end of August and the Christmas decorations are up. I began to twitch and shudder and physically feel a gust of frigid air and mentally begin to hear “Jingle Bells” playing in my mind. I experience a seasonal meltdown. Pro: The crime rate drops. The first day of daylight savings saw robberies fall seven percent. The alarm goes off at 4 a.m. and robbers say, “It’s really 3 a.m.! Much too early to plunder and pillage!” Further proof that criminals are lazy lumps. Con: There are more accidents. Pedestrian squish-ups are three times higher. But when compared with texting while walking, it came out much lower. So we can thank the Bug Man for making our lives really messed up, but not as messed up as that holiday when we celebrate green. Cindy Moore is the mother of three superlative kids, servant of two self-indulgent felines and wife to one nifty husband. Her ficticious occupation? Archeological Humorist: someone who unearths absurdity and hilarity in strange and unusual places including public restrooms, the lint filter, and church meetings. Most recently, she excavated a find in her neighbor’s bird feeder.
12 | OUR TOWN | MARCH 2020
