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Serving the Treasure Coast Over 40 Years Experience

For What It’s Worth by Dr. Melfi , Ph.D.

When we su er the loss of a loved one, either through break-up, divorce or death, there is a true emptiness inside, a palpable hole where there was once happiness. We’ve all experienced loss at one time or another, and we’ve all felt the aching of heartbreak. If it is the death of a family member, we o en go through photographs, wanting to chose some to display so they are never far away. If it is the loss of someone you once loved, who for whatever reason, is no longer in your life, we o en act in a di erent way, sometimes boxing up all the photographs and memories in anger, vowing to never set eyes upon them again. at is a mistake, from my perspective. Everyone we meet serves a purpose, even if it causes a broken heart. We learn something each time we make a mistake, each time we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, each time we stay in a relationship too long, knowing in hindsight the journey has been laced with red ags. Sometimes, we even believe that we can remain friends with this person, and that friendship has worked for some individuals, but it is not easy to erase the intimacy factor and replace it with a relationship that no longer shares that intimacy, especially if there is someone new in your old beau’s life.

The bottom line is this: for as many friends as you ask, you will get that many opinions on what you should do, and how to conduct your life going forward. None of that advice is valid, not really, because we don’t have words in the English language to adequately explain the true emotion of heartbreak, or what that relationship meant to you. Yes, there will be anger, many tears, hopefulness, anxiety, and feelings of less than adequate self-worth, but if we can believe in the next step, the next level, the next someone who has been searching for you, and now, might finally find you, you can begin to rebuild what was lost. You might want to take out his/her picture and stare at it, cry over it, knowing full well that you will probably feel worse afterward. But that’s ok, if it is something you need to do. That’s the point. No one can tell you how to get over someone you once loved, and lost. It is trial and error, it is patience, it takes time, and true grit. You may think that you will never be whole again, but I promise, you will.

For What It’s

Worth, I believe that destiny aways occurs, that it is not something that you did wrong, or the other party did wrong, as much as the relationship simply ran its course, and there was nothing more to be gained from it for either of you. If you chose someone who was incapable of giving, of loving, of fidelity, then you are ahead of the game without them. If you chose someone who had many wonderful attributes, be thankful you had the opportunity to be a part of their life, even for a little while. Then, dry your eyes and keep going, one foot in front of the other. The person you are destined to grow old with is still out there, and you will find love again, perhaps deeper, more stable, less volatile, more compassionate. I wish you knew what I know. You are going to be happy again. That is a solemn promise.

Comments or Suggestions DrMelfi @mediaoms.com

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