Hogspore News: Remember the et cetera

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

My wife, Punkin can remember everything, days, meals, weather, events, etc. She’s really deadly with et cetera. There’s a word for folks like that. I call it irritating, but not in a mean way. When I begin repeating myself, Punkin helps me recollect what was in every news report. Here’s something I ran by her yesterday, and she said I hadn’t ever written about this. So, here we go. The idea is called The Post Pancake Eating Theory. Whatever you can manage within two hours of scarfing flap jacks, real butter, and syrup, then you’re gonna do that for the day. The theory applies to males only.

Lie down for a nap right after a hotcakes stack attack, then you’ll nap through the day, cause the food in your stomach turns into sleeping pills. You are a lion full of antelope resting under an

Acacia tree with no predators. You’re the mane man, king of the jungle. If you start working within two hours of pancaking, then you’re gonna work all day. You are a termite digging in a 9-foot mound.

The concept only works if the wife leaves the house after breakfast. When she stays, then you’re a termite with sawdust for brains.

Hollywood Language lessons: A guvernment non-gender employee is able to give birth. That worker is eligible for a paid 6-weeks Modernity Leave. The participants in a woke custody case are the cloner and the clonee. A Fusion restaurant is where you hear, “Let’s get some Dim Sum Tacos.”

Mystery writer Widow Fenster says, “Humor is merely a laxative for worry.”

You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson2007@AOL.com You know you wanna.

The following information was received from Polk County law enforcement agencies. The charges against those arrested are allegations and the cases are still pending in the courts. Individuals charged and whose names appear in this column may submit documentation to us at a later date that the charges have been dismissed, or that they have been found innocent, and we will include that information in this space in a timely manner.

POLK COUNTY SHERIFF’S LOG

March 6, 2023

Deputies responded to a report of a possible suicidal individual.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 76 E near Acorn in reference to a trespasser.

March 7, 2023

Michelle Crawford, 30 of Mena was arrested on charges of Criminal Trespass, Public Intoxication and Disorderly Conduct.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Hwy 71 near Acorn in reference to a vehicle being broken into.

March 8, 2023

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 121 near Mena in reference to a welfare check.

Deputies were dispatched to a residence on Polk 121 near Mena in reference to a verbal domestic disturbance leading to the arrest of Matthew Owen, 26 of Mena on a charge of disorderly conduct. Owen was also served Felony Warrants for Possession of a Schedule II Controlled Substance, Possession of Drug Paraphernalia and Probation Violation.

Deputies responded to a residence on Polk 419 in reference to a domestic disturbance leading to the arrest of Darrell Sanders, 53 of Mena on charges of Violation of a Protection Order and 3rd Degree Domestic Battery as well as being served Felony Warrants on nine charges.

Deputies responded to a report of