Hogspore News: Hoggy didn’t see his shadow

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

The real groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow on February 2, and some guy in a top hat in Philadelphia said six more weeks of winter are coming. That’s a few days before the calendar says it’s Spring. Why do we need a giant squirrel to tell us what we already know? The town’s own Hoggy didn’t see his shadow, and everybody cheered. Mayor Ringer announced it was a hollerday, and had Hoggy dispatched to a new home in the Mayor’s smokehouse.

Polk County Master Gardeners “Yard of the Month” Nominee

Name of Nominee:

Address of Nominee:

Phone # of Nominee:

Please fill out and return to Polk County Extension Office 211 DeQueen St. Mena, AR

* Master Gardeners are ineligible to be nominated.

Space aliens on a barbeque scavenger hunt years ago visited Linda Meeker, co-owner of the now closed Happy Porker Barbeque Restaurant. The critters abducted her and returned her to earth seven years later in a family way. She’s writing a book about the experiences in the spacecraft, which looked like a greyhound bus with fins instead of wheels.

Linda doesn’t have a title yet, so she calls it Turn Off the Light-Years, I’m Trying to Sleep. The memoirs will take us from the day of abduction to earth’s return to birth a litter of pods.

She’s occupied a the epilogue, where the story tells what happened to her pod prodigies, and how the children are faring now. The spaceshells hatched and survived. They got their mother’s good looks, ‘cept for being three feet tall. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but here’s a small spoiler. They’re doing well in careers around the country and getting highly paid, ‘cept one who is still working as a permanent mascot for our High School Rooters football team. He wears a furry pig costume and does a really fine job keeping the crowd excited, rooting for the home team. It’s a full-circle thing writers try to shove into books: The father comes to our planet to get barbeque pulled pork, and now the son is a cute swine himself. It’s supposed to be an ironic twist. It isn’t. Mother Meeker ain’t a very smart writer. Give her credit though for being famous throughout the galaxy for her sauce. Punkin wanted to add a joke here. Not cause it’s funny or a clever comment, but cause she’s the boss of me. Punkin says, “Linda’s barbeque sauce is out of this world.”

Here’s a limerick from an unknown Hogspore citizen. I was gonna say anonymous, but I don’t know how to spell anonymous.

“Missing A Limberick”

A civil war vet in battle was put Soon he was shot and lost his left foot.

The surgeon sawed it off, Turned, and then coughed. Sawbones inhaled much too much soot.

Mumford Pickens’ riddle and answer too, cause folks that read this kinda stuff aren’t into delayed gratification: “What do you call a bison, playing cards with a poker face? A Bluffalo.”

You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson2007@AOL.com You know you wanna.

The following information was received from Polk County law enforcement agencies. The charges against those arrested are allegations and the cases are still pending in the courts. Individuals charged and whose names appear in this column may submit documentation to us at a later date that the charges have been dismissed, or that they have been found innocent, and we will include that information in this space in a timely manner.

POLK COUNTY SHERIFF’S LOG

January 30, 2023

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 414 near Hatfield in reference to a Verbal Domestic Disturbance leading to the arrest of Nancy Odle, 38 of Cove on a charge of Public Intoxication and Richard Cheshire, 60 of Mena on a Felony Failure to Appear Warrant and a Felony Warrant for Possession of a Controlled Substance.

Deputies responded to a report of a break-in on Polk 168 near Hatfield.

An encounter on Hwy 71 near Hatfield led to the arrest of Leon Jordan on a Felony Warrant

January 31, 2023

Jerry Hopper, 46 of Cove was arrested on a Felony Warrant for 2nd Degree Murder, Kidnapping, Abuse of a Corpse, Tampering with Physical Evidence and Fraudulent Use of a Communications Device.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 76 E near Mena in reference to a Domestic Dispute. Information has been forwarded to the Prosecuting Attorney for further consideration.

February 1, 2023

Deputies responded to a residence on Polk 111 near Acorn in reference to an unattended death.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Hwy 71 S near Mena for a welfare check.

February 2, 2023

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Hwy 71 S near Cove leading to the arrest of Joshua House, 22 of Cove on a charge of Disorderly Conduct.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Hwy 8 W near Mena in reference to an unattended death.

February 3, 2023

Veronica Smith, 44 of Cove was arrested by an officer with Probation and Parole on charges of Possession of a Firearm by Certain Persons, Possession of a Schedule I or II Controlled Substance, Possession of Drug Paraphernalia and a Misdemeanor Failure to Appear Warrant.

February 4, 2023

Deputies responded to a residence on April Lane near Wickes in reference to a death.

February 5, 2023

Deputies responded to the jail in reference to a combative inmate leading to Andrew Stewart, 22 of Alaska being charged with 1st Degree Criminal Mischief. Deputies responded to a residence on Polk 20 West near Cove in reference to a stolen UTV.

Britney Watts, 24 of Mena was arrested on two Felony Warrants for Failure to Appear as well as a Felony

Warrant for Possession of Methamphetamine or Cocaine with Purpose to Deliver, Possession of a Controlled Substance and two Felony Warrants for Possession of a Schedule I or II Controlled Substance.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 302 near Cherry Hill in reference to a domestic disturbance. Information has been forwarded to the Prosecuting Attorney for further consideration.

Polk County Sheriff’s Office worked 2 vehicle accidents this week.

Polk County Detention Center

Jail Population: 25 Incarcerated Inmates with 16 Inmates currently on the Waiting List for a State Facility.