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For What It’s Worth by Dr. Melfi , Ph.D.
ere seems to be a lot of unhappy couples in the past year, undoubtedly feeling cooped up because of the pandemic, but maybe it might be a good idea to take a good look at the relationship, and have a sit down with each other, in neutral territory, not the bedroom, not in earshot of the children, and x things that need xing. First, I blame the internet, for the lack of personal time devoted to each other, whether it is because of Facebook, or searching out the stock market, or watching movies on the computer. ere will be those of you who will argue that the internet is the best thing that ever happened since sliced bread, but I’m not so sure about that. Even in a friendly discussion, if a subject comes up that doesn’t seem accurate, rather than each partner explaining why they feel the way they do, there is no conversation, because everyone is “factchecking”. is causes competition about which partner was correct, who is more intelligent, and things go downhill from there. Also, couples are looking for instant answers, immediate solutions, without taking into consideration how much fun it used to be to really listen to your partner’s hopes and dreams, and support them.
Women also have the notion that their husbands are bumps on a log, uninterested in romance, unwilling to put in the energy needed to sweep them o their feet, such as they have witnessed on shows like e Bachelor. Ladies, this is not real life. I don’t know this for sure, but I am willing to bet that most of the statements made by the bachelors have been scripted, because almost no man, and none that I have had the pleasure of meeting, embraces all things romantic like the show depicts. Hallmark is another fantasy show written for women who believe that their husbands should come home from a hard day of work, plucking owers from the yard, whispering sweet nothings into their partner’s ear, while she just happens to be dressed in perfectly tting clothing, on a perfectly t body. Men who watch television tend to prefer adventure shows, wilderness shows about extreme camping and overloading, and sports, much to the dismay of their wives. A er watching shows like that, it is little wonder that the man isn’t ready to snuggle on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. He’s all jacked up thinking he needs to slay the dragon or jump on his horse to parts unknown.
In other words, we o en expect our partners to be an extension of us, men wanting a woman who can change a tire in a pinch, and women wanting men who notice that there are new slipcovers on the couch. It’s just not reality. We are two di erent genders, and we might as well say two di erent species, both believing that their way is the only way. Yet, if we re ect back in time, we nearly knocked ourselves out trying to date/marry the exact same people who are now driving us crazy. We should really make an attempt to accept our spouse as he or she is, and realize that the programs we get lost in on television are just the imagination of a good writer, whose production company has had the foresight to hire good actors. Real life is not fantasy. Real life is hard, it makes us weary, our husbands/wives can be exhausting, and impossible to deal with, not because they don’t love us, but because we o en want them to change into something they’re not. Imagine how it would be without your spouse, really without him/her. en imagine it over days, weeks, months.
For What It’s Worth, those
nagging annoyances would vanish and you’d be le with memories that would make you weep with sadness at the loss of them. Now look again. e person you promised to love forever is right before your eyes. Give them a kiss and tell them how much you love them, then think of this. One day one of you will no longer be here.
