Dare to Connect

Many New Year’s Resolutions have been made and some have been abandoned already but with the new year already in motion, the clock is ticking to make a difference in our lives. We don’t say this to put you into a frenzy, but rather to give you an appreciation for the time you spend. We are innately social creatures, we have been hardwired from the very beginning to seek each other out and are constantly and profoundly shaped by the relationships in our lives. The time we spend in the relationships that surround us is precious and should be cherished. But the truth is, it’s not always easy to make and keep these connections.

We as humans have the ability to empathize and relate to one another; through communication, the exchange of emotions, ideas, and opinions is part of what makes us so unique. The bonds that we create, and are sometimes created for us, nurture a full and happy life; however, in a busy world full of distractions it can be hard to build lasting friendships in the limited time we have. In the interest of having the best 2020 possible, we wanted to put together a list… not one that has little impact, but one that might have the biggest possible impact on our daily lives and self-identity.

1. Take 24 hours... and don't mention yourself.

So many times we get into conversation and get distracted by trying to relate ourselves to the other person’s story, interjecting our piece the second we get the chance. By not mentioning ourselves, not saying “I” or “me” we alleviate the need to put ourselves into the conversation. When we do this, the sole focus of the conversation becomes the other person. This allows us to focus 100% of our attention on them, and much less on ourselves, engaging in the conversation significantly more.

2. Ask someone to teach you something.

When we are being taught, we take a different stance than usual. We are learning from this person, but quite frequently we are trying to teach everyone else something that we know. We have this innate need to make ourselves useful, knowledgeable, or capable; when we put ourselves in a position to learn we take those needs away. When we strip away the “need” to be the teacher, we are able to interact on a much more personal level. Everyone had a favorite teacher in elementary school, one that we connected with more than others… this is why.

3. Leave your phone at home... and your smartwatch, and Bluetooth, and...

We need to pay attention during conversations. While this step isn’t practical in our everyday lives, we can implement this on a smaller level. Technology has had some unintentional consequences on society. There is a phenomenon called Phantom Ringing Syndrome, this is when we feel our phone buzzing in our pocket but it isn’t. Our minds have wrapped themselves around the technology we carry or wear. This takes effect even when we are engaged in conversation. Removing this obstacle allows for a deeper connection with others through conversation.

Take any one of the items above and try it out. Being intentional about the connections we have and make is one of the most rewarding things we can do as human beings. However, a small word of caution, the effect being intentional about cultivating connections is great. Being vulnerable is inevitable when we make real and lasting connections, and sometimes being vulnerable is something that we try to avoid. So be encouraged and be warned, the risk is great, but the reward greater; go out and connect.